Micro chastity: A review

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I’ve been wearing chastity devices for almost exactly nine years. I’ve worn plastic ones and metal ones, those with and without rings, some wrought from cold metal and another 3D printed. I’ve kind of lost count, to be honest. It’s well over a dozen different devices. Perhaps even over sixteen.

I don’t say all that to boast. There are men out there who’ve been in a greater variety of devices for longer than me, for sure. My point is, I thought I kind of knew some things about the mechanics of being locked up. Like how to measure for a device and how to size it. How to wear it every day and live in it. But the other day, a crazy little thing landed on my desk from far away. And after nine years, more or less everything I knew got turned on its head.

Continue reading “Micro chastity: A review”

Mailbag

CR from Deutschland said:

I’m following your blog for I think several years now. There a quite a few male chastity blogs on the web, but yours is the best.

As I read your last post, better to say the one that’s linked in the comments (“Tent me“), I really thought “This is so me”!. I’m also caged by (or is it for?) my partner for about 1.5 years now, wearing the cage almost all the time. It’s not that she is very enthusiastic in denying my orgasms (although I would really like that), it’s more that she enjoys controlling my sexuality and my orgasm. I get to cum quite often, but only when she unlocks me. Like you, I know where the key is, but I won’t ever take it to jerk off or for anything else, without asking her and most of the time I really don’t feel the urge to do so. What also reminded me of myself was, as you wrote about that strange feeling being unattended, not in the cage. For me, it happens sometimes, mostly when life get’s in the way and I don’t have the chance to lock back up after we have sex. Most of the time, I manage to lock up after a few hours, but sometimes it happens that I’m remaining unlocked for days. But I’m not satisfied with this, as I know that she expects me being locked up and for myself I don’t want it to be other than that. So I texted her about this, after I read your post, telling her that I have to improve with this and encouraged her, to tell me to lock up immediately after sex more often.

Although I think, you’re getting feedback like this quite often, I really wanted to write you my thoughts about this. Feel free to answer if you like, I really would appreciate this!

This is great for a couple of reasons. One, there is no One True Way™ to do male chastity. The important thing is to find a way that works for everyone. The one being locked probably has a very good idea of exactly how they want to be locked, but the one holding the key needs to be able to find the way to do it that makes them most comfortable and that they can feel ownership over.

Two, struggling with being unattended and living with a vagueness as to expectations. I found after Belle added the rule that I would always be locked absent a very good reason or permission from her, it made me a much more contented bunny. My submissive side never had to worry about un-submissive thoughts rationalizing bad behavior since there was A RULE and the kind of sub I am adores enforced rules. This particular rule came about as a result of bad behavior on my part, but I think has made our dynamic better and has left me more satisfied as a submissive.

Finally, communication. “I texted her about this.” Yes. We need to remember our partners are not mind-readers. Hopefully she took your feedback under consideration.

Some John asked:

Do you have any idea how to get into a Steelworxx securo cage? It uses the same PA mechanism as the schandmaske but like spending 40 minutes poking through the PA hole trying to find the screw part without pinching the urethra was really frustrating

Yeah, it can be a bitch to get those kinds of tubes on. I have no secret other than fishing the PA bar around until it gets home. The Securo wand looks harder to get into place than the Schandmaske if only because the Schandmaske was a curved single unit and the Securo wand is two pieces and you need to line up the hole on the bar with the part the screws into it. Perhaps you can get a lock like on the Securo 01? It’d be easier to get in, that’s for sure.

Pat asked:

Hi, I finally took the plunge and got my PA done at an 8ga on the 16th and I could not be more happy with it. My question is when I’m healed what won’t you stretch to and I’m looking at the Steelwerks chastity cages for my fist one to use with my PA when it’s healed. What would your recommend from them ? I have a HTV2 and I never really liked it because it was a pain to keep clean. I really like the curves barbell Steelwerks made for you. I’m having to teach my self how to pee and it’s not easy lol.

Peeing with a PA is a problem except when it’s a PA inside a solid tube like the Steelheart’s. Then it’s nothing at all.

If you’re looking at Steelwerks from Montreal, Chris will make anything your heart desires. You and he can correspond and talk it all through. If access for cleaning is a priority, he’ll take care of you. He has a lot of models on his site, but honestly, I’d view them more as idea starters than anything else. Steelwerks is the definition of bespoke. The Savile Row tailor of male chastity.

