January 7, 2009

Milkshake

Over on FetLife, a member called tiger posted this in a thread about milking:

How do you feel different before and after you’ve been milked? How much is enough? What are the objectives exactly? I’m not even clear on that. Is it just to reduce the volume of stored fluid for the sake of prostatic health? It’s also a very dominant, very beautiful act of removing a man’s control over such a quintessentially male thing. I imagine it would make me feel more submissive. What more is it supposed to do?

I think his questions get to the heart of why this is something I want Belle to do to me. I have milked myself a few times now and understand the physiological impact, but it’s allure is more than that.

Physically, I do feel a lessening of pressure when the semen is released. It’s not a pressure I can even say I was cognizant of before it was gone. Maybe it’s more a feeling of the absence of something. In no way does milking make me less aroused. Quite the contrary. The last time I did it, I couldn’t get enough and was much hornier afterward. And that, even though Belle has never said I couldn’t milk myself, is why I feel I need to ask that it be something we share. I felt like I was receiving too much pleasure from it. No, I wasn’t having an orgasm, but the pleasure I received felt like a violation of the spirit of our arrangement.

Tiger absolutely hits on the psychological trigger for me. It’s the “act of removing a man’s control over such a quintessentially male thing”. To be denied even the fleeting satisfaction of a ruined orgasm. To reduce the passage of semen from my body to an almost clinical act that I have no control over after she’s denied me and teased me and stoked within me such a bonfire of desire. So unfair. So unsatisfying. Especially when you layer on how doing it increases my frustration. On the list of things she can do to me that embody the domination I wish for her to embrace, there are few more powerful.

January 7, 2009

Deny me, part deux

This post is related to the task my Belle Fille gave me prior to leaving on her trip. I am to write on my blog specific things, blah blah blah. You know the drill by now.

—

Belle,

Upon further reflection, I’ve come up with with the following addendum to my previous note to you regarding my denial.

I go back and forth on whether it’s better to know when I’ll come next or if you should keep me guessing. Since the guessing part leads me to obsess over it in a not-so-good way (Is today the day? After she comes, will she tell me to keep going?), I’m now leaning towards having some forewarning. One way you could do this would be to set a date range. For example, there’s no way I will come before X date, but I’ll definitely come by Y. That spread could be a week to a month, but to make it much longer would defeat its purpose, I think. Another way you could handle this is to make it a reward for achieving a goal of some kind. For example, I will get one orgasm within a week of bringing you to climax N times. Using our last conversation on this topic as a guide, that would mean you get to come 50 times before I get to come once.
I would like to be milked on a regular basis. This, too, could be as a reward for exemplary service (your discretion) or be a regularly scheduled thing that you could take away as punishment if I did or said something you were unhappy with. So, maybe every Saturday night I get milked, but not this Saturday because I did that thing you didn’t like. Or maybe it will happen this Saturday, except you won’t let me eat what comes out afterward (for a more minor offense).
I need some kind of real consequence for an unauthorized emission. There’s two ways I can think of that you could do this. The first, and most obvious, would be to extend my period of denial by a large number of days. For example, I was supposed to come in two weeks, but since I demonstrated insufficient control over the cock, I will have to wait another two months. The other punishment scheme, and the one that is actually much more severe from my point of view, would be to cut off access to your body. If I ever come without permission, you would make me sit next to you on the bed, in chastity, back straight, with my hands behind my head (maybe even cuffed?), and only be able to watch you pleasure yourself for your next ten orgasms (however long that takes). I think it’s further proof of how orgasm denial has transformed my attitude toward sexual satisfaction that not being able to give you pleasure is honestly a fate worse than the continued denial of mine.

Yours in every way,
Thumper

January 7, 2009

Unintended consequences

Back on the 1st, I wondered about the future direction of the blog and worried somewhat over how I’d continue to write about something that doesn’t happen. Well, in the short term anyway, I’d say my worry was a bit premature. This task Belle’s left me has apparently stoked my muse. In six days, I posted seven times and wrote 7,000 words. And I’m not done yet. I think there are maybe two more posts I have to make before I’ve satisfied her instructions.

The other side effect of the task was not intended, I’m sure. Turns out, making me write specific things I want during sex has left me thinking about those things all the time (duh, right?). I’m almost manically obsessed with kinky sex with no way to burn off any of my desire. If I’m not writing about it, I’m thinking about it or reading about it. Yesterday was one of the least productive of my professional life. All I could do was think about what I wanted to post and whether I’d covered well enough what I already wrote about. Remember the old Palmolive commercials? Testosterone – You’re soaking in it!

All that’s a long way of saying I’M SO FUCKING HORNY. I feel like thoughts of sex haven’t left my mind for the past three days and I’ve still got three left before Belle gets home. And when she is home, she’ll be tired and all jetlagged, so it’s not like she’ll want much to do with me. Then, on Sunday, we’ll have something like 62 10-year-old boys hanging around for my son’s birthday party. I’m not sure what it is I think will happen anyway since Belle’s already said I might only come three times this year (and I just shot one of those less than a week ago). The only way having her here will make me less frustrated is if she grants me access to the temple (and even then, all it can do is take the jagged edge off). I’m getting to that point where all I want to do is rub my face in her pussy, deeply imbibing her female scent and marking myself with it like a feral beast who wants all the other beasts to know she’s my mate. Somehow, Belle’s figured out a way to tease and deny me into a frothy lather from 15 times zones away.

It’s not like I’m counting or anything, but my erections per hour rate is way, way above normal (way). The CB6K helps me be more aware of them, of course. The smaller ring I’m wearing was biting pretty hard this morning, but I’m continuing to feel like I’m adapting to it. I’ve been applying lotion to my scrotum liberally and noticed it didn’t hurt as much as before, except where it was trapped under the ring. Last night after my shower, I decided to try Maymay’s lubrication advice and use baby oil on the ring and lotion in the tube. Normally, I used silicone lube all over. The baby oil is definitely more soothing going on, but I think the silicone is longer lasting. Also, the baby oil smells like…well, babies. Not super arousing. The reason I’m trying the different lubrication is that I notice the cage started to smell rather quickly after I put it on this time. The lube could be contributory or the piercing might be changing the chemistry down there. In any event, I’ll be baby-fresh for a few days to see what the difference is.