June and half-year metrics

I’m a bit tardy with the June update seeing as we were in Vietnam on July 1st and I didn’t have my laptop with me. I didn’t want to peck it out on my phone.

IMG_5416.PNGJune was a five device month. That may be a first. The Looker 02, Steelheart, Holy Trainer, Halfshell, and Schandmaske all had their time in the pouch.

The L02 was mostly before we left for Hong Kong and, I think, may be at the end of its life. The urethral insert is loose and I don’t think I’d pay to get it fixed because I’d also want to make all kinds of adjustments (slightly shorter cage, slightly thicker and longer insert) meaning if I have a device like it in the future, I’ll just get another one.

The Schandmaske just made it under the wire. As I was getting ready to go to the airport for the flight to Hanoi, I saw the potential for all five I bought to get some lock time. Belle’s been traveling separately (and more often) than the rest of us, so I have a free hand in deciding which device I wear and when I switch them out. I have her key and, thanks to misplacing it for a few hours, also have my back up both freely available. I’ve become something like the house cat that anxiously watches the birds on the feeder but won’t go out the front door when given the chance. The penis is now completely tamed and I have no interest at all in having it free.

We got back to Hong Kong after a week in China earlier in the month a day before Belle did, and I put myself in the Steelheart. I slipped the Holy Trainer off and pushed my balls through the tight A-ring followed by the penis and felt the cold steel wrap itself around the rapidly inflating meat. There’s something about the Steelheart. Something that feels like home and really the only device I wear that’s synonymous with “real” chastity. Maybe because it’s a bit too tight and the tube totally envelopes and replaces the penis (as opposed to the Halfshell where the bottom of the penis can be touched) and unlike the HT or the L02, it’s escape-proof. I dunno. But the psychology of being in that device over all others is very different. I’m wearing it now and just writing about it is filling it up.

As you can see in the chart, the penis’ time out was barely over an hour which by far is the lowest amount of the year and maybe ever in any month in all the years we’ve been using chastity in our marriage.

  • January – 10.75 hours (1.5%)
  • February – 5 hours (.7%)
  • March – 12.6 hours (1.7%)
  • April – 4.5 hours (.6%)
  • May – 4 hours (.5%)
  • June – 1 hour (.1%)

The briefness of this period is more related to issues other than Belle’s choices. As I said, lots of travel, some time with Belle being away, and for a week there I was sick with a nasty sore throat and didn’t want to give it to Belle. I suspect that the 4-5 hours a month will turn out to be normal for us over time.

Thanks to the issues mentioned above, I was well below other months (or my personal goal) of getting her off. Only four times. If she took care of herself while away, she never mentioned it. I was inside her just twice, though the second time she told me to come, exactly 120 days from the last time.

IMG_5415.PNGWe’re half way through 2017 now. The Steelheart just edged past the Halfshell in total time with the Schandmaske far behind followed by the HT followed by the L02 (which went on for the first time and maybe last this year in June). The penis was free almost .9% over six months.

Belle has come forty-five times so far this year. Thirty times by my fingers, eleven times by her own hand, twice by me using her vibrator on her, once orally, and once on the penis. Belle always decides how she’ll come, so those numbers indicate her preferences, not mine (with the possible exception of the penis since that’s such an unreliable tool for her).

I’ve come twice in the first half. Once on February 18th and once on June 18th. I ejaculated 18 times without orgasm and was inside her 22 times. One time I got to be inside her and didn’t squirt. That’s an orgasm ratio of about 23:1.

It occurs to me writing this that I haven’t jacked off in about 10 months. That’s easily the longest period of such abstention since I discovered how to do it. Literally the only time the penis gets to feel pleasure is when it’s inside Belle and, of course, that’s exactly how she likes it. If she ever told me I could edge myself with my own hand, I’d jump at the chance since I really like jacking off, but it’s hard to say I miss it since to do it absent permission would be a total contravention of our dynamic. It’s another of those things I crave but do not miss. The only way I could would be by cheating and that seems like not only a violation of her trust but something that’s against my very nature as who I am sexually.

Anyway, that’s that. Half a year down.

