A tale of two talks

Belle and I and the kids just got back from a long weekend in San Francisco. Truly, one of the great cities of the world. The weather was fantastic and we ended up walking, according to my phone, about 75,000 steps in four days. That’s some miles.

So yeah, awesome, except that the kids were there. No, of course, I love my children, but Belle and I weren’t getting any time to ourselves since we were sharing a room with them. The third night we were there was our seventeenth wedding anniversary so we let the kids get room service and we went to a lovely little Italian place away from the (obvious) tourists.

I was anxious to talk to Belle about Drew. I told her earlier in the weekend to catch up on the blog so she already knew of him from that, but I had been texting with him from time to time and felt a little furtive not having had a chance to speak with her directly about him.

So, over some really excellent pasta and a bottle of passable Croatian Pinot Grigio (who even knew there was such a thing?), we talked. As with the last time a guy passed through our orbit, she wasn’t bothered or concerned. She’s really OK with it. That was an incredible relief for me. Not that I was worried so much about her not being OK, but you never know.

Since then, I’ve spoken to my old high school boyfriendthing who has a similar open arrangement with his husband and he told me that, even though it all seems OK and everyone is saying they’re OK and OK is raining from the sky and filling OK lakes and streams all around, you never lose that nagging worry that everything isn’t OK. Good to know I’m not just neurotic.

Anyway, over on the other side of the country, Drew was having the same check-in with his husband who similarly reestablished that everything was, as had been previously agreed to, OK. In fact, Drew wanted me to point this out specifically to you, my readers, since he didn’t want anyone to think he was doing something under the table with me (which isn’t a sex pun but totally could be now that I write it out).

So while the sailing on the Sea of OK seems pretty clear, I’m left with a bit of a paradox. Belle’s my closest and best friend. There are few corners of my soul she hasn’t had a view of at this point and I strive to be as open and honest with her as possible in all things. Also, since she’s my best friend (no, really — I know guys are supposed to say that about their wives, but in this case it’s true), I want to tell her about the things that are happening to me that are new or I’m excited about. Like Drew. But I also want to be really super careful not to drain the OK tub by accidentally crossing some informational line I’m too doped up on hormones and unicorn farts to see. I talked to her about that tonight over an unusually kid-free dinner. She’s still…you guessed it, OK, and doesn’t have a problem hearing about Drew as a person but we’re still feeling around in the dark about anything beyond that.

For example. I know the date when my first in-person meeting with Drew will happen. Belle asked when I was going to be able to see him but I felt weird telling her the actual day. I didn’t want to put her in a place where it was hanging out there and she could think about it as a specific thing and then get up that morning knowing THAT WAS THE DAY, etc., so I was cagy. And I felt bad because I want to be honest and I definitely do not want to sneak around. So that’s a thing.

Where I left it with Belle was I was going to keep things from her but I wasn’t going to be dishonest. If she wants to know something, I will tell her, but will otherwise try to be respectful of her right not to know until we get a little deeper into this arrangement. I won’t even link directly to any posts about Drew on The Portfolio (where all the Drew-specific tell-alls will be housed mixed in amongst the porn and smut). I don’t know if it’s the right way to do this since neither of us have been in this spot before, but it seems the way to go for now.

15 thoughts on “A tale of two talks

  1. Before anything else, I’ll say this: part of why I adore reading your blog is your profound love for Belle. While I’ve never been particularly interested in chastity, after reading a few of your choice posts, I’ve found myself pining for the sort of devotion, attention, and affection that you feel for her (and that comes across in what you write).

    Oh… I’ll say this too: Obviously, I have no real understanding of your dynamic, and I certainly make no claims to understanding. (i.e., perhaps the two of you aren’t much for celebrating anniversaries, but went out for dinner alone because the opportunity presented itself, etc.)

    Now that the above is out of the way… Seriously? It was your seventeenth wedding anniversary and you were “anxious to talk to Belle about Drew.” I mean, I’m sure you talked about other stuff too, but you’ve communicated her interest in your finding an extracurricular partner as uninterested (at best?).

    I dunno. This just doesn’t sit right with me (which doesn’t matter a lick, as long as you and she are okay with it). But I can’t help but imagine myself in her shoes, and I can’t imagine it feeling good if my partner wanted to chat about another potential partner on the anniversary seventeen years of marriage.

    I’d need a lot of Croatian Pinot Grigio to make that feel okay.

    1. You get a pinhole of visibility into our lives by reading this blog. Not nearly enough to draw the conclusions you’ve made. Not nearly enough to know the reality of our existence. There’s a lot of “other stuff” you have no insight to.

