Belle caught up on the blog yesterday which means she also caught up on my butt plug endurance project.
“Are you OK with it?”
“Sure. I don’t understand it, but I’m OK with it.”
I have always been excessively self-conscious about anal play and my enjoyment of it. It’s not something I generally talk about with Belle since she’s shown no interest in it at all (and has drawn a line around it from a participation standpoint). In a way, blogging about it is a kind of therapy in that I really get to own it. I find it to be generally empowering and freeing to write about it bluntly, share the occasional image, and just revel in the pleasure I find there.
But, I’m still vulnerable. Her innocent and totally unpointed remark about not understanding my enjoyment of anal play made me withdrawn emotionally like a snail whose eyestalk got tapped. I didn’t show those feelings to her since I didn’t want to guilt her out, but I did take a break from the WMCBP for a few hours as I regrouped internally.
How do you make someone understand why you like something they don’t (and really, how is it different from chastity which she’s exclusively interested in only from her side of the key)? Specifically, when it comes to anal play, it seems to me the first thing that turns people off is the fact that it deals with something most of us have been brought up to think is dirty and should be avoided. It’s unhealthy, even. I suppose some people are simply unable to get past their aversion reflex. I was brought up pretty much the same as everyone else, but for some reason I’m able to separate the mechanics of how one gets to the point that they can experience healthy anal play and the real pleasure every man is physiologically capable of experiencing once in the proper state. It’s really no more unpleasant than changing a baby’s diaper, most of the time, or more complicated.
Anyway, assuming you can get yourself past any squickiness and actually get to the pleasuring part, it’s really fucking great. I’d bet your anus and your lips are about on par with one another in their degree of sensitivity (they’re mirrors of one another, after all). And the prostate is nothing but pure molten awesome if you treat it right. Men are just wired to really like playing with their asses if they ever bother to try.
From a young age, I craved playing with my ass. I was originally introduced to the idea when I was quite young (six? seven?) by an older neighbor kid (ten or twelve, I’d guess). I suppose some people would look at the interaction and see something sinister, but I’ve never really felt that way. He was just a kid, too, though several years older. My friend from across the street and I would go to his house and he talked us into doing all kinds of things. To ourselves and one another. He never participated, as far as I can recall. Just directed. Perhaps he grew up to be a molester or maybe he was just curious and wanted to experiment with his particular brand of sexuality. I don’t know. But that little taste unlocked for me a curiosity to discover what anal play could be. And I suppose I’ve never looked back. Sideways once or twice, but not back.
Perhaps the furtiveness of those early explorations and the fear of getting caught (I remember the older boy warning us about ever telling anyone about what we did — not a good sign for him, I suppose) is what’s stuck with me to this day and causes me to be hesitant about being open with Belle. I know, I say that, but I write all the things I write here and it doesn’t seem to add up. It’s easier for me to write than to speak, especially about this kind of thing. I knew she would read the posts about the plug sooner or later as she always does. So I’m not exactly hiding. But I doubt I’d have ever volunteered the information on my own.
It just occurs to me in rereading this that back when masturbation always lead to orgasm and I’d make anal play a part of that, as soon as I came I’d become borderline disgusted by what I’d done. I’d try to get the toys away from me as quickly as possible and even once recall throwing them out afterward. Again, that’s doesn’t sound healthy. Now, since masturbation never leads to orgasm, I never get back to that place. I still find I have a general ebb and flow sort of tidal kind of interest in playing with my ass, but there’s no post-orgasmic guilt-ridden crash.
I had originally thought this post was going to be a little review of some new toys I got from Mr. S (and I’m sure I’ll get back to that at some point) following my use of them this morning. Instead of crashing after I came (because I didn’t because I’m locked in the Steelheart and aren’t allowed to in any event), I had to will myself away from one of the toys in particular. I’ve developed an intense infatuation with it and it was making me feel some really incredible things. Eventually, I had to tell myself to stop. So no, I never get to that bad stage now. I just hover in the clouds. Maybe that’s what make it possible for me to write about it.