May metrics, ups and downs

FullSizeRenderAnd there goes May! So many projects going on around here, house guests, graduation, not to mention planning and preparation for our imminent departure to Asia for a huge chunk of the summer. But there’s one thing that doesn’t change: I’m still locked up pretty much all the time.

Belle kept the penis locked 99.5% of May which is the highest percentage of the year (exceeding April by a tenth of a percent). It was kept staring at the inside of the Steelheart for about two-thirds of the time while the rest was spent studying the inside of the Halfshell.

It was let out for sex six times for a total of almost four hours which averages to about 40 minutes each time. That’s funny to me since the vast majority of that time is spent satisfying Belle or lounging around after. The time it spent actually fucking couldn’t have been in total more than ten or twelve minutes, tops. So if you count the time she will sometimes stroke it while I’m getting her off, we’re talking 30-45 minutes a month of pleasurable sensation.

Belle came nine times, three on her own, six from my prestidigitation. That’s down by three from April, but as I said, more stuff going on around here.

I came zero times in May, though as I said, I was allowed to fuck her six times. I ejaculated five of those times. As of this writing, it’s been 102 days since my last orgasm. Of course, I have no idea how long it will be until the next one and doubt she does, either.

There’s something I’ve been meaning to write about for the past few weeks but haven’t figured out how or what words exactly to use then I figured I could make it part of this post. It’s funny, but when writing like this sometimes the hardest part is figuring out how to start and, once that’s done, the rest takes care of itself.

Anyway, as hard as it is to quantify as precisely, the thing that goes along with how often I get to come or for how long I’m locked up is how I feel about it all. And lately, I haven’t felt all that great. It’s been about two and half weeks since I felt the bottom drop out and only now am I starting to feel the stirrings of a rally.

I think a common misperception about denial and enforced chastity is that the locked guy gets hornier and hornier and all that awesome frustration energy powers the whole dynamic to ever greater heights. That’s just totally wrong.

Most guys who feel like it get to come all the time. As soon as the slightest amount of sexual frustration builds, they either have sex or take care of themselves. If it were charted, it’d end up looking like with I think of as a hacksaw blade. When a guy is in his teens, his chart would like a fine-tooth saw — lots and lots of little spikes closely packed interspersed with shallow, short valleys. But when he get’s older, the “teeth” become less frequent with larger spaces between, but the basic pattern remains. There is only so horny a normal man will get before he relieves the pressure to come, one way or another.

But if you’re like me, that never happens. And since the pressure never gets relieved, an underlying pattern is exposed. I don’t know if this is the same for all men, but for me the build goes way higher than it would normally. Perhaps five times higher. Then it plateaus for a long time as I reach cruising altitude. After a certain period like that, it will explode higher for brief period then come crashing down. Lower than what it feels like after an orgasm. Like, a depth so low the fish have to make their own light or not bother to have eyes. I can’t say if the cratering is chemical or caused by external issues or if one is exacerbated by the other. All I know is it happens from time to time.

This used to be a real problem. It’s easy to get depressed. I still do, but the difference is I know it’s not permanent. Sooner or later, for reasons I can’t explain, things will start to build again. Right now, I’m still under water but not so deep that sunlight can’t get to me. It feels like I’m moving in the right direction, but I also know there are false glimmers. When I’ll start to feel more normal but then things’ll go south again. I can’t know yet where I am, but this feels like a real rebound.

When I’m in this place, it’s like the flavor is drained from everything. I’m easily angered and have little interest in anything sexual. I will usually be able to perform for Belle, but I’d not think to instigate anything. It has to be her to push the button. This is the time when, if I find a dirty selfie on my phone or computer, I’m most likely to delete them. I don’t look at my own blog, can’t imagine writing anything, and don’t even look at Tumblr. The toys I enjoy during normal times appall me. It’s not any fun at all.

The worst part is how it changes how I see myself. I’ve said before that being locked all the time alters my own perception of myself at a pretty basic sexual level. I feel less like a man and more like something else. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just what it is. But during a crater like I’ve been in I stop feeling like anything. Whichever steel is between my legs is just an inert mass I need to keep clean. I don’t want to be locked, I don’t want to be unlocked. I just don’t care. No energy means no self-perception of identity. And what are we without identity?