Now, if you meant Steelworxx, the maker of the Steelheart, that’s another matter. The Looker 02 is a peach of a device and very easy to keep clean (though the insert does tend to hold on to urine perhaps more than you’ll be happy with — maybe think about the Looker 03). Dietmar will also make pretty much whatever you want, but the language barrier is a bit more of a challenge and his customer service can sometimes leave something to be desired. His “Tube Jacket” models might be good for you, too, but I’ve never worn them and can’t vouch for their wearability.

Lori of Lori Tube fame left me a comment saying they also produce devices secured by PA hooks and pioneered the type of device. That’s true, they’ve been making PA-fixed devices forever (I recall seeing them before I knew what a PA was and wondering how they worked). However, I’ve never worn one of their devices and have no personal experience ordering from them.

A dude called Bear left a lengthy (one might even say girthy) comment. Here are the salient points…

I know plastic is off your radar and I understand why. However, there are a couple minor updates re HTv2 you may want to incorporate into your review of same, for guys like me who are doing research. So, you wrote your review of v1, then did v2 from a here’s what’s different POV. I don’t know if these things weren’t available at that time, or if you missed them, or if you did include them but I missed it in your post. If the later, I apologize. It’s available in a fourth color, pink. Not for me, but there you have it.

Also, there is a fourth ring available–36mm. So, you can get the HTv2 with rings of 36, 40, 45, 50. I think that lines up pretty well with the options offered by CBxK.

I don’t believe pink was available when I bought it or I would have said so. Also can’t recall a fourth ring size. I assume it was just three since that’s all I remember. Man, 36mm is small.

Also, I know you say nothing is totally secure without a piercing. I respect that and I have no doubt you’re correct, but I’m very much not in a place where I’m ready to do that. Do you happen to know anything about the guardian ring KFH is offering for use with HTv2? There’s one review of it on their site and the guy claims it makes it inescapable. Wondered if you’d heard anything or had any personal experience. I’m most likely gonna buy it, only 17 bucks anyway. I was thinking pretty seriously about signing up so I could login on your blog anyway. Once I’ve tried this guardian, I’ll put my thoughts about it in a comment under your review.

I’ve never used that specific device but have experience with similar types. Those doodads are not equivalent to being held in place by a PA, but they are an added layer of deterrence for guys who either need it or like the feeling of it being there. I personally don’t like the added bulk and complication they introduce and wonder if the flexible material used is non-porous or if it’ll harbor bacteria (which would make odor more of a problem).

In any event, a motivated guy could still without a lot of effort back out of an HT2 sporting that thing, do their business, then work their way back in (stocking method, anyone?).

Speaking of KFH (lol), have you ever had any problems with them? Do you trust them? I don’t buy stuff online. Maybe three times I have. I got trust issues, whatever. Anyways, I’m wary of giving KFH my personal info. (I don’t really understand why last name is a required field there when I’m using PayPal, but that’s not really what you’re here for. They obviously need my address, so they could find my name easy enough if they wanted to.) point is: are they trustworthy?!!?

I’ve bough a few things from them without any issue. I trust them as much as anyone online. Personally, I don’t lose a lot of sleep over giving my card info away online and certainly have not been worried about identity issues with them. The few times I’ve used them, they were discreet.

Okay, complete change of subject, and we’re almost done I promise. I have major moral/ethical/QA, QC issues with fake and forged goods. Seems like I’d be preaching to the choir with you about that, so I won’t go barking up that tree. But I want to say this. There were some comments on your review of the “HTv2 metal” by people talking about grinding and drilling on them. I’m not an alarmist, but it’s worth mentioning that EVERYTHING that comes out of China has lead in it. Having things around the house that contain lead, and handling them, is not a problem. Everything made of brass contains some lead, for example; find me a house with no brass in it. However, if an alloy containing lead is going to abrade your skin badly, or if you’re going to grind it into a dust which will inevitably become airborne, you now risk getting it into the bloodstream. It’s extremely unlikely that this would pose a problem if you’re just grinding one, for yourself. But I felt I had to say something.

Those are good points and something I think I touched on in not so many words in the review. It bothers me they don’t specify the “metal” used in the device’s construction. I don’t know if “everything” from China has lead in it, but I certainly don’t trust something that’s too cheap and where materials aren’t well-specified.

