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Thumper fails

The monthly visitor has left the building, so last night I had a feeling Belle was going to let me out. At first, she requested a massage to her back and feet, so I lit the candles, got the oil, and laid out the towel as she put the youngest to bed. Once that was done, though, she said she was cold and just wanted to be under the covers so I could warm her. Fine by me! I stripped (with permission) and climbed in. A few minutes later, she told me to get the keys and the little prison was off.

My last orgasm had been six days earlier. I have no way of knowing since I didn’t keep strict records on such things until I gave up control of my sexual satisfaction to her, but I’m pretty sure six days has to be one of the longest times I’ve gone without release in my adult life. So, needless to say, being naked and under the covers with my wonderful Belle Fille, my mind (and hands) immediately went to her body. She told me the massage was off, but that didn’t mean I was without instructions. First, I was to get her nice and warm by manually stimulating her with my fingers. Then, I was to mount and fuck her – slowly – until she archived orgasm. I, however, was not to cum. Normally, she’d let me cum after her, but I got the impression that this time I was out of luck.

After a little while of sucking and licking her nipples and doing my dead level best to stimulate her clitoris, I could no longer stand the anticipation and begged to fuck her. I mounted her and felt her soft, warm moistness envelope my six-day-neglected cock. I nearly shot my load right there. I forced myself to consider other, less interesting subjects and started the long, slow strokes she requested.

I can make my Belle cum about 99% of the time using my fingers, mouth, or cock. The most popular paths to her orgasms are my fingers followed by her getting on top of me and riding my cock. Mounting her missionary-style is the one that takes the longest for her. Knowing this, I also knew I was going to have to concentrate very hard not to cum. After several minutes of fucking her slowly and continuing to pinch, suck and lick her nipples, I found myself on the very brink of orgasm. I withdrew and, hoping to buy some time to recover, started to rub my dick head against her clit (something she’s enjoyed in the past). This time, however, she ordered me back in. She wanted me to fuck her to orgasm and didn’t much care that I needed to take a break. So, back in I went.

I felt a small slug of ejaculate escape upon entering, but I think was whatever had locked and loaded from the edge of the orgasm I had just come down from. I felt OK, though, and continued to work on her tits. I felt very much like her pet at this point. I was suffering – straining not to cum and in an awkward position fucking her while also working her tits. I was nothing more than her tool. A big meat fucking machine with her favorite dildo attached. She started to whisper how good what I was doing with her cock felt. I could sense she was getting close. She was breathing heavier and moving her hips in counter motion to my thrusts. Her mind was entirely on her own pleasure and without regard to what I was feeling and I knew it. And I loved it. And that’s when it happened.

I felt the wave of the orgasm too late to do anything about it. I came and I came. Probably six or more spurts into her. I tried to stop it and fought every one so that, even though I had been saving it up for a week, I didn’t enjoy a moment of it. I knew I had failed. She had not yet cum, but I did. I tried to keep going but the sensation on the head of my cock was too intense. Besides, I was starting to get soft. She told me to stop but to leave it in there. I pushed in as far as I could while she moved her hips around me. She did achieve a fierce little orgasm, but nothing like the OMFG type I had hoped she’d get.

I know there are dommes out there who would really make me pay for such a terrible transgression. My Belle’s not one of them. She does acknowledge that I owe her, but has so far not made clear what, if any, punishment I’ll receive for failing to contain my pleasure before hers. On the one hand, I love her for her sweet gentleness. She was really happy I got to cum and didn’t feel too much put out for not getting a good one herself. She says I owe her one tonight and that I better be able to contain myself this time. On the other hand, though, I wish she’d be a little tougher on me. I need to feel that what I did last night will lead to consequences I may not be happy about. If I know all I’ll get is a light verbal scolding, will I fight as hard next time to keep from cumming?

The best part for me about how she reacted was immediately after her little orgasm. She said she wished she had a harem so she could get the next guy to come finish the job I was unable to complete. Maybe he’d be a more worthy lover. This was perfect. The thrill that went down my spine as she said these mildly humiliating and non-threatening things (of course, there is no other guy and there never will be) was delicious. However, I think she felt that saying them hurt my feelings or something because she immediately started to backpedal. It’s kind of funny, actually. I think there might be a snarling little dominatrix in there somewhere. How else would those things have come from her lips at just the right time to stoke my feelings of failure and inadequacy? But then the nice girl came back and tried to cover it all up. I love that nice girl, don’t get me wrong. I married her. But, when I’m her pet, I’d much rather have the bad girl come out, kick up her feet, and stay a while.

