How it started

Belle Fille and I, as I said, had more or less stopped having sex. Clinically, it was a sexless marriage – we had sex, but infrequently. After I caused pain in my marriage (I believe that’s how the politicians say it), we actually started having more sex. In fact, I’d say we’ve easily had more sex in the past month than we have in the past year (maybe twice as much).

In order to keep that up, I started shopping for sex toys. We’ve never used them in our lovemaking, though I’ve used them extensively prior to our marriage and even afterward during masturbation. As I clicked around Healthy & Active’s 14 categories of sex toys, I noticed they had one called “Misc. Sex Toys”. Seriously? They had fourteen categories of sex toys and still needed one for the miscellaneous stuff? I had to look.

After digging around in the medical devices (I’ve always had a doctor kink), I noticed a category called Chastity. It was as if someone lit a flare in my brain. I was instantly and profoundly aroused. I don’t recall ever seeing chastity devices before that moment and I can’t say I was too impressed with their assortment of three models, but the concept was powerfully stimulating. I asked the Google for more info and soon found myself on the wonderful Tickleberry site.

Now this is what I was looking for! They had great informational articles and beautiful photography and the gear they were selling was gorgeous. Not only was I able to explore a fascinating new kink, but the gadget geek in me was in heaven looking at the finely crafted stainless steel contraptions. And, even better, they were expensive. I started reading about Divine Domination and found myself unable to stop thinking about chastity and losing control over my ejaculation.

That night, after our regular conversation about our relationship, I decided to open myself up a little more to Belle than I ever had before. I showed her the Tickleberry site and the chastity items. My interest in them was quite evident. I’m very happy to say she did not close up upon seeing them. I can’t say she was as intrigued as I was (not by a long shot), but she also didn’t do or say anything to make me feel strange about getting turned on by it all.

Not having been snuffed out by a negative reaction from Belle, the little seed continued to germinate.

On names

The names I’m going to use on this site for me and my wife are the names we developed for each other in the early days of our relationship and, until recently, had all but abandoned.

She called me “Thumper” because I liked to fuck like a bunny. Hey, what can I say? I love sex. As far as I’m concerned, the act of having sex is a cornerstone element of the male existence. For me, the very moment I slide my cock into a warm and wet pussy I get a message from a distant, reptilian, unevolved part of my brain telling me I’m doing exactly the thing I was put on this earth to do. It may seem odd that someone with this point of view would start practicing orgasm denial (OD). Over time, I’ll make my position clear. For the moment, let’s just say I don’t think being denied ejaculation each time I pleasure my partner to in any way diminish the profundity of the experience.

My wife’s nickname came from my discovery, early in our relationship, of her ability to talk dirty in French. Holy hollandaise sauce, Batman! That was hot. For all I know, she was giving me directions to the nearest restroom, but it pushed my buttons. I did a little research and found that “beautiful girl” in French translates to “belle fille” (pronounced “bell fee”). So, that’s what I called her. Belle Fille. It’s been more than a dozen years since I gave her that name (and nearly as long since I used it regularly) and we’ve both grown older and she’s given me two beautiful kids in the mean time, but that’s still how I see her. My Belle Fille.

Why this blog?

Orgasm denial comes in many flavors (most of them salty). “Male chastity” along with “tease and denial” are other common names. I’ve found similar concepts in both Indian and Judaic tradition. In addition, it seems to be a foundational element of BSDM.

The reason I started this blog, though, was not to categorize, compare, and contrast all the various practices (though that might happen along the way). None of the sites I’ve found seem to be written for me or my partner. There are elements of nearly all of them that appeal to me (and my kinky side), but when I think of how I want orgasm denial (OD) to work in our relationship, I can’t find an analogue. So, since we’re at the very beginning of our exploration and I don’t have anyone other than my partner with which I can discuss it, here I go. Maybe this will prove helpful for someone else.

A few things up front. First of all, everything you read here will be true. I will not relate events to you that did not occur nor will I embellish those that did. You’ll just have to trust me on this. Second, I have no idea how long this thing will go. Maybe I’ll lose interest in a couple of days or weeks. Maybe not. I assume it will go at least until OD becomes a “normal” part of the life my partner and I will lead, but there are no guarantees in life.

Greetings

I am a 41-year-old father of two and husband of 11 years. I live in a mid-sized American city and own a small business. You can call me Thumper.

Recently, my wife and I started couple’s therapy (for reasons that I will make clear). Short story, after 11 years, we found ourselves in a situation not unlike that of many other couples (whether they know it or not). We grew apart, I hurt her, and there we were. Luckily, we both wanted to save the relationship. Regardless of whatever I did, I’ve never for a second stopped loving my wife, and neither did she stop loving me. However, there were issues. We had stopped communicating and our sex life had pretty much disappeared. I resented her lack of sexual availability and she resented having to shoulder the majority of household tasks (on top of her demanding job). At least we hadn’t yet started to resent each other’s existence.

Today, though, I’d say our relationship is better than it’s been in probably 10 years. Yes, the month we’ve spent in therapy has helped. But the real revelation – the one that has so fundamentally altered my outlook on life – didn’t come from the psychologist’s couch. It came from the internet. Through the happy coincidence of linked web pages, I stumbled upon a concept referred to by many names. For the moment, the name for it I like best is “orgasm denial”.