Those metal hunk blues

I’m paying a lot of attention to my feelings and stuff since that last orgasm. It happens so infrequently. Seems like a good opportunity, you know?

At first, it appeared as though things were going to be OK, but for the last several days, I’ve been in kind of a funk. This funk has included feeling not very good about being in the Steelheart. It’s been annoying to me and has felt like it was sapping energy rather than generating it for me. Just a big metal hunk hanging between my legs. I mentioned to Belle a few times that it’d be nice to be out but she didn’t take the bait. I went so far as to ask outright last night while making dinner if she’d unlock me and she turned me down flat.

Oddly, I was more affectionate with her last night than I have been recently. Today, I find myself in a better place about stuff. I don’t know if there’s a connection between getting shot down and the improvement of spirits or if I’m just getting back into the swing of things or what, but I can feel the edge coming back that I like to ride. That low-level gnawing need that comes from denial.

What’s difficult now is we’re not far from the weekend and the possibility of more naked fun time. Next weekend, I’ll be at SXSW. Less than 24 hours ago, I wanted the device off so there’s still the thought that I’d really like to get it off for sex, but I’m not sure I’ll want it back on right away (I had to force myself to put it back on last time). I might lobby to leave it off and then she might let me. Next thing you know, I’m off to the airport and maybe it’s still off and I’m on my own. Based on previous experience, I’m pretty sure that won’t be good for my emotional state.

What’s hard to do is to step out from myself and think about my state as if it belonged to a third person. As if I was counselling Belle about this guy she locks up and denies and it wasn’t me. If I was to do that, I think I’d advise not letting me out for sex this weekend. I’d probably say the best thing would be to keep the penis locked away and essentially ignored until I have to go to the airport and then make sure it’s back in as soon as possible after I get through security. Belle’s best bet, if she wants me back in my more normal place (well, normal for me, anyway) would be to rub her pussy all over my face and make me breathe deeply her essence. That would probably be good for me.

Of course, this sounds like the dreaded topping from below. I’m not doing that. I’m…I dunno. Topping from the side? I have as much of a motivation as Belle does to put me back in my normal space. The space I love as much as I think she does. It’s frustrating that an orgasm more than two weeks ago is still affecting me. Well, potentially affecting me. I don’t know for sure that’s what it is. What I do know is I’ve been cruising for months and now I’m not and the only thing that’s changed is I came that one time.

So anyway, that’s where I am. Not great. Not terrible. Somewhere in between and rising.


Her choice

I woke up this morning like I wake up nearly every morning; penis locked and straining against its chastity device. By the time I left the bed, I was still locked up, but in between Belle let me out for some fun.

By the time we got to the part of the event where we were both naked and it was time for her to decide which of many ways available she’d like to be brought to orgasm, I was over her and grinding the newly freed and achingly hard penis into her pelvic region. Last time, she let me fuck her from above until she came and damn if I didn’t want to do it again. But, with me inches from slipping inside her and hopefully repeating my previous performance, she chose Blue.

And…wow, but I was truly hurt. She had me right there but didn’t want me. She wanted…it. Him. The big blue cock. There was a real pang of regret. Of wishing Blue wasn’t an option. I wasn’t mad or resentful about it. I don’t blame her for choosing it at all. I’d rather get fucked by it than me, too. But I didn’t enthusiastically leap for the toy drawer.

Before I could get to it, enthusiastically or not, she rolled me over onto my back and took the penis into her mouth. I don’t get this treat very often. I practically melted into the sheets, it felt so good. So warm and tender. After she finished, I kissed her and tasted penis on her lips. If my erection had flagged slightly upon hearing it was being passed over in favor of the big blueness, this little episode brought it right back.

“I’m going to pretend you’re my boyfriend while fucking you,” she mentioned.

A conflicting swirl of emotions on hearing that. My little cuckold wannabe thrilled to hear it but the part of me that a brief period before wanted to be instrument of her pleasure was left further annoyed.

Once Belle mounted Blue, she really went to town with it. We just got a new bed and, unlike the old creaky one it replaced, it’s totally solid, silent, and immobile even while hosting passionate motion. Eighty-eight was apparently very nice for her.

Usually, I’d wait for her to tell me I could fuck her after she comes like that, but after she rolled off of me I wasted no time ridding myself of Blue and rolling over onto her. I didn’t go so far as to enter without permission, but I positioned myself between her legs and rubbed the penis against her warm wetness. She reached down and put it in.

Normally when I fuck Belle, I can feel the outer lips of her wonderful pussy catch and slide past the head of the penis as it slips past. After she fucks Blue or Maverick, it’s more of a slickly frictionless motion. It feels like I barely touch her going in. Her comments from the other day — I can barely feel you…it’s like the penis isn’t even there — rang in my head and the heady, heavy thud of whatever the fuck it is that gets me off feeling her all stretched out by a bigger dick landed right in my gut. My silent little fit of pique collapsed under the weight of it.

You are second, I thought. Always and in all ways. 

And like that, whatever regret or disappointment or embarrassment that lingered over her choice changed polarity; instead of feeling negative and put-out over it, I felt the insistent hyperactive bounce of subby denial. I still felt the regret and embarrassment but was powered by them rather than diminished.

There was one point when I was fucking her freely and had my arms all wrapped around hers, enveloping her head and shoulders, while I was kissing her face and tasting her mouth and smelling her hair and, of course, resisting the pressing need to plant my seed inside her when I was so fully and completely in love with her. It wasn’t a feeling or an opinion. It was an existential reality.

I so badly needed that. We had no sex of any kind last week and the batteries that keep me going, already depleted by the orgasm she let me have two weeks ago, were feeling empty. I was feeling separate from her in a way I don’t like. Disconnected from her. I’m not saying things are back to normal even now, but that moment of clarity I found while plowing away at her loosely wet and stretched-out pussy was exactly the shot I needed.

Once she told me I was done fucking her, I disengaged slowly and with great effort. I wanted to stay in there. Forever. As I lingered, she pushed hard against my chest and made me roll off of her. The thought that I could get back in there if I really wanted to flitted through my head, but quickly passed. After a moment of grabbing at my balls and squeezing them out of frustration, I reached over and started to reassemble the Steelheart. She didn’t tell me to get back in but I knew she’d want me in before the day was out and it seemed to me that being locked up immediately would be best for me. I gave Belle the lock and she turned the key.

“Good job, Thumper.”

By the numbers

The fourth Denying Thumper reader survey is over. Following are the results. Since I didn’t take my own survey, I’ll place asterisks next to my relevant responses.