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Post-Election Erection

With both Virginia and Florida going Obama’s way, I dodged a bullet and stayed free. Until, that is, she had a different idea. She started her period and decided that, as long as she’s imprisoned by biology, I’ll be imprisoned by technology. Seems fair to me.

The other day over on FetLife, I started a topic looking for advice regarding my previously mentioned issues with sleeping while locked up. Lot’s of good advice over there, but the best comment came from chastitygoddess who said:

As others have said, it takes some time to adjust. But what is important is you re-channel your feelings from ‘throbbing, painful erections’ in your device to relishing the delight of ‘throbbing manhood held in your keyholders embrace.’

She’s absolutely right, of course. And I think that’s where I am. It’s not that I don’t like the feeling of being encased in chastity – I absolutely do relish it – it’s that it was keeping me up and making me lose sleep. Until last night.

I awoke just once (that I can remember) and didn’t get out of bed until after Belle’s alarm went off. Of course, I had major morning wood. It was so bad, in fact, that I couldn’t even pee. My shaft was squeezed shut by the trapped erection. I was able to force urine out in tight bursts, but not enough to empty my bladder. Chalk up another new sensation to enforced chastity.

Today, I’m wearing boxers and the loosest pants I have and I must say I’m extremely comfortable. A few times I’ve forgotten I’m packing plastic. If I had a few more pants like these and could sleep more or less though the night, I could stay in this thing indefinitely. Just don’t tell Belle, k?

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Election day

Previously, I reported that Belle had picked the outcome of Virginia’s presidential election as the determining factor as to whether or not I was to be imprisoned tonight. If the state went for McCain, I was to be locked up. However, after looking at the polls, she’s decided Florida is a closer call. So, if you live in Florida, please take my fate into consideration when casting your vote today. 😉

Last night, Belle and I had a great conversation. I got her The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners (which is incredibly short and simplistic, but written in a nice and nonthreatening way). After she finished it, we talked for a while. It’s clear (maybe obviously so) that the most important part of our integrating OD and D/s into our marriage is communicating our boundaries and expectations. I think she’s putting a lot of stress on herself with regards to being the kind of dominant I’m looking for. She’s never going to be a man-eating dominatrix because that’s just not in her. In fact, I just want her to be herself. I want her to treat me as the junior partner in the sexual aspect of our relationship in any way that’s comfortable for her. I’m just thrilled to be along for the ride.

She did confess a reluctance to participate in any kind of anal play with me. That’s a disappointment, but seeing we have so many other things to get through first (she has yet to tie me up or flagellate me, darn it all), I’m not too worried. I do enjoy it and go through periods where I crave it, but they’re few and far between. Maybe with more discussion and a better understanding of what’s involved, she’ll change her mind, but in the mean time, I’m good.

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Blogroll, please

I’ve decided to be a polite member of the blogosphere and add a blogroll to my little corner of teh interwebs. You’ll see it over there on the right left (changed templates!). These are the blogs I love and visit frequently. Inaugural members are:

  • The Edge of Vanilla – Tom Allen’s chastity and OD site is a must for those of us not looking to be dressed up in skimpy French maid outfits and made to clean the toilet with our toothbrushes. It’s the kink site for the rest of us. Also, Tom seems to be a nice guy, so that’s a plus.
  • Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed – BDSM blog by Meitar Moscovitz (AKA, maymay). His thoughtful, intelligent writing about things I had previously only vaguely fantasized about made me realize BDSM was about more than sex. There’s philosophy there, too. Maymay also produces (produced?) a podcast called Kink on Tap. His sixth episode on Teasing and Denial was revelatory.
  • A Place to Draw Blood Laughing – Blog of Eileen, maymay’s partner and domme. She’s cohost of the Kink on Tap podcast. I find her writing to be beautiful and evocative.
  • Domme Chronicles – Super-hot fiction, including an entire entry on biting (my favorite).
  • Beyond the Hills – To be honest, I don’t know a thing about this author, except that her post on aggressive submission spoke to me like nothing else has in the six weeks or so I’ve been investigating the kinky universe.
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Damage report

Belle let me out last night. I figured she would, but there was always an outside chance she’d keep me in there. Last time, I got out because she felt sorry for me. This time, it was just because she wanted my cock. I like that reason better (and yes, she let me cum).