I don’t say all this to be a downer. We’ve been doing this long enough for me to know that in my case it’s a normal aspect of long term denial and lock-up. I will come back and will feel good again. If I go all the way back to why I started this blog, it was because at the time there was way more chastity fantasy bullshit being passed off as reality and little real-life experience being related to those who were just starting out. If I ignored this aspect of denial and chastity, I’d be doing a disservice to the sprit of the site. And, I guess, to you as its readers.

Long story short, most of the time I’m in a good place and feel as though the denial and submission are by far net benefits in my life. I can’t imagine really being “normal” again. Not ever. But it’s not all sunshine and unicorns, either. You know, like life.

April metrics

IMG_3874April showers have brought…May showers here at Winterfell and the end of the month means another entry in my ongoing chastity and denial metrics project.

Belle had the penis locked up 99.4% of the month. The four and a half hours it was unlocked were the cumulative time she wanted to use it during sex. The whole rest of the time, it was secured. Even though I flew in April, the Schandmaske made it possible to remain locked through airport security. For the year, the penis has been made inaccessible by one device or another for 98.9% of the time.

The Halfshell was the predominant device used in April, though I started and ended the month in the Steelheart. On the year, the use of each is split pretty evenly: 1,280.5 hours in the Halfshell and 1,258 in the Steelheart. By the end of today, they’ll be tied. Basically, if Belle expresses a preference, it’s always the Steelheart and if I’m left to wear what I want, it’s usually the Halfshell, though I notice that so far this year I have not worn either the Jail Bird or the Looker 02.

On the orgasm front, Belle was in fine form after three below-average months. She came 12 times in April, twice as often as she did in each of the first three months of the year. I have an informal goal of getting her off about 10 times over 30 days, so this was a good effort. Three of those were when she was by herself travelling, one was when I used a vibrator on her, seven were from my fingers, and she had her first orally induced orgasm of the year. She also had her first multiple orgasm day of the year.

I had zero orgasms in April. The last time I came was February 18, seventy-two days ago. She allowed me to fuck her four times, though, and I leaked into her each time.

This is another month with Belle being away for part of it due to travel, though that didn’t slow her down last month. It’ll be a busy month beyond that, though, with family visiting and the high school graduation of our oldest kid and various home improvement projects going on. In June, we’re going to college orientation for the previously aforementioned kid and embarking on a grand adventure in which the whole family will be living in Hong Kong for 6-8 weeks. That’ll be interesting, for sure. In any event, life is picking up its pace as it does every summer and it’ll be interesting to see how that impacts what I track here.

March metrics while miles high (with timey-wimey update)

NOTE: The original version of this post used numbers reported by my tracking app at the moment March ended while we were still in the U.K. and in British Summer Time. That screwed things up since my month started in the U.S. in Central Daylight Time and the trip began under Greenwich Mean Time. In any event, I’ve re-run the numbers now that I’m back home and have updated the post accordingly. It wasn’t that big a difference, but it would have bugged me forever.

Interestingly, since they switched to BST while we were in the country, I seem to have lost an hour in March. Thirty-one 24-hours days should make March 744 hours long but I only tracked 743. I would get that hour back in the fall, but since I already lost an hour when the U.S. switched to Daylight Savings, I will never get that BST hour back unless I go back to the U.K. when they revert back to GMT. 

The end of March is also the end of the first quarter of the year, so we’ll be looking at both today. Currently, according to the screen in front of me, I’m crossing over the east coast of Greenland at an altitude of 34,997 feet at a speed of 490 MPH on my way back from a family vacation. Presumably, I’ll be somewhere closer to the other side of it once I’m done with this post. I feel so Drew-like.

I ended my last post on metrics like this…

This month, we’re travelling to Europe for Spring Break. This will mean some extra time out for TSA, etc., and there’s no telling how much of the time we’re vacationing she’ll want the penis locked up. It hasn’t seen more than 2% of free time in five months. Might it even get into double-digits in March!?

