The Submissive Rabbit

If you follow me on Twitter, this is old news, but I’ve decided to spin up a new blog called The Submissive Rabbit to run side by side with this one to cover other aspects of my sexuality that don’t fit here.

I’m doing this because Denying Thumper is and always has been primarily about my relationship with Belle and my chastity and denial by her. But, as I’m a very lucky bunny, there are other things I’m experiencing that I find helpful to write about since that’s primarily how I process things. Also, you know, I’m a bit of a show-off. Back in the day, I put this kind of stuff on Tumblr but then they went and nuked their platform so I found this other aspect of me to be blogospherically homeless. Hence, TSR was born.

I wanted to make this announcement about TSR on DT to continue to be open and honest in my relationship and sexuality. If you’re interested in the further adventures of Thumper, here are a few links to get you started. If you’re not, welp, just ignore this whole thing I guess.

Another fucking blog from Thumper?

Weekend by the lake, Part 1

Weekend by the lake, Part 2

Weekend by the lake, Part 3

Weekend by the lake, Part 4


On this date nine years ago I began writing Denying Thumper. It’s equal parts hard to fathom it’s been that long, but also a wonder so many things have happened and evolved in what seems like so little time.

Looking back, I’m not entirely sure why I started the blog when I did. It was, even then, a blog about orgasm denial and chastity, but I had barely been denied any orgasms (the day after I started the blog was three whole days without an orgasm!) and we didn’t have a chastity device, though I ordered a CB6K after a few days. Clearly, right after being introduced to the concepts, the need and desire to live that way blossomed fully and with an alarming suddenness.

For me, the real beginning was on the 21st of October when I wore a chastity device for the first time. It’s pretty funny reading that now, to be honest. I’ve changed so much but so many things are the same.

I rarely go back and read the early days of the blog because a lot of that time was spent by both of us figuring things out and my attitude wasn’t always very good. I’m often embarrassed by myself. I was petulant and expectant and filled with a sort of penis-centric privilege that betrayed what I purported to want out of submitting to Belle. It took years to really find the path I think chastity and denial should follow (more or less, there is no One True Way). It took a long time for me to get my head on straight.

Belle grew into her role, gaining confidence. I settled down into mine, shedding selfishness.

And here we. Still ticking. Locked up more than ever. Just three orgasms on the year. In some ways, things have only become more of what they were even back then. But it’s also no longer new. It’s no longer novel. It’s what things are. It’s how we live. And it’s pretty darned good.

Spam attack

In one night, Denying Thumper has collected over 1,200 spam comments. The vast majority of them have been automatically quarantined, but maybe two dozen have made it through so that if I didn’t require approval for new commenters, they would have been visible on the site. I’m curious to know if this is happening only to DT or if this is a WordPress-level assault. Any other WP bloggers out there seeing massive amounts of spam today?

UPDATE: I neglected to say this is far more spam than I usually see. Like, 1,000 times more. It’s highly unusual and I don’t recall anything like it happening in the three+ years I’ve been blogging here.

Tops of 2011

What the fuck does “top” mean? Most popular? Best written? Hottest? No, it’s more mundane than that, but it’s what I got. These are the posts/pages most viewed last year.

1. Liked links – The most popular thing on my blog is a list of other blogs.

2. CB-6000 tips & tricks – Thank you, Google.

3. Chastity devices – A post of posts.

4. About the bunny – I really should get around to updating that.

5. Steelheart vs. CB6K – There’s Google again.

6. Thumper’s CB-6000 tips and tricks – Curse you, Google. This is the post that was later revised and extended as the number two most popular page on the site.

7. Gone virtual – Finally! An actual post from 2011!

8. HNThumper XXVIII: Caged – A picture of me wearing the Jail Bird. I’m surprised it wasn’t an HNThumper that was the most viewed post. They usually do pretty good in the page view department.

