Micro chastity: A review

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I’ve been wearing chastity devices for almost exactly nine years. I’ve worn plastic ones and metal ones, those with and without rings, some wrought from cold metal and another 3D printed. I’ve kind of lost count, to be honest. It’s well over a dozen different devices. Perhaps even over sixteen.

I don’t say all that to boast. There are men out there who’ve been in a greater variety of devices for longer than me, for sure. My point is, I thought I kind of knew some things about the mechanics of being locked up. Like how to measure for a device and how to size it. How to wear it every day and live in it. But the other day, a crazy little thing landed on my desk from far away. And after nine years, more or less everything I knew got turned on its head.

Continue reading “Micro chastity: A review”

Nine

On this date nine years ago I began writing Denying Thumper. It’s equal parts hard to fathom it’s been that long, but also a wonder so many things have happened and evolved in what seems like so little time.

Looking back, I’m not entirely sure why I started the blog when I did. It was, even then, a blog about orgasm denial and chastity, but I had barely been denied any orgasms (the day after I started the blog was three whole days without an orgasm!) and we didn’t have a chastity device, though I ordered a CB6K after a few days. Clearly, right after being introduced to the concepts, the need and desire to live that way blossomed fully and with an alarming suddenness.

For me, the real beginning was on the 21st of October when I wore a chastity device for the first time. It’s pretty funny reading that now, to be honest. I’ve changed so much but so many things are the same.

I rarely go back and read the early days of the blog because a lot of that time was spent by both of us figuring things out and my attitude wasn’t always very good. I’m often embarrassed by myself. I was petulant and expectant and filled with a sort of penis-centric privilege that betrayed what I purported to want out of submitting to Belle. It took years to really find the path I think chastity and denial should follow (more or less, there is no One True Way). It took a long time for me to get my head on straight.

Belle grew into her role, gaining confidence. I settled down into mine, shedding selfishness.

And here we. Still ticking. Locked up more than ever. Just three orgasms on the year. In some ways, things have only become more of what they were even back then. But it’s also no longer new. It’s no longer novel. It’s what things are. It’s how we live. And it’s pretty darned good.

Hashtag Locktober

I have no idea where Locktober came from. First I heard of it was from Andy and then there was a hashtag and now it’s a thing. I made something of a flippant response on the Twitter…

Except the deal with Locktober is to be locked for all of October. And I’m not always locked, just north of 98% of the time (last month excluded). I told Belle about Locktober and she was intrigued. She’s decided we will play along…for now.

See, Belle hasn’t been fucked since September 10. I know this because I keep track of such things. We were apart for the better part of several weeks and the last time she let me inside her was way back one month ago today. And while I was unlocked on my trip for more than is customary, I have been continuously locked since 11:00 AM on the 19th of September, three weeks ago today. I’m just not entirely certain Belle can wait that long to feel a hard penis inside her again.

But who knows. Last night I came into the bedroom while she was watching the football and apparently I looked cute to her because she said so and I asked why because I thought I looked kind of schlubby and she said maybe it was Locktober. Like, I was more attractive because I was going to be locked for the whole month. And the number of times she’s had me get her off this month puts it on track for a record in that department.

So yeah, Belle likes to get fucked, but this is also kind of a classic non-intuitive side effect of enforced chastity. The one you read about in all the hawt chastity porn. Like any mythology, it does have a basis in reality. For whatever reason, the idea of not being fucked by me because she’s keeping the penis locked up for the whole month is making her more likely to want to have sex. You just can’t make that make sense to someone who’s never heard of enforced male chastity. It’s a real paradox.

It’s been quite difficult for me during those times she lets me get her off because the penis has learned that while it’s locked up all the time, it does get to come out for 20-30 minutes a week and get wet inside her. While I feel her orgasm pulse through her body, the penis is straining hard against its confinement and pushing up the memory of what sliding inside her wet pussy feels like just to torment me. It wants to fuck her badly. It becomes an acute craving. And sure, that’s painful for about 12 seconds because the yearning need is strong, but then it fades and is replaced with the equally nonsensical and paradoxical feelings of submissive gratitude for being cared for in this way. Attended to, after a fashion.

So while dealing with the meat’s disappointment at not getting wet is fleetingly difficult, I think this Locktober thing is a good idea. It reminds us that whatever attention the contents of the devices locked onto us get is the sole discretion of the one holding our key. It demonstrates how penises are not required for satisfying sex. It reinforces the natural order of our relationships. And, for those keyholders needing it, it provides a shelter for any lingering guilt they feel over leaving their partners secure.

