I visited the grocery store over lunch today to pick up some things to keep at the office for when I can’t go out and eat. I was checked out, both literally and figuratively, by a cute boy checker. Seemed gay to me, but not ridiculously so. Tried to make small talk about my hat and kept it going when it should have died out. Smiled. Twinkled. Called out something as I walked away. Either he was flirting or has a personality disorder. We’ll go with flirting.
When I see or meet people who are sexually interesting to me (and this guy could be, I suppose), I often wonder what they would make of me if they had the chance. I don’t really think of myself as a normal man. Not the kind you just pick up for a fuck. Besides being functionally penisless, I mean. What would it be like for me knowing what I know about myself now if I was still trying to date people?
Sure, I’m totally bi and could conceivably have sex with anyone. I know I’m heteromantic so the dudes would just be a good time. I’d probably have to tell them that if they tried to linger. Alternatively, I’d need to tell the women about the bi thing. Honestly, the best thing I did with Belle was put it out there very early on. Even before we were dating. It was never hidden between us, though had we gone right into a romantic thing, I don’t know that it would have happened the same way. It probably would have. As I recall, most of the women I’ve been with were hip to the bi.
Besides being bi, I’m a complete bottom. Not just a sub (I’ll get there), but a bottom. Not really into fucking guys. Have never been into it, to be honest, though I’ve always been into letting them do me. I recall always being somewhat impatient when I was with guys if they were going down on me or I was supposed to screw them. Sure, I like getting sucked off as much as the next guy, but I don’t think I’ve ever come from that. And now, of course, if I do end up with a guy for a good time, I’m an enforced bottom. Can’t really not tell the poor dude about that until the pants are coming off.
And yes, of course, I’m a sub. All the way down. How would I get into a relationship with a random person without knowing if they were minimally a switch? I mean, I guess I did when I married Belle, but we’re talking about me knowing everything I know about myself now. Of course, maybe it would just be a fling. Like the cute boy picking me up at the grocery store. But would I be able to enter into flings knowing all these things about me and how complicated I am and how sometimes flings become more than that?
Bottom line, dating for a submissive bisexual heteromantic bottom would be fucking complicated as hell. I mean, seriously, that’s got to be one of the primary ways the internet has improved our lives in the past few decades. When I really was single and dating, all we had were bars, friends, work, and the personals. And the personals were pretty tame.
The converse of all this, of course, is I didn’t know a lot of these things and married a wonderful girl anyway and it all turned out fine. So maybe I’m just blowing this out of proportion. Maybe shit just works out sometimes.