I was just listening to the most recent Savage Lovecast (#991) and a listener asked for Dan’s permission to walk around his house naked in front of windows with their blinds up even though people on the outside might see him and the fact that being seen by someone kind of turned him on.
Dan’s advice shocked me. First, he said the caller didn’t need his permission and could do what he liked (not the shocking part), but then he said the caller might get arrested. Apparently, there are several cases of people being naked in their own homes and being seen from outside and then getting arrested and, reader, let me tell you. I am naked in my own home and walk in front of windows every goddamned day.
Our house has huge plate glass windows that look out onto the street and every morning I get up and go into the kitchen for my morning caffeine and I do this walk in front of the massive windows in exactly the same state I sleep: entirely naked (except for, you know, that one part). Of course, I know I might be seen at some point even though we live on a pretty quiet street at that time of day. I know and I just don’t care. It’s my fucking house, after all, and I feel like I should be able to enjoy it however I like. And I’m not doing anything sexual. I’m just walking, albeit nakedly. And locked.
Then Dan got onto the subject of secret perving and the ethics of that. Such as, is it OK for a foot fetishist to have a job selling shoes? Dan says yes, as long as the act of putting a shoe on someone doesn’t result in visible erections and profuse drooling. The best analog I have to that is being locked up all the time and sometimes being in situations where the device can be seen.
There’s kind of three levels to this. One is when I’m just walking around wearing jeans or something and the device (especially the Steelheart) can be perceived. I saw that it was visible this morning when I put my jeans on. The bulge of the tube was evident in the mirror in our bedroom, though a slight adjustment made it go away. But that means at other points in the day, the bulge is certainly reemerging and someone could easily see it and I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about that.
The second level is when I’m running. I have some running tights I occasionally wear and thin running shorts and the tights in particular leave little to the imagination. I’m 100% positive people have seen the obvious bulge of the device as I ran by because I’ve seen people look directly at it.
The third level is the TSA. I have been caught by them before and had to show the device. I’ve also been scanned and had the device show up and the agent just waved me though. I used to go though TSA locked all the time and almost always got though unaccosted, but tend not to anymore because I don’t want the hassle.
I can forthrightly say in all these cases I don’t care whatsoever if anyone sees the device. I’m so over it. I know there are some who would say I’m forcing them to participate in my sex life, but I don’t think of it that way. Being permanently locked is a lot more than just “my sex life.” I consider it more a lifestyle than an act. For me, it’s not really optional. It’s who and what I am. Similarly, if anyone saw and asked I’d tell them. But I don’t feel like being locked is optional for me.
Over on Reddit, there was a guy recently who said he didn’t lock up outside the house at all for fear that someone might see the bulge and know he’s locked. Oh, sweet summer child. That’s adorable. Truth is, people (and guys especially) are always checking out our bulges and vanishingly few would see one that’s larger than usual and think it’s anything other than a big dick.
So anyway, maybe it’s different to walk in your own house naked vs. walking in your own house sporting a shiny metal object where your penis used to be. But I think my opinion stands. It’s my house, it’s my body, I’m not hurting anyone. I’m going to keep walking around however I want as I have done for the last 19 years living here. I’m also going to keep going around locked up because I’ve been doing that for almost as long and nobody seems to care.
But, you know, YMMV. Also, young locked newbies, don’t worry about anyone seeing your cute little bulge. You care about it about 1,000x more than they do.
Man, consenting adults should be free to wear whatever they want or be naked in their own house whenever they want. As for your bulge, from your writing it seems like you usually handle yourself in a way that’s respectful to others when you are in public. I’m tiny but my tits are naturally big and are always going to look super sexual but I’m still wearing a bikini top whenever I want….I swear I think some uptight people actually get off in some way by acting overly offended…and….anyone who protests too much against someone else’s proclivities …. they’re coming from a place of their own internalized shame.
I think to a considerable degree this is a ‘Middle-America’ problem with our social values and norms still tied in part to the Puritan Settlers who graced the shores of New England now four centuries ago. It is time to rid ourselves of the last bastions of this kind of tyranny.
Two observations:
Firstly, I note that have been out of the corporate environment for some time and my info might be dated. Annually, it seemed my department would receive a visitor — or in my view an enforcer — from the “People and Culture” department which in a lot of places is still called HR. The gal — and it was always a gal — which come and talk about sexual harassment in the workplace; and provide the key message that the person who feels they were treated badly or harassed gets to decide if the conduct is bad, or really bad, and/or is actually harassment or not — and the presumption is that the conduct will be viewed as inappropriate until some maven elsewhere says otherwise. Part of being a corporate leadership is to build teams and get people to feel that they can be creative and bring their zeal to the workplace, rather than being cowed. We would roll our eyes and talk about this in our staff meeting and lament how badly our society has devolved.
As an example. I had a staff member who had her ‘auto-flirt’ application fully engaged all the time. Granted it was not jet-fuel intensity, but it was still basic petrol. I knew some folks might be annoyed, but we were able to take it in stride.
Secondly, I once had a man complain that a female colleague’s blouse was too silky to the point that one could see her bra straps and other elements without much difficulty. He thought it was in poor taste and insensitive. I would think to myself he just a prude. Also, I once had a female staffer complain about a smallish (5ft7in) man in the department who had bar-bell tit piercings — and being the young testosterone laden gym bunny that he was, would wear some rather tight form-fitting shirts that would leave little to the imagination. (I note that this woman would wear the biggest hoop earrings that one might find in all Christendom. She would get chided by others asking if you had parakeets at home. ) He had a nickname around the department as “Little Stevie”. I note that civilization did not come to an end.
I would take these complaints about other people’s ‘manners’ and respond with … ‘get a life’. I am not going to let small minded or shallow people take all the zest and fun out of life.
I have been wearing a cage for a more than 15 years and I now cannot see life without. TSA once gave me some chatter, and I just observed it was body jewelry. That’s all it took.
I am with Thumper and that I do lot of naked stuff around MY home and not going to let any self-appointed do-gooder tell me otherwise.
In my view, we have to accept, and honor, and celebrate the fact that we are all sexual beings. Feeling sexual, for a little to a lot, helps with our sense of self-worth, and mental health. If wearing a cage, or having a bump is part of our self identity and sense of well being than I think that is good.