In 2009, 70% of my readers said they were men. In ’10 in was 72% and in ’11 it was 69%. Now, it’s 80%. This number may be the most surprising to me of all because, it seems to me, women are more like 50% of the commenters (maybe more) and seem to be something like two-thirds of those who “like” posts. When I write, I think of myself as talking to a female audience, not a male one. Of course Belle, but in general, when I think of who’s reading my words, I think of a woman. I probably will continue to think that way, but in fact, 4/5 of you are dudes.

Two percent identified as something other than the binary choices usually presented. Maybe next time I should offer more options.


Chastity and denial seems to be a more mature person’s game.

Under 18 0%
18-23 4%
24-35 23%
36-45 26%
46-55* 31%
56-65 12%
66-70 3%
Over 70 1%

This is the first time the 46-55 group came out as the highest represented. We’re definitely skewing towards an older audience over time here at Thumpermedia Worldwide.


Still a pretty straight audience, but moderating from previous surveys.

0 – Exclusively heterosexual 19%
1 – Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual 29%
2 – Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual 20%
3 – Equally heterosexual and homosexual* 13%
4 – Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual 8%
5 – Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual 5%
6 – Exclusively homosexual 7%

It’d be nice if there was a way to study true sexuality based on brain scans or whatever. I suspect this self-reported thing skews towards politics, religious upbringing, social pressure, etc.


Older, more queer, and now relatively more kinky.

1 – Not kinky 0%
2 1%
3 3%
4 3%
5 8%
6 10%
7 23%
8 28%
9* 14%
10 – Kinkosaurous Rex 10%

Eight was still the most popular response, but more people scored themselves as nines and tens than in the past and we only had a single little one (which rounded down to zero percent). Hello there, poppet. Don’t be afraid!

Power play

I was about call these results “unsurprising” but I don’t know if they’re surprising or not.

Dominant 9%
Submissive* 53%
Switch 25%
Curious 9%
Something else 3%
Not kinky 1%

Not sure why more people identified as “not kinky” here than in the previous question. Also, I put “something else” in there but thought I had it pretty well covered with the choices offered.

Pain play

Interesting to me that in the same way there are more subs than doms and bottoms than tops (not just here but, it seems, everywhere) there are also more masochists than sadists.

A sadist 7%
A masochist 28%
A little of both* 23%
Curious about pain play 20%
Not into pain play 22%


New question this year! I was honestly shocked at how many people were into anal sex. Or, more precisely, how few said they weren’t into it.

Hell yes!* 56%
Feh, it’s OK 27%
Hell no! 4%
Maybe, I haven’t tried it 13%

What I realize now, though, is that the question is pretty broad. A guy who fantasizes about fucking his woman’s ass could say “Hell yes!” but might never think of taking a strap-on in return. I should have broken this out somehow to suss out bottoms versus tops. Also, I’m really interested to know how many otherwise straight men are getting fucked by their women.

Still, this is probably a sign of the times. Back in my day, anal was far more polarizing.


The number of people who say they have been locked up or have locked up someone has gone from 52% positive in ’10 to 57% in ’11 to 75% today. Not sure what to make of that. Is it more popular? Have I become more specialized in my audience? Something else?

Anyway, quite the jump.

Chastity devices used

This was interesting. The CB-6000 comes out on top of most used devices if you combine the standard and short variants at 28%. But, if you break those out, the Mature Metal Jail Bird is the top most used device with 17%. The Queen’s Keep appears to be the second most popular MM device with 3%. The most popular Steelworxx device based on usage is the Steelheart at 6%. Any version of the Looker series comes in second with 5%. I would have thought SW would have scored better overall, but I suppose the German thing and their notoriously finicky customer service work against them. Interesting to see so many still rocking the old CB-2000s and 3000s.

When asked about all devices ever used, the CB-X series scores very high as they’re pretty much everyone’s “training wheels.” With regard to silicone, it seems like a lot of people have tried them, but many fewer use them as their main axe over time.

Use most often Have ever used
CB-2000 4% 7%
CB-3000 5% 12%
CB-5000 0% 1%*
CB-6000 12% 16%*
CB-6000s 16% 14%
The Curve 1% 4%
Holy Trainer 2% 1%
Holy Trainer (short) 2% 1%*
Other plastic device 2% 2%
Any silicone device 2% 6%*
MM Jail Bird 17% 7%*
MM Dungeon 0% 0%
MM Pet Trap 1% 0%
MM Queens Keep 3% 1%
MM Watchful Mistress 1% 0%
SW Looker 01/02/03 5% 2%*
SW Steelheart 6%* 4%*
SW Steelheart 2 1% 1%
SW Crossfire 1% 0%
Other Steelworxx 2% 1%
Any Steelwerks Extreme device 1% 0%
Any Lori’s device 2% 2%
Other steel trapped-ball device 7% 7%
Any full belt 1% 2%
Something else not listed 5% 8%

I would have expected the Holy Trainer to do better because I think it’s such a promising device, but it hasn’t been out that long I guess.

In retrospect, I should have asked how many total devices do you own. That would have been very interesting, I think. Note that I only included responses from those who use or have used a chastity device. Also, there were more than two and a half times more responses in the “have ever used” question than the “most used” question.

Orgasm denial duration

Another new question (and I did get both sides of this one). I only included responses from those who practice orgasm denial. “Denied” is the longest the respondent has gone without orgasm and “denier” is the longest they’ve made someone wait.

Denied Denier
A few days 8% 9%
About a week 5% 25%
About two weeks 15% 14%
About three weeks 8% 2%
About a month 14% 11%
More than a month but less than two 22% 11%
More than two months but less than three 9% 7%
More than three months but less than four 7% 9%
More than four months but less than five 2% 0%
More than five months but less than six 1% 0%
More than six months but less than a year* 5% 9%
More than a year 4% 2%

So two weeks and a month or a little more are the most popular answers from those who are denied but about a week is by far the most popular for those doing the dening. Don’t know what to make of that (or the opposite swing at more than a month). Interesting also that there’s a dip after more than three months but that it comes back at six months and a year.

Again, in retrospect, another thing I should have asked here is how the denial period is determined. Random chance or some other method? Is it always the same? Never the same? Also, is the date or duration disclosed ahead of time? Is that good or bad? A lot more digging could be done here.

Male genital piercings

I’ve always wanted to know how many guys have done this.

Yes, but it’s unrelated to chastity play 3%
Yes, and I/they got it at least partially for chastity play* 9%
No, but I/they have some other kind of male genital piercing 6%
Nope, no piercings down there 82%

Relatively few, it turns out. One respondent pointed out I left off as a choice “not yet but going to.”