Probably because I’m a creative professional myself, but the idea that someone would be OK buying a cheap, potentially harmful knock-off in order to save some money rather than buying from a source that actually cares about their clients’ well-being after they’ve invested who knows how long designing and developing a product is really a problem. I’d rather support creators and not moochers.

And the mailbag is now empty!

Metal Holy Trainer review

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I’ve said it before, the Holy Trainer v2 is just about the best male chastity device design you’re going to find. It’s affordable, it’s comfortable (most of the time, wink wink), and it’s easy to put on. So when I started seeing what appeared to be metal versions of it in the, ahem, erotic pictorials I sometimes peruse, I was intrigued. If you’ve read my site for any period of time, you know that I kinda have a thing for steel.

In checking the Holy Trainer website, I found a metal version of their product was not listed. I asked them if they made one, and they said any metal device based on their design was not made by them. They’re all knock-offs. So then I looked on Amazon and couldn’t find any (though I feel I’ve seen them in the past). Failing there, I turned to Google and the first place it sent me was to House of Denial. From their About Us page:

Our aim is to offer high quality products at affordable prices with discreet worldwide delivery. Many chastity belts that we’ve seen on the market are incredibly expensive and we don’t think that’s particularly fair, so we do our best to offer the best devices for the lowest prices. All of our products are thoroughly tested to ensure that you receive a safe, quality item that you’re happy to use on a regular basis.

I’ll say right up front, I’m not going to be especially kind to House of Denial in this review. Bottom line, the Metal Holy Trainer they sell — which is their product — simply cannot have been tested at all, let alone thoroughly. At least not on anyone who wears a device for more than an evening’s entertainment. I’m sure some will take issue with me finding their product and their assertion of offering high quality and thoroughly tested products inaccurate and misleading since they’re apparently a small operator and how mean, etc. But their business name literally has denial in it. I would expect a site that sells nothing but male chastity devices to be more honest in their statements and more discriminating in their product selection.

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But I get ahead of myself. As usual, I will assess the Metal Holy Trainer on the five basic attributes I use to judge chastity devices:  Cost, aesthetic, fit/comfort, security, hygiene, and stealth.

Cost

House of Denial sells the Metal Holy Trainer for £79.99. With shipping, it came to £93.98. As of this writing, that’s about $124. Pretty cheap for a metal device, but in keeping with the extraordinary low prices of all their devices and much more than most of their other metal devices. Unlike Steelworxx, House of Denial appears not to refund VAT to American buyers.

IMG_7AAC48BCDE66-1As I said, House of Denial sells nothing but what appears to be knock-offs of other manufacturer’s designs. They have a version of the CB-6000 they call the HoD600, but the Holy Trainer-type devices are all called “Holy Trainer.” They even have the HTv1 design, both in plastic and metal, along with the v2. I guess I don’t take issue with the selling of knock-offs if the knock-off is plainly labeled as such (aka, the DoD600), but not changing the name of their Holy Trainer clones shades closer to fraudulent behavior. Yes, a cautious buyer should intuit they were knock offs because the prices are simply too low, but that’s not really an excuse. They’re doing all they can to make these products look authentic.

IMG_9434D4AE8BC9-1The illusion of authenticity is extended to the unboxing of the product when it arrives in a Holy Trainer package. This is where they cross the line from knock off to forgery. This appears to be a genuine Holy Trainer and they want you to think that, but it’s not. It’s like buying a fake Rolex, essentially.

The other issue I found unsettling is they don’t say what the device is made of. It’s described as steel but what grade? Is it surgical quality? No idea. But why not say? Most competitors do. I couldn’t find mention of the grade of steel used in any of their products. This could be an issue for those with allergies or sensitivities.

But yeah, it’s pretty cheap. If cost is a primary drive for you, you’re in luck in that regard.

Aesthetic

IMG_D9C4C70C5AC1-1Flat out, this thing is gorgeous. The cleanliness and efficiency of the Holy Trainer v2 design looks even better in high gloss metal. I was and continue to be totally in love with how this device looks on the outside. In my opinion, the Holy Trainer v2 is like the Porsche of male chastity device designs: timeless and near perfect. Bonus, it’s a lot more affordable, relatively, than a Porsche.

