Costume party

I was on the Tumblr this morning and scrolling through like I do and once again found myself transfixed on a GIF of a guy shooting his load. He was jacking off and had a pretty big dick and it was just the come shot. Quite generous ropes of thick creaminess being thrown from the end of his cock (not this one, but a lot like it). And I had another one of these epiphanic moments that have been showing up more often lately.

There was a time, for a long time, when I’d see a guy shooting like that and get all slack-jawed and dreamy because somewhere deep down inside I wanted to be doing that too. My lizard brain was aching so hard for what I was seeing and the vibes it would radiate overpowered my bunny brain so both got drunk on the idea.

But this time, I was watching this guy come like crazy and it was more like watching a woman get off in that it was like a separate thing from my frame of reference. Like a man stroking himself off to orgasm is a being totally removed from what I am as much as a woman getting herself off is. Just another way that I feel like a separate thing from the kind of man who does that.

Some people into this chastity and denial stuff will tell you all men should be locked up and denied but I don’t think that at all. Some men absolutely should fuck and come and jack off and do whatever they want. I feel there definitely are two classes of men (at least). Those who own their own cocks and those who don’t. Those who get to shoot loads and those who only leak through the openings in their devices. Real men have cocks and use them however they like. People like me don’t and don’t.

In fact, I feel the same kind of disconnectedness from images of men fucking as I do from men coming or jacking off. They’re meant to do that. They’re designed to do it. To pleasure their partners with their dicks. To pleasure themselves with the feeling of fucking another person. Some men (and some cocks) are born to that kind of position. To assert themselves in that kind of role. But not me. I mean, I literally can’t fuck for more than two minutes before I’m squirting and then, once I do, the penis starts to shrivel. It may have been a fuck tool once, but it’s not now. It’s barely passable as such.

I suppose if I were in a gay relationship it would be as though I didn’t even have a penis, but I’m not. I’m with Belle. And she like to get fucked and cannot fuck me so I can’t let myself slip entirely into this other type of identity because there are times when she needs me to be a man. Or pretend to be one. Like, four to six times a month, max, for maybe eight to ten minutes total. But that’s not nothing.

I don’t know if this means my lizard brain is dead. I still get pretty worked up and have plenty of urges, but they’re mostly focused outward now, not inward. Maybe the lizard has been broken by years of being chained. He’s still vicious, but maybe now he’s also fuzzy and has long ears. Maybe the lizard and bunny have found a way to merge. To align their energies.

Whatever the case, those guys shooting their loads on Tumblr are like a whole different species to me now. And I’m really OK with that. Because maybe all this time I wasn’t one of them, anyway. Maybe I was only going along to get along. Maybe I’ve been bunny in a lizard costume this whole time.

 

Purity

There’s a kind of purity in being locked up while getting your partner off. A simplicity of purpose. A definition of motivation. Once a penis is taught it’s not the center of attention. That not everything in the world revolves around it. Once it learns its place and ceases to harbor expectations. The focus shifts entirely to where it belongs. From the submissive to the Dominant. From me to her.

Free of freedom

I’ve been sick. Started Thursday with minor achiness, was full-blown awful with fever, chills, and night sweats by Saturday and Sunday. I’m not out of the woods yet, but I feel as though I’m heading in the right direction.

I mention this (in addition to the implicit solicitation of sympathy) because during this period of feeling absolutely crappy and terrible, I never needed to be out of the device. Looking back on the blog here, I think I can say this is the first time I’ve been really sick in which I didn’t also feel an overwhelming desire to be unlocked. This is also the first time I’ve been sick in the nine-ish months since Belle’s made me stay locked 98-99% of the time.

I think this is a subtle but significant thing. When I was feeling my worse, the device didn’t even enter my mind. When I’m grooving, the device feels like it’s part of me, not a separate and distinct thing. I’ve never felt like that when experiencing the diametric opposite of grooving. Even during my most recent depressive episode, I said this in my last post…

Whichever steel is between my legs is just an inert mass I need to keep clean. I don’t want to be locked, I don’t want to be unlocked. I just don’t care.

I guess it was the same way when I was feeling the sickest. It’s like being locked wasn’t a situation I had to deal with or endure…it just was. Even when I’m otherwise not super excited about being that way. My acceptance of security is no longer dependent on how horny I am. It’s there even when my horniness level is below zero.