Most simultaneous sex partners

Just because I wanted to know…

One 56%
Two* 25%
Three 9%
Four 5%
More than four (!?) 6%

I bet this looks very different based on age and sexuality.


I left an open-ended box for people to say whatever they wanted at the end. Much encouragement and good feelings there and I appreciate them all, truly. Here’s some notable comments/questions out of the many that were submitted.

I love your work, it is a very nice read. Recently I have been forwarding a selection of your posts to my beloved key holder, who actually isn’t much of a read. However she enjoys reading you and I notice it is helping her to understand better some of the male psychology behind the chastity experience. And also her own through Belle’s. For instance on her feeling guilty for the denial on which you wrote some excellent blogs. Thank you for that! A Dutch fan (6 months into the journey)

Thanks for putting all the time and effort into writing and maintaining this! It really hit home, and gave me an insight into the practical world of male chastity/orgasm denial. Well, at least your personal experience with it. My fiancee and I are slowly moving towards something resembling what you two have, and I’m happy to say that we’re both loving it! So thank you very much for being an inspiration, answering questions before I knew I had them, and giving me topics to think about and talk with my fiancee about! Keep up the great work!

I show my fiancée the posts describing the accounts of sex. Every one since last December maybe. The way you write is very elegant. We both really love the dynamic you and Belle have, it is what I like most about orgasm denial. I don’t like to consider it chastity play since its not a game for us. The fact that it makes me a much better partner is the real benefit. The “Gay stuff” is a turn on as well. I just haven’t told her that. Keep doing exactly what you are doing on this blog.

Thanks so much for your blog. I learned a hell of a lot through your own accounts and it helped me define and explain to my wife what I wanted. I am from good old Europe but I did an exchange year at the Unversity of Minnesota’s Twin City campus in the 1990s. Therefore, I have a sweetspot for Minnesota and really like your mentions of Minnesota Nice, the cabin etc. Reminds me very much of a great year I had back then. I’ll let you know the next time I am around… 😉 Best wishes to you and your family!

I have followed your blog since I discovered it and have gone back and read from the beginning. Your blog has been a positive influence on our relationship.

What you write seems real instead of the fantasy blogs written by older men living alone in their basements. Accordingly, I consider your blog SFM ( safe for marriage ) and I encourage my wife to read your blog. It makes us feel more “normal” and we have learned a thing or two along the way. Thanks

Thank you for posting some insight on how the submissive male mind works. One of the most useful things I’ve taken from your blog was a post that mentioned something along the lines of “what a male submissive wants most is to know where he stands”. I’m really into the psychological aspect of D/s and denial, and this morsel has not only made things easier, but has opened new doors so to speak. Thanks again 🙂

While embarking on the path of chastity devices for hubby, your site was a great help with a lot of useful information from the perspective of someone actually living this way and it’s been great.

This is my go-to sex/erotica website. As a timidly dominant woman (sadism is hard with a guilt complex!), I get a serious rush out of the descriptions of both the everyday and the sexual power-play between you and Belle. And the love between you two comes through very clearly in all of your writing. I secretly enjoy the “evil dominant, insists-on-capital-pronouns woman” stuff out there, but the blogging here is genuine, sharp, and very well-written! And the relationship stuff is both reassuring and grounds this blog firmly in reality. Sweet, kinky reality. Belle seems lovely, both physically and personally! I wish you all the best.

Thank you Thumper, for sharing so many intimate details. You really helped me accept my husband’s fantasies especially the ones involving men. Seriously, your posts on the subject opened my mind, eyes and heart.

Our chance to say “Thank You!” Integrating chastity into our D/s marriage was a big step and your blog really helps us talk, explore more and not feel so weird.

Just started reading from the beginning a few weeks ago, and I’m somewhere in 2012… Thanks so much for your honest account of chastity and orgasm denial. It has spurred many conversations between my husband and I. We’ve played around with a cb3k on and off for a couple of years, but we’re now deciding which metal device to get for more frequent use. Your insights have been invaluable — especially for a not-naturally-dominant female whose husband has somewhat recently come to identify as submissive.

Your blog gave me the confidence to tell my man I want to lock and own him. We’re investigating it all now!

I love hearing that people share the blog with their partners on either side of the key. I especially like hearing that we come off as “normal” sounding and that’s proven helpful as the the idea of chastity has been shared with an unsuspecting partner. Very cool.

Just wanted to say thank you. I think I’ve been doing the chastity thing longer than you, but you and Belle do it better 😉 Keep up the good work, you kinky fuckers. You guys are an inspiration to those of us who struggle with trying to make the Domme/sub lifestyle work for us. Plus, you are a good writer and you tell your story in a readable, engaging style. I appreciate the fact you try and balance your lifestyle with your lives. Kids, work etc. etc. Thanks for doing what you do.

It’s nice seeing the sort of almost effortless dynamic you two have built. And I am occasionally envious of your toy chest. Heh!

You have been inspirational in our own journey. Glad to find we’re not the only ones who are like this.

Thank you. I’m just getting started and have devoured your information – it’s easily the most “real” and straightforward, most honest and complete. While it scares the crap out of me after reading it all (how in the world am I going to do this??) it’s exciting as hell too.

Been reading you for years now (I’m your one lesbian reader who’s never done any chastity play irl, still here hi!). Thank you for sharing your experiences in such an articulate, vulnerable, and sexy way. I’ve honestly learned more about men, relationships, and people from you than from perhaps any other stranger besides Dan Savage. I don’t always 100% agree with your opinions or understand, where you’re coming from, but your honestly invites me to reflect on my own blind spots in a surprisingly deep way. Plus it totally turns my crank to read about kinky real life sex and relationships. I always want to get inside other people’s heads and worlds and you provide that like no other. Thanks, and keep it up.

Odd to think that we’re an inspiration, but nice to hear!

Belle was popular in the comments…

Belle – you let Thumper out waaaaay too often. He doesn’t need it. Really.

You once wrote that Belle said you have evolved nicely. Obviously so has Belle and we (my wife especially) would love to hear more from her POV / perspective on the evolution of your relationship.

How does Belle feel about sex toys, before, during and after using.

Like to read more from Belle’s perspective. Keep up the good work!

I’d like so read some input from Belle, if possible, especially as she seems to be gaining in confidence through this journey.

Belle, I am impressed by your commitment to your relationship and your willingness to work with Thumper to come to a place that you can both enjoy. I hope that you are as satisfied with the situation as he seems to be.

I’d love to read more from Belle!