Fit/Comfort

Here we go.

IMG_B3C7B4EEA63D-1First, fit. The metal HT2 tube is just a bit smaller than the plastic version in a way I found really appealing. That’s somewhat visible in the image to the left. It may be just a little shorter or it may only appear that way due to the plastic being thicker, but it is definitely a bit narrower. The internal circumference is smaller than that of the small-tubed plastic HT2.

That leads to what I found to be a really satisfying tightness while the penis was attempting an erection. Distractingly so. The one morning I had it on during the early morning tumescence, I had trouble going back to sleep simply because it felt so hot to me. Note, the penis is not especially girthy and I’m a known fetishizer of penis constriction, so YMMV. I’m thinking dicks of better than average girth could have problems.

The A-ring is identical in all ways to the plastic version, including being very comfortable. They offer two sizes, 38mm and 45mm. I chose the 45mm. While the penis was compressed more than usual, there was no associated excessive tightness around the scrotum. No testicular pain at all. It was essentially a perfect fit in that regard and exactly what I like in a chastity device: A tube that’s tight without a ring that’s crushing my balls.

The device is heavy. Far heavier than any other I’ve worn. But I really liked that, too. I like the feeling of heft between my legs like that and the sensation of being pulled around as I shift in bed.

IMG_AA6707C5A2FA-1OK, now comfort. Based on all I’ve said so far, what’s the problem? Sounds awesome. Sign me up, right? Wrong.

I was able to wear the Metal Holy Trainer for 27 hours before the rough, poorly finished interior had abraded the corona of the penis’ glans. This became apparent the second night I tried to sleep when, after I urinated for the last time, I found an intense burning emanating from the device’s interior. Belle was already fast asleep and the pain was unbearable so I was left to break open my emergency key and take the device off.

I believe my pain was caused by an approximately 4 mile walk I had gone on earlier in the day. It wasn’t until I was laying down and the inevitable remaining urine was able to make contact with my abrasions that I knew they were there. Then, OMG holy shit did that hurt. In my opinion, this would have happened anyway but would have taken two or three days of normal movement before the same issues manifested. Perhaps if one is a total sloth and engages in zero physical activities, the rough and poorly finished interior would not present a problem. But I doubt it.

Bottom line, this “high quality” and “thoroughly tested” device is entirely unsuited to daily wear. It’s not for someone who has made enforced chastity part of their lifestyle and thinks of the device locked onto them as part of their body. Which is really tragic since it’s so beautiful on the outside. You could wear it for a play session or for a night, but not beyond. Unless you like the feeling of a burning penis that’s so torn up you almost can’t sleep even without the device on because of the irritating sensation.

Security

The Metal Holy Trainer is no more secure than any other trapped-ball device without a PA fixing. The weight of it makes it feel less secure since it pulls down and, if poorly fitted, could leave much of the penis exposed above the ring. If you need high security, this is not the device for you. House of Denial’s assertion that “you certainly won’t be able to get out of this device” is bunk.

Hygiene

Pretty much the same as the plastic Holy Trainer v2. It’s easy to wash and drains satisfactorily. No pluses or minuses in this regard.

Stealth

I found the Metal Holy Trainer to be very stealthy. Like its plastic inspiration, it sits in a way that is more nestled into the scrotum which leads to a less-pronounced profile. The tube is reasonably small so it was very hard to see in a pair of jeans. Less noticeable than the Steelheart for sure.

The two pieces of metal don’t fit especially tight so there was a tiny bit of occasional clanking when not contained in briefs, but not so bad. All in all, this is a very stealthy device.

Bottom line

Don’t buy this device. It’s unfinished and can injure you if worn for longer than one night. Sure, it’s cheap and beautiful, but it’s also totally unsuited for the kind of chastity most of those reading this blog are into. If I had a business selling nothing but chastity devices, even of the “budget” variety, I would definitely not sell this as-is. The poor quality of the Metal Holy Trainer leaves me suspicious of all the other products House of Denial sells.

August metrics

Wow, I almost forgot to post the August numbers.