This seems related to something I wrote about last December.

There’s an aspect of all this that’s been quite difficult for me to wrap my head around. Not difficult to do. I revel in my role. But it’s a thing that’s been bubbling around inside me and that was accentuated when I was with Frodo. It’s something to do with gender. I don’t really feel like a man anymore. That’s an odd thing to see myself writing and I don’t mean it be read as if I think of myself as a female. That’s the problem, really. I don’t have the words to describe it. Less of a man and more of something else.

I’m not a man who’s locked. I’m just locked. There is no natural state for me to be other than that. I feel like I’ve reached some new level of evolution. Imaging not having a locked penis is as difficult a concept for me to accept as the opposite would be for a man who’s just learning about enforced chastity. The penis isn’t being denied freedom since it no longer has freedom to be denied. All the frustration and the pressure of constricted erections and craving to jack off and even to come are now the point. They’re not a means to an end. They’re the end.

I don’t have a penis, I have a device. And I don’t want a penis. Not like that. Not anymore. Not ever. Belle could leave the key hanging on a nail out in the open. I’d never touch it unless she handed it to me.

 

May metrics, ups and downs

FullSizeRenderAnd there goes May! So many projects going on around here, house guests, graduation, not to mention planning and preparation for our imminent departure to Asia for a huge chunk of the summer. But there’s one thing that doesn’t change: I’m still locked up pretty much all the time.

Belle kept the penis locked 99.5% of May which is the highest percentage of the year (exceeding April by a tenth of a percent). It was kept staring at the inside of the Steelheart for about two-thirds of the time while the rest was spent studying the inside of the Halfshell.

It was let out for sex six times for a total of almost four hours which averages to about 40 minutes each time. That’s funny to me since the vast majority of that time is spent satisfying Belle or lounging around after. The time it spent actually fucking couldn’t have been in total more than ten or twelve minutes, tops. So if you count the time she will sometimes stroke it while I’m getting her off, we’re talking 30-45 minutes a month of pleasurable sensation.

Belle came nine times, three on her own, six from my prestidigitation. That’s down by three from April, but as I said, more stuff going on around here.

I came zero times in May, though as I said, I was allowed to fuck her six times. I ejaculated five of those times. As of this writing, it’s been 102 days since my last orgasm. Of course, I have no idea how long it will be until the next one and doubt she does, either.

There’s something I’ve been meaning to write about for the past few weeks but haven’t figured out how or what words exactly to use then I figured I could make it part of this post. It’s funny, but when writing like this sometimes the hardest part is figuring out how to start and, once that’s done, the rest takes care of itself.

Anyway, as hard as it is to quantify as precisely, the thing that goes along with how often I get to come or for how long I’m locked up is how I feel about it all. And lately, I haven’t felt all that great. It’s been about two and half weeks since I felt the bottom drop out and only now am I starting to feel the stirrings of a rally.

I think a common misperception about denial and enforced chastity is that the locked guy gets hornier and hornier and all that awesome frustration energy powers the whole dynamic to ever greater heights. That’s just totally wrong.

Most guys who feel like it get to come all the time. As soon as the slightest amount of sexual frustration builds, they either have sex or take care of themselves. If it were charted, it’d end up looking like with I think of as a hacksaw blade. When a guy is in his teens, his chart would like a fine-tooth saw — lots and lots of little spikes closely packed interspersed with shallow, short valleys. But when he get’s older, the “teeth” become less frequent with larger spaces between, but the basic pattern remains. There is only so horny a normal man will get before he relieves the pressure to come, one way or another.

But if you’re like me, that never happens. And since the pressure never gets relieved, an underlying pattern is exposed. I don’t know if this is the same for all men, but for me the build goes way higher than it would normally. Perhaps five times higher. Then it plateaus for a long time as I reach cruising altitude. After a certain period like that, it will explode higher for brief period then come crashing down. Lower than what it feels like after an orgasm. Like, a depth so low the fish have to make their own light or not bother to have eyes. I can’t say if the cratering is chemical or caused by external issues or if one is exacerbated by the other. All I know is it happens from time to time.