I neglected to mention in my recent reports that I picked up a set of KSD-G3s to help improve the security of the CB6K. (For those who don’t know, the KSD-G3 is a polycarbonate doodad that fits into the tube of the CB6K above the penis. It has a little rib that protrudes on the end down and into the flesh of the penis. It works by holding the penis in place but, more importantly, by causing the skin of the penis to gather and catch as it’s pulled out. I found it to be very effective. I might have been able to pull out, but I’m not sure I would have been able to get back in.) I wore the middle size (B) for the first two days but had to take it out (carefully, without removing the tube) because it had sharp little corners that were biting into me at night. After a few minutes under the business end of my Dremel, the little corners were gone and the G3 was back in place (male chastity is a surprisingly DIY-intensive sport, I’m finding). No more biting. However, here on the morning after, I find three abrasion lines on the top of my shaft from the protruding rib on the G3. Nice, neat little cuts except they didn’t break the skin. They don’t really hurt, but I’m thinking next time I should go the smallest size. Would hate to take off the tube one day and find two-thirds of my severed cock still in it.

I also have some tenderness on the underside of my shaft where it meets my scrotum. I believe this is from the end of the tube in that location digging into my balls during erections but also when the tube is shoved into them when I’m wearing jeans or tight underwear. Nothing too serious.

I have a few little abrasions on the head of my dick from those pesky erections pushing it though the opening at the end of the tube. Again, nothing serious. Don’t remember where, but I found a tip on the web to help avoid this. Fold up a square of toilet paper and slip it into the head of the tube. Makes a nice little pad to both absorb dribbles of urine but also to protect against the kind of abrasions I have. I’ll try that next time, at least when sleeping.

Finally, I’ve discovered the cause of two areas of irritation on either side of the base of my shaft. The CB6K’s design uses three polycarbonate (or maybe nylon) posts. The main one secures the tube to the ring and has a hole for the lock. The other two are on either side of that one and hold the ring assembly together (as well as providing some structural rigidity to the unit). The backside of the main post is flush with the ring against the pubic bone when inserted, but the other two have slightly rounded ends . While not rough, they apparently protrude just enough to cause the two spots of irritation I have. They line up perfectly. Not sure what to do about that. I might be able to sand them down. Either that, or I’m going to develop some oddly-placed callouses.

If all this talk of irritation, biting, chafing, etc., sounds like too much trouble to you, then enforced chastity is not in your future. Personally, I was a little disappointed she didn’t lock me back up after she had her way with me (and more than a little surprised by my disappointment). There is hope, though. She’s said that if Barack Obama loses Virginia, she’s going to lock me back up. If he wins it, then I’m safe until at least Friday. I have no idea what Virginia’s voting has to do with my cock, but I like the randomness of my fate. I only wish the polls showed a closer race.

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Aggressively submissive. Hell, yeah.

This, from beyond the hills, so perfectly captures what being submissive means to me that I can only quote it unashamedly:

To be strong (physically or emotionally) is not an inherently dominant trait, just like being assertive isn’t inherently dominant, and being strong-willed isn’t inherently dominant. Those things are just good. Those things complement submission, they make submission delicious.

Submissive does not mean passive.

Being passive is being passive, not submissive.

…

Knowing what you want and being brave enough tell someone is sexy. Being able to take care of yourself is sexy. Being able to make decisions is sexy. Being perfectly able to make good decisions and then letting me make them for you is even sexier. [Emphasis fucking mine.]

Read the entire post.

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Sleeping in chastity

This single biggest thing I’ve had to get used to over the past four days of enforced chastity is sleeping. Thanks to my little acrylic friend, I now know that, due to nocturnal penile tumescence, I achieve three substantial erections over the course of any given night. These aren’t run-of-the-mill erections, either. They’re much harder, stronger, and of greater duration than normal boners and are totally disconnected to what I’m feeling or thinking. So far, they’ve been very regular – one at around 1:30, another at about 3:15, and the last at around 5:00. At those times, three forms of pain awaken me.

