Dining among the beautiful people

Belle and I went out to dinner Saturday night at a shmancy new restaurant that feels like it’d be better suited to Soho than our fair prairie metropolis. Even the people in it seemed to be imported from one coast or the other. Where do these people live? Food was pretty good, though.

Anyway, we had a chance to talk, just the two of us. It was nice and something we needed as there were real life things that had to be discussed (but are unrelated to the world of this blog). Along the way, Belle asked how things were going with Drew.

At no point in my life did I ever think my wife would be asking me about my boyfriend but there she was doing it and all I could do in response was smirk. But it was fantastic and wonderful and such a great thing to be able to chat to her about him and me and me and her and the funky life we all lead. She’s entirely comfortable with the position Drew has in my life and that makes me very comfortable. It’s amazing to me how well this whole thing is working out and I’m impressed with all four of us involved that we’re able to be so perfectly cool about it.

To clarify about Drew’s “position,” I feel for him about how I’ve felt for all the other men I’ve been involved with. In the way my brand of bisexuality allows, greater than just a friend but less than someone I’m romantic with. I feel close to him and very fond and am quite pleased the pressure to have to feel more than that isn’t present. It’s great to have a relationship like this where I can be totally honest about what I need and can give back and not have to worry I’m not giving what he needs. In fact, I think I’m giving him exactly what he needs.

I told Belle again that I encouraged her to find her own Drew-like person, but she again said it wasn’t for her (and no, I’m not harping on it). She’d be afraid of developing an attachment beyond that which I have (or can have) for Drew, nevermind the time commitment something like that would require. Funny thing is, I expect if she ever did pick someone up on the side like that that she would develop feelings for him but I don’t find that in any way threatening. I know what I am to Belle. That said, of course, I’d be jealous. But not an unhealthy jealousy grounded in fear and insecurity. Maybe jealousy isn’t even the right world (or maybe we don’t have a word for it). I think whatever frisson I imagine I’d feel would actually be healthy for me and our relationship. The natural byproduct of our inherent promiscuity as a species. A little high octane fuel, as it were.

A little while back, Belle said she was glad I wasn’t poly. Thing is, I don’t know that I’m not. Do I love Drew? I don’t know that I’d go that far. As I said, I’m fond of him. I feel inside me the capacity to be fond of more than just him, though like Belle, I can’t imagine having the time. When I was unfaithful to Belle, I think the part of it that may have bothered her most was when I said I had “feelings” for the other woman. And of course, I did. I’ve never been good at sex without some kind of attachment like that. But nothing in those feelings changed how I felt about Belle. If anything, it drove me to feel more deeply for her. Nothing in those feelings were a threat to Belle. Same with the feelings I have for Drew. There’s not a finite reservoir of affection inside me that can only be divided up so many times. I don’t think that about any of us. More than ever, I think the limiting factor in how many loves we can have is that insecurity and fear. If not in us, then in our partners.

But whatever. The point of this post is to point out how great my wife is. That she could find the security in herself and to know well enough what she is to me to allow me the freedom to have Drew on the side. She’s awesome and I’m lucky. We’re all lucky. And for that, I’m grateful.

6 thoughts on “Dining among the beautiful people

  1. When we visit the Prairie Metropolis we often eat in a restaurant near the basketball / hockey arena, fancy-schmancy and very nice.
    Re the rest of the post: Wow! You have the coolest wife in the world. Not to knock mine, we’re destined to stay in the vanilla world, and that’s ok. You can live my fantasies. Please keep writing; I’ll keep reading.

  2. Thank you for such a lovely post and I’d have to agree, you have a pretty awesome wife. She loves you and does understand your needs and helps you fulfill them. It’s a beautiful thing.

  3. “It’s great to have a relationship like this where I can be totally honest about what I need and can give back and not have to worry I’m not giving what he needs. In fact, I think I’m giving him exactly what he needs”.

    Thank you, Thumper. You nailed it. I doubt anyone would argue that communication is a weak point in our relationship (and our relationships), but since I have already been asked today my feelings on this, I have to say I agree and, yes, I am getting exactly what I need from what we have, even more than I expected in a friendship way which really makes me happy.

    As you said regarding me, I find that I place you higher than my general friends, but in a completely different ballpark from where Axel resides. That said, I do have great affection and, with this comment, want to tell you that I would officially now give you a kidney if you needed it (for you bi people, that’s a Golden Girls reference on friendship).

    But, the best part is I love the fact, like last week, that I can hug you goodbye and see an excitement in your eyes that you are going home to Belle at the same time I have the bubbly feeling that Axel will be there waiting on me when I get home.

    So, I know I speak for Axel when I say, we four just ROCK 🙂

    1. “…when I say, we four just ROCK”

      Uh huh 🙂

      So proud of you 4 for the careful work you’ve done in creating the dynamic you have.

      I might be younger than you but I still have this whole “motherly, awww so cute, proud of you” thing I feel for you.

  4. I need to admit that I have been guilty of reading you post by post in random order since I found you from Drew’s blog, so I’m sorry that I’m late to the party on this post but felt compelled to tell you something about it. First, I think I have mentioned on a comment or two that I am also Bi, have a wife and have what I have realized from you is a boyfriend. We had used the term fuck buddies before and it felt classless, but the “I’m not poly side” of me would not allow me to say the word boyfriend until I realized that you two do and that I don’t think romantically or judgemental about your relationship either and neither do your spouses. Both are sitting with me as I type this because they also agreed with your post.

    Unlike you, my wife and boyfriend are now “friends” outside of the relationship and while awkward at first, that has done wonders for my comfort. But, it’s not poly in any way and they both know that if we are all three at dinner and the joint catches on fire, she is who I am rescuing first and then, providing she’s out safe, I’d climb over strangers to get him out second and both are okay with that (just a reference to say I like him more than most other people but don’t love him like her).

    He is single so I used to worry about him wanting more, but nope, he likes his two hours twice a week with me and that is that (he is now dating and hasn’t told the guy yet) (worries me) except for when the 3 of us have supper and that is really nice. Do I recall you met Axel or bought him a present or something? How did that go? I suspect well or hope we’ll.

    Conclusio here is a grate thank you for helping set some definitions for real life. You and Belle and I guess you and Drew, and Drew and Axel are doing something really good for way more than a just the two of you who get to fuck. (My wife tells me that was crude) (the boyfriend thinks it’s fine) (now I have a dilemma)

    To restate, you all have helped many more than the some of your parts and the benefits you each get to experience.

  5. I hit send and realized I called Axel Drew’s wife. I know better. Please fix that for me or let this stand as a I am sorry. Force of habit.

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