Month: June 2026

I was listing to today’s Sex & Psychology podcast from Justin Lehmiller. It was part one of a two part conversation with Paul Botto from KINK3D on “why chastity turns people on.” All in all, a fairly introductory exploration of the subject, but nice nonetheless as anything that raises the profile of the practice is OK by me. I’m looking forward to part two of their talk.

As an aside, I do wish KINK3D, probably the dominant manufacturer of male chastity devices on the planet, would make something designed to integrate piercings. But I’ve felt that way for a long time. Alas.

At one point, Justin asked Paul about people who might be interested in using chastity devices as a way to keep them from indulging or practicing a kink (even and up to simply masturbating) that they feel embarrassment or shame from. Paul had no answer to that and, I think, rightfully so. Using chastity to paper over a form of sexual deviance that brings you shame is a really terrible idea.

For one, chastity and denial makes you way more horny and being super horny is not the way to try and take your mind off the thing that you want to do when you’re horny, even if you don’t like it.

And two, not only will being locked up make you more focused on the thing you don’t like about your sexuality, it will likely bring to the fore things you didn’t even know you were into. I’ve made the point before here and on other podcasts, but denial will, over time, expose kinks and predilections you previously never suspected existed. It’s like regularly shooting your load keeps the reservoir of your sexuality full. It covers up the deep recesses of your full sexual topography exactly like the water in a lake or an ocean covers their hidden depths. But once you stop coming, the level of that pool starts to lower and peaks and crevasses start to poke out. Things you never would have fantasized about or indulged in when regularly satiating yourself start to appear.

You read about locked cucks suddenly wanting to service their wive’s bulls, for example. Guys who never showed any signs of being bisexual. For me, all my previous subtle predilections regarding bondage and masochism fully blossomed. My ability to embrace my fundamental submissive nature, as well. And, most surprisingly to me at the time, was the realization that I was a cuck. That particular aspect of my sexuality was never known until I was locked up and hadn’t come for a while.

So yeah, if there’s a part of your sexuality you’re ashamed of or wish didn’t intrude into your thoughts, locking yourself up is just really a rotten terrible no good idea. Go see a therapist and talk it though, instead.

Lately, I’ve been having conversations with a few people via Bluesky about their inability to achieve erection after long-term denial and chastity. My experience seems to be a little different than theirs.

For me, I can still get hard. I wake up every morning with a stuffed device (and it feels amazing). Also, when I’m turned on sufficiently, I can still fill the cage just fine. So, physiologically, everything still works. But I’ve been told by some guys that they don’t get erections at all. Ever.

What’s different between now and early on when I was locked is that I don’t try to get hard as often, even when I’m stimulated such that I would have popped an unlocked boner or found myself uncomfortably tight in the early days. Browsing visual porn or reading erotica doesn’t elicit much of a reaction. Maybe a pleasant little chubbing. I have to be very turned on to actually strain against my confinement. When I’m getting Belle off or right when she’s coming usually does it. When I’m with Frodo, it can happen, too. So it definitely happens, just not as frequently.

Back when Belle was unlocking me more regularly for sex, she’d give me the key and let me take off whatever I was in prior to getting her off. In those cases, when the contents was out, it’d get plenty hard in advance of what was to come (all too quickly). But, in that same situation (then and now) with no expectation of release, I don’t get hard. Maybe a little. But not always.

I’ve also noticed that when I’m very occasionally out during a shower for maintenance and deep hygiene, it barely reacts. Even as I’m grabbing and pulling it about to get the razor over the bits I usually can’t reach. Nothing. Like there’s some kind of switch that’s set to off. Literally zero reaction. The last time I was in that spot, I thought I couldn’t have made it hard even if I was trying. It just felt so remote and alien.

I know what I’m allowed to do. I know what I have the urge to do. I know that those things rarely align. I don’t want to be bad and the fact that I desire to obey the rules is stronger than the reptile brain part of me that would actually enjoy being hard and jerking it or sticking it in something or someone.

On this week’s Savage Love episode, Dan had a question about hypnotism as a kink and, specifically, if it was bullshit. His guest, Sadie Dingfelder, came on to talk about what the science says. I won’t get into the whole thing (you should listen), but the thing that stuck with me is that the brain is a very powerful thing. With enough work or willingness plus suggestion, our brains can make us feel or forget or engage in things we otherwise would not. I think long term, up to and bordering on permanent chastity, could easily create a similar kind of brain over body outcome. Specifically, we could train ourselves to stop having erections. The part of the brain open to the suggestion could override the bits that control when we got hard-ons in response to stimulation.

I think that can go further, too. I’ve said before how I don’t really feel like I have a penis anymore. How the device is a definite part of me and probably a better representation of my identity than the remote, disconnected from my reality thing that’s inside it. I have been conditioned to believe that (and I really do). I know there’s a penis in there. I still feel occasional, fleeting urges to use it how it was intended to be used. But there’s a block between me and that reality created by constant near-24/7/365 separation from the contents.

There was a time when the idea of being this way — mentally/emotionally modified and conditioned by chastity to lose this thing that many would consider central to the male experience — would have made me very turned on. The device would have been tight as a drum writing these words. Now, nothing. It’s still pretty hot imo tbh — I can feel that — but nothing is stirring.

However, as I said, the plumbing still works. Nocturnal tumescence is completely involuntary and I wake up every morning with it. And since I’ve been locked up quite literally for years and haven’t slept outside a device for the last 725 days, nothing in my experiencing makes me think permanent chastity does lasting physical harm. At least, it does not appear to have done so to me.

If I was suddenly not getting hard at all, I’d go to the doctor because there are other serious conditions that could cause that.