Two things a-poppin’

I was all set to tell the tale of the long holiday weekend and the forgotten key when two things popped up in comments that I wanted to hash out.

First is a question asked in a more lengthy comment by reader SunLocked:

As for the price: I think you should first decide on why you write the book – is it to make money or is it to give advice to those seeking it…?

That’s an excellent question.

It seems as though if all I cared about was advice, then this blog is it. Anyone willing to wade through the years of posts will undoubtedly find almost anything they need to know on the subject (at least is it pertains to my experiences). However, way back when I first introduced the purpose of this blog, it wasn’t so much I was thinking of advising others as much as I wanted a place to sound out ideas and even solicit others’ advice. That’s still the point, I suppose, though along the way my experiences rolled up into a big enough ball that I became an advisor, not the advisee. I think of the book concept as a declaration of where we’ve found ourselves. The opposite of the rambling and often inconsistent and contradictory play-by-play of the journey that is the blog. Told from a position of experience looking back, not from inexperience looking forward. Hell, when I started writing this I still hadn’t ever had anything locked onto to me and had barely been denied any orgasms at all (Oooo, he went three whole days without coming!).

Also, while this blog seems to be fairly well-known among a certain subset of netizens (yes, I did just use that word), I think that having a title listed in the various places one goes to find books can introduce a whole new group of people who otherwise would never find me because the internet is a scary place filled with some scary things (even my own site). When I think back on how we started, one of the first things we did was buy Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders. For Belle especially, this was a much easier introduction than most of what was available on the web then (with the notable exception of Tom’s blog from which I sent her many links). There was no Keyheld back then (or, for that matter, She-Held) and, even if there were, even those sites are more advanced than I’m thinking would have been right to share with Belle at the time.

With regard to the money thing, I’m not looking to make a lot off this. I’d like to get something in exchange for my efforts, but I already make a pretty good living and don’t really need the income (though more’s always better, right?). I don’t criticize Sarah Jameson her cottage industry, though that approach isn’t right for me. The more this feels like a job, the less I want to do it (which is the biggest threat to ever completing the book).

Billus chimed in with a thoughtful comment but said in the midst of it…

Tom’s site has more or less self-destructed, for reasons known only to him.

Which garnered a response from Tom to the effect that time has marched on and, like I’ve found, his blog is not what it was because he’s not what he was. Billus replied back that he’s lost interest in where Tom’s taken the blog, but it’s no skin off his nose.

The reason I highlight this (besides thinking that “self-destruct” is a tad harsh) is that I started this blog with an eye towards Tom’s and have thought that its evolution might also be influenced by his. I like to write. I like to write here. So what if someday I start to write about things other than those found in the chastity ghetto repertoire? These are, after all, personal blogs, right? What’s to stop me from talking about politics (man, I’d really like to) or media or whatever the fuck? Except that it may lead to fewer people reading it.

And that’s such a rub for me. No, I shouldn’t care about how many people read my words, but as a person who writes, I can tell you it’s a lot more rewarding when someone’s reading you than not. I have another blog written under my real name. If I get a dozen eyeballs a day (thirteen if one’s a pirate), I’m lucky. That lack of attention makes it hard for me to write there, though I know that more writing is what I need to do in order to get the eyeballs. In either event, as its popularity has grown, I’ve come to think of Denying Thumper as something like a channel. HGTV doesn’t show baseball games and ESPN doesn’t talk about kitchen make-overs and DT doesn’t compare and constrast UK Top Gear to US Top Gear (short story, US Top Gear sucks). But, of course, this isn’t a channel. It’s my personal blog, as I said. So why not write what I want? Sooner or later, it feels like I will have to expand the content here if I’m going to keep it going. Some of you may think of that as a kind of self-destruction, but where are the lines between your expectations of what I’m supposed to write about and what I really want to write about?

Anyway, it’s an interesting conundrum I’ve been pondering and one Billus’ comments bubbled to the surface.

6 thoughts on “Two things a-poppin’

  1. So what if someday I start to write about things other than those found in the chastity ghetto repertoire?

    Bingo.

    I was writing on sexuality and relationships on Usenet and AOL boards (using a dial-up modem, for crying out loud!) long before I was blogging. I started writing about our experiments with chastity and denial on various web groups, including several of the Yahoo groups around, oh, 2001 or 2002. When I started the blog in 2006, I already had a lot of people who had been emailing me about both the technical and emotional aspects.

    The Edge of Vanilla didn’t start off as a “chastity blog,” but it was natural for me to write about it because, really, except for wank material, there wasn’t much else written about it at the time. I’ve often had mixed feelings at seeing my site stats list “Tom’s chastity blog” or variations as search hits, because I still saw myself as writing about sexuality and relationships.