Belle, you need to teach more ladies in their 20’s to hold keys!

Thank you for the effort to create and continue the blog. More from Belle’s side about what she’s thinking. What she likes and doesn’t from her perspective. Or the occasional commentary on her motivation, response to your post.

First off, thanks for the wonderful blog. I really enjoy reading about how the chastity dynamic works within your relationship. I also enjoy reading how Belle has grown more confident in her role over time. I would like to ask a question of Belle if I may? Belle, when did you first recognize you were OK denying Thumper (that you did not feel weird/uncomfortable telling him “no”)? Would you feel comfortable telling us about that event?. Thanks 🙂

Belle must be one special woman.

Belle’s fairly comfortable in her behind-the-scenes role and doesn’t want to write, but I’m considering ways to get her perspective on the blog more often.

Extracurricular activities…

Anymore boyfriend talk for belle?

Looking forward to hearing more about the potential male partner(s) for Thumper or Belle.

We talk about Belle’s imaginary boyfriend all the time. And trust me, as soon as there’s something to report on either front, you’ll be hearing about it.

Would you find it arousing to wear your chastity device at a nudist resort?

From what I understand about places like that, they tend to discourage things as innocuous as piercings below the neck let alone chastity devices. While I’d really enjoy going naked (and even in the device), I’m just not sure how many places there are where such things are possible. My dream vacation currently is to go with Belle to somewhere warm and temperate, rent a house, and be naked the whole time. That would be really cool.

What made Thumper begin denying himself?

I never did! I’ve only ever been denied with Belle, never on my own.

How old are you both and how long have you been in to chastity?

Forty-six and since October 12, 2008 (or thereabouts).

This isn’t a criticism because when I am I into it and it is totally hot, but chastity, submission and orgasm [denial] can be a very self absorbed kink. If “FLR” is totally great for women, why don’t many women blog about, and when they do, it is pretty fleeting? I’d like to see more from a woman’s perspective only because I am fascinated about how men and women fit together on this stuff. I feel like it is like getting my wife to play video games. When we are relaxed, she will try it out and have fun with it. But she’ll never be obsessed with it like me.

Complicated question.

When it’s the guy who’s interested in directing their relationship in the direction of FLR, it’s imperative that he let her find her own value in the dynamic. Also, he has to understand that his fantasy version being the guysub in that dynamic will likely be very different than the reality. Using the video game analogy, you need to ask are you interested in playing video games in general with her or Madden specifically? If she doesn’t like Madden for whatever reason, then is it video games she’s rejecting or just that one? She needs to find her genre, so to speak. FPS, puzzle, MMO, multiplayer vs. campaign, racing vs. RPG, etc. If you think about it that way and let her find the game she likes and not view her rejection of specific titles as a failure, you’re doing it right.

Belle had to come to a place where she could fit what became our version of the FLR dynamic into her life and desires. Once we got there, things became really good. I had to let go of my expectations and Thumper-centric vision of how things should be and recognize there was this while other person involved.

WRT to their lack of blogging, I think that’s related to their level of passion on the topic. Blogging about one thing is hard and blogging about it for an extended period even more so if not really into the subject.

The Lancelot is interesting – I have one. Invisible, comfy, easy to clean. You can easily come with it on, but you cannot get erect or big. Order a bit on the shorter side…

I came thisclose to adding the Lancelot to the list. It’s a device in which I’m very interested. Too bad to hear you can come in it, though. That puts a damper on my enthusiasm for it.

Did you ever try wearing the urethral insert in the Steelheart? And if so, could you wear it with the PA ring and the fixing for security? I currently have a Steelheart and I was wondering about whether it’s worth getting the insert, but not if it’s going to be insecure. Also with the insert installed, did the tube stay cleaner? Did it make it harder to get a finger in and clean it out without removing the device?

Nope, never wore the Steelheart with the insert. You would need additional holes at the end of tube to make that work since there’s usually some urine that goes around the insert. It would end up being much less hygienic than either the Looker or the SH. And no, you wouldn’t be able to use a PA ring and the insert at the same time. I can’t imagine that would work.

The use of the word “snatch”. I don’t know why I hate that word so I cringe when I see it used. I know it’s silly, that’s just my two cents.

That’s one of the reasons I like it. It’s a very “nasty” word. Also, I need a few more ways to describe it when writing and I’ve never really liked the word “pussy” very much. It seems silly to me.

Where did the pain and bondage go? I haven’t read about a nut smack or handcuffs in a while.

It just doesn’t happen that often anymore. I’d love to be flogged or caned, to be sure, but I don’t think Belle gets much out of doing it and I haven’t pushed the issue. Regarding cuffs, I have some ideas about that I hope will happen in the near future.

I wonder if there is, as far as you know, a place where we can meet ( on the net that is) people who are into chastity as well? It would be nice to have some ‘online friends’ who are in the same dynamic?

I like this place.

Finally, you may have noticed I didn’t mention the “strangest/hottest/craziest place you’ve ever had sex” question. There were some really great answers in there for that and I’m saving them for another post.

Thanks to everyone who had a chance to participate!

2014 Reader Survey

Enough about me. What about you?

I haven’t done one of these in a while. This time, I’m using Google Drive and can have more questions. Go! Be recorded! Express yourself!

Take the 2014 Denying Thumper Reader Survey ↦
Survey’s closed!

As far as I know, this is totally anonymous. I can’t see any identifiable information about you.

The third day of the rest of my life

Here I am on day three of my new period of denial, the duration of which is unclear except that Belle’s told me it will be “a long time…a long time.” For those keeping score, the last period was thirty-two weeks. From July 1 to February 9. Nearly two thirds of a year. That’s twenty-three thousand one-hundred sixty —

Oh, you get the idea.

It’s apparently universally true that men who are being denied love to keep score while women doing the denying don’t. Just look at blogs. The guy’s will often have a countdown or count up timer while the woman’s never does. Belle hates when I talk about days and months and such (which is why there isn’t one of those timer thingies here). She doesn’t like being measured like that. I wonder what it’s like when there are two guys in this kind of dynamic? Do they both get off on the record keeping? Either way, Belle was never much interested in how long it had been and she’s not apparently very interested in being pinned down going forward.

So yeah, day three. I’m hornier than I thought I would be. I was pretty much ready to go again Sunday night, truth be told, but it’s not the same type of horniness. It’s a more expectant and needy kind. I do not want the device on. All I want to do is come again. My submissive tendencies are at a minimum.