This used to be a real problem. It’s easy to get depressed. I still do, but the difference is I know it’s not permanent. Sooner or later, for reasons I can’t explain, things will start to build again. Right now, I’m still under water but not so deep that sunlight can’t get to me. It feels like I’m moving in the right direction, but I also know there are false glimmers. When I’ll start to feel more normal but then things’ll go south again. I can’t know yet where I am, but this feels like a real rebound.

When I’m in this place, it’s like the flavor is drained from everything. I’m easily angered and have little interest in anything sexual. I will usually be able to perform for Belle, but I’d not think to instigate anything. It has to be her to push the button. This is the time when, if I find a dirty selfie on my phone or computer, I’m most likely to delete them. I don’t look at my own blog, can’t imagine writing anything, and don’t even look at Tumblr. The toys I enjoy during normal times appall me. It’s not any fun at all.

The worst part is how it changes how I see myself. I’ve said before that being locked all the time alters my own perception of myself at a pretty basic sexual level. I feel less like a man and more like something else. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just what it is. But during a crater like I’ve been in I stop feeling like anything. Whichever steel is between my legs is just an inert mass I need to keep clean. I don’t want to be locked, I don’t want to be unlocked. I just don’t care. No energy means no self-perception of identity. And what are we without identity?

I don’t say all this to be a downer. We’ve been doing this long enough for me to know that in my case it’s a normal aspect of long term denial and lock-up. I will come back and will feel good again. If I go all the way back to why I started this blog, it was because at the time there was way more chastity fantasy bullshit being passed off as reality and little real-life experience being related to those who were just starting out. If I ignored this aspect of denial and chastity, I’d be doing a disservice to the sprit of the site. And, I guess, to you as its readers.

Long story short, most of the time I’m in a good place and feel as though the denial and submission are by far net benefits in my life. I can’t imagine really being “normal” again. Not ever. But it’s not all sunshine and unicorns, either. You know, like life.

April metrics

IMG_3874April showers have brought…May showers here at Winterfell and the end of the month means another entry in my ongoing chastity and denial metrics project.

Belle had the penis locked up 99.4% of the month. The four and a half hours it was unlocked were the cumulative time she wanted to use it during sex. The whole rest of the time, it was secured. Even though I flew in April, the Schandmaske made it possible to remain locked through airport security. For the year, the penis has been made inaccessible by one device or another for 98.9% of the time.

The Halfshell was the predominant device used in April, though I started and ended the month in the Steelheart. On the year, the use of each is split pretty evenly: 1,280.5 hours in the Halfshell and 1,258 in the Steelheart. By the end of today, they’ll be tied. Basically, if Belle expresses a preference, it’s always the Steelheart and if I’m left to wear what I want, it’s usually the Halfshell, though I notice that so far this year I have not worn either the Jail Bird or the Looker 02.

On the orgasm front, Belle was in fine form after three below-average months. She came 12 times in April, twice as often as she did in each of the first three months of the year. I have an informal goal of getting her off about 10 times over 30 days, so this was a good effort. Three of those were when she was by herself travelling, one was when I used a vibrator on her, seven were from my fingers, and she had her first orally induced orgasm of the year. She also had her first multiple orgasm day of the year.

I had zero orgasms in April. The last time I came was February 18, seventy-two days ago. She allowed me to fuck her four times, though, and I leaked into her each time.

This is another month with Belle being away for part of it due to travel, though that didn’t slow her down last month. It’ll be a busy month beyond that, though, with family visiting and the high school graduation of our oldest kid and various home improvement projects going on. In June, we’re going to college orientation for the previously aforementioned kid and embarking on a grand adventure in which the whole family will be living in Hong Kong for 6-8 weeks. That’ll be interesting, for sure. In any event, life is picking up its pace as it does every summer and it’ll be interesting to see how that impacts what I track here.

CB-6000 review (finally)

The other day while looking at Tumblr I noticed something strange. I found myself on someone’s Tumblr that was all men locked in chastity devices which are not normally the kinds of Tumblrs I hang out on or follow because I think most male chastity porn is kind of boring. I’ll post the occasional picture of a guy in a device (not counting my own, of course), but they’re remarkably repetitious (counting my own) and the kinds with captions rarely do anything for me.