All that said, I’m still not sure Belle can go three more weeks without feeling me inside her. We’ll see. Whatever happens, it is — as always — up to her.

Mailbag

CR from Deutschland said:

I’m following your blog for I think several years now. There a quite a few male chastity blogs on the web, but yours is the best.

As I read your last post, better to say the one that’s linked in the comments (“Tent me“), I really thought “This is so me”!. I’m also caged by (or is it for?) my partner for about 1.5 years now, wearing the cage almost all the time. It’s not that she is very enthusiastic in denying my orgasms (although I would really like that), it’s more that she enjoys controlling my sexuality and my orgasm. I get to cum quite often, but only when she unlocks me. Like you, I know where the key is, but I won’t ever take it to jerk off or for anything else, without asking her and most of the time I really don’t feel the urge to do so. What also reminded me of myself was, as you wrote about that strange feeling being unattended, not in the cage. For me, it happens sometimes, mostly when life get’s in the way and I don’t have the chance to lock back up after we have sex. Most of the time, I manage to lock up after a few hours, but sometimes it happens that I’m remaining unlocked for days. But I’m not satisfied with this, as I know that she expects me being locked up and for myself I don’t want it to be other than that. So I texted her about this, after I read your post, telling her that I have to improve with this and encouraged her, to tell me to lock up immediately after sex more often.

Although I think, you’re getting feedback like this quite often, I really wanted to write you my thoughts about this. Feel free to answer if you like, I really would appreciate this!

This is great for a couple of reasons. One, there is no One True Way™ to do male chastity. The important thing is to find a way that works for everyone. The one being locked probably has a very good idea of exactly how they want to be locked, but the one holding the key needs to be able to find the way to do it that makes them most comfortable and that they can feel ownership over.

Two, struggling with being unattended and living with a vagueness as to expectations. I found after Belle added the rule that I would always be locked absent a very good reason or permission from her, it made me a much more contented bunny. My submissive side never had to worry about un-submissive thoughts rationalizing bad behavior since there was A RULE and the kind of sub I am adores enforced rules. This particular rule came about as a result of bad behavior on my part, but I think has made our dynamic better and has left me more satisfied as a submissive.

Finally, communication. “I texted her about this.” Yes. We need to remember our partners are not mind-readers. Hopefully she took your feedback under consideration.

Some John asked:

Do you have any idea how to get into a Steelworxx securo cage? It uses the same PA mechanism as the schandmaske but like spending 40 minutes poking through the PA hole trying to find the screw part without pinching the urethra was really frustrating

Yeah, it can be a bitch to get those kinds of tubes on. I have no secret other than fishing the PA bar around until it gets home. The Securo wand looks harder to get into place than the Schandmaske if only because the Schandmaske was a curved single unit and the Securo wand is two pieces and you need to line up the hole on the bar with the part the screws into it. Perhaps you can get a lock like on the Securo 01? It’d be easier to get in, that’s for sure.

Pat asked:

Hi, I finally took the plunge and got my PA done at an 8ga on the 16th and I could not be more happy with it. My question is when I’m healed what won’t you stretch to and I’m looking at the Steelwerks chastity cages for my fist one to use with my PA when it’s healed. What would your recommend from them ? I have a HTV2 and I never really liked it because it was a pain to keep clean. I really like the curves barbell Steelwerks made for you. I’m having to teach my self how to pee and it’s not easy lol.

Peeing with a PA is a problem except when it’s a PA inside a solid tube like the Steelheart’s. Then it’s nothing at all.

If you’re looking at Steelwerks from Montreal, Chris will make anything your heart desires. You and he can correspond and talk it all through. If access for cleaning is a priority, he’ll take care of you. He has a lot of models on his site, but honestly, I’d view them more as idea starters than anything else. Steelwerks is the definition of bespoke. The Savile Row tailor of male chastity.

Now, if you meant Steelworxx, the maker of the Steelheart, that’s another matter. The Looker 02 is a peach of a device and very easy to keep clean (though the insert does tend to hold on to urine perhaps more than you’ll be happy with — maybe think about the Looker 03). Dietmar will also make pretty much whatever you want, but the language barrier is a bit more of a challenge and his customer service can sometimes leave something to be desired. His “Tube Jacket” models might be good for you, too, but I’ve never worn them and can’t vouch for their wearability.

Lori of Lori Tube fame left me a comment saying they also produce devices secured by PA hooks and pioneered the type of device. That’s true, they’ve been making PA-fixed devices forever (I recall seeing them before I knew what a PA was and wondering how they worked). However, I’ve never worn one of their devices and have no personal experience ordering from them.

