I asked Chat GPT 4.0 “What is chastity?” and it said…
Chastity is the practice of refraining from or abstaining from sexual activities, often for religious, spiritual, or moral reasons. It is typically associated with the belief that sexual activity should only take place within the confines of a committed, usually marital, relationship. Chastity can also refer to the virtue of being morally pure or modest in thought, word, and deed, which includes refraining from engaging in sexual activity outside the boundaries of a specific relationship or marriage.
Which is kind of problem, I think, for those of us who practice what we call “male chastity.” I am not, in any way, practicing anything like what that paragraph says. Actually, quite the opposite.
I recall Tom once said something somewhere (maybe his blog, maybe Twitter, maybe somewhere else) about men in chastity calling themselves “chaste.” To paraphrase him, no you’re fucking not. I mean, I hope not. Being locked in a device and then being cut off from sex entirely sounds like a thing that would be banned under the Geneva Convention.
Most people, it think, find being in chastity leads to more and better sex, not less. That’s certainly been the case for us, even though she hasn’t allowed me to penetrate her in [checks notes] 400 days.
This problem with verbiage has always bugged me. I tried once to coin a verb to encompass what being in chastity was. It has, thus far, not been widely adopted. Alas. But perhaps we can agree that those with locked penises aren’t chaste and therefore aren’t practicing chastity. What we’re doing is something else entirely.
The point of the device is to enforce a power dynamic in a relationship that disallows the wearer from deriving pleasure via the contents of the device. Either through self-pleasuring or with a partner, the device enforces the denial. Makes is so there is no option. So that the one being denied can’t succumb to temptation and do what they’re not allowed to do under the terms of their relationship dynamic. Devices don’t enforce chastity. They enforce denial.
Were I in a position to change the usage of these words, I’d make it so by fiat. No more “chastity devices.” No more “enforced male chastity.” Being “chaste” isn’t the point of the thing. It’s the denial that is the point of the thing.
Denial is the force that powers this dynamic. Not being allowed to orgasm or touch myself when I want to. Emotions and hormones colliding under the pressure of frustration encased in my submission. The result of being denied the single most basic thing that having a penis entitles one to. For some of us, like me, it actually makes us better at sex. Raises our awareness of what pleasure is and greatly enhances the pleasure we’re able to give. It transforms us as sexual beings. And transforms the device into a symbiotic thing that is simultaneously of the body and separate from it.
“Chastity” sounds horrible. Denial is magical. “Chasity” is punishment. Denial is transformative. “Chastity” is in conflict with the body. Denial is zen.
Denial ≠ chastity. Denial > chastity.
you are absolutely right! That was a very two dimensional definition. It completely misses the perhaps most important part of the process. And certainly the most powerful part of the process. Sometimes Sheena
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“Most people, it think, find being in chastity leads to more and better sex, not less. “
Yes! My wife’s libido went up after she started locking me (“locking” is our in-house verb for what we do), and over the years we’ve played with it, I’ve noted that whenever I was locked she was always more interested in sex, not less. There’s nothing “chaste” about putting on a harness with a Vixskin and railing her until she’s tired, sore, and happy. And there’s nothing chaste about out bedroom talk while it’s happening, either.
Unfortunately, we’re stuck with slang and syntax left over from the 1990s when “chastity belts” were mainly bdsm adjacent equipment, not vanilla bedroom toys. Only recently have I started to clock the usage of the term “foxing” on Reddit and Twitter to describe locked men (or kept men) wearing a strapon for their female partner.
This post makes me wish I had thought to name the scale on my blog the “Locked / Denied Matrix”
“Foxing” huh? New one on me. Do you know the etymology of that?
“Foxing” huh? New one on me. Do you know the etymology of that?
About four or five years ago, there were contemporaneous conversations on a couple of chasti… err, locked web boards and Twitter about coming up with a new term for “reverse pegging”, which was what the practice had been called. I had argued that for a term to be accepted it would have to be something that “vanilla wives” would use, or certainly, one that wouldn’t not immediately turn them off (a complaint about the original term “pegging” in some venues).
A few terms were floated, with nothing being particularly marketable. At one point I had suggested “fauxing,” from “fucking with a faux cock.” It didn’t get much traction until a couple of months later when it resurfaced as “foxing,” which when you think about it is probably how most people would have pronounced “fauxing” anyway.
I retconned the term to have an etymology: “to fox” having the connotation of “to fool, trick, or cleverly outwit,” something that fit with the idea of using a “faux” or “fake” cock. I’ve recently started seeing it used again (probably a result of those stupid caption pictures I make), so maybe this will be one of those terms that sticks around.
Wow do I love that. I shall adopt it!
Hello! I’ve just realize that from an economics point of view, due to the free access to the p-world, there is an “inflation” of orgasms and a “devaluation” of relationships occurs over time. So the denial device creates a shortage in the “orgasm market”, multiplying the value of each orgasm, which in turn helps to strengthen relationships.
My husband started wearing a chastity cage when he was 56 years of age . I had zero interest in participation at the time.
He would wear it intermittently on his own, to work, during the evening and even to bed. He would send little caged pics on occasion that some were cute and some looked painful.