So anyway, I will occasionally look at these “show me your locked cock” Tumblrs to see what people are wearing. It’s how I find out about new devices. What I noticed the other day was along with a bunch of metal that looked like cheap Chinese shit you get off Amazon and the occasional Mature Metal or Steelworxx device were a lot of Holy Trainers (v2). Like, at least half were Trainers. I’d guess half as many of those were CB-6000s. This was surprising because my CB-6000 tips and tricks page is still, all these years after I wrote it, the number one page on the site after the homepage. I have no idea why this is because the top search terms WordPress says people are using to find the site now rarely include the CB-6000. So I don’t really know how these people are finding the page, but a lot of them are. Every single day. My review of the Holy Trainer v2 is usually half or two-thirds as popular in any given month.

This bums me out because I’ve assumed these numbers more or less indicate how popular the two devices are and I think the Holy Trainer is far superior to the aging design of the CB-6000. But then I see this Tumblr and all the guys in Trainers and that makes me wonder. What’s going on?

I decided to crowdsource a possible answer. I asked Twitter “If you were recommending a first male chastity device, which would it be?” The poll is still open at the time I’m writing this so it can still change, but as of right now, 99 people have responded and, lo and behold, the Holy Trainer holds a clear lead. Nearly half (48%) say it’s the device they’d recommend to a newbie while the CB-6000 comes in second at just over a third (34%) saying it’s their choice. The Bird Locked comes in a distant third (as it should — not a fan of silicone chastity devices).

The Holy Trainer is, in my opinion, the correct choice. And yes, we’ve been over this before, but that was a few years ago. And it occurs to me I never actually reviewed the CB-6000 because I wasn’t doing that kind of thing when I wore it. So, I shall consider this its review.

  • The CB-6000 is overly complicated. It has spacers to allow a flexible distance between the tube and the ring and it has multiple ring sizes. That ends up being a dizzying number of size combinations that I used to think was a strength but now think is just too much. It makes people think fitting a device to a penis is tricky when it’s really not that much.
  • It has a hard-edged A-ring. Trust me, that’s miserable. Not the good kind of discomfort. And for the life of me, I can’t imagine why it’s still like this. The device has been on the market for something close to ten years and it’s never been replaced with a rounded A-ring like the CB-3000 had. It’s never been redesigned to a more ergonomic shape like literally every other plastic device on the planet. It’s still perfectly round and sharp and causing many men all kinds of awful pain that simply isn’t necessary.
  • It has obnoxious side vents. One might assume they’re for hygiene’s sake, but they’re totally unnecessary and lead to flesh bulging through during erections which in turn leads to soreness and even broken skin. A lot of guys epoxy them over.
  • It’s the only device I’ve worn that led to the development of edema. That’s the accumulation of fluid under the skin and it’s benign if caught and allowed to dissipate, but it’s uncomfortable. I believe this is caused by the fact that the tube is narrow along the shaft but far more open near the head leading to constriction, even when flaccid.
  • The tube is made up of two halves joined together. In the early years, they split more often than seemed acceptable. Their design makes that a possibility even now and, from what I’ve been told, there is no pain like the pain of penis skin being trapped and pinched down the entire length of one’s member as an erection goes away.
  • It still uses a padlock. They bounce around and take up room in your pants. They corrode. They can have sharp edges that poke.
  • Lastly, and I acknowledge this is subjective, the CB-6000 is simply ugly. It looks like a medical device your grandpa has to wear, not a sex toy. The “fashion” variants (gold, wood grain, camo, etc.) are like when Cadillac made the Cimarron. It was flashy and had lots of Caddy badges, but underneath it was still a Chevy Cavalier.

The Holy Trainer isn’t perfect, but it has none of those issues. It’s A-ring is so much more comfortable and it has never led to edema on me. It doesn’t have vents along the tube (the holes it does have are in the penis head area and don’t lead to the same issues). The tube is solid and made of a more forgiving, comfortable plastic. It’s also far more attractive (basic black is my preferred color). And it’s dead simple. Three parts, including the lock (which is integrated and won’t corrode or stop working).

The biggest improvement I think could be made to the Trainer would be an option of buying it with all three ring sizes. Ring size is the most important element in male chastity and is the difference between a device a guy can keep on for days or weeks at a time and one that can’t stay on overnight. It’s too bad they don’t have a bundled option for newbies to be able to try the different sizes.

