The Day

Today was The Day with Drew.

He was originally going to have a brief layover in town that only would have allowed an hour or so of getting to know each other in person time but then had a delayed flight that would have caused him to miss his connection so all of a sudden he was here overnight. The plan morphed into picking him up at the airport and spending some time together, though not too late, but then that new flight was similarly delayed. All of a sudden, the one hour visitation was potentially a lot more since his flight didn’t leave until the following afternoon.

I’ll admit, this was stressful to me. On the one hand, I didn’t want Belle to necessarily be aware of the The Day, as I’ve said before, since I didn’t want her to have to think too hard about it. I didn’t want it sitting out there. Before, The Day was in December. But now, it was now and she was aware and would be and I felt stress about that. She, though, showed none. Zero. I would go so far as to say she was bordering on encouraging. It wasn’t until last night when I was able to see her face to face that I was able to say how I felt as succinctly as I could. I never want to hurt her ever again. Not like I did. Not anything like it. And so much of my stress was that I would, inadvertently, do that. She assured me that she didn’t feel like she was going to be hurt. So that weight was lifted.

I was also stressed because Drew really wanted to see me and I wanted to finally see him and things kept shifting and I kept having to balance the desire to see him against my desire to be respectful and mindful of Belle. I didn’t want to disappoint him. So as things finally seemed to gel, I realized I could see him all morning today if I cancelled and moved some meetings. Me, being the boss, was able to do that and so I cleared my morning for him.

So, I’m not going to get into the sordid details here. Let’s just say today was, in fact, The Day.

As I’ve gone along in life, I figured out a while back that one of the main reasons I couldn’t be gay was because, once done having sex with a man, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I wanted to get as far away as possible. Super unfair to the other guy, obviously, and not a good way to build a relationship. I figured in the case of Drew (or whoever might have taken the bait on me in my condition), this wouldn’t be an issue because I’d never come. But, I realized after I dropped him at the airport, I felt a little taste of that old feeling. I am that guy gay’s seem to hate in bisexual men. Fuck and then gone.

I’ve told Drew this as I always want to be as honest as possible, but I don’t think it’s a real problem. The fact that he lives far away and won’t be in town really often means I can just leave when it’s over. And in the time he’s away, my interest in him can rebuild. It’s the perfect arrangement, I think. If he lived here, I don’t think my inherent assholish attitude toward men would allow me to be a very good partner in this scheme.

Also a funny thing, I didn’t feel this way until he came. Even with him, I have developed the tendency to feel certain aftereffects of orgasms I don’t have. It’s really weird.

The other thing I found interesting is, at some point, I realized I really wanted to be with Belle. Like, really. I craved her company. I do like Drew very much and had a swell time with him (which, as I said, we won’t be talking about here in detail), but Belle is the absolute love of my life and nothing is ever going to change that. I can’t wait to be with her tonight.

No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I always want it to end with me being back in her arms. Even on The Day.

15 thoughts on “The Day

      1. Really? That insulted you?? Wow. If you don’t know that unprotected sex with a new male increases odds of getting that or hpv or any std, I really feel sorry for you and your wife. Do you not love your wife? What do you think, that it’s just not going to happen? Whatever, I’m just surprised at the defensive attitude. I will read another blog.

      2. Stunning.

        Well, before I give you the old “don’t the door hit you in the ass,” let me help you understand why your comment was insulting on several levels.

        First of all, you heard two men had sex and your mind apparently immediately went to HIV. I have news for you. A man can get HIV from a woman and a woman can give it to another woman. *Anyone* can get HIV from anyone else. Thinking HIV is a “gay problem” or even immediately associating the two things is, in my opinion, totally ignorant of the facts and homophobic. Your way of thinking may have been acceptable in 1988, but not anymore.

        Second, you seem to think my drive to have sex with another man overrides my ability to think. Just because I didn’t explicitly say we had protected sex doesn’t mean any sensible person should jump to the conclusion that we didn’t or condescendingly berate me for the implied omission. That’s just rude.

        Third, the entire tone of your comment suggests to me you think Belle is being taken advantage of or victimized or is a powerless bystander to my ravenous sexulity. I read between the lines that you disapprove of my behavior. Again, the suggestion of homophobia.

        Lastly, your comment simply insults my intelligence. As if I’m too fucking stupid to consider the consequences of unprotected sex with a veritable stranger. Of course, for all the reasons I mentioned above, you failed to consider the panoply of other STDs one is much more likely to get besides HIV, but regardless, you suggest I’m too stupid to even think about such things.

        Now, don’t the door hit you on the ass on your way out. Adieu.

  1. Delighted for you. 🙂 if the D/s capitalisation with Drew is to be followed though my fave bunny… Is it also for the blog? You may have err’d!

  2. While we may each have our own desires and ways to approach the variations of the lifestyle there is no reason for someone to be critically rude to Thumper on his own blog were he openly publishes his desires, experiences and feelings.

  3. longtime lurker here – delighted for you both but can’t help but wonder about Drew’s wife? None of my business, but Belle is good, but is it mutual times 4? i am also a slave to my wife and bisexual and never see men after even if i want to so i hope you are better than me because this sounds good. i live in the south and just blame the way i grew up. Last, ignore the negative comments – they have no place here

      1. Husband? i must have missed that when you said married, because two men can’t marry. That’s a sin. This just proves those gays sleep around. You don’t know me, but that’s a sad joke and even a more sad truth about how many evidently think that here. Good for him and you and them. It was none of my business but thank you for answering.

  4. Funny by the way how you describe the feeling which makes you sure you’re not gay, ’cause I feel the exact same way.
    Plus the fact that I have never seen a man walking down the street and found myself attracted to him.

    The only thing that makes me feel attracted to a man, is his cock. When I’m horny, I want that cock. In my hand. Or in my mouth. Or in the third option. But just the cock.

    Talking about being open minded, I was once talking to a couple of gay guys in a gay bar in Groningen, the Netherlands. We had a really nice conversation and at some point one of them asked me if I was He, Ho or Bi. So I told that I’d have to with Bi, but in the way I described above. At once, the conversation froze over. The guy who had asked me looked at me as if I had eaten a turd right in front of him and told me that that was completely incomprehensible to him. And that they wanted to talk some more with just the two of them. So shoo.

    And those were Dutch gay guys. Yeah, they’re all so fucking open minded…

Say your piece

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s