IMG_6444August looked liked July…and June…and, really, all the months for the past many months. The penis was outside a device 0.6% of the month. The remaining 99.4% it was locked into the Halfshell (42%), Steelheart (37%) and, for the first time (I believe) since I’ve been tracking, the Mature Metal Jail Bird (20%). It wasn’t at the behest of Belle as we’re still playing along like I get to choose what I wear as long as I’m wearing something. It’s not my favorite device, but the change of pace of seeing the penis behind bars rather than disappeared down a steel tube was fun for a while.

Belle came eight times in the month, once by herself since we were still apart for the first week or so, and once with me driving the vibrator. The other times were from my prestidigitation. I “came” once on the 26th. I put that in quotes since it didn’t actually feel too much like an orgasm. While I was fucking her, Belle told me I could so I didn’t slow down or stop when I felt the urge building and I kept fucking right though the ejaculation but I never felt the kick of hormones and had a very, very mild post-orgasmic experience. The penis didn’t even feel especially sensitive after. It was entirely anti-climatic. Like it built to a 6.8 on the Richter Scale and then died. Since it happens so infrequently (that was number three on the year), the sample size is small and I can’t say if this is some kind of new normal or just a fluke. I have not been given the opportunity to come again since then.

There’s a part of me that thinks it would be kinda hot if my ability to orgasm properly is broken. But I don’t know. I’ve been allowed to fuck her three times since and felt the same build-up but avoided getting closer enough. The true test will be if she lets me go again.

Speaking of fucking her, I was inside her five times in August and ejaculated each time.

September is going to look different than any of the months since last September. I had to stay out of the Steelheart overnight around Labor Day because the penis was irritated by it. Odd as the Steelheart hasn’t done that in some time, but a hot spot popped up on the head and it was painful. I was out for another night after wear-testing a steel knock-off of the Holy Trainer 2. Spoilers: It’s not good. Ripped the penis up good after just a day so I had to come out for another night but was able to wear the Halfshell the next day as it keeps the penis in a fixed position and keeps it from rubbing against the shell. So two of the three nights I’ve slept without being locked up in the past year happened within a week of each other.

Also, I’m going camping this week for seven days (and yes, for those keeping score, this is the same kind of trip that led to last year’s incidents of unauthorized orgasm and the rule that I must always be locked unless Belle explicitly says I can be otherwise). Not sure how that’s going to work out with a device. I start with a healthy ambition but it’s primitive camping among muggles so facilities to keep things clean are nonexistent. Also, I’ll be among men only and I find my ability to maintain the right headspace to be locked pretty much evaporates when I’m not around estrogen. Nothing kills a buzz like a bunch of straight guys. Still puzzling over that one.

Mailbag (again)

One more from reader K:

I’m a 21 years old college student, who grew some interest in chastity. I would like to ask about your Steelheart device (mostly) as I’m planning on getting one in the future. I had a device before (only one): it was the spiral stainless steel device from uberkinky.com. I wore it for daily 3-4 hours with no real discomfort however my left testicle got varicocele (enlarged veins), so it might got pressured (a big problem was that the tube pressed against the testicles and they got trapped between the tube and the ring). In the end I got an inflammation of the Epididymis (which was, or was not because of the device, I can’t really tell). Got antibiotics and now I’m fine (it was 2 months ago).

Now, I have made a decision with my girlfriend that we retry the whole concept again, but now with some quality cages. I have been thinking about the HTv2 or Steelheart.

My first question is, since I take care of that enlarged vein, which of the two device got bigger gap between the tube and the ring (especially in the lower part, where the testicles supposed to hang). I know that the SH is 15 mm, but I couldn’t find any information about the HTv2.

Another concern is my anatomy. I know that everyone is different, and that I need to try things out, but still: you are one of the most experienced people that I could ask about whether this device suits me or not. I’m a grower, from 8-9cm flaccid to 18cm. I have tight and high balls. I have a really bulky girth (mostly in erected form). I’m uncut, with really long foreskin.

So my second question, should I try this device or better to go with the HTv2, in your opinion?

(PS.: I’m not planning to use it 24/7, more likely to go with daily unlocks)

First off…7″ and “really bulky girth.”

lingering sigh

OK…

You don’t say anything about orgasm denial or the length of it you’ve experienced, but I found that being denied for longer periods also led to a swelling of my epididymis (I wrote about it but I’ll be damned if I can find the old post). Even to the extent that one might diagnose varicocele, I suppose, or inflammation of the epididymis. Along with soreness and tenderness, I always attributed it to severe blue balls and, for some time now, haven’t had a relapse of symptoms (though my epididymis is still more pronounced than that found in most men – something I’ve noticed some other men in chastity also exhibit, but not all). That being said, I’m not suggesting your symptoms were anything other than what you were told by your doctor. Regardless of the size of your eventual device, though, denial and the build-up of seminal fluids could also be contributory to your issues.

