Koala Munchkin review

TL;DR version:

DO NOT BUY THIS THING.

Normal version:

Super minimal chastity devices appear to be a growing (lol) segment of the market in recent years. I have even reviewed one or two on my blog, but not one as totally nullifying as the Munchkin line of devices sold by Koala Swim. They create a totally flat presentation that not only presses the penis down, it also has a “peg” that pushes it in and inverts it entirely.

Personally, I prefer the look of a device that leaves some suggestion of its contents, but I also really get off on the feeing of erection compression so can at least theoretically appreciate why the Munchkin exists. However, as executed, it’s not just a terrible device, it’s also dangerously irresponsible.

Rewind a bit. One of the issues with super minimal devices is how they squish their contents and how their contents are used for the frequent act of fluid waste elimination. Lots of messy spray can occur. I found that to be the case with the one metal, nameless minimal device I’ve tested. The solution to this is a urethral insert to help guide the flow of urine. Normally, these are relatively short and made of metal (preferably titanium), but in the case of the Munchkin, it’s longish and consists of flexible plastic tubing (as it’d have to be) and a metal tip.

Right off the bat, you may be concerned that the tip might come off which would obviously be A Very Bad Thing. Good news is, the metal bit is very securely held in place. Bad news is…well, there are exposed edges. Exposed sharp edges. On both the metal and the plastic.

Maybe you don’t know (but I do) that the “skin” lining the urethra is very tender and sensitive. That sensitivity can lead to pleasure which is why sounding and other types of insertive penis play is enjoyed by many, but it can also lead to serious discomfort if the object being inserted isn’t perfectly smooth. The urethral tube of the Koala Munchkin is not perfectly smooth. In fact, it’s SHARP. AS. FUCK.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, how does anyone in good conscience sell something like this knowing a man is going to shove it up his penis!? Not that some dude might shove it up his penis. That they are expected to. I am honestly angry such a thing is marketed. It’s a goddamned crime, as far as I’m concerned.

Now, the insert is not required for use. I would have tried it absent that except for the fact it didn’t fit me. The sell a 38mm base ring and a 45mm ring with nothing in between (but probably larger than that, as I recall, but I don’t remember the specifics nor do I care to go find out). The Steelheart has a 40mm base ring which is just large enough for me to wear and, since little to no erectile tissue would protrude through the Munchkin’s base ring, I thought going down to 38mm would work. It did not. I could not get the…tube? Cage? Plate? Peg?…aligned with the screw hole on the base ring in order to secure it. The whatever-we-want-to-call-it was too thick to fit through the ring along with the bits of me also required to squish in there so I couldn’t get it on completely. Too bad because I suspect the 45mm version would have been way too big on me. Forty millimeters would have been perfect.

I suppose I can say the craftsmanship and finish of the parts that wouldn’t end up quite possibly causing a man to bleed from his penis were acceptable. Though the “lock” is just a hex screw so isn’t really at all secure.

So, yeah, not a complete review. Except to say their urethral insert is an irresponsible bit of malpractice and should be a fucking crime to distribute. I wouldn’t recommend anything they sell because of it and don’t think any of you should buy anything from them ever.