Belle read that and said, “Double digits? You think?” Well, no, I was just speculating. That’s all. Innocent speculation. Sweetie

Perhaps that encouraged her to crank things up a bit because up until the last day of the month my time tracking app reported 0% free time. It was rounding down since the actual percentage was about 0.45 before she let me out the night before we were to return home. At 11.5 hours, that’s the longest period I’ve been out of one device or another since 4-6 September last year when I was unlocked for nearly 48 hours. Of course, since I was let out on the evening of 3/31 some of those hours ended up in April, but also complicating the figuring is the time change from BST to my local CDT. In any event, the unlocked night bumped the percentage way up from just under half a percent to a titch over 1.5%.
I was in four different devices including the new one (whose review is nearly done but not quite), the lucite version of the Steelwerks Schandmaske. I wore the Holy Trainer for one evening I knew I was going to be wanded by a metal detector at a concert, the Halfshell for a few days, but otherwise it was Belle’s favorite the Steelheart. Rather than have me in the Schandmaske or Trainer for the TSA (both of which would have been fine), she had me go through free and relock on the other side. And that’s how I stayed until she gave me the key last night.

I took the Steelheart off before my shower. It was the first shower I’ve had outside a device in I can’t even remember how long. I don’t track that. Perhaps six months or more. First time this year for sure. Just being out and by myself in the bathroom with the prospect of soaping it up left it hard and insistent, but I was nearly all businesslike. I shaved it and my balls and cleaned it well and only gave it three extraneous squeezes with no stroking whatsoever. All in all, I’m fairly happy with how I handled suddenly having a penis again.

During cleaning, I found the head to be remarkably sensitive. The slightest touch made me shiver. That’s to be expected, I suppose, considering how infrequently it feels anything but the inside of a hard object, but had we been in a position to have sex and she let me put it in, I would have not lasted long. I considered wearing the A-ring to bed and, had it been the Halfshell’s, would have but the Steelheart’s A-ring is far too small to wear absent the tube to help keep erections in check. The best I could do was put it on when we were getting ready to go to the airport. It did, by the way, set off the metal detector but didn’t trigger a closer examination following a body scan.

It’s been more than three weeks now since Belle allowed me inside her. Partly this is due to me being away from her for a weekend, but there were plenty of opportunities before and after and even on our trip since the kids had their own rooms for all but the last night. She simply chose to leave me secured during sex. I will admit there’s a part of me that finds it difficult dealing with the lack of pussy access, but those feelings are a feature not a bug and they’re the most challenging in the minutes immediately after her orgasms when she’s basking and my fingers are still in her and the penis is filling the device tightly, stewing in the reality that it will be denied what it so badly craves. But I find these emotions transform and mellow into contentedly frustrated submission after a short while. This is, as she often points out, good for me. And as long as it’s what she wants me to feel, I can handle it.

Speaking of her orgasms, it was a bit of an off month for her in March. She came just six times. I gave her five of those and she took care of the sixth while I was away. She let me fuck her just twice and I ejaculated both times but had no orgasms in the month. My last orgasm was on February 18, forty-two days ago.

Q1 2017

img_3497Belle has allowed me to be unlocked just a hair under 1% of the time in the past three months. Last night made up nearly half of the time I’ve been out of chastity since the year stared. The penis has breathed the sweet air of freedom barely more than a day out of 90.

The Steelheart claimed just over half the time with the Halfshell picking up a more than a third. The Schandmaske got 9% and the Holy Trainer was on so little as to not even get a full percentage point.

During the quarter, I had one orgasm while she had twenty. She achieved one of those orgasms while riding the penis, four were self-administered, one I gave her with the vibrator, and all the rest were done with my fingers. None were oral. I was allowed inside her 10 times, including my one orgasm.

Comparing March to the quarter shows what a big deal a whole night unlocked was for me. Due to rounding, I was unlocked twice as much in March versus the quarter, but the actual difference is a fifty percent increase. One night equals about a third of the time I was unlocked all year so far.

Six month view

I tend to think of the way we do male chastity now as a kind of new chapter for us and that really started in September of last year. Therefore, it’s interesting to me to pull numbers for the past six months for comparison to the last three to see if there are any trends. Turns out, the past two quarters look very much alike.

img_3497-1Belle has let the penis out for a little more than two days worth of time in total over six months. It was locked in just four devices in that time, almost even split between her favorite (the Steelheart) and mine (the Halfshell). I’ve had two orgasms in that time and, while I wasn’t tracking hers last year, my gut tells me she’s not coming as often now as then, but there’s been a lot of travel and time apart.