It’s also possible the UberKinky device was just too small for you. The fact that your cock has “really bulky girth” (sigh) and your balls are tight would combine to a create a very uncomfortable situation for a big dick (and 7″ by lots of girth is big). For that fact alone, I don’t think you should try the Holy Trainer. It’s made for the average-dicked and you, my friend, are not that.

So, fat cock and tight balls means bigger ring. I don’t know how big around your cock is when hard (and have only my fertile imagination to go by), but I suspect you’d have to wear something north of 45mm. Maybe even 50mm. You should measure the circumference of your cock and balls when very aroused and go with that. As you wear it over time, you’ll probably adjust and be able to wear a smaller ring. That can be ordered at the same time as the larger ring or you can get it later (though you’ll need to send the tube back to be fitted).

The tube should not be too long. If you’re 8-9cm long when flaccid, then probably no longer than 80mm. Maybe 75mm. With regard to the gap, no matter what the Steelworxx site says, you can order anything you want (type it in the notes if you have to). It’s hard to know what you need precisely, but perhaps you should measure the device you used to wear and add to that (but don’t go nuts).

You say you’ll be unlocked daily. If you’ll be left unlocked at night, you won’t need a device so precisely fitted since it’s the early morning erections that bite the hardest of all. If you’re locked at night, then you need to be more careful since that nocturnal erection will make a poorly-fitted device lock on you like a vice.

I hope that’s helpful.

Mailbag

A reader named Andrew left this comment to my last post…

I would be interested in hearing how many locked men have found that their locked status helped them achieve some sort of spiritual awaking or satisfaction of wearing a device, and for longer term wearers, do they miss the device when they are not wearing it. Also, I would be curious about a rather existential question if they view their device as something they own selves or something that someone else owns.

I don’t know about spiritual awakening, but I do feel that being locked and denied has put me in something like a new plane of existence, mentally. It’s as if being denied orgasm for so long has led me though a tunnel most men simply never even know exists. And once through it, while the craving and gnawing need to come is never far away, it’s more like a reactor powering this different sense of being than a negative. As if living without orgasm but in need of one is how I was meant to be. And had I not been denied, I’d have never known.

With regard to missing the device, it’s more than that. I resent not being able to wear it for whatever reason. The feeling of not being secured is foreign to me and unsettling and I only truly feel myself when there’s something covering the penis. I feel as though the Steelheart in particular is more me than what it secures and in those increasingly rare moments I see the unprotected penis in the mirror, it’s off-putting. Not all penises, of course. Just that one. It’s natural state is to be shiny and heavy between my legs, not squishy and flopping free.

It’s a thorny question as to who I feel owns the device. Of course, Belle controls my state but, as I said, it looks and feels more like me than what it contains so it’s hard to think of it as someone else’s at the same time. I refer to the devices as Belle’s but she doesn’t seem invested in which I wear at any given moment at this point. The key is almost always in a place I’m aware of, so even that isn’t so mysterious. I think the thing I feel isn’t mine isn’t so much the device or the penis but the sensation I get from the penis when it’s exposed. That’s not mine and it’s not something I should be able to feel without permission. That’s definitely across the line.

Brian said…

Those of us who have experienced durations of chastity, or even just denial, tend to experience a ‘plateau’ of the emotions generated. For me, it’s still an up and down experience, waxing and waning, if you prefer, but waxing and waning at a higher level than when I’m freely orgasming at my leisure. I’m pretty sure you’ve expressed this experience in your blog.

My question is this … You’ve been experiencing this state for longer than I can even imagine. Does that plateau gradually wane overall the further you go, or are your escalated emotions retaining their average elevation. (Lots of height synonyms there; I hope I’ve conveyed this adequately.)

What I’ve been feeling lately is a lengthening of the up and down waves. I don’t feel the dramatic increases like I used to. But also I don’t feel like I’m nearly as constantly horny as I once was. I can’t tell how much of this is simply getting older versus how much of this is being denied orgasm. Has my body adjusted to the hormonal load of not coming or is it just not as loaded as it once was? I don’t really know. I guess the only way to know for sure would be to start coming a lot and then stopping again. But that’s not a thing I have anything to do with.

