I’m now in the twelve month since the last time Belle let me fuck her. I usually tell Belle when we cross one of these little milestones and she’s never that impressed by them. I find the ticking of the days to be meaningful while she just…doesn’t. She’s never been that into the whole tracking part that I’ve been obsessed with forever.
Perhaps part of her ambivalence towards tracking duration is her realization that the amount of time I’ll be locked and denied access to her pussy and/or my orgasm is now set to ♾️. She’s made it pretty clear that the last time she let me fuck her, which was totally out of the blue and on a whim, was a mistake. I’m a lousy fuck thanks to having the hairiest of hair triggers and the experience ended up being so traumatic for me that it blew me out of my headspace for months.
When we crossed nine months and then ten, I asked her what the likelihood was that she’d let me fuck her again. She didn’t want to rule anything in or out because she wants to maintain the privilege of doing whatever she wants at all times, but it doesn’t sound like she thinks it’s going to happen anymore. In any event, she tells me I should assume no.
I didn’t expect her to let me fuck her again when it happened the last time but because that was such an annoying experience for her, I’m really expecting that it’s not going to happen anymore. And since that’s the only way I was allowed to orgasm, I assume that’s the end of that, too.
When I started this blog, the first time I was denied access to her pussy was just 24 hours. Now it’s the rest of my life. Back then, I’d be locked up for days or weeks and then would be out for days or weeks. Now I’m locked basically always. She used to let me come every week or so. Now it’s never.
To be fair, I was a big instigator of pushing my limits. The more I was locked and denied the more I wanted to be that way. For a long time, I didn’t really think we’d end up here. But here we are.
In a way, I feel like it’s completing the circle this blog started sixteen years ago when we set out on this journey. Well, we have now arrived at the ultimate destination. I don’t really know what the purpose is any more of Denying Thumper now that denied is the only way I’m ever going to be.
I’m not officially ending the blog. But the conundrum remains. I already feel like every post is rehashing something I’ve already written about a year ago, three years ago, or five years ago. I don’t know that I have anything new to say.
I don’t remember if you’ve said anything about this in the long time I’ve been following you: what about wet dreams? Do you have them any more, or just dribble whenever?
I’ve never in my life had a wet dream, even during all the denial. Not when I was 16, not after being denied a year. I do leak when I’m super turned on, but even that isn’t as much as it used to be.
thumper
I hope you do post updates. I think life is a journey that only ends when we are gone. My own chastity journey seems to be moving quickly. My wife managed to convince me to agree to cancel a 6 month trial period and insisted on just ruined Os and an occasional milking for me starting now. There’s always the chance of a full orgasm for special occasions, though she wishes I didn’t need to cum at all. The chances for full Os “are remote” in her words. The inequality is the big attraction for us in our D/s relationship. Lots of pleasure and orgasms for her, lots of tease and denial for me.
I am reminded of the Japanese philosophical teaching of 物の哀れ (Mono no aware). While a while and complex subject, one of the key teachings is that all good, great and meaningful events and experiences seem to come and end very quickly, and they are separated by long periods of waiting or anticipation. For this reason we are at our best by taking joy in these fleeting experiences of great meaning.
The blossom quickly fades, or the pristine snow transforms to slush all to fast, the freshness of a gentle breeze becomes stillness often suddenly. These are examples of long waiting for a fleeting moment of enlightenment and perspective.
I am mindful that a locked man’s orgasm is perhaps similar. Carefully cultivated experiences coupled with a long but meaningful periods of denial or anticipation or perhaps preparation.
My cage is a symbol of waiting for something larger, and special and yet fleeting but very magical. (Perhaps)
As I read Thumper’s post, I do not feel that he has reached the end-game as it were, but perhaps attaining or achieved a new level of understanding, and anticipation.
thumper
I shared your post with my wife. I found it interesting and a little scary that she sees me eventually becoming denied orgasms on a more permanent basis. It doesn’t surprise me because of past things my wife has said. She knows it seems cruel to people not playing chastity and orgasm denial, but the power trip is intoxicating (something she said before) and she knows I’d agree if she demanded it.