  1. My erection’s swelling causes pressure at the base of my shaft which, in turn, causes the cock ring to cut cruelly into me. As I said yesterday, there are two points of irritation forming on my cock and the swelling of my meat against the sharp edges of hard, unyielding acrylic is, I believe, the cause. Why oh why can’t the ring be rounded?
  2. The internal diameter of the tube is smaller than my cock. Therefore, it’s like having a vice on all 3.25″ of my dick that will fit within it. Additionally, there are three vents on either side of the tube near where it locks to the ring. These vents are purportedly there to allow for the circulation of air and to aid cleaning. However, when fully erect, the soft, fleshy tissue within extrudes out of them like Play-Doh. The edges of the acrylic are not sharp, but the constant intense pressure causes the edges to eventually bite. Also, the skin that pokes though is pulled tight and becomes very sensitive.
  3. As my erection lengthens, it pushes at the end of the tube and lifts the entire apparatus away from my body. This has the effect of pulling on my scrotum and causing its skin to be pulled smoothly tight. My testicles, unable to escape through the ring, are forced to the sides of my entrapment and rub, in their hyper-sensitive state, against my inner thighs.

This entire straining package lays throbbing between my legs seemingly all night long. As I shift from side to side, it ponderously flops back and forth. Laying on my back is the best bet, but I can’t sleep that way. I want to be on my sides or stomach. On my sides, it gets crushed between my legs or, if I push it out, pulls down on whichever side is opposite gravity. I can move further around so I’m partially on my stomach, but this ratchets up the sensations as it seems to cause more blood to flow into the area. I can lay fully on my stomach, but that means shoving the package down between my legs causing more constriction and, like before, greater engorgement.

Night before last, as all this was going on during the 5:00 AM shift, Belle turned to me in the bed and meant to place one of her legs between mine (entwining them as any loving couple might over the course of the night). Unfortunately, her knee came in a little too aggressively and collided against all the tight, constrained, and otherwise tortured flesh. I saw stars in the pitch black of our room. Oddly enough though, after the initial shock of impact, I felt myself enjoying the afterglow of pain.

And that’s the root of my new found observation. As I briefly mentioned yesterday, because Belle is forcing me to wear the device this time, I find myself actually looking forward to the pain. I like it when Belle inflicts pain on me during our lovemaking and, since I’m in chastity at her direction, it is, in essence, a form of lovemaking (at least in my twisted and hormone-fevered brain). The device is the physical manifestation of her control over me, so when I wake up in the middle of the night in pain, she’s giving it to me. It hurts, yes. Hurts a lot. But I’m starting to appreciate it. God help me, I’m starting to really enjoy it.

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Random thoughts on the CB-6000

Last time I wore the CB-6000, it was only for two days. This time, I’ve already gone 50% longer (do the math). Hardly a long term incarceration, but enough time to come up with some observations.

  • Going to the bathroom goes from a simple, quick act to a protracted operation. First, grab the Q-Tips. Second, sit down (grrr). Third, attempt to align penis slit with opening in tube. Fourth, pee. Sometimes, the stream is not strong since the device is somehow constricting the flow. At best, you have a 50-50 chance of starting a healthy, unimpeded stream. Otherwise, it’s spraying around and probably getting all over the inside of the tube, on your inner thigh, etc. Fifth, use Q-Tips to absorb as much moisture as possible inside the tube. Don’t forget to flush (at least leaving the lid up isn’t an issue).
  • It’s impossible to stop thinking about your cock when it’s locked up. From being awakened several times a night by nocturnal erections that will not go away, to constantly having to adjust the position of everything while sitting or driving, to simply feeling the weight of the device on your unit as you walk around, there just isn’t a time that my dick and its condition isn’t top of mind. This, I believe, is what’s known as irony. My cock gets locked up to make it a useless tube of meat and, in the process, it becomes the single most important thing in my world.
  • The ring is really starting to cause me some pain. I’m currently in the 1 7/8″ size and, even though I’m using May’s advice, I’m still seeing quite a bit of irritation just to the left and right of the base of my cock (about where my scrotum meets the sides of my shaft). I have been shaving in that area, so that may be contributory. I think the hard edge of the ring is to blame, though. I spent, like, 20 minutes today daydreaming how I could make the ring rounded.
  • Working out is not possible. I use an ellipse machine to exercise and found today that I was experiencing some testicular pain after about 10-15 minutes of moderate activity. This sucks. Everything I had read about this on other blogs was to the contrary.
  • Interestingly, now that I’m wearing the device because Belle is making me, all this doesn’t bother me as much as it did when I was wearing it just because. Even the nocturnal pain feels more sensual (or something) since it’s cause by something she ordered me to do. Weird.