I can say that the denial stops being so distracting and simply is, but I can’t say how long that takes. A long time. Years, for me. I do still go through periods of being pretty horny, but like I said, they’re not as severe as they once were and don’t seem to last as long.

Allen asked…

I recently came across your blog after someone told me about it on Reddit. In a recent post, you wrote something that captured my attention:

“I mean, I literally can’t fuck for more than two minutes before I’m squirting and then, once I do, the penis starts to shrivel. It may have been a fuck tool once, but it’s not now. It’s barely passable as such.”

I am a member of an odd web community of men who complain about an odd problem that I was wondering if perhaps you share with us. All my life, I have suffered from these “meh” orgasms coupled with premature ejaculation. Your words sound like they may describe a similar problem. Basically, the ejaculation comes too fast, and when it does, I don’t feel much of anything.

I recently took an interest in kink, and chastity play fascinates me. Since chastity play emphasises the part of sex that happens *before* orgasm, I thought that perhaps it might be a way to learn new ways to experience pleasure and express my sexuality. Unfortunately, my wife isn’t up for it right now, so I’m simply doing some cage-less chastity play with her. I think it may be a long time before I can make her comfortable with the idea of a chastity cage on me, but I am very patient.

The thought of making it impossible to masturbate and ejaculate and then be teased by her (or even by pornhub) sounds like it may be delightful.

I was wondering if you might relate to my words. I’m wondering if my experience tells me that I am like you.

When you sent this, I didn’t really, but just this past weekend Belle told me as I was fucking her that she wanted me to come and what happened sounds a lot like what you described. It should have been a kick-in-the-back-of-the-head kind of thing since it’s been months, but it wasn’t. There was no crest. Not crash. Just an increase of sensation and pumping of seed and that’s all. I kept stroking throughout – basically doing everything I’d normally do to come – but no post-orgasmic feelings. In fact, it pretty much felt like it always does after I ejaculate without orgasm.

I wasn’t given a chance to try again later that day or the next nor was I allowed to try and jack one out, so I don’t know if it’s a one time kind of deal or what. But once it happened, I recalled this note.

So normally, I’d say denial should enhance your sensations during orgasm because that’s what I’m used to, but now I don’t know. If that’s where you are now, perhaps not. That said, I do think it’s a great way to change the paradigm in bed away from male orgasm and towards other things. You don’t need a device to do that, just a recognition that successful sex isn’t defined by the guy shooting his load. Nor does it even require a hard penis. There’s so many other ways to enjoy sex but we’re all so focused on this one act. Literally, the money shot. Without it, it’s without value. Bullshit. Maybe your wife is freaked out by the kink aspect. I’d recommend being more circumspect towards that word. Just say you’d like to have sex in ways that focus on her and her orgasm and would like to, at least every other time or so, takes the penis out of the picture. That sounds way less scary that “male chastity” or what have you.

G asked…

I need your help. I am married bi man, have one kid. The problem I face is how to tell my wife I am bi and submissive. The moment I discovered our blog you became a role model, so please help me out.

I think you just build up the nerve and say it. You tell her and be ready to answer questions (like, no, bi isn’t gay) and be willing to make whatever compromises you think you can, but you should not feel as though there’s anything wrong with you for being this way. Ultimately, whether you can be happy in a vanilla straight relationship for the rest of your life (and people are all the time) is a question only you can answer, but my fear is a lot of guys in your position end up being guilted into buying that you’re broken in some way. You aren’t. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

The one where I ask Twitter questions

The other day, Andy of Ruffled Sheets asked a question on Twitter. He wanted to know the fit preference of chastity device wearers.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.40.18Devices of the trapped-ball variety have two fit components, the ring and tube. I recommend tighter tubes but rings not too tight or too loose. Anyway, it got me thinking about other questions I had for guys in devices and even a few for those holding their keys. I used to do surveys on the site here, but haven’t in a while. Anyway, here are my questions and the answers I got.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.46.36I wanted to know about the first device these guys ever wore and how it fit. As I suspected, most men say their first chastity device was too big. That was my experience, too. You think they should be more like the size of your erection or can’t imagine squeezing it into such a small space or get hung up on a device described as the “small” one. In any event, only 14% say they nailed the size on the first try. That’s a remarkable number if you think about. (Note that this question had a longer duration than the rest and, of this writing, is still technically open but is seems as though all the responses are in now.)