I would research it on occasion but found everything so bizarre and kinky. I love my husband and don’t want to cause him pain. ( which he was adamant that it was rather comfortable )
We are satisfied and loyal to each other and I have no interest in cockholding my husband as some articles described. He is loyal and I trust him as far as his fidelity. This is his fantasy and I just sort of ignored his behavior. Maybe once in a while I would move his keys and watch him search frantically.
But after a visit to my sister’s for a week, I returned home to find our house in disarray. I was furious. His excuse was that he was busy doing outside things. Needless to say this is when I took control of my keys. I didn’t say anything at first. He looked and looked then finally asked if I had seen them.
I laid down some rules and the cage was staying on for now. His housekeeping skills, procrastinating, mood swings, fowl language, and masturbation would definitely change.
My interest was piqued and I did more thorough researches excluding the bizarre and taking notes of the things that caught my interest. My husband would learn a few things, and he did..
It took a few weeks of doing housework up to my standards and completing all chores, but he does very well and has a much better understanding of what I had done in the past. We still share in the chores but many of his habits have drastically improved. He now mows the lawn as usual but also does the trimming which had suffered in the past. His procrastination has dropped immensely. Masturbation has completely subsided. Moodiness and whining adds one day, profanity and aggressive driving add two days , failure to do requests and questioning me adds three days and so on. I just walk by and give a gentle grope to remind him and hold up the number of fingers that equals the days added. When he asks why on a task I just smile hold up three fingers and gently give him a kiss.
So I admit my view point on male chastity has changed for the better.
Over the last two years of enforcing his chastity we both have had an education and a lot of fun.
I’ve learned a significant amount about myself and my husband and his body over this period.
My husband has now turned sixty ( so I wish I had learned these things thirty years ago in our marriage) one of the hardest things for me was overcoming the guilt of putting him in a cage, being able to say “ No” to letting him out, receiving sexual favors, asking for oral or penetrative sex on demand, waking him for satisfaction, requesting chores, adding additional days for infractions, and many others. Don’t worry though, I changed my attitude after the mess he had left and the positive changes with the behavior modification.
Learn to say “No” to removing the cage.
Learn to ask him for oral ( this was very difficult at first but now very much enjoyed)
Learn your hubby’s body. Nipples, Perineum, and Anus get very sensitive while caged. Penis is extremely sensitive when released from chastity.
Believe him when he says his cage doesn’t cause him pain. (He’s fantasized for quite a while wearing it) Embrace it! Play with it.
His scrotum will take a lot of playing, stretching and tapping. Very sensitive to sharp hits so I avoid this , but it will take a lot of stretching and later you will see that a “Humbler” will be very useful to help display his penis to you when he his bent over.
If your partner is fifty or older his prostate needs to be exercised. I love my husband’s ass and prostate play only makes it so much more loving since it’s like his clitoris. It’s healthy for him and significantly reduces chances of prostate cancer. Play to your hearts content and watch his eyes roll back! I give him instructions and time to cleanse , on occasion I stimulate him orally or digitally, with a butt plug , dildo or , my favorite, is to peg him. On occasion peg him with his cage on and he will learn to cum from you riding him. There are so many different ways but in all seriousness it does help him and humble him.
You will learn that different methods of restraints are your friend. Tighter is better. Soft ropes, leather shackles, and handcuffs are great. He won’t have a choice or opinion in what you do or say and there are endless ways to play. Against the door, on the bed, face up or face down, bent over a table, a cushioned bench or after you’ve perfected your technique I even purchased a spanking bench which is my favorite milking and pegging position.
Nipple play is fun, arousing and erotic. Ice cubes make his nipples stand up. Hot drinks on your lips makes him squirm. Little pinches and twists on his nipples make his penis react. Spread eagle and unable to move he’s all yours ladies. This is fun for you, exciting for him with or without him having release and his cage can be removed and replaced easily. Make it fun! Well for you, and sort of for him.
Don’t forget your own entertainment. With his hands tied or cuffed behind his back and kneeling have him do oral on you or your strapon. I sometimes like him kneeling with a spreader bar and handcuffs fastened to it before I have him do his best strapon sucking. Men don’t have the best balance when their hands are fastened behind their back. Have him kneel in front of you and let him do oral on you. Put your legs over his shoulders and he will literally fall into your pussy. You have both your hands and legs to control his position. Practice makes him better, so do it often. Introducing a little spanking now and then can be fun and intriguing as well. Your hand, a leather paddle or a riding crop are my favorite choices. Just enough to make him wiggle.
Things a cage is useful for a.Inhibit masturbation b.temper and behavior management c.behavior modification d.Any number of phenomenal housekeeping chores. e. Sexual services, whether improving oral or penetrative skills. f. Much cleaner bathroom facilities since he has to sit. g. Good hygiene h. Greatly improved organization and improvement on his procrastination. i. Great foot rubs and back rubs for you while he is naked in his cage. j. He follows directions well without question. So in conclusion ladies, ask yourself why we wouldn’t use an assortment of male chastity cages in our repertoire for our men? It doesn’t have to be extreme or painful for him. It is what you creatively choose to make it.
Annette
Well done. I am older than he, and I do wear a cage at night. Helps me to sleep better. And has helped me to see the benefits of wearing women’s clothing, like dresses and knickers, which make me feel much more submissive around women.