A dude called Bear left a lengthy (one might even say girthy) comment. Here are the salient points…

I know plastic is off your radar and I understand why. However, there are a couple minor updates re HTv2 you may want to incorporate into your review of same, for guys like me who are doing research. So, you wrote your review of v1, then did v2 from a here’s what’s different POV. I don’t know if these things weren’t available at that time, or if you missed them, or if you did include them but I missed it in your post. If the later, I apologize. It’s available in a fourth color, pink. Not for me, but there you have it.

Also, there is a fourth ring available–36mm. So, you can get the HTv2 with rings of 36, 40, 45, 50. I think that lines up pretty well with the options offered by CBxK.

I don’t believe pink was available when I bought it or I would have said so. Also can’t recall a fourth ring size. I assume it was just three since that’s all I remember. Man, 36mm is small.

Also, I know you say nothing is totally secure without a piercing. I respect that and I have no doubt you’re correct, but I’m very much not in a place where I’m ready to do that. Do you happen to know anything about the guardian ring KFH is offering for use with HTv2? There’s one review of it on their site and the guy claims it makes it inescapable. Wondered if you’d heard anything or had any personal experience. I’m most likely gonna buy it, only 17 bucks anyway. I was thinking pretty seriously about signing up so I could login on your blog anyway. Once I’ve tried this guardian, I’ll put my thoughts about it in a comment under your review.

I’ve never used that specific device but have experience with similar types. Those doodads are not equivalent to being held in place by a PA, but they are an added layer of deterrence for guys who either need it or like the feeling of it being there. I personally don’t like the added bulk and complication they introduce and wonder if the flexible material used is non-porous or if it’ll harbor bacteria (which would make odor more of a problem).

In any event, a motivated guy could still without a lot of effort back out of an HT2 sporting that thing, do their business, then work their way back in (stocking method, anyone?).

Speaking of KFH (lol), have you ever had any problems with them? Do you trust them? I don’t buy stuff online. Maybe three times I have. I got trust issues, whatever. Anyways, I’m wary of giving KFH my personal info. (I don’t really understand why last name is a required field there when I’m using PayPal, but that’s not really what you’re here for. They obviously need my address, so they could find my name easy enough if they wanted to.) point is: are they trustworthy?!!?

I’ve bough a few things from them without any issue. I trust them as much as anyone online. Personally, I don’t lose a lot of sleep over giving my card info away online and certainly have not been worried about identity issues with them. The few times I’ve used them, they were discreet.

Okay, complete change of subject, and we’re almost done I promise. I have major moral/ethical/QA, QC issues with fake and forged goods. Seems like I’d be preaching to the choir with you about that, so I won’t go barking up that tree. But I want to say this. There were some comments on your review of the “HTv2 metal” by people talking about grinding and drilling on them. I’m not an alarmist, but it’s worth mentioning that EVERYTHING that comes out of China has lead in it. Having things around the house that contain lead, and handling them, is not a problem. Everything made of brass contains some lead, for example; find me a house with no brass in it. However, if an alloy containing lead is going to abrade your skin badly, or if you’re going to grind it into a dust which will inevitably become airborne, you now risk getting it into the bloodstream. It’s extremely unlikely that this would pose a problem if you’re just grinding one, for yourself. But I felt I had to say something.

Those are good points and something I think I touched on in not so many words in the review. It bothers me they don’t specify the “metal” used in the device’s construction. I don’t know if “everything” from China has lead in it, but I certainly don’t trust something that’s too cheap and where materials aren’t well-specified.

Probably because I’m a creative professional myself, but the idea that someone would be OK buying a cheap, potentially harmful knock-off in order to save some money rather than buying from a source that actually cares about their clients’ well-being after they’ve invested who knows how long designing and developing a product is really a problem. I’d rather support creators and not moochers.

And the mailbag is now empty!

September metrics

IMG_6950September was an odd month. The issue I ran into on my camping trip along with time I was left out near the beginning of the month for some sore spots and the issues the Metal Holy Trainer gave me combined for a relatively massive amount of unlocked time. The penis was unguarded for 17% of the month. Seventy percent of the time I’ve been unlocked in 2017 so far happened in September. While none of it was by choice, I still find it personally disappointing that it ended up that way.

The device breakdown saw the Steelheart once again getting the majority of action. The Halfshell, Looker 02, and Metal Holy Trainer divvied up about a third of the locked time.

Belle and I were also apart for three out of the five weekends in September so those numbers are weird, too. She came ten times which makes September the second-highest month for her orgasms, but half of them were at her own hand. One was unique in my tracking in that it involved both the vibrator and my fingers (and, as I recall, was an especially good one). The rest were the result of my prestidigitation.