9. HNThumper XXVII: Clean as a whistle – In which I show you how I clean the Steelheart whilst wearing it.

10. Steelheart Short – Shorty’s coming out party.

A few other 2011 tidbits…

  • Denying Thumper started its fourth year on October 12.
  • The post with the most comments was “The year of the rabbit”, but I don’t want to talk about it. I wish it was something else.
  • The sites I sent the most clicks to (besides The Portfolio) were Chastity Forums and Keyheld. The blog most clicked-to was cricketed’s.
  • The top search terms people used to get here (besides variations on the name of the blog) were cb6000 (in various flavors), male chastity blog, steelworxx, birdlock, and jailbird chastity. Shocking, I know.
  • The number of spam comments I received was 14,161, of which 708 were not automatically caught and destroyed. Twenty-four were missed and six non-spam comments were identified as spam anyway. That’s an accuracy rate of 99.8%. Nothing to complain about there.
  • Top commenters were Rougue Bambi, Tom, Dev (no, not that one), Mykey, and Celtic Queen. My peeps.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled orgasm denial…

Om’s lessons

Om Malik is maybe one of the most famous and prolific bloggers out there. I admit I don’t read him that often, but I know who he is. The reason I mention him is because he, one of the most famous and prolific bloggers out there, has been blogging for 10 years and, few days ago, wrote a recap of his decade of blogging and included a list of lessons he’s learned. While our blogs are not comparable in any way (except that they’re both blogs), I thought that his lessons were worth passing along for others. Here they are along with my own comments.

1. Blogging is communal: In 2008, I wrote that “blogging is not just an act of publishing but also a communal activity. It is more than leaving comments; it is about creating connections.” That is the single biggest lesson learned of these past 10 years. Every connection has lead to a new idea, new thought and a new opportunity.

I have enjoyed making connections with the readers of my words more than I would have expected when I started. I also like being in a community of others who write about what I write about. One of my favorite parts of blogging is being able to bounce off something another person wrote (either on their own blog or in my comments).

2. Being authentic in your thoughts and voice is the only way to survive the test of time.

Maybe the best of his tips, and especially applicable in the particular seedy back alley my blog inhabits.

3. Being wrong is as important as being right. What’s more important — when wrong, admit that you are wrong and listen to those who are/were right.

Yes. If I were ever wrong, I’m sure I’d admit it.

4. Be regular. And show up to blog every day. After all you are as fresh as your last blog post.

This one, I suppose, could be somewhat controversial. I think one should only blog when they have something to say, but I also agree that blogging once every three months is not the best way to do it. I know as a reader of blogs that irregularity can be somewhat disappointing.

5. Treat others as you expect yourself to be treated.

That’s just good advice all the way around. It’s especially a problem on the web.

6. (In 2006 I wrote this and it is worth repeating) Doc Searls once told me, and it has been one of the guiding principles for me: blog if you have something to say and respect your reader’s time. If you respect their time, they are going to give you some time of their day.

As a blogger, the line between writing for myself and writing for my readers is not always bright and clear. It’s true that I’ve sometimes thought about hanging it up (or, at least, felt like it), but seeing all those little eyeballs showing up every day has motivated me to keep going. That said, it’s also the case that I’ve started a lot of posts only to kill them before they see the light of day because they’re pointless (chastity blogging in particular can get repetitively dull after a while and blogs on the subject seem to burn brightly yet briefly in general). Blogging, I find, is like working out. The more you do it, the more you want to do it. If you take a break, it can be hard to get back into the swing of things. On this blog, if I write, it’s because I wanted to. The challenge is finding something to write about that I think is worthy of your time to read. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Hopefully, when I don’t, I recognize that and you aren’t forced to wade through it.

7. A long time ago, Slate’s Farhaad Manjoo asked me for some tips on blogging and here is what I told him – Wait at least 15 minutes before publishing something you’ve written—this will give you enough distance to edit yourself dispassionately.

Good practical advice. I often let a post sit for a while before publishing it. When I don’t, I invariably wish I had. I also read them several times, both in the editor and in preview. And still there are typos…

8. Write everything as if your mom is reading your work, a good way to maintain civility and keep your work comprehensible.

Well, obviously, I can’t do this, but if we lived in some alternate reality where a mom could read her son’s sex blog, I would hope that I’ve followed the spirit of the statement.

9. Blogging is not about opinion but it is about viewing the world in a certain way and sharing it with others how you look at things.

I love this one. It summarizes how I approach my blogging here perfectly. It’s an attribute of all my favorite blogs I had never realized before.

The tenth lesson comes from Kevin Kelleher when he was writing for us back in 2010. In his post, How the Internet changed writing he noted:

Many bloggers tailor headlines and posts so that they’ll surface at the top of search results, making them at once easier to find and less enjoyable to read. And this decade, a lot of other bloggers mistook a strong writing voice for caustic irreverence. But most eventually learned that writing with snark is like cooking with salt — a little goes a long way.

