#chastitybump

Today while sitting in our truck while Belle took a turn driving on our multi-state camper excursion, I looked down and saw this…

Not all that unusual, TBH, but since I was just sitting there, of course I took a picture of it and posted it to Twitter. Like you do. That’s not the interesting part or why I’m writing this post.

The interesting part is the hashtag. After pecking that out and posting it, I was stunned to see nobody had ever used it before. I mean, why should they? But I’m never not surprised when I have an original idea and #chastitybump was one.

Of course, I don’t really mind when my #chastitybump is that obvious. I literally just wrote

I think all this is why I’m not nearly as worried as I used to be about my device being detectable by Muggles. I was running two days ago (and this morning) outside in light blue shorts and discovered as I was moving that I was sporting a fairly obvious bump that moved in a weirdly heavy way. And…I didn’t care. See it if you want. I dare you to ask me about it. I won’t take it off for you. Notwearing it is easy. It’s not special. But wearing it. That’s a thing I’m proud of. The dedication and the difficulty. It is special. It’s my super power.

And in that moment of hashtag inception, I was thinking about a) how hot I think a #chastitybump is (especially in new jeans I like a lot), and b) the defiant language I used yesterday, and c) how obsessed a lot of guys are about the devices locked onto them being seen through their clothing. And suddenly a movement was born. If only in my head. A way to help guys move past their #chastitybump worries and obsession. A way for them to be maybe even proud of it.

Because, when you boil it right down, what does a chastity device signify? Chastity is about devotion, sacrifice, and dedication. All noble and worthwhile things. The man who willingly accepts a chastity device is demonstrating attributes most people would value in their friends and partners. There really is nothing to be embarrassed about at all.

There is the issue of not wanting to involve others in your sex life without their consent. But the reality is (based on eleven years or so of catching people seeing my #chastitybump) nobody is going to ask. I mean, honestly, at this point the number of people I know and don’t who I’ve caught dick checking me has to be a hundred. Nobody has asked. Not a soul. And if they ever do, then they want to know and have therefore consented to get involved.

I think being less worried about one’s #chastitybump being visible is empowering. Being obsessed with stealth indicates that chastity is something to be ashamed of. In my opinion, that cheapens the commitment. I’m not going to go around with the shiny steel tube hanging out my fly, but I also will not go crazy trying to make it invisible.

Of course, creating a hashtag does not empower one with any kinds of special powers. But, if I was king of the hashtags, I’d ask that users of #chastitybump observe the following:

  1. #chastitybump is not for exposed chastity devices. We’ve already got plenty of tags for those. Therefore…
  2. #chastitybump should be used for devices that are covered with clothing. They should be at least minimally visible, but total obviousness is not required.
  3. Preferably, the #chastitybump should be under things like street clothing (shorts, jeans, slacks, swimsuits, etc.), but underwear is also acceptable (mostly because I didn’t think of this rule until after posting a few tagged underwear shots myself).

And that’s it, really. It’s time for us to own our #chastitybump. I really, truly hope this becomes a thing because the stigma of wearing chastity devices needs to be defeated. One little #chastitybump photo at a time.

The Rules (updated)

The rules under which our dynamic operates have evolved over time, but the last time they were updated was almost three years ago. My previous post discussed a rule I put in place for myself about not touching the penis, but rules I put on myself are easily waived or bent. Rules Belle puts in place carry much more weight. So this morning…

Therefore, here is the updated list of Rules that I follow.

  • I can only come when Belle tells me to and, if she tells me to, I have to.
  • I must be wearing a chastity device at all times, unless she says otherwise.
  • When unlocked, I cannot touch the penis except for maintenance purposes or to swap devices. Never for pleasure, unless she has released it for sex.
  • I am not to volunteer how I feel about having an orgasm and must never ask for one.
  • If I have sex with someone else, the penis must always be locked. No exceptions.

The revised “no touching” rule replaces one that said I wasn’t allowed to play with it. Touching leads to playing so, in reality, this is better. The definition of “playing” isn’t as definite as “touching.”

These are the rules she expects me to follow. I vow to do so. Of course, it’s hard. If submission were easy, it wouldn’t be worth much.

Best underwear for guys in chastity

About 14,000 years ago, I wrote a post about the best underwear for chastity. I figure it’s time to update and expand that entry.

I have a serious thing for underwear. It drives Belle nuts because I have far more pairs than any normal person needs (I mean, seriously, nobody really needs more than 10 pairs or so). I haven’t counted in the same way an alcoholic or nicotine addict doesn’t count, but it’s a lot of pairs.

