For the third time since beginning our program of my prolonged orgasmic denial, I went an entire night with little or no sleep. I’m beginning to think this will happen every time Belle and I are apart since the other two times I was alone, just like last night.
The formula looks a little like this: First, mix in two parts heightened hormonal level. Then, add one part hours of continuous porn consumption (my need for which is driven by three things: a) I’m a guy, and b) I’m fucking horny, and c) Did I mention I’m a guy?). Shake (don’t stir), then remove all my clothes and put me in bed. My imagination and the concomitant swell and release sensations that emanate from the tube are enough to keep me going pretty much all night.
Besides all that, three other events conspired to keep me restless:
- At 11:15, housekeeping knocked on my door. I had been asleep immediately prior to this for less than an hour, but awoke with a start and a slight amount of viscous fluid on my thigh. If that was a wet dream, it may have been the first of my life (and absent any dream). Anyway, the housekeeping guy. He was there to deliver a new remote for the TV I didn’t ask for.
- At 1:30, I heard the sound of a very drunk girl trying to open my door with her key. She didn’t seem to understand what the problem was, so she put the key in the slot and jiggled the doorknob about 500 times (I assume just to make sure she was doing it right). Her male companion (who sounded much less inebriated) suggested maybe she had the wrong room.
- Approximately 20 minutes after the attempted break-in, I heard the same inebriated woman screaming at the top of her voice, “FUCK ME! FUCK ME! OH, GOD, FUUUUUUCK MEEEEE!!!” No lie. I’m laying there, horn-dogged to the hilt, and there’s a fucking porno shoot going on next door. So, I did what anyone else in my situation would do. I put a pillow over my head and tried to go to sleep. I went over to the adjoining passage door, dropped to the floor so I could hear better, and listened to the “FUCKING STUD” slam the hell out of the poor drunk girl. At one point, I thought they were done, as the screaming had stopped and there was general rustling around, so I went back to bed, but moments later FUCKING STUD was back at it and she was taking the Lord’s name in serious vain. “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, FUUUUUUUCK MEEEE!!” Then I heard him grunt a few times and knew, now they were done. Of course, I was wondering if he gave her an orgasm first. Pretty sure he didn’t based on the tone of her slurred speech and what I think was an offer to come back to bed. I actually feel pretty sorry for her because the FUCKING STUD was gone less than ten minutes after he came.
- About 20 minutes after all that, I heard the drunk girl throw up. Hopefully, in her toilet.
So here’s the funny bit. I met that girl at lunch. She was at the same table I was. I know this because, while he was busy making small talk and trying to get his clothes back on as quickly as possible, they were discussing the company she works for (the only person from that company at this event). So yeah, I met her, but couldn’t remember what she looked like other than she was blondish and OK looking. If she had been really hot, I would have totally remembered and been able to retroactively fill in the images to the porno soundtrack I had, but no dice.
So now, I have to speak to a couple hundred people and do some kind of video interview thingy and travel home all on about 45 minutes of fitful sleep.