If anything, avoiding that trap Kevin mentioned is the biggest lesson of them all.

Well…it worked for Bitchy Jones, didn’t it?


Being a blogger who blogs about personal stuff is kinda weird. On the one hand, I do it because it helps satisfy a need I have to write about my life. On the other, there’s all these people who read it. Sometimes, I’m not entirely sure it’s a good thing that I do this so publicly (yet privately), but I do and there are a fairly decent number of you watching me do it. How much of what I say is showing off for the crowds? How beholden to you do I feel? I admit to sometimes posting only because I notice I’m losing your combined attention. I can see this, of course, by watching the number of page views I get. While looking at that, I also see where many of you come from.

So, before I continue, yes, this is going to be one of those self-referential blog posts about the blog. We all get to do them from time to time. I thought, in the spirit of posting something when I don’t actually have much to say on my own, that it might be interesting to tell you where most people who visit Denying Thumper through other sites come from. Here are my top five referrers from the past 30 days.

1. Keyheld

Keyheld was the brainchild of blogger Dev who wanted it to be the “go to” site for all things male chastity related. Apparently, she’s succeeded brilliantly. Keyheld is almost always my number one referrer on any given day and over the past month has sent me almost twice the clicks than that of my number two referrer. On the rare occasion that she features DT there, the clicks are even higher. It has certainly become the Chastity Blogroll to Rule Them All.

2. Femdom Resource

This one kind of surprised me. Yes, I see Femdom Resource in my list of referrers every day, but never would have guessed it was number two. But is it. I now feel so guilty about getting all that traffic from there totally unreciprocated that I’ve added the site to my own page of liked links. I had thought about it a couple times but never got around to it. In any event, it’s a very nice site and a great hub for many things related to femdommery.

3. Jane’s Guide

The newcomer! As I mentioned the other day, I’ve only recently been listed on the all-around swell adult review site Jane’s Guide. Day to day, it’s duking it out with Keyheld as my main source of links, but I suspect that may slow down once their review of me slips down the What’s New ladder.

4. Male Protection

This is the stumper. Male Protection describes itself as “a photocaption/
photomanipulation blog with original stories about enforced male chastity, boyification, penis reduction, mounding, age regression, erotic fashion, cfnm, femdom, role-reversal, cuckolding, asfr, transformations, and more.” And more! As if that’s not enough! I’m not even sure what “asfr” is.

The blogger over there with the broad and varied tastes goes by the name Chirenon and is actually quite good at the whole photocaption/photomanipulation thing. Some of the stuff he comes up with gives me an uncomfortable tube, to be sure, but what I’m stumped about is how very unlike our two sites are and how much traffic I get from his. It’s almost entirely made up of the fantastic while mine is the exact opposite. I’m not complaining or anything. Like I said, some of his stuff nicely flips my switch. He even coined the word “protector” in reference to chastity devices and  I know I’ve let it slip into my own writing from time to time. In any event, if you’re into photomanipulation (or any of the 56 other things his blog’s about), check it out.

5. The Kristen Archives

Number five is actually The Portfolio, but I’m disqualifying it since it’s part of the Worldwide Thumpermedia empire.

I’m not exactly sure why the vast collection of written porn called The Kristen Archives ranks so prominently. At the very bottom of their home page is a list of top referrers and DT is on that list, though I barely send them any traffic. To be honest, I think the list is broken. There was a couple weeks where, after I mentioned them in a post, my readers clicked over, but it’s dropped to a trickle. In any event, a respectable number of people seem to avoid clicking on any of the hundreds of salacious things above my site’s name way down the page and find themselves here. Hi, pervs! Nice to see you!

Rounding out the top dozen or so are a handful of blogs not unlike this one. Locked Husband leads that pack followed by he who begat us all, Tom Allen and The Edge of Vanilla. Then there’s The Wife Led Husband (even though his URL says he’s a secret chastity husband) and the Naked Husband. So many husbands. Husband, husband, husband. That’s a weird looking word if you read it too many times. Husband.