I just keep buying underwear. I’m a total sucker for it. And now Instagram knows and keeps showing me ads for more. Not to mention I belong to the Underwear Expert club so I get pairs automatically sent to me from them. Hey, the first step is admitting I have a problem. Right?

The underwear drawer is bursting.

I say all this (and have added so many photos I’ve posted to Instagram and Twitter) to drive home the point that I wear a lot of fucking underwear and know from which I speak on the subject.

Those who have come to chastity relatively recently might think the best underwear for chastity wearers is the tightest. The pairs that smoosh everything down as much as possible and make the whole package as featureless and inert as possible. I, however, am here to tell you life is too short for that shit. Sure, you’ll maybe hide the fact you’ve got something interesting between your legs, but you’ll suffer for it and, by the end of the day, will be in a lot of pain. It’s just not worth it. You have nothing to be ashamed of, my friend.

My idea of a perfect pair of underwear is one that provides some support for the device so that it doesn’t hang in such a way as to put too much stress on one’s balls but not so much it squishes or flattens or pushes the device into one’s body. That fine line of offering support but also allowing freedom of movement. Note I am almost always in the Steelheart (a metal device with a moderately prominent tube) so guys in plastic or micro devices will have different needs.

All that said, my previous best underwear was the John Sievers “natural pouch” pairs. I still have several of them and they’re still excellent options. They have a roomy, generous pouch and are very high quality.

Another brand I’ve recently become acquainted with is Ergowear. They also have an “ergonomic” pouch and a wide variety of styles and colors. I’ve had a pair of boxer briefs from them for a while and recently expanded my collection to include these which are probably my favorite pair of underwear from a comfort point of view.

The pouch is massive and there’s essentially no waistband but the whole things still works. I’m not crazy about the length of the inseam and will probably try the shorter boxer briefs next time or the bikinis.

For the record, here’s the first pair of theirs I wore.

I do have a few gripes about Ergowear. I placed an order from them that took so long to arrive I had forgotten I placed it. Also, one of the pairs I received seemed to be sized appropriately in the waist but was two sizes too small in the leg openings. So, service and quality are not marked very high, I’m afraid.

The other recent entrant I’m pretty happy with is Cocksox. They have three pouch styles. Original is the roomiest, contour is slightly less so, and snug is exactly what it sounds like. I have only worn original-cut pairs. The thing I really like about Cocksox is their more adventurous colors and styles.

These briefs are just so fucking awesome. Kind of lacy, but not at all feminine (not that there’s anything wrong with that), with a roomy supportive pouch. Love the red accent color.

While this thong is totally hot and my current favorite in that style.

Heavens. I love Cocksox. I just wish they had more options in their original pouch.

The biggest problem with all these roomy-pouched underwear is those times I’m not in chastity and wear them. They make the penis seem particularly insignificant since it barely makes a dent in filling all that space. But…who am I kidding. I’m rarely not in some kind of chastity.

Of course, I wear more than just these brands and I don’t only wear big, roomy pouches. I have underwear of all kinds and some I wear because I love the color or fit even though I know the chastity aspect is lacking. C-In2 is like that. I love love love their styles and fabrics, but their pouches are just acceptable to too tight. At the end of the day, underwear choices have to be about more than just practicality. But if you’re in a device not too unlike mine and are wanting the best combination of style and function, I recommend Seivers, Ergowear, and Cocksox.

Thumper’s top ten rules for locked men

We’re in Mexico for Christmas. Ten days away from cold and snow and sunsets that seem to begin right after lunch in exchange for warmth and walks on the beach and sunsets that happen at reasonable times and look like this:

Now that’s a fucking sunset.

It’s not all sombreros and sunshine, though. I came down here with a nasty cold and it got worse on the way. Kept me from diving one day and is threatening to do it again (you can’t scuba dive if your head is so congested that you can’t equalize the pressure outside your head with the pressure inside your head). I’m feeling better, though now my mother-in-law and daughter have the cold (which seems to have infiltrated the family through Belle).

Anyway, once I was starting to feel better, Belle allowed me to get her off two days in a row. The first day, I stayed in the Steelheart and the second she wanted the penis so I was out. She got carried away and decided to get on top and ride it which lasted about 48 seconds but she paused long enough for me to avoid orgasm (though it was a messy near miss). This morning, I was awake well before she was and the Steelheart was heavy and full along with my balls which felt huge and seemed to hang down far lower than usual between my legs. She started to wake up and I spooned into her, nuzzling the crowded steel tube into her ass.

