Belle and I and the kids just got back from a long weekend in San Francisco. Truly, one of the great cities of the world. The weather was fantastic and we ended up walking, according to my phone, about 75,000 steps in four days. That’s some miles.
So yeah, awesome, except that the kids were there. No, of course, I love my children, but Belle and I weren’t getting any time to ourselves since we were sharing a room with them. The third night we were there was our seventeenth wedding anniversary so we let the kids get room service and we went to a lovely little Italian place away from the (obvious) tourists.
I was anxious to talk to Belle about Drew. I told her earlier in the weekend to catch up on the blog so she already knew of him from that, but I had been texting with him from time to time and felt a little furtive not having had a chance to speak with her directly about him.
So, over some really excellent pasta and a bottle of passable Croatian Pinot Grigio (who even knew there was such a thing?), we talked. As with the last time a guy passed through our orbit, she wasn’t bothered or concerned. She’s really OK with it. That was an incredible relief for me. Not that I was worried so much about her not being OK, but you never know.
Since then, I’ve spoken to my old high school boyfriendthing who has a similar open arrangement with his husband and he told me that, even though it all seems OK and everyone is saying they’re OK and OK is raining from the sky and filling OK lakes and streams all around, you never lose that nagging worry that everything isn’t OK. Good to know I’m not just neurotic.
Anyway, over on the other side of the country, Drew was having the same check-in with his husband who similarly reestablished that everything was, as had been previously agreed to, OK. In fact, Drew wanted me to point this out specifically to you, my readers, since he didn’t want anyone to think he was doing something under the table with me (which isn’t a sex pun but totally could be now that I write it out).
So while the sailing on the Sea of OK seems pretty clear, I’m left with a bit of a paradox. Belle’s my closest and best friend. There are few corners of my soul she hasn’t had a view of at this point and I strive to be as open and honest with her as possible in all things. Also, since she’s my best friend (no, really — I know guys are supposed to say that about their wives, but in this case it’s true), I want to tell her about the things that are happening to me that are new or I’m excited about. Like Drew. But I also want to be really super careful not to drain the OK tub by accidentally crossing some informational line I’m too doped up on hormones and unicorn farts to see. I talked to her about that tonight over an unusually kid-free dinner. She’s still…you guessed it, OK, and doesn’t have a problem hearing about Drew as a person but we’re still feeling around in the dark about anything beyond that.
For example. I know the date when my first in-person meeting with Drew will happen. Belle asked when I was going to be able to see him but I felt weird telling her the actual day. I didn’t want to put her in a place where it was hanging out there and she could think about it as a specific thing and then get up that morning knowing THAT WAS THE DAY, etc., so I was cagy. And I felt bad because I want to be honest and I definitely do not want to sneak around. So that’s a thing.
Where I left it with Belle was I was going to keep things from her but I wasn’t going to be dishonest. If she wants to know something, I will tell her, but will otherwise try to be respectful of her right not to know until we get a little deeper into this arrangement. I won’t even link directly to any posts about Drew on The Portfolio (where all the Drew-specific tell-alls will be housed mixed in amongst the porn and smut). I don’t know if it’s the right way to do this since neither of us have been in this spot before, but it seems the way to go for now.