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.51.00Also unsurprisingly, most men say their first device was made of plastic. No only do I think that’s the smart thing to do when you’re not yet sure of your size or even if enforced chastity is right for you, plastic is of course cheaper than custom metal. Glad to see guys avoiding silicone since I think it’s a bogus device material. Curious to know what “something else” could be. Like…wood? Energy field? No clue.

If you take these two questions together, you have 22% of men who presumably mostly wore plastic as their first device and found it too small. I suspect these guys have really big dicks. If you’re way above the curve (over 6.5″ or so) in length or significantly girthy, you may have no choice but to go custom right out of the gate.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.55.29The next questions are about expectations on both sides of the lock. For the men, how did they find enforced chastity once they tried it? Was it what they expected or better or worse? I suppose it’s good to see that so many say it was better since a lot of guys are led into the idea by unrealistic porn on the subject. Nearly two-thirds found reality to beat their fantasy and another 19% found it to be what they were expecting. I wonder if the those who answered it was worse than expected are due to issues with fit. Maybe those big-dicked guys again. Or maybe they bought CB-6000s and tore their scrotums up.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.56.19No keyholders said they felt worse about locking their men up after they did it and over 90% said they felt better about it. That’s really a stunning number and may be skewed by the audience of kinksters on Twitter. Still, it blew me away. Keyholders like locking their men up, more than they thought they would.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.02.50Combine that response with this one asking how they’d feel if their man wanted to stop wearing a device. A full two-thirds would rather he keep it on. Twenty-four percent would be OK with it coming off (perhaps recognizing that consent is required to do it) and only 10% would rather he not wear it. I wonder if the 9% who said male chastity was about what they expected were the same 10% who said they’d be relieved? Can’t really tell.

Bottom line, keyholders end up more satisfied with locked men than they though they would be and most would rather not let them out, even if they wanted it. That’s a BFD and something guys wondering how to break their desire to their partners might want to use while selling the idea.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.07.28Unsurprisingly, most men got locked up for the first time because they wanted to. It seems rare for a partner to suggest it, especially since many of those who are doing it are in male-female relationships. Woman in our culture are not conditioned to suggest such things nor does society reward those who are that assertive, alas.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.45.21However, when asked who holds their key, only 38% say it’s their partner so a lot of guys are doing this solo or leveraging friends and keyholding services. That also explains why so many guys are the initiator of enforced chastity.

I never even knew it was a thing when I was single so have a hard time relating. Not sure if I’d have the ability to stay locked if I was doing it on my own. I’d have to have an accomplice or service to help out.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.49.36I asked keyholders about their interest in the concept of enforced chastity prior to their partner getting locked up. Only 25% said they had never considered it. Back when I started blogging about it, that number was way higher. Now, either because the practice has gained more publicity or because my Twitter audience is way kinkier than normal people or a combination of both, three-quarters were either curious or really into the idea beforehand.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.49.43The kinkster bias is most noticeable in the question I asked about how kinky they were prior to being locked up or holding a key. Tom Allen has called male chastity a “gateway drug” into kink and that was my experience, but most of those who replied to my question already identified as kinky.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.49.16Regarding duration of lock up, the biggest response was “sometimes” with the lowest being “rarely.” I intentionally left these kind of vague because a lot to one guy is not so much for another. “Almost all the time” was supposed to be people like me (>95% of the time) and “most” would be how I was a year ago (maybe 75% of the time). In any event, this also matches what I’ve seen in previous surveys with a dip between a lot and occasionally. Seems this is either a thing that becomes a lifestyle or it’s a thing you dabble in.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.57.39Finally, I asked how many devices these people owned. Twitter only allows four options, but I wonder how many of the 1-3 guys only have one? And I wonder how many of those they have besides the one they usually wear are first attempts that either don’t fit or are uncomfortable. I think guys like me who have a small stable of devices they may find themselves in at any give moment are in the minority.

So what about you? Any of these responses surprise you? What would you have asked? I’m curious to know. Leave a comment!