“Not today,” she told me while wiggling her butt a little.

A complicated cocktail of emotions followed. Sure, I was horny. But I was also content. Because there are rules that dictate our dynamic and specifically sex. And I’ll share them with you now.

These aren’t the same as Belle’s rules for me. I think of these rules as how men locked in chastity should behave, in general. Of course, there’s no One True Way™ and everyone gets to figure this out as they go, but these are the rules I’ve made in my head and applied to my relationship and they work for me (and us, I suppose). If I taught a class on male chastity as a lifestyle, this is how I’d tell the men they should approach their new lives. As a man who’s given up control over the thing that defines his manhood. You give that up, you give up a lot of other things, too.

Thumper’s top 10 rules for the well-behaved and happy locked man

  1. Sex is a service for your keyholder.
  2. You don’t decide when and how or how often sex happens.
  3. You are not entitled to sex.
  4. You are not to have any expectation of sex.
  5. You are not to initiate sex other then to reinforce your availability to your keyholder to satisfy their needs and desires.
  6. You are not to demonstrate any emotions that indicate dissatisfaction with their decisions regarding sex.
    • It is acceptable to show sexual frustration, within reason, assuming your keyholder is OK with that.
  7. Pleasure you experience while servicing your keyholder is secondary to theirs always.
  8. When your keyholder allows you to service them sexually, it is a gift.
  9. Always do your best, but don’t expect perfection from yourself.
  10. Your keyholder can situationally alter these or any rules based on their needs and desires. In other words, don’t be pedantic.

Most of these go against everything culture tells men they’re entitled to. Accepting and embracing these realities are among the hardest things I’ve ever done. But now they’re so deeply embedded in my core code, I don’t think I’d ever be capable of acting like a “normal” man again.

So, when Belle told me not today, I felt frustration and regret…but also acceptance. And contentment because I know what I am.

Whatever she wants. Always.

Mailbag

Last time I logged into FetLife was more than a year ago. At least, that’s what I surmise from how old the messages are in my inbox. Since some of them are inquiries for advice, I’ll answer them here for all to see. I’m leaving all the names off since none of them consented for me to make their messages public.

Hello Thumper, I enjoy your website. Thank you for your info & reviews. I’ve learned a lot from your writings.

For 24/7/365 wear, what is your TOP recommendation for a device?

We’d like something that breathes, non-noticeable, comfortable, secure, and perhaps goes with a PA piercing.

The search for a perfect device is so frustrating!! Thank you very much!!!

The PA part is what makes that tricky. The one I wear 24/7/365 (or could if Belle wanted me to) is the Steelheart. But “breathes” is tricky since it’s totally enclosed. I don’t really have an issue with “breathing,” but some folks get squicked out by the closed nature of the tube. If so, then the Half Shell is pretty good, though I can’t pee standing up while wearing it and don’t like how the contents are exposed underneath. 

In non-metal, you could look into a 3D printed device. I have limited experience with those, but there are several that have integrated PA fixings. The Holy Trainer is a great choice, but doesn’t utilize a PA piercing. 

Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a perfect device. 

I’m a 31 year old Spanish guy, cut as well, and interested in chastity.

I have a doubt… if you’re submissive and wearing a chastity device, doesn’t your offspring know anything?

I don’t think so. Of course, I have no idea what they’ve snooped and found, but I have no reason to think that have. My daughter has had inadvertent contact with a device, but it was fleeting and I don’t know what she made of it. 

Typically, I try and avoid situations where that could happen. I angle myself away when hugging and will even tuck the whole package between my legs when laying on the couch watching TV or whatever.

Regarding the submissive stuff, sure, that’s more obvious. But I’m not on all fours and eating off the floor or anything, so I look like a husband who defers to his wife more than average, I suppose. 

I have been reading your blog when I was searching around the web on male chastity. As I became more involved in your background I found myself reviewing my life and my experiences which has similarities but much different outcomes.