Speaking of which, Belle is traveling again in April. She’ll be gone for about a week. And, as I write this sentence, I see we’re just about to cross over the west coast of Greenland. Seems an appropriate time to stop, then. Halfway home, now…

FullSizeRender.jpg

And no, I will not be speculating about April. Not at all.

February, by the numbers

The shortest and most obnoxious of Winter months is behind us here in the Great White (but not this year) North. Here’s a breakdown of the month’s activities using the newly expanded metrics.

img_2790February was all about the Halfshell. I went into it just before February started and stayed in it for all but .07% of the month. Belle was travelling again in February so that less-than-1% outcome is mostly due to her not being around to let me out for her pleasure. Pretty sure .07% is the lowest amount of freedom the penis has experienced in any one month since the new “it shall always be locked” rule was implemented.

Just like in January, Belle’s travels worked against her having a normal number of orgasms. She enjoyed the same number, seven (in a perfect world, I’d like her to have 8-10 in a month). Two were self-administered (presumably with her vibrator), four were via the ministration of my fingers, and one was while riding the penis (and yes, I was able to resist coming myself).

I had my first orgasm of the year on the 18th. It was just OK. Not the head-exploding release that is physcially painful but also not purely enjoyable. Two days later, any lingering effects were totally gone. Through February, the Belle-to-Thumper orgasm ratio is 14:1.

Like last month, I was only allowed inside her four times. Three of the four resulted in ejacualtion without orgasm, the fourth was the one orgasm I had in the month. I think she likes it when I shoot in her and that’s half the reason she lets me do it. I’ve gotten pretty good at knowing where the line is between ejaculation and orgasm. For most men who aren’t focused on staying denied, that line is the width of a human hair. For me, it feels like it’s five feet across. I know exactly where it is, even when it shows up more quickly than I was expecting.

This month, we’re travelling to Europe for Spring Break. This will mean some extra time out for TSA, etc., and there’s no telling how much of the time we’re vacationing she’ll want the penis locked up. It hasn’t seen more than 2% of free time in five months. Might it even get into double-digits in March!?

January Metrics

“Oh, hold on,” I said and turned away from her in bed moments after she allowed me to take off the chastity device.

“What?” she asked.

“Just a sec…” as I reached for my phone.

“Oh. Data collection. I see.”

January, of course, means a new year which means all the numbers go back to zero. Last year, I counted only hours in each device plus how many times I came (more or less, I lost track). This year, I’m tracking the devices plus…

  • How many times she comes
  • How she came (fingers, vibrator, oral, penis, etc.)
  • How many times I am allowed inside her
  • How many times I ejaculate
  • How many times I orgasm
  • How I orgasm (though there’s really only one option there)

img_2167I was locked up, according to the time tracker, roughly 98.5% of January (733.3 hours). Nearly three-quarters of that time was in the Steelheart with the remainder pretty even split between the Halfshell and a newcomer (ahem) from Steelwerks called the Schandmaske. I’ll be writing up more about that device in the future.

January was the fifth month where I was locked up north of 90% of the time and the fourth in a row where I was I was contained nearly 100% of the time. This is, of course, “the new normal” turning into just “the normal.” Most of the time I was out was when I travelled for work. Belle was away for about half the month travelling, as well, so the excess time I was out for the TSA was balanced by her not being around to let me out for sex.

Belle came seven times in January. Had she been home, that number would have been higher, though she did get herself off a few times while she was gone. Four of her orgasms were from my fingers, one was from her vibrator, and two were when she was on her own (probably the vibrator again, but I count solo orgasms sepreate from any she has with me).

I had no orgasms in January.

I was allowed to fuck her four times and each time I ejacualted rather quickly.

I did not masturbate in January.

Belle will be travelling quite a bit again in February. She has a weekend in Mexico with some friends then she’s off to Paris for work and to possibly see England (the man, not the country) and who knows what. I’m not travelling as far as I know so there’s little reason to believe February will provide any reasons for me to be unlocked even as much 1.5-2% of the time.