That’s one of the things some (many?) “true” submissives hate. When guys who are locked up and denied say, “Oh, it turns me into a submissive!” As if putting on a cheap souvenir headdress can make you an indian chief. I don’t think that denial makes me submissive, but I do think it helps surface my inner submissive tendencies. As if they’re tufa towers in the Mono Lake of my sexuality. The longer I go without coming the lower that lake of post-orgasmic brain chemicals drops revealing the interesting formations beneath. Give me one orgasm and bam! Lake levels rise and the towers get hidden and I start acting like a dumb guy again. One who doesn’t very much enjoy having a steel tube locked over his manhood.

Last night, Belle gave me a chance to service her in a way that a week ago I would have been happy to do. I had already made dinner for everyone, drove one kid around like a taxi driver, and was going to take the other kid on an errand prior to retrieving the first kid again. Then Belle gave me two more errands to perform while I was out. I may have rolled my eyes. This is what orgasm does. I felt like I had already done all these things and here she was piling on more. I mean, I did them of course. I’m not so far gone that I gave her any real trouble. But that feeling of being put out is rare for me now. Like I said, a week ago I would have been happy to do whatever she wanted and might even have felt a bit of a happy wave for having been given the chance.

There’s also a part of me thinking this orgasm stuff wasn’t the end of the world after all so why not try having them like once a month or something. Wouldn’t that be nice? Maybe every couple of weeks or so would be good. And then I’m like, Who the fuck is this talking in my head? No matter how you feel about denial, the brain is totally wired to be addicted to orgasm. Not addicted in a bad way. It can be destructive, of course, but even in me the lizard is lobbying. Right now, this second, I want to come. This is not normal for me. I usually only want to come when Belle lets me fuck her. But currently, the idea of nipping off to the bathroom and pulling one out in a stall is very appealing. In fact, the idea is kind of gnawing at me. This is why I need to be locked up. I don’t know that I’d go so far as to actually come, but I might, and even so, I’d never have gotten off to work this morning what with all the masturbation I’d have been doing.

Just so we’re clear, all I’m doing here is talking out loud and making observations about my feelings. I’m not advocating for any changes in my dynamic with Belle. There is absolutely no topping from below happening here so you can stop formulating a comment regarding such. I’m merely enjoying this rare opportunity to pick at myself in this state.

Sunday of Sex, part two

As I was saying, Kid #1 was absent Sunday morning and Kid #2 was soon to be. I’m not sure either one of us contemplated the ramifications of this beforehand, but we suddenly found ourselves with five hours of pure alone time. We had discussed going to the gym or something else productive. Instead, we spent most of the time naked.

Once Kid #2 walked out the door, we looked at each other and one of us asked the other, “Well, what are we going to do?”

“We could go have sex,” I helpfully pointed out.

“Yeah, we could do that.” Color me happily surprised. Belle had already had her orgasm for the day and since she’s the kind of girl who usually only wants them one at a time I had no idea what this sex party was going to entail, but I wasn’t about to ask any questions until we were both naked and wrapped up in one another.

It was crazy. Naked fun time in the middle of the day with the bedroom door open and the curtains up. This is how I imagine porn stars live, not 40-something married couples with kids still in school. Did I mention it was broad daylight outside?

I was on her quickly. Still feeling revved up from earlier in the day, it didn’t take much to find me pushing my way inside her. She felt more normal. The lingering effects of Maverick’s earlier intrusions had worked themselves out.

“You want to go again?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m game,” she said (or something very much like it).

“How you want to do it? You want Blue?” I was already fucking her, but that was just me being presumptuous.

“No, let’s do your fingers this time.”

Fine by me. I assumed the position and, while pressing the wet and hard penis between us, I sucked eagerly on her tits and fingered her pussy.

“I feel like you’re having to work too hard,” she remarked at one point.

“God no,” I replied, “I just fucking love your pussy.”

Of course, I’ve always loved pussy, but I’m totally fixated by it now since her’s is the only way I get to feel any pleasure from the penis anymore. Masturbation is forbidden, even touching is frowned upon. Regardless, it’s locked up essentially all the time. So I do enjoy my pussytime, even when it’s only to play with it and not penetrate it.

Eventually, she came for the second time that day (knocking off ninety-one and ninety, respectively). She came loudly. No reason to keep it in. Her exclamations caused me to make my own sympathetic moans as her body convulsed under my fingers and through my arms. It was a great orgasm. For both of us.

After allowing for a few moments of basking, I climbed back on top of her and placed the head of the penis where it needed to be for easy access. I was definitely being pushier than usual which, looking back, might have been some kind of clue. She never said I could enter her but I took her lack of complaint and how she shifted herself beneath me as wordless acquiescence. I shoved the penis home.

I never got close to coming in the morning, but this was different. It didn’t take any time at all until I found myself right there. And not just physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually, I wanted to come in her. I held the back of her neck in my right hand and gripped her thigh with my left hand in a way that asserted a sexual dominance I by rights didn’t have, but the lizard part of me was in charge. After having to slow myself and disrupt my rhythm once again to avoid coming, I actually found myself toying with the idea of having an “accident.” How could she know for sure that it wasn’t?

Yeah, right, the bunny said from the sidelines while rolling his eyes. And he was right. There’s no way I have an accidental orgasm when I’m the one driving. No way.

So then I thought about begging. But I didn’t want to screw with Belle. I didn’t want to make it sound like I was trying to guilt her out or anything. The lizard, though. He’s crafty.

“What if I begged?” I asked. “What would you do if I begged for an orgasm?”

“I’d say no,” replied Belle. Fuck.

Please,” I begged anyway. “Please, can I come?” I wanted it. Truly. I did. Holding her like that and fucking her, feeling our bodies moving against each other. I was so close. 

And I’ll say right now, either answer would have been good. But I would have regretted hearing no more than yes.

“Spill it,” she said. YES.

No hesitance. No delay. No stopping to consider. Just THRUST, THRUST, THR—

And it happened. I was over the falls and past the point of no return. I wasn’t thinking. Couldn’t think. I just came.

At first, it felt like every muscle in my body tensed and flexed with the mission to squeeze itself out through the penis. I couldn’t breath. Everything stopped. I think my heart even stopped beating. Nothing existed except that feeling. The feeling of a fucking supernova detonating in my balls. Then I felt a rushing wave of pin-pricks hit the back of my skull, cresting from the bottom and heading up over my scalp. And pressure. Like a clamp on my head. I felt my brain release the orgasmic cocktail it hadn’t tasted in seven and a half months. I think I made a lot of noise and I don’t think I could have done a thing about it even if I wanted to. I went from pure orgasmic bliss to a moment of laughter to wanting to cry all in about 360 milliseconds. And there was a tiny flicker of regret. But only a tiny one and it was over as soon as it started.