There were serval comments to my tweet about “cheap knockoffs” available on Amazon for both the CB-6000 and Holy Trainer. Insert here my standard warning about saving a few bucks while at the same time endangering your one and only penis. Personally, I’d pay the extra $10-50 bucks and get the original, but I’m also the guy who buys genuine Apple Watch bands over their $9 Amazon counterparts.

I think the CB-6000 is a hugely important device for male chastity advocates and enthusiasts. It was the first really popular mass-produced device and undoubtedly led to many men and women (millions?) giving the concept of chastity a try. You know, like Belle and I. But times have moved on. There has been innovation in the space and the CB-6000 has not kept up. It’s a relic from another era.

If you’re thinking of buying a CB-6000, spend your money on the Holy Trainer instead.

 

Lucite Steelwerks Schandmaske

You all know Steelwerks. No, not Steelworxx, Steelwerks. The Canadian storefront of Chris Miers, an artisan and manufacturer of bespoke hand-made super-premium chastity devices. Usually, Chris works in steel or titanium and has forced those metals into some incredibly intricate and remarkably beautiful configurations. Some are essentially art pieces unto themselves and could easily be displayed on or off the body.

Recently, Chris has begun working with a new material. Lucite might be mistaken for simple plastic, but it’s actually much more interesting than that. It can be milled from a solid block like a metal (as is done by Steelwerks) and it’s technically classified as a glass. The end product is something that feels and looks like glass but with a fraction of the weight and significantly more impact resistance.

schandmaske01
Titanium Schandmaske in anodized blue and titanium prince’s wand
It’s perfectly applied to the design Steelwerks offers called the Schandmaske. Basically, the Schandmaske (a German word for “mask of shame”) is a kind of cap that fits over just the head of the penis and is secured through a PA piercing. Due to weight, this would be a very difficult design to wear if it were made of steel, so Chris makes the metal version from titanium. The PA fixing is either a short prince’s wand that locks using the distinctive Steelwerk S-screw or, as in the case of the lucite device I wore, a locking curved barbell. The device is effective as it covers the most sensitive parts of the penis and, since it’s secured to the PA, does not allow stroking of those areas. At least in my case, if I can’t apply pressure to the underside of the penis head I can’t achieve orgasm.

With that preamble, I’ll jump right in. My chastity reviews consider six different attributes: Cost, aesthetic, fit/comfort, security, hygiene, and stealth.

Cost

IMG_04B7DFF2D1C1-1There is nothing bargain about Steelwerks products. If they are not the most expensive chastity devices on the market, they’re right up there. I personally don’t know of any that sell for more. That said, there’s a difference between “luxury” and “premium” and it all has to do with value. In the case of Steelwerks’ devices, what you get for your money is a bespoke device crafted by someone I think of as a real artist. Yes, it’s expensive, but Chris is someone who is obsessively focused on making the very finest product available and there’s a reason so many of his clients return again and again. Besides the obvious quality is his commitment to making for his clients exactly what they wanted when they ordered. Long way to go to say the lucite Schandmaske ranges from $500 to $800 (or even more, I suppose) depending on the specifics of what the client orders. For that money, you get the lucite “cap”  custom crafted and measured to your dimensions in your choice of clear, frosted (like mine), black, or red along with a hollow, locking titanium piece of jewelry and two S-screw keys.

Aesthetic and design

IMG_2080I personally find the Schandmaske to have a simple beauty much like something designed by Apple. It’s so clean and purely functional, I can totally imagine Jony Ive extolling its virtues in one of those product launch commercials they do for every new watch or phone. There are no extraneous lines or details. Just the cap and the titanium barbell to keep it in place.

The barbell all by itself is a remarkable piece of craftsmanship. It’s a handmade 2 GA barbell which is larger than the usual 4 GA I normally wear, but getting it in through my piercing was no trouble. Chris included a taper to make insertion easier, but it popped right though without it. Of course, as with all piercings,your mileage may vary. The barbell is hollow and allows for urine to pass through which makes using a urinal a snap. It also makes withdrawing the penis from the cap impossible. The short end of the barbell that goes through the piercing is threaded for the small Steelwerks S-screw. The screw inserts into a collar and they both get secured into the barbell. The S-screw design makes using any other tool to remove it impossible and the collar makes using pliers or a similar tool equally fruitless. The only way the Schandmaske is coming off is either using the S-screw or a hammer and the latter method is not advised.