Starting the third night in about 15 minutes. We’ll see how I feel about it in the morning…

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Back in the box

Wednesday night, Belle was out of town. Before she left, she agreed to allow me to pleasure myself in her absence as long as I did not achieve orgasm. I have found that I need an outlet for my sexual tension when I can’t focus on her and dry masturbation seemed to help. Also, before she left, she agreed to leave our toy box unlocked as I wanted to play around with some of our new items (I called it “research”).

Earlier in the day, on my way back to the office following a client meeting, I found myself back at the house with thoughts of that unlocked box dancing in my head. I hurried into our bedroom, stripped, and brought out the Aneros. It had been about five days since my last orgasm and I wanted to see if I could milk myself.

My first impression of the Aneros was that it was very small. That was disappointing. As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m an old hand at putting things up my ass and have always been something of a size queen. The Aneros is positively dainty in comparison to some of the things I’ve gotten up there. What I found, though, is that size really doesn’t matter. A couple of drops of JO lube later, and it slid in so easily I almost didn’t feel it. Once in place though, I immediately appreciated its cunningly devised shape. After about 10 or 15 minutes of direct prostate massage combined with a moderate amount of stroking, I experienced my first non-orgasmic emission. It just sort of poured out in a rather lazy fashion and pooled next to my belly button. It was ejaculation without the jack. Since it was a new sensation attached to my dick, I have to say I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t anything like cumming. Afterward, I was still totally aroused, and in fact, remained in a heightened state of arousal for the remainder of the day. There was no post-orgasmic high. No drowsiness. No contentedness. My brain was still buzzing with sexual activity.

Which was probably why I screwed up that night. After all the kids were in bed and asleep, I wanted to repeat the milking experience. I wasn’t sure it was possible since my understanding of how it worked was that there had to be ejaculate backed-up and waiting behind the prostate, but I was horny as hell and couldn’t imagine it would hurt anything to try again. This time, it didn’t even take ten minutes. Either I found the fucking spot on my gland or it was extra sensitive from the earlier session, but the intensity of the feelings washing over me was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Next thing I knew, and with little manual stimulation, the semen was leaking out again. Still not flying out like a normal orgasm, but with more vigor than the first time. In fact, it wasn’t so much the way it came out but how it felt inside that told me I had cum. As soon as I realized it was happening, I tried to stop it, but it was too late. It wasn’t an especially good orgasm, but an orgasm it was. I had broken my promise to Belle. I felt terrible.

Not only had I cum without permission, but I did it after she gave me permission to masturbate. It was just about the worst thing I could do. However, I also knew she would not appreciate the seriousness of the infraction. I could have told her and experienced no repercussions. But, in the twisted way my mind’s working, I wanted her to punish me. I needed to pay for cumming. Even though I’m no big fan of the CB6K, I knew that I needed to put it on. And not just for two days this time. I came without permission. I needed to do some hard time (so to speak).

If we have any issues in our relationship right now, they’re mainly centered around me needing her to be a strong, dominate female and her resistance to doing it naturally. She just doesn’t feel it. I want to be beat up, tortured, teased, and denied and she just wants to snuggle. Don’t get me wrong, I love snuggling (in fact, her absent-minded stroking of my armpit hair while we’re holding each other is one of my favorite sensations). But sometimes, and especially now since its all so new, I want her to domme it up a bit. I have a feeling it will come – that we’ll eventually meet half-way – but it’s going to take time. I’ll go vanilla for her when she wants me to and she’ll tie me up and spank me every so often. But for the moment, it’s somewhat awkward. Case in point…

I spilled the beans to her when she got home the next day. I told her I proactively locked myself up (though she admitted that she wouldn’t have thought of that). I told her she needed to decide for how long I was to be incarcerated and that she should not let my whining and complaining about it affect her decision. I needed to be locked up and denied for a long time. I should never, ever want to cum outside her company ever again. Yes, I do get off on this treatment, but I really do hate the fucking CB6K. Really. She needs show me who’s boss and to use the CB6K as her enforcement tool – the physical manifestation of her absolute control over my sexual pleasure. Hopefully someday, I won’t need to coach her on this and it’ll all just come to her naturally. When it does – when I fear her reaction to cumming at the wrong time or without her permission – then I’ll really be happy.