Quite simply, the greatest orgasm of my entire life.

The volume was enormous. Besides not having had one since July 1 of last year, I was all worked up from the multiple sex sessions. I couldn’t count the number of times I shot into her but it had to be six or eight. Even after I was empty, the penis kept flexing and trying to milk every little bit of it out of me.

Then, I was exhausted. And I realized my arms were hurting from holding me up. And I felt a pain in my side. All the masking of those things that the pre-orgasmic cocktail does to fool you into thinking you’re Superman were emptied out with the ejaculate. Then I did something I can’t even remember doing, it was so long ago last time I did it. I fell asleep in that hazy, post-orgasmic fog. I realized Belle was talking so I woke back up. So sleepy. So spent.

Belle said afterward that the only reason she let me come was because she found my begging for it so hot. That one time, she heard how desperate I was and the idea of having put me there turned her on sufficiently to allow me to come.

After, we spent an hour or so in the bathtub together. We haven’t done that in a really long time. When our relationship first started, Belle lived in an old house with a giant claw-footed tub and we’d lounge around in it after sex with candles burning and k. d. lang playing in the other room. And now we were doing the same thing except the tub was a big whirlpool type and the CD was replaced by iPhone Spotify and a Bluetooth speaker. But otherwise, it felt the same. I thought about the book I’m reading and its premise that we have stages of neurochemical response to our partners and how that changes over time and that I felt, even though we had just had sex after 16 years or so of marriage, exactly like after the first time we had sex. We discussed a remodeling project. I was nesting with her.

It was very hard dragging myself to the gym. All I wanted to do was lay around in my sweats and sloth in front of the TV. Earlier, I had been very keen on getting in there and running. Now the inertia almost scuttled the operation. But I did manage to drag my ass over there and I ran four miles with nothing but the PA ring to keep the penis company.

Belle was concerned for my well-being. She asked me several times (and again the next morning) how I felt. Post-orgasmic aftercare for the chronically denied. In fact, I felt and still feel great. Everything seemed like it was wrapped in a few inches of cotton batting for a while but I woke up this morning (back in the Steelheart, ‘natch) and the feeling was still there. Changed a bit from having come. A little more urgent, perhaps. But not like how it feels after two orgasms. Not that kind of total wipeout.

In fact, right now, I’d very much like to get into her pants.


TK has some questions:

Been following your blog for a while – finally decided to catch up from the beginning (I’m up to March 2013). You’ve been helpful in so many ways, and you’re a great writer, so thank you. I have two questions – if you have a moment to respond, I’d really appreciate it. You answered a question about the MM a few months ago, so we will be buying a new device in the next few weeks. However, it’s cold here (North East) – but I noticed you’re in MN – so my first question – how do you wear any of your devices when it’s this cold out ? My testicles recede so far into my body when it’s 5 degrees out, it’s like they’re up by my neck somewhere. I’m terrified of trying that while wearing the device.

Usually not a problem for me. I’m rarely out for more than a little bit without underwear or normal pants (like to drag the trash to the curb or whatever) and can only think of a few times when the boys tried to crawl up inside me and were thwarted by the steel ring. However, I can also say that being locked up for so many years now that my ball sack is much looser than it used to be. That might have something to do with it. Without a device on, I’m just about as far away from “high and tight” as a guy can get. Occupational hazard, I guess.

My advice is to make sure you’re in underwear (layers help with warmth) and thicker material pants until you’ve figured out how you’re going to react.

Second question (related) is what you do about pants while wearing the device. I’ve slowly been weaned off of baggy (i.e. comfortable) clothing in favor of tight jeans (part of our dynamic revolves around my wardrobe) – I’m not sure how I’d wear the device for any extended period in jeans. Right now, it’s a nighttime only device, and only during certain times of the month.

Skinny jeans and a chastity device you don’t want people to see don’t mix. Also, there’s a definite comfort issue. Not all are created the same, though. I could probably easily wear the Looker 02 in tight pants without too much trouble. The Steelheart would end up crushing my nuts flat. And, you know, there’s the stealth question. You don’t say what device you’re going to get, but a standard CB-6000 would stand out quite visibly. If making your condition obvious to passers by is also part of your dynamic, then score! If not, you may want to look into some looser clothing, for the sake of your modesty and your anatomy.

Doug asks:

Hi, I’ve been following your blog for some time now and usually check daily for updates.

Bless you.

I’m a young, single, gay male with an interest in chastity.

FUCK, that’s so hot to me. Why is that so hot?

I’ve locked for a few days at a time in a cb6000s over the past couple years and enjoy the intense horniness and frustration and all that comes with being locked and denied.

Almost three weeks ago I purchased a Jailbird knockoff, locked my penis in it and gave the keys to a friend. This week and today in particular I have been horny to the point of continual distraction. I have to admit that I have a love/hate relationship with it and I want to continue and stay locked and denied for a few months or so.

The love/hate thing is awesome, isn’t it? I think it is. Clawing at the cage wanting what’s inside but not being able to get at it. Lovely.

After reading your posts on That Little Cupid Prick, I thought I’d drop you a line (sorry this is becoming so lengthy) to ask how you manage the intense, distracting horniness. I had trouble getting anything accomplished at work today because of it. I only expect the horniness to continue and grow over time (which I want, btw 🙂 ) but need to learn how to deal with it. I’m sure part of it is just the nature of the beast and I have to deal with it. Do you have any tips or thoughts?

Regarding the distraction thing, all I can say is it gets better. At first, it’s really hard to concentrate. How long will it take to get to a manageable place? Hard to say. We’re all different. The good news is, it isn’t an ever-upwards ramp into the heavens. Eventually, your hormones will plateau and even fluctuate downward from time to time. Those days aren’t any fun, either, but for a different reason. Also, the first week or two are always the worst.

I could tell you to stop looking at things like this blog which only feed your fevered sexual state. Stay off the Tumblr, etc. But I know you won’t because I’ve been there (am almost always there) and you’re going to do what you’re going to do. You could try channeling that energy into other physical activity. Use your powers for good, so to speak, while you wait for the initial rush of hormones to wash through you.

Chas inquires:

I’ve been wearing a CB6000s on and off for 2 plus years and my wife has decided that its time to upgrade to steel due to aesthetics, hygiene, comfort and hopefully long term 24/7 wear. Even with extensive rounding of the 6s base ring I develop a nasty sore spot on my upper right side (my right side definitely hangs higher than the left. Day to day this irritation is minimal and keeping it lubricated goes a long way towards preventing it. The problem is nocturnal erections where I wake up with an attempted raging hardon and it backs up in my body and the A ring is deeply dug in as the whole package is being pushed away from my body.