    So why not write what I want? Sooner or later, it feels like I will have to expand the content here if I’m going to keep it going. Some of you may think of that as a kind of self-destruction, but where are the lines between your expectations of what I’m supposed to write about and what I really want to write about?

    I think that once you get into a groove, the inertia keeps you going. You’ve been writing on chastity, detailing your several dozen devices, talking about the meat, and all of those things that you do so well for years now. You actually have the blog that some people thought *I* had. If you start making more posts about your diet, fitness plan, stamp collecting, or whatever, then a lot of people will be scratching their heads and wondering how *your* blog self-destructed.

    To be fair to Billus, most readers will just take you off their Google Reader RSS reader; he was one of the few people to really complain a few years ago when I actually made more fitness-related posts and news articles than chastity related ones. The fact that he’s still complaining is a compliment in a way.

    Thumper, this is in some ways a continuation of the discussion we were having a month or two ago, about the blogs that just sort of dropped off the radar. Chastity & denial is a pretty narrow kink; how much can you keep talking about your aroused frustration without repeating yourself?

  2. First off, I am quite sure you realize you will probably not make millions from your book, (I doubt Ms. Jamison is retiring wealthy anytime soon), but here’s hoping you do. Second, the fact that you used the word netizens tells me you are ready. Hell, Shakespeare made up words! Seriously, you said the reason you want to write a book, in a nutshell, is to have people read it. Take this from one who has done what you are seeking to do, this is the only good reason for writing a book. All the other reasons, such as “get my thoughts out to share” or “I have this idea…” are simply, bullshit. Having someone read what you put down on paper (so to speak) is the reward. Making a few pesos for it is just icing. I have made very few pesos with my writing. Such is the target of a very small audience. Mine is emergency medicine (paramedic, EMT types). Your audience, will be bigger, especially if you look at the overall number of devices sold. The number of CB 3000, & 6000’s sold should give you hope.
    I look forward to seeing how this all progresses. The most successful key to writing a book is to get started, though it is not always the easiest part of the endeavor.

  3. I like the idea of The Chastity Channel. I follow a few bloggers who have separated their writing lives as such. If compartmentalization is your thing, it’s a way to go. And if you’re taking into account your readers’ reasoning, it makes sense.

    The content of this blog, as it is, has it’s place. If it is not the place you wish to be, move forward. Or to the left. Or forge a new path. It is, as you say, YOUR blog. Do what you will.

    I have to disagree with what Tom said above, “…how much can you keep talking about your aroused frustration without repeating yourself?”, however. Because I don’t think that’s what you write about at all. I’ve seen a change in your attitude ~ through your writing ~ over the past year. And I don’t think you’re writing about your aroused frustration. It’s part of the overall experience of your relationship with Belle, yes. BUT… It is not the only thing. You write your journey, complete with crests and pitfalls and tropical storms and quicksand. You lose your footing sometimes, and you get caught in the brambles, and as a result, you’ve navigated your way to where you are now.

    The destination is unknown.

    And that’s half the fun.

  4. The Edge of Vanilla didn’t start off as a “chastity blog”…

    That’s the biggest differences between us. This *did* start out as a chastity and denial blog.

    Chastity & denial is a pretty narrow kink; how much can you keep talking about your aroused frustration without repeating yourself?

    I’ve already lapped myself about six times, I think. But I agree with Mrs Fever (why not Ms Fever? And is it this Fever?) that if all this blog was about was descroptions of our sex acts, it’d would’ve ceased years back because, in at least the written descrption of them, they start to sound very much alike. It’s really about the journey (which sounds corny but is true) and our relationship evolution and, oh yeah, she keeps me locked in a chastity device.

    First off, I am quite sure you realize you will probably not make millions from your book, (I doubt Ms. Jamison is retiring wealthy anytime soon), but here’s hoping you do.

    I’d be very happy breaking into four digits.

    Second, the fact that you used the word netizens tells me you are ready. Hell, Shakespeare made up words!

    Oh, how I’d like to let you believe I made that word up. Alas.

    Having someone read what you put down on paper (so to speak) is the reward. Making a few pesos for it is just icing.

    I think that’s right. It’s exactly how I’m thinking about this.

    The most successful key to writing a book is to get started, though it is not always the easiest part of the endeavor.

    Yeah, I should probably get back on that, huh?

  5. I can tell you right now that my Wife-Led-Marriage blog sparked more interest than my blog now, which deals with everything from cuckolding to porn stars. But sometimes one must evolve, especially in this world where the tweet is replacing the blog post.

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