Mixed in amongst the blogs, there’s Reddit (which I admit to never having used nor can I even understand why it’s there), some Twitter clicks, and Chastity Forums. Then there’s the long tail of numerous other blogs and search engines stretching away into infinity, including, waaaaaaay down the list, a new year old blog about female chastity (there is such a thing!?). All that being said, the vast majority of people who read this blog come here directly and not through any other site. More than ten times as many people, apparently.

So there you have it. Now, since I obviously don’t have anything on topic to talk about, maybe you should click on one of the links above you’ve never seen before and check them out.

Spam favorites

Here’s a collection of recently received spam comments that I think deserve credit for being at least mildly entertaining.

This, smartly left by a reader named “penis enlargement”:

Wow, fantastic blog format! How long have you ever been running a blog for? you make blogging glance easy. The overall glance of your site is excellent, as smartly as the content!

I’ve always thought the glance of my blog was easy and now I have independent verification.

Hotshot bald cop said:

Why is it I all the time feel like you do?

The eternal question, isn’t it?

Penis enlargement tools said:

It’s perfect time to make some plans for the longer term and it’s time to be happy. I have read this submit and if I may just I want to counsel you few interesting issues or advice. Perhaps you can write subsequent articles relating to this article. I wish to learn even more issues approximately it!


Hotshot blad cop came back with this gratuitous compliment:

You my pal are a genius

Same to you, man. Same to you.

Then, in response to this, he said:

This made me chuckle for a protracted time.

Nothing like a protracted chuckle, is there? Especially one over anal toys. Oh, yeah. Good times.

Another reader with the unusual name “enlarge the girth of pennis” said:

My brother recommended I might like this website. He was totally right. This submit actually made my day. You cann’t believe just how so much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!

And I’m thinking, I don’t have a brother, but I’m pretty sure most brothers aren’t recommending my site to each other. Maybe they are. Either way, I wonder why, if my parents named me “enlarge the girth of pennis”, I wouldn’t have corrected the typo by the time I could type, but maybe “pennis” isn’t what I think it is.

ETGOP came back with the following:

I loved up to you will obtain performed proper here. The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish. however, you command get got an shakiness over that you would like be delivering the following. in poor health indubitably come more beforehand again as precisely the same just about a lot often inside of case you protect this increase.

And, to me, that almost sounds poetic. Like ETGOP is really a frustrated beat poet in black beret and sunglasses reading his stuff in a dark and smokey speakeasy somewhere. I admit, this vision is somewhat supported by the very next comment in my spam filter left by the ever-popular Hotshot bald cop:

Right on!


The year of the rabbit

Yesterday was the first day of the Chinese new year. The Year of the Rabbit. Oh, the irony.

I talked to Belle last night and she’s supportive of whatever I do (then we had sex and she told me I still had to be locked up no matter how bad a day I had and that, in the end, she likes to see me squirm and suffer – sounds cruel, but context is everything). She doesn’t think I should stop writing this blog, but would understand if I did. Well, I’m not going to. Not yet. I’ve decided that writing here might be too important to me to allow it to stop on anyone’s terms except mine.

I want to make something very clear. Yesterday’s post was not in direct response to anything Maymay said. Sure, he was a catalyst because his were the first and most rude of all the comments I received, but I did not have him in mind when I wrote it (regardless of what he might think). But, as long as we’re on the subject, I have decided that I don’t need him or his drama. Thanks to modern technology, it’s fairly simple to amputate him from my life. I won’t remove any existing links from here to anything he’s produced in the past, but I will not be engaging him here or anywhere from this moment forward (this was my final shot, sent in anger, which I now regret, but it is the last). I’m sure May’s a very sincere person and fine fellow to share a drink with, but his view of the world and mine are clearly very different and I simply don’t have the energy or interest to try to reconcile.

With regard to the main point most people are taking issue with – that I am trying to tell everyone from all walks of life how they’re supposed to live their lives – I’m sorry if that’s the impression you have. It’s not my intent. I feel I attempted at various points to say I was talking to people like me in situations like mine, but I’m willing to also concede that I could have done it differently or better. I’m very happy to engage with those who are interested in having civil and measured debate, but I totally reject the notion that the number of visitors my blog receives every day should have any bearing whatsoever on how I express myself. This is still a personal blog about my personal life. It is not a platform for any kind of activism. This is the story of one aspect of my life. Period.