BEEN THERE. I really grew to hate that fucking ring. I had exactly the same issue as you in exactly the same spot.

We are planning on ordering from Mature Metal with my wife leaning towards the Queens keep or the Jailbird.  My question is regarding the tube length. MM and I believe you recommend have a tube length that is shorter than your flaccid length. My thinking is the shorter length is going to make the pulling and resulting digging of the ring that much worse. Also do you have any recommendations as to the ring thickness (Double ring?) in terms of comfort and or minimizing irritation. Any guidance or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I think it should minimally be the same length as your flaccid state, erring on the short side, yes. It seems counterintuitive but, in my experience, creating more room in the tube leads to a greater degree of discomfort. As if letting the penis achieve partial erection and then stopping it hurts more than forcing it to stay at its normal soft state. Yes, that will lead to pulling. No doubt about it. But that’ll happen anyway and won’t be nearly as uncomfortable in a smooth, rounded steel ring as it is in the torture device otherwise known as the CB-6000 A-ring. Assuming the ring is sized right, it’s actually a feeling I really enjoy. (Another benefit of a shorter tube is easier concealment and lighter weight.)

Regarding Mature Metal’s ring, I do recommend the double thick option. Their rings are a narrower gauge than Steelworxx and I found them to be a bit more biting. Doubling the ring thickness added a lot of comfort. Don’t forget to add the thickness of the extra ring to the overall length of the device.

PS How is your book writing coming along? I look forward to reading it.

Ah, yes. That.

My feeling now is I’m not going to write a book, per se, but publish a series of long articles here on the blog. That way, I could kick them out in a more serialized fashion. Instead of charging for a book download, I’ll likely create some way for those interested to optionally toss a few shekels my way. Like a tip jar. Also, my work style is much more collaborative than solo, so I’d like to garner feedback from my readers as to what topics the “book” should cover. Something to help me devise a structure for the thing.

Before I wrap, I’ll highlight a couple of great things I came across recently. First is a Tumblr called Erotic Drawings. Men In Bondage filled with original pen and pencil sketches of…well, men in bondage (having been put there by other men). It’s really beautiful work. Even though they’re drawn in a rushed and somewhat crude style you still get a sense of emotion and can empathize with the guys tied up. Woof.

Second thing is an episode of a podcast I’ve just found. The show’s called Men Submit and the episode in question is number nine on — what else? — chastity. Listening to them, I found myself nodding my head in familiar agreement half the time and wanting to butt in to build on or clarify a point the other half. I enjoyed the conversation and only wish it could have been longer. Regular readers of this blog should check it out.

That’s all I got for now. If you have a question or comment or other morsel of communicative goodness you want to pass my way, don’t forget about the feedback page.

Sunday of Sex, part one

I woke up before Belle Sunday morning which is fairly typical. I layed there, snuggled into her warmth with my arms and legs wrapped around her, Steelheart packed tight, sex simmering inside me. That’s a tricky time for me because I know she’s more willing to fuck me on weekend mornings so all my Spidey senses are tingling and I’m anxious for her to wake up but I don’t want to be the cause of making that happen.

I rolled away and looked at my phone. Mostly smut which made the device go from comfortably packed to almost painfully so and Belle rolled over and put her hand on my chest, still dozing. Fuck if I didn’t almost combust at the touch. That’s all it takes, of course. Simple touches. Little touches. And I get all dopey.

Eventually she woke up. I moved into her. Her hand absently found my balls. She brushed her fingertips over the only part of my genitals that could feel pleasure. More little touches. I got up on my hands and knees over her and kissed her face. She continued to tickle my balls, now pulled tight by the achingly hard meat inside the steel tube.

I asked her what she wanted that morning. How could I make her come? What was her pleasure to be? After some time making me almost debilitated from the raging hard-on stuffed through the Steelheart’s tight ring, she decided this morning would be the debut of Maverick. I hobbled out of bed to get the harness and big dildo together and she pulled off all her bedclothes.

Even though it means I’ll be getting even less of a thrill than usual, I do find that the sensation of pulling the harness on, up and over my ass, straps on both sides of the device, through my legs and up my crack, to be terrifically erotic. I fucking love straps and buckles and everything to do with them. The Maverick was a tight fit through the harness’ O-ring, but once through it stuck out from me in a way no cock ever has and hung heavily against the steel chastity device.

I climbed back into bed and latched onto Belle’s nipple with my mouth. My hand was in her snatch and felt her heat and wetness. She luxuriated in my petting of her for a long time. I ran my fingers through her pussy, over her other nipple, and back again. After a bit, taking her time, she put her own fingers down there. Hers and mine mixed in her wetness and over her folds.

After a bit of this, she made a move to climb up on top of me and down onto the Maverick. I had placed some lube on it beforehand, but the Vixskin material and her dripping wetness were such that it was likely unnecessary. I left my hand down there so I could feel the fat black cock as it slid into her. Open her. Based on her expression, it was an intense sensation, but she soon warmed to its heft and her pace quickened. Once I figured she was ready, I started to fuck back. I reached around and pressed on the small of her back with my palm. She humped it even faster, eyes closed, mouth shaped like an O. Her orgasm seemed to last as long as the dildo inside her.

She layed on top of me and basked. The penis started to flex and surge, almost of its own accord. I felt nothing but tight steel push back. Not soft and warm pussy. Not what the Maverick would have been feeling had it been living meat and not man-made.

She rolled off and the Maverick slapped back to hit my stomach. I gripped it like a real cock and stroked it using the remaining wetness of her pussy. So big. It felt warm and alive, but there was no sensation for me except frustration.

God, I wish I could fuck you right now.” It’s how I felt so I said it, but I wasn’t asking. Leaving me locked up would have been almost as good as letting me out, but for different reasons. Somewhat to my surprise, she got up to get the key.

Once out, I immediately climbed on top of her. The penis slid in effortlessly. I groaned, “This is how I love to feel you.”

“Really? I can barely feel you,” she said innocently. But the comment struck me. It was exactly what the bunny wanted to hear and exactly not what the lizard wanted. “Seriously, it’s like the penis isn’t even there.”

Moar groaning.