Hey Thumper,
I’ve been reading your blog, off and on, since, I think, 2012 or 2013. I’ve never commented but seeing as your post here seems to signal a kind of ending maybe what I have to say here might lead to a new beginning.
A year or two before I started reading you I came across the idea of enforced male chastity and immediately found it the hottest thing imaginable. I quickly bought a cage, just for myself alone to experiment with, and was hooked. Soon after that I met my wife and, ultimately, she started taking a liking to locking me up.
I was thrilled! The whole reason I found chastity hot was because it made one’s sexuality a means to greater love and service rather than an end in itself that, through orgasm, distanced us from each other. What’s that ancient saying? “Every animal after coitus is sad”? And it worked.
Yet cages left me unsatisfied. I could always pull out and I, and she, weren’t too keen on me getting a piercing.
One day, we were lying in bed, me uncaged for I forget why, and I mentioned wishing she was actually, truly, wholly in control of access to my cock. And she, basically jokingly, said “Baby, I am. I was just waiting for you to realize it. You can’t touch it without me letting you. Try. I dare you.”
And I said… “Ugh, if only! Unfortunately…”
I shot my arm down to the top of my pelvis and… I couldn’t move it a centimeter more. I audibly said “what the hell?” and she asked me what was wrong.
“It’s like my hand is pressing against something. I literally can’t move it past this point.”
“You’re kidding… Here, I give you permission.”
The block disappeared. I gripped myself with relief and real confusion.
“Seriously, I couldn’t move my hand to my cock just then. It was the weirdest thing.”
“But you’re fine now?”
“Yeah…”
“Hmm… Try it again.”
And, just like last time, my hand ran up against an invisible barrier as I tried to touch myself.
“Oh my God, you’re fucking with me! Right!?”
“Uh… I really don’t think so. Something’s happening here.”
Over the course of the night, we experimented and it seemed like she had control over my whole body. She could prevent me from thrusting my hips, from opening my mouth, from opening my eyes.
And yet it wasn’t like she was controlling me like a robot. It was like we were agreeing to do something together and that something was a limitation of my own self-control.
This was a little over three years ago and we’ve never been happier. It really feels like the true completion of our relationship. Our minds and hearts seem to be literally unified.
I totally understand if you find this hard to believe – I certainly would have before it became my life – but I think given how long Belle has been denying you she might already be capable of more than you realize. Sometimes you just need to know something is possible and, well, now you know it’s possible.
So: try it. I dare you.
And thank you for all your writing over the years!
thumper
Thing are moving quickly in regards to chastity play in my marriage. With the weekend here my wife and I had a talk as we do after busy work weeks. I asked her if she gave more thought on how she wants to proceed. My wife took it to mean chastity play, and i guess it did. We’re entering a period we enjoy much, and my wife truly believes I’m the better husband I am due to chastity and fewer orgasms. She knows it’s a great turn on for me, and because of that I’m willing to go along with her decisions. She decided that I’d probably have several more full orgasms this year and then we would switch to just ruined Os and occasionally milking me. My full orgasms would mostly come to an end, with the possibility of a full orgasm remote. She asked me and I agreed. Chastity can always end if I say so, so that makes it official and consensual. She pretty much knows I want her to deny me, so I guess I’m a part of her decision.
My wife rarely reads my comments, however she noted this particular one. She explained that as long as we play with the chastity and orgasm denial dynamic, my “full orgasms WILL be coming to an end”. She doesn’t want me to have full orgasms, at least not unless I want chastity play to end or in case there was ever a sound medical reason. She’s going to be a bit mean about it because I enjoy her denial as the key holder. So, with this clarification from her I agreed. Ruined Os or some milking to help maintain prostate health will continue. My wife does not want to take my denial any farther. She plans to enforce my denial. Thanks for the opportunity to comment. Good luck to you!
Yes!
I forgot to say thank you for all the great posts. I’m still reading and enjoying many. I guess obviously your blog helped encourage me to suggest further exploring the chastity dynamic to my wife. It would be ironic that the end of your blog posts coincides with the end of my “free as a bird orgasms” as my wife has referred to them on a few occasions, since that seems to be happening for me. I hope you continue writing in the future.