IMG_5B45438922A2-1
Frosted (Thumper) vs. clear (Drew)
The cap is actually a composite of two pieces: A collar and a dome. The two are joined permanently during manufacture in such a way they will never come apart. In truth, they become a single piece of lucite. The collar is thicker and narrower than the dome. Once past the collar, the interior opens up to allow the head of the penis more room. During erections, if the device is properly fitted, the collar is too snug to move but not so snug as to restrict circulation. It ends up feeling as though it’s held on with suction, though it’s not.

Since it fits snugly and is anchored to the PA, stroking the head of the penis is impossible. This is what makes devices of this general design work. For me, if I can’t stimulate and apply pressure to the underside of the head of the penis (in the area around the PA itself), I can’t come. Well, not easily anyway. Perhaps eventually I would, but stroking the half of the hard shaft that is exposed just doesn’t do it for me. Again, every penis is a special snowflake so some might be able to get off this way, but not this rabbit.

I chose the frosted option as the black wasn’t yet available. Belle prefers devices in which the penis is not visible and this is the closest I could get at the time it was made.

Fit and comfort

IMG_CD4C184ADC40-1
Underwear wear
The Schandmaske is a bespoke piece so, assuming your measurements are correct, the fit will be perfect. The key measurements are the circumference of the shaft of the erect penis and the length of the space between the uetheral opening and the PA. Since there’s no A-ring, that’s all you need to know.

In practice, the device is supernaturally comfortable. I often forgot I had it on. There were a few times when, while wearing tighter pants, the penis skin pushed against the edge of the cap and I felt some mild discomfort, but the skin on the penis is, I find, very fragile since it’s nearly always protected by steel. Not sure a normal penis would be so sensitive. Other than that, I had no trouble at all with it after nearly 200 hours of wear.

Since the penis is much more free with the Schandmaske than with other types of devices, I experienced the peculiar sensation of being able to feel the shaft of the penis but not its end. It was as if the head of the penis had been smeared with lidocaine. Interestingly, I found that during erections the cap is so secure that had there not been the collar and screw extending from the bottom I might even have been able to fuck Belle with it on. In any event, I would often reach in to my pants to take a leak and be surprised I was wearing it. I had simply forgotten.

Security

Security in the Schandmaske is total. Perhaps even more than the other locked devices I wear since the design of the barbell screw and collar makes messing around with it pretty much impossible. There’s simply no way this device is coming off. There’s not much more to say.

Of course, the point of the security is to keep a man from being able to have an orgasm or play with his penis. As I said above, I don’t think I could come in this device, though I guess some might. Also, even though I couldn’t stroke it normally, wearing it during an erection will allow some amount of stroking or other kinds of fiddling. So, depending on how you look at it, there may be less security in the Schandmaske than with a trapped-ball device, but I think only a truly motivated cheater would defeat it.

Hygiene

The Schandmaske doesn’t complicate urination at all. There’s a bit of leakage at the point of the piercing but that won’t be new to guys with PAs. Like other devices, it can be hard to ensure the penis is totally drained of urine after going. But cleaning it is very easy and the general lack of interior volume makes it less likely for odor to become an issue.

Stealth

Visually, the Schandmaske is very stealthy. It never showed though my clothes at all when I was wearing it. There simply isn’t enough of it to make any kind of impression when viewed externally.

That said, when in sweats or other loose fitting clothing like boxers and without pants, the barbell rattles in the cap. Not like a cowbell or anything, but it was noticeable on occasion.

The real stealth value of the Schandmaske is with travel. The titanium is unable to trigger a metal detector and the relative small size of the cap it highly unlikely to trigger a pat-down after a body scan. In many ways, I think it’s the perfect travel companion.

Conclusion

The Steelwerks Schandmaske is a lovely, understated, and remarkably comfortable male chastity device. If you can afford it, it deserves a place in your collection. And your pants.

Pictures of the Schandmaske in action are included after the jump…

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