I fucked her with practically no friction. The fat dildo had taken that from me before I got there. Taken her. And that’s what I loved feeling. Second. Smaller. As if she was only doing me a favor after being pleasured by something closer to the size she prefers. I do not pretend to understand how all my kinks work, this one in particular. It’s outside the sensibility of most and what made me so hard and almost drunk on passion would make other men shrivel up and assume the fetal position. I’m not saying there isn’t pain in knowing what really gets her off is something so much bigger than what I have. But in the same way I love the sting of the strap across my ass or of the ache of her fist punching my nuts, the searing comprehension that I am and always will be less than she really wants fires both pleasure and pain circuits.

More than that, I crave to hear her twist the knife. To remind me why we need Blue and the Maverick. To say it’s like I’m not even fucking her once they’re done making her come.

Which of these things is not like the others?On the practical side, Belle said the Maverick felt smaller than Blue. As you can see, they’re very close to the same size, though Maverick’s head is more pronounced with a dramatic flare Blue lacks. It’s possible Blue, in use, is fatter, but since I’ve never measured it with the hard penis in place, I don’t know. She also prefers Blue’s veiny texture over Maverick’s smoothness. Almost too smooth, she says. The little dildo they’re with is Vixen’s Tex. That was the one we got when we first started to experiment with strap-on sex years ago and it was picked because it was almost exactly the same size as the penis when hard. The penis’ head isn’t quite as impressive, though. In any event, it’s a striking visual demonstration as to why she could barely feel me inside her. It’s also interesting to note that Belle didn’t much like using dildos back when we were using one specifically chosen as the closest to me.

I don’t know how long I fucked her, but she was very indulgent. I never got very close to coming and didn’t even leak. Not enough friction, I suppose, though it was painful being told I needed to stop. She told me I could stay out of the Steelheart a little while, so I was free as we went out for brunch with Kid #2. Kid #1 was at an all-day school event and Kid #2 was going to go shopping with a friend around noon, so we had to get moving.

All in all, I would have chalked Sunday morning’s encounter up as quite lovely and pleasurable. Little did I know we weren’t done yet. Not by half.

That little Cupid prick, Part 2

Might as well blog the book as I go along…

I’m now at Chapter 4 which, I’m told, is the start of the “relevant scientific research” part of the book. Also, the entire rest of the book is apparently all about “relevant scientific research.” This makes me happy.

I’ve discovered the best way not to be annoyed by the spiritual wawa stuff is just ignore it. Between every chapter has been a subchapter dedicated entirely to “Wisdom of the ages” where she explores various religious aspects of sex without orgasm. I just skip them entirely. Since one the basic purposes of religion, IMO,  is to explain things that are otherwise unexplainable, these sections aren’t that interesting to me. Again, I’m not saying there is no value in reading what ancient people thought about this stuff, but I don’t care to read it any more than I’d care to read what the Catholic church was teaching in the 14th Century about astronomy.

The other thing I’d really ding her on is her overuse of anecdote. The book is filled with these little stories about people whose lives were all kittywampus but, following their abstinence from orgasm, suddenly found nirvana. She oversells the positive impact of denial. I know it can be a force for good in a relationship, but it’s not magic and it won’t do your dishes for you. For example, this is from her husband and co-author from, I believe, his journal:

I’ve seen big changes in other aspects of my life, too. My finances are sorting themselves out, and my professional life is expanding in directions I’d always wanted it to—but was unable to take it before. The opportunities continue to flow to me effortlessly and work out great. I have a lot more confidence in myself. I’m calm and focused. And I’m now comfortable with being in a partnership instead of seeing myself as a separate entity who happens to be involved with someone at the same time. I’m much more optimistic about relationships.

The part about being in a partnership as opposed to seeing yourself as a separate entity and the development of general optimism about your relationship? Yes. Fucking hell, yes. Of course, no matter what we do, I will always be a separate entity, but my relationship with Belle feels more like a partnership now than ever and I’m happier being in the relationship with her than I ever have been (excepting, perhaps, at its very beginning — which fits into the book’s premise perfectly).

But. Finances sorting themselves out? Professional life expanding? Confidence? All because you’re not coming anymore? As a guy who doesn’t come anymore, I’m not sure how those things are connected. Also, calm and focus is not something I get from denial. There’s a zen to it, but I wouldn’t go so far to say it makes me calm and focused.

That being said, I do get their enthusiasm for denial (I’m not calling it Karezza because we don’t do that). I have often felt genuinely so enthusiastic myself that I’ve wondered, “Why doesn’t everyone do this?” It’s the best fucking thing. And, truth be told, I do think a whole lot of relationships would be benefited by denial. However, I don’t think I’d ever be so presumptuous as to tell people if they only stopped coming they’d win the PowerBall and their teeth will get whiter. Because, as the author points out, we are wired to crave orgasm. Saying we should ignore those cravings for a pot of gold on the other side of the denial rainbow is a hard sell. It just feels wrong. Also, I’m firmly of the opinion that the changes to brain chemistry brought on by extended orgasm denial create feelings of enthusiasm for the practice not unlike those the religious faithful feel when espousing their beliefs.

An example of that (and the over-reliance of anecdote) can be found in this extended passage. Forget for a second we’re talking about sexual practices and instead are talking about Scientology while you read it.

A friend brought an appealing young man to a party at my home. Lars was a gifted graphic designer, sensitive, sincere, courteous, and somewhat shy. He was accompanied by a polite, and much older, woman. I didn’t realize they were lovers.

A few weeks later the friend who had brought them both to my house showed up again. He was shattered; Lars was dead.

Apparently Lars had only been with the woman a few months. And during that time he’d experienced periods of utterly uncharacteristic, violent behavior. For example, he got into fights in bars and had even been threatened with arrest. My friend, who had known Lars’s whole family for years, also talked with his lover after Lars’s death. She told him Lars had become sexually aggressive. The night of his death the woman had refused to participate. She went into another room to lie down. He came in later, sat on top of her, and demanded that she make love. She said no. He pulled a gun from behind his back and shot himself in the head.

Now, it’s possible that there was no link whatsoever between his emotional-behavioral deterioration and his sex life. It was clear to me, though, that some sort of severe imbalance certainly corresponded with the period of their intimacy. Deeply affected by this tragedy, I made a solemn promise never to use my seductiveness to put a lover at risk. I was also committed to discussing the careful management of sexual energy with anyone who showed the least curiosity.

Get that? Orgasm might leads to violent, suicidal behavior. The implications are clear. Save a life: Stop coming. Also, apparently, don’t be sexy. Have you heard the Good News?

While I fear I may be coming off as overly harsh, I still do have high hopes the promise of sciency stuff will redeem the book for me. I’m still not even a quarter of the way through.