Well, that was weird – further thoughts

Regarding this:

So last night she comes home late and pretty much says we aren’t going to be using any of the new items. I didn’t really think she’d be tying me up, but not even the collar? I can’t even try it on? I had built this moment up in my mind – me, the pet, getting my first collar, from her, my owner – and instead I get a tired wife who just wants to go to bed.

If I were in her shoes (which I’d never be since they look so uncomfortable and I have not even an inkling of a shoe/foot fetish nor am I interested in cross dressing) I’d have used this situation as a way to give me what I want without giving me what I want. I don’t expect she’s going to want to have sex as often as I do (especially when I’m getting no orgasmic release away from her), so why not just tell me to be a good boy and heel? Hell, hit me with a rolled up newspaper, even. Tell me tonight’s not the night and if I give her any crap about it she’ll add a week to however long it’s going to be until I get to cum. When the time comes, she can even threaten to lock me up. In short, leverage her disinterest into an opportunity to feed my kink. I suppose she’ll get there. This is all so new to both of us, though I’ve dived deeply into the concept and have read so much more on the topic than she has. Maybe it’s time to give her a tour of some of the sites I’ve been visiting.

One Reply to “Well, that was weird – further thoughts”

  1. “In short, leverage her disinterest into an opportunity to feed my kink.”

    Assumably because that is a betrayal in her mind? My girlfriend and I have been experimenting along all sorts of lines pretty much from the get-go (Yes, I am VERY lucky), and came across a similar problem at one point:
    To begin with, we both felt we were more sub than dom, but tried to take it in turns (I can happily say that we have both realised now the futility of thinking in just D/s terms). Sometimes, one of us wouldn’t be in the mood, or maybe not in the mood to have the Dom position, and the other would beg, argue or try to manipulate the other into continuing anyway. To cut it short, we talked, and realised that when we did play in that fashion, it wasn’t enjoyable, and we both felt guilty after. Basically, it wasn’t fun, because one of us wasn’t really fully into it, and the other picked up on it. In addition, it made the first feel like they were lying, and betraying a very sacred trust. That fed back to the other and put us both in a bad place.
    Having a BDSM relationship is fantastic, but I think people sometimes forget why ‘the norm’ is the norm – certain fundamentals of the relationship are fulfilled that keep it healhy.

    (Huh, not bad for a 20-something at 3 in the morning…)

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