In any event, like I said, this post didn’t go where I thought it would. That’s why it doesn’t have a nice little bow on it now as I wrap it up. All this is what it is. I really like getting fucked in the ass. I like wearing plugs (and yes, the WMCBP is still in place). I know I shouldn’t feel anything bad about that, though it certainly feels like I’ve got a headwind in moving towards a point of self-acceptance and comfort.
5 thoughts on “The one about ass play that lacks a pithy title”
Jeez thump, you kill me.
If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone. I’m basically your sexual doppelgänger, in every single way. Even the slightly-sinister-when-you-think-back-but-was-okay-ish-at-the-time-early experiences.
But basically you’re a slice of erudite awesome, so keep doing it.
I get the self consciousness. I feel self conscious every time I ask Bear whether I might be allowed to fuck myself with a dildo. I don’t know how I’d feel if he reacted like Belle does. I don’t think that’d do me any good.
Doubly so because I can be more analytical than Spock. And “I don’t understand it, but I’m OK with it” would set me spinning in circles.
What’s to understand? Nerve endings and pleasure. Simple. Is it understandable that a woman might run around with a ball in her pussy, or with jewelry that stimulates the clit? Probably. If not, that leads to its own interesting journey of discovery. There may be attitudes against pleasure there somewhere.
So, “I don’t understand” must mean there’s something else. If it’s not a general aversion to pleasure, then I’d start suspecting it’s aversion to finding pleasure “there” – choice of words is deliberate. And I could understand that. American society in particular is obsessed with “clean”, to a point I have not experienced elsewhere.
What I’m reading is: Belle may have some inhibitions. And being a good, game partner, doesn’t want to impose them on you. Hence the ” I’m ok with it, but I don’t understand it.” Am I anywhere close to the truth, Belle?
My Misstress Luchia tells me that women don’t have a prostate, and so for her anal doesn’t feel nearly the same for her as it does to me. She can make the connection to how it feels good for me though, and therefore she loves to play with my ass and fuck me even if she doesn’t know /exactly/ how it feels for me.
It’s wonderful to have my partner be so supportive, and I’m really sorry to hear the trouble that you’re having Thumper. It sounds like you’ve got a lot of stuff from your past that makes this a troublesome point for you too. Maybe Belle is reading into that from you as well. I don’t know, but it’s not fun to feel so uncomfortable in your own skin about something you enjoy, that’s for sure. I hope you can find acceptance.
I can very much relate to the feeling of disgust after an orgasm. When my wife and I are in the mood for some really dirty play, It’s great, But after the orgasm, she doesn’t even want me to mention it. Even for me, some things like a rim job or even cum eating is hard after the orgasm but very very willing to before. But being a true submissive, when someone is there telling you to swallow it or lick it, you quickly get past all that disgust and go for it being the one loving to please.
Talking about anal use to be hard, but has gotten a lot easier over the years. I guess when you unleash and your wife knows everything about your sexual desires, then it comes easy. There are a couple friends we have that knows about my enjoyment in receiving anal and it doesn’t bother me. Sometimes I wish they knew more. My wife even hinted one time to mention chastity in front of a friend. I did and it didn’t really go anywhere, but I really liked saying it. Maybe that story’s for another post someday 😉
My partner and I just recently started exploring with anal sex, so this juicy post definitely got my attention. Anal can be super uncomfortable but it doesn’t have to be. I’ve found excellent tips that’s made it fun and extremely pleasurable. Not only online but also in this HILARIOUS guidebook from Tripp and Allie. I LOVE THIS BOOK (seriously) Its excellent for couples. It definitely made things more entertaining and approachable while also being very informative. Not to mention the part where they make the his and hers (new ideas) sex list…….. I almost pissed myself laughing because it’s so dead on. It’s a must have book. I got mine online at http://www.trippnallie.com and conveniently they even had a 50% off coupon on their site. Such a steal for anyone experimenting with, or curious about, anal sex.