I was married to a woman and we have one daughter. I found myself questioning my sexuality and was open with her about this fact. I went to marriage therapists and personal therapists and found myself in a position that I needed to make a black or white decision. I was attracted to men and porn and the leather kink side of things. An extreme opposite of the vanilla background I had experienced up to that point in my life. I loved my wife and she wasn’t keen on getting out of the relationship but wanted it done and over with so she could have closure. We are still very close and also live nearby so our daughter can be near both of us. We have been divorced for almost 10 years, and I had one relationship with a guy early after our divorce, but he died of brain cancer a 4 years ago. I have not had any meaningful relationships with guys after that experience. Your comments on sexual attraction versus love and the descriptions with magnets struck a cord with me. I have met alot of great gay friends and I can appreciate they are wired totally gay. I find myself falling in some continuum in the middle, and honestly I find both sexes attractive and I appreciate your Tumblr pages depicting both. I wonder what my life would be like if I managed to walk the path that you experienced in yours. In addition, I often wonder how you find opportunities to meet people like Drew. I don’t seem to find [FetLife] to be a forum to meet any kinksters in my area that’s for sure.

Sorry to be all over the board on this message. It’s just a bunch of my thoughts that I wanted to spill out as I was thinking about them. Thanks for your amazing blog. It was really helpful as I was able to reflect on my experiences.

Life is strange. We always seem to want to boil it down to a limited number of options. Gay, straight, male, female. But it’s not like that. You know what I’m talking about. 

With only a few minor changes, I might have ended up on a path more like yours. I know I faced a great deal of external pressure at one point in my life to accept the homosexual acts I performed as who I was. Doing so, in some ways, would have been an easier choice than to deal with my bisexuality. But I wouldn’t have been happy. And while I still doubt I could ever feel romantic love with another man, at this point in my life I’m not sure if a strong D/s dynamic with the right guy couldn’t approximate it. I just don’t know. But there’s little chance I’ll find out. Those paths have already been passed. 

On one hand, I’d like to go back thirty-five years and tell myself some things. About sexuality and what kink was and what I felt when doing certain things meant. But on the other, had I done that, who knows where I’d be today. Would I be with Belle? Would I have these amazing children? Probably not. And I’m unwilling to imagine a life like that. 

All we can do is live in the now and worry about the future. The past is past. It can’t be rewritten and shouldn’t be. I don’t sense remorse in your message. I hope you don’t feel it. 

How do I find guys like Drew? Well, so far, I’ve only found the one! Him and the guy I was most serious with as a teenager who is willing to look past my lack of a functioning penis. Drew came to me thanks to this blog and the other one I met in German class in about 1983 so I don’t have much advice to offer in the ways of meeting men, I’m afraid. Perhaps my readers have some ideas for you. 

Have you found a chastity device that you could not get out of without the key? I find that I can always pull my penis back through the retaining ring and get it out. If the cage and ring are close enough together, I can’t get my balls free though.

Last time I travelled in the Holy Trainer v3 Nano, I found that one of my balls had slipped out the back of the ring. The opening on the bottom of the tube is ridiculous and I blame that. For the life of me, I couldn’t get the damned thing back in and leaving my balls half in and half out felt very strange so I popped the other one through and slipped the whole damned thing off. It was quite disappointing.

I have never worn a device I couldn’t back the penis out of absent a PA fixing. Even the Looker 02 with it’s urethral insert. I don’t believe any device without a way to secure a piercing is secure. Some feel more secure than others, but none of them are. Not one.

I’ve been following your blog and your journey, thanks for your candidness.

Seems that you’re quite the subject matter expert with living with a Steelheart. Do you have any good tips on keeping clean with it?

Also, have you had to fly / travel with yours?

I have travelled wearing with the Steelheart, but have never taken it through security. When I do that, it’s in my carry-on and I put it on in the bathroom once through. 

Regarding cleanliness, I try to wash it every day. There’s really no way to keep it from getting smelly otherwise and even then it will occasionally become aromatic in between showers or rinses. It’s the nature of the beast, I’m afraid. 

I did make a video showing how I cleaned mine, once upon a time. 

Got a quick question for you regarding Steelheart sizing, since you’ve got a good bit of familiarity with Steelworxx’s offerings.

I’m planning on ordering a Steelheart with the steel tube ring and integrated lock options. My question is related to the tube length. Their site advertises an “overall length” of either 60mm or 130mm (which can probably be customized, at least as implied on some of your blog posts). Are they basing this measurement of the tube length only, or also including the width of A-ring and the space between the ring and the tube (such that the ‘tube length’ would be less than either 60 or 130mm)?

My recollection was it was from the base ring forward, but it’s been a while. I’d clarify that in my order if I were you (which you probably did months and months ago). And yes, Deitmar will make any length you want. 

I have a shit ton of regular messages in my inbox to get to. Will try to do that soon.