So anyway, back when I said “everyone” should live like I do, I honestly meant it in the same way one might say “everyone” should try that new steak place out on the highway. Yes, the world is full of vegetarians who never eat the dead flesh of other animals, and by saying “everyone” should eat at the new steakhouse one would, of course, not be challenging anyone’s choice to be vegan. That’s ridiculous. At least, I think so. If you are not the kind of person for whom my advice from the other day applies, then ignore it. Don’t tell me how it can’t possible apply to you and by suggesting it should I’m being sexist or genderist or whatever the fuck. If everything I say here has to be scrubbed against the multiverse of human sexuality before it sees the light of day, what will be left? I’m not trying to be insensitive. I’m not trying to exclude. But, as I think I’ve said now about a hundred times, this blog is about me, my sex life, and my love live. If you’re experience is outside mine, then chances are I’ll never be able to speak to it adequately. You might even be occasionally offended. It won’t be intentional.

Now let’s rewind and say Maymay had taken a slightly different tack the other day. Something that started, “I’m sure you didn’t mean to, but have you any idea how much that bothered me?” Would I be writing these words today? Probably not. But that’s not how we started and that’s not how things progressed, so here we are. Maybe half of you will stop reading me now. So be it. I have to be what I am and I have to think what I think and I can’t possibly write anything different.

Lastly, I’ve debated leaving comments off. The feedback page is still working and several of you availed yourselves of it yesterday. I’ve decided to turn comments back on not because I’m dying to be validated but because I’d like to get this “police state” bullshit behind me as quickly as possible. If I need to, I’ll turn them off again and depend on the feedback form from now on. We’ll see.

I now return you to the Year of the Rabbit, already in progress.


Belle and I started a journey two+ years ago that has led to much discovery, evolution, insight, and – more important than anything else – contentment and intimacy. Now, just when I feel I’ve really started to understand how things can work between us, at the very moment when I feel actual revelation has occurred in our relationship, I find what I write has attracted vociferous criticism. This is because…why?

Is it because I’m exploring concepts and ideas that don’t apply to every sexual being on the planet? Because the anarchic bisexual polygamists are being denied a voice in my extraordinarily personal life? Are you feeling slighted because I, in my selfish exploration of my own sexuality, have forgotten that not all of you are like me?

It doesn’t really matter. This is very personal for me. This is my fucking life. When I am attacked for feeling the way I do, it is an attack on me. Call it criticism, but it doesn’t feel that way. Frankly, my skin’s not thick enough. It is a confrontation I did not seek and do not want. It tears at me and gnaws at the back of my mind. I feel like I’m accused of being a person I’m not and that I think things I do not.

I said in my second post…

The reason I started this blog, though, was not to categorize, compare, and contrast all the various practices (though that might happen along the way). None of the sites I’ve found seem to be written for me or my partner. There are elements of nearly all of them that appeal to me (and my kinky side), but when I think of how I want orgasm denial (OD) to work in our relationship, I can’t find an analogue. So, since we’re at the very beginning of our exploration and I don’t have anyone other than my partner with which I can discuss it, here I go. Maybe this will prove helpful for someone else.

I don’t pretend that Belle and I achieved perfection or that how we relate to one another will stop evolving, but we are far enough along that I really don’t need to blog about it anymore. I feel as though, now that I’m a “pre-eminent blogger about male orgasm control”, that what was mine has been taken from me. That I’m no longer allowed to think and feel the way I do because, you know, they’re not really my thoughts anymore. They belong to all of you. Because there are so many of you now, I can’t explore and describe what happens in my head and my pants.

So it becomes a matter of simple math. Does my blogging give me more than it takes? For the past few days, it’s taken far more than I get. And I’m not willing to let it. Don’t forget, I don’t do this for you. It’s for me first, Belle second, and the rest of you are a very distant third.

I haven’t spoken to Belle about this yet and that gives me pause in pulling the plug. It’s entirely possible that we’ll decide I should continue, in which case, I will. It’s entirely possible that after a certain period of time I’ll want to come back here and continue the story. But right now, today, I don’t want to. And that really bothers me. If we decide to stop, I will mourn. Denying Thumper has been such an important part of my life. It’s hard to imagine not having this thing I do or think about every day.

In order to assure those of you who might look upon this action as some kind of ego-stroking maneuver, I’ve disabled comments on this and all other posts. I’m not looking for praise or encouragement or anything else. I’m not seeking attention. I’m simply trying to decide if this is worth it anymore.