      Your characterization of the events I related is wildly off base and assumes the worst of me. Something I dont think is warrented by anything I’ve ever written here.

      1. Your “pinhole” analogy is perfect. The same goes with My Lady and me – about 97% of our lives doesn’t make it to the blog, and that 97% is what makes us (seem) normal.

        I’m pretty sure that you didn’t sit down and spend the entire dinner discussing the possibility of getting fucked by this guy. 🙂 I think it’s great that you guys are comfortable enough to talk openly and honestly about these types of things. Good luck!

      2. I think I was bothered most by the suggestion I would be so boorish and insensitive to Belle on that of all days (or really, any day). I was tired and it really kinda pissed me off, but I’ve had more time to reflect and will likely write something longer about it soon. But the basic observation remains: This blog is a tiny look into our lives.

  2. Hmmm ok take that deep breath…
    First off I don’t think dumb domme meant it that way.
    Second, yeah, that, the way you and belle left it. It’s exactly what Sandy and I do. She doesn’t know details and I don’t tell her unless she asks. Sometimes she does and I tell her exactly what she wants and a little more but not any gory detail. I don’t tell her usually when I go to see another girl so she won’t dwell on it at the time, but on occasion she asks and I do. So far she has had no period of worry or discomfort, in fact she finds it quite a pressure relief knowing that I have another outlet for things she can’t do for me, like her being a sub.

    As time has gone on she has become a little more curious and with it me more open about what we do.

    Yea sometimes I want to say,w did this then that and it was great. I can’t, that’s ok. It’s not dishonest though it used to feel a bit like that. Sometimes if I’m really excited I might tell her a tiny bit, little more than “I had lots of fun, was a cool night”. Even that not when we first started.

    She on the other hand is inherently private about her lover, but some days on her terms when she is in the right mood and feeling saucy, will tell me quite a lot. I of course am always open to hearing and love her stories, but it’s only on her terms again.

    In short I don’t think your arrangement is unusual and I know it’s workable. Just takes a bit of time and emotional investment to get used to.

    1. She on the other hand is inherently private about her lover, but some days on her terms when she is in the right mood and feeling saucy, will tell me quite a lot. I of course am always open to hearing and love her stories, but it’s only on her terms again.

      That’s funny to me because Belle said if she ever took on an extracurricular person she’d probably not want to tell me what they did while I would be dying to know as many details as possible.

      1. Yeah tell me about it. It’s very hard not to ask sometimes. But I’ve learnt to judge her mood and let her speak when she wants, then gently guide her to tell me as much as I can get. Lol. It’s never enough.

        We both had lots to learn, last time we did this it was much harder.

  3. I have had submissive sex with a dominant male partner in the past. While I was not wearing a device as you will be, I had hands free, no stimulation except for anal intercourse, explosive ejaculations. Do you know if you are capable of this? Would Belle be okay with you orgasming without her there?

    1. I’ve never had that kind of orgasm before even after extended sessions with dildos, etc., but I suppose it’s a possibility. I’ll have to be on the look out. I assume she would *not* be OK with me coming that way as any orgasm with her permission isn’t allowed.

      1. I have never had pre cum and have never had my prostate milked, so I was somewhat surprised when it was happening. I have seen videos on the Internet where a dominant woman gives her man orgasms with no hands anal intercourse. This happened many years ago, before we started our wife led marriage (male chastity, orgasm denial, domestic discipline). We are both very happy with our current lifestyle. Still, I would like my wife to try this on me, but she is not interested in that form of sex, and our number one rule of the house is She Decides.

  4. In seventeen completed years of marriage so much has gone on that it can be hard to grasp. If a couple has been open and honest there is even more that’s potentially on the table to discuss. When young ears are chowing down on room service in the hotel and mom and dad get to have a quiet dinner alone, I believe there should be enough trust in a devoted relationship to discuss everything, or darn close. It doesn’t mean that something on the horizon that is possibly scary could, would, or should be the majority of the conversation. But in my book it’s fair game. I’d much rather have a far ranging conversation about everything that’s going on than a limited conversation while something lurks under the table.

  5. I am just reading this somehow and had to laugh at how you weren’t going to talk about much except for the Portfolio, which I think has all of one posting. While, at this stage, you had just met the concept of the “mysterious me with the live penis”, I guess the biggest surprise out of all of this is that we had no idea the levels of communications that what would launch and exactly how “OK” it really all was.

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