I was allowed to fuck her just three times, the second-lowest number in a month this year. I only ejaculated twice. I had zero orgasms.

IMG_6966September is also the end of the quarter. The device breakdown shows the penis living in seven different confinements. The Steelheart took up almost half the time in those three moths while the Halfshell got nearly a third. Naturally, my unlocked time was quite high at 6% thanks to September.

Belle came 24 times in the quarter, one time fewer than the previous quarter but four more than in the first quarter. Only one of those was from riding the penis. Eight were self-administered, two were from me using the vibrator on her, and the rest were my fingers. No oral. [sadface]

I was allowed to fuck her 12 times, one of which resulted in an authorized orgasm (though it sucked). Ten included ejaculation. One was “dry.” Naturally, I didn’t jack off once. In fact, I don’t think I’ve done that in more than a year now. Not since…the incident.

Orgasm not required, says the Guardian

An article in the Guardian called “Orgasm addicts, sex doesn’t have to be red hot” is a mainstream and non-threatening incursion into the world of orgasm control and denial. The point of the piece, written by author Isabel Losada, is that orgasm doesn’t need to be the ultimate focus of sex and, DUH, totally agree with that. But the headline is perplexing.

“Orgasm addicts,” I think, perpetuates the myth that sex addiction is a thing. We’re genetically programmed to be orgasm “addicts” and the issue isn’t having a lot of sex or orgasms, it’s doing anything compulsively and to excess. I’ve only come three times this year and think that sounds like kind of a lot but still consider myself “addicted” to orgasms. Why use such a loaded, negatively connoted word? Drug addicts, alcohol addicts, nicotine addicts, orgasm addicts. I dunno. Bugs me.

Also, the “sex doesn’t need to be red hot” part. As if the only way it’s red hot is when it’s accompanied by orgasm? And the expectation should be orgasmless sex isn’t red hot? Some of the absolute hottest sex I’ve ever had didn’t involve orgasm. At this point, most of the hottest sex didn’t involve orgasm. At least, not mine.

But the authors of articles don’t always write the headlines. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe it was a clueless editor. Who knows.

Anyway, the notion that a sex can be about exploration of all the sensations that get pushed out of the way for the big, glitzy orgasm at the end is one I fully endorse. That’s, like, my life. Encouraging women and their partners to focus on exploring a slower, more gentle sensation as a means of becoming an expert in her sex is another concept I can advocate with ease.

The author suggests that taking orgasm off the menu is a way to limit pressure on the act of having sex and, by making it less stressful for women, will lead to more sex. Sure, but by slowing down and learning her body I don’t know why orgasm wouldn’t become more likely. The goal of sex is to feel good and connect to our partners. If we feel good by coming, then that’s the goal. If we feel good (after a fashion) by not coming, then that’s OK too. But everyone who enjoys them deserves to come. It’s incumbent upon the partner to learn how to make her happy. And it’s incumbent upon her to let that happen. To not get hung up on societal programming of expectations of her role. I think, ultimately, that’s what the article is about.

But the article isn’t entirely focused on women.

Another of the exercises my partner and I really enjoyed was when he chose (not prompted by me) to take a 30-day challenge where the man agrees not to ejaculate during that time. This is a fascinating one. For me, it was wonderful. He was forced to slow right down and be totally focused on sensation. From my perspective, it stopped feeling as if he was driving and began to feel as if he was surfing. This was another powerful way for us to increase our connection. The man becomes more aware of the woman’s arousal level as he isn’t being carried away by his own – which is often stronger and easier for him to access.

A couple of times in the piece, the author says BDSM practices are “weird” and not necessary to have great sex with a monogamous partner over a long period, so emphasizing “he chose (not prompted by me)” to abstain from ejaculation isn’t surprising. Like, why even mention it at all? Just say it happened. Is the idea that it was her idea so scary?

Other than that, yeah, that’s how it works! I like the surfing vs. driving analogy, but surfing is a little too passive perhaps. Still too focused on what he’s doing for himself. It’s more like playing an instrument, to me. Trying to make music of her pleasure. But I’m a sub and everything I do is or want is colored by that. I wonder if his experiment in orgasm control was only for the month? Did he ever try it again? If it was so good for her, did she dare to suggest they do it again? Maybe a month on, a month off, etc? She doesn’t say. Wouldn’t want people to think she’s into “weird” stuff, I guess.

It’s not a perfect piece, to be sure, but the bones are there and it’s refreshing see the concept of disconnecting sexual pleasure from orgasm getting a mainstream treatment. Wish Belle was home so we could learn more about her clitoris as she sits on my face…