Bad sub

So I had a hard day yesterday. Not “Belle and I had a hard day”, I had a hard day.

I came home from work after picking up the boy moments after Belle and the girl had gotten there. Belle had said to me earlier, “I’m going to have you take <our daughter> to swimming class tonight.” Not would you take her, I’m going to have you take her. I got a nice little subbie vibe from that. So anyway, while thinking about that, I also wanted to get the dinner started and under control before Belle got home. She’s had to deal with that for the days I was gone and, as I said yesterday, I’m eager to get back into the swing of things. However, I didn’t beat her home so she was already thinking about what to make when I got there.

No no no, I said, I’ve got it. I went to the freezer and picked out something for all of us, but couldn’t find anything I thought Belle would like and what I wanted to make the kids had expired (like, 18 months ago). By the time I got back upstairs, it became clear that my plan was going to hell so I ended up making what Belle had planned. Thing is, I had never really made that before (for everyone) and couldn’t get all the elements done simultaneously so everyone started eating at a different time. Plus, I made a huge mess and didn’t have time to clean it all up before I took the girl swimming and Belle had to finish for me. In retrospect, not that big a deal, but I was left discombobulated. I had a plan and the plan failed. Bad sub.

I got home and found Belle in bed with the apparent idea that I was putting the kids to bed. I totally would have eaten that up, but my mom called and needed tech support. That, all by itself, is enough to put me in a bad mood for 72 hours. So Belle had to put the kids down. Bad sub (though not my fault, I still felt bad about it).

In bed, I innocently was talking to Belle and said something to which she took offense (hey, twice in one day with the inadvertently pissing off people with careless comments!). I felt bed because she took it in a way I had not intended it to be heard. Also, I had wanted to watch Mad Men from Sunday and massage Belle’s feet at the same time, but all she wanted was the feet massaged and an early bed time. Again, with the plans being foiled. That one, though, I should have let roll off my back since I don’t plan what happens in the bed, sexual or otherwise. It’s her bed and her room. Bad sub.

All through the foot massage, I was talking about something I wanted to talk about when she had some heavy career stuff she wanted to work through. I didn’t know that until later and she didn’t say anything at the time, but I felt like a selfish bore afterward. Bad sub.

Finally, I had forgotten to make her coffee. The one thing I do every day. Bad sub.

So, after she told me to be naked and all the lights were off, etc., I said I felt bad and apologized for my sub-par sub performance. I told her I really wanted to do better, to be of greater service to her. When combined with the unauthorized emission last time we were in bed together, I told her I felt I had a great deal of room for improvement. Basically, I’ve been sucking wind lately. I turned to the topic of punishment.

Now, before I go any further, I want to say I’m interested in actual punishment, not faux scene-type “punishment”. This is not a way for the masochist in me to get a little more action. I want her to make me feel the consequences of failure, even if she doesn’t think it’s that I’ve failed all that much. Which, come to think of it, is part of the issue. She doesn’t think my “failure” is that big a deal. I’m being much harder on me than she is. She agrees, in principle, that I should feel consequences but doesn’t have a lot of passion for it.

We discussed her options regarding the form in which the punishment could take. Obviously, there’s the homemade cane I picked up a while back from the local Home Despot. But she was thinking about psychological punishment.

“What if I made you go sleep in the basement on the laundry room floor?” I looked up at her with cautious eyes. “I can see that would be an effective punishment,” she said.

In a quite voice, I replied, “Please don’t make me sleep in the basement on the laundry room floor. I want to sleep in your bed next to you.” That floor is hard and cold and miles away from her. I was terrified by the vision of me curled up, naked, on the hard linoleum mostly because I could tell she was considering it and that it was a very real possibility. I also felt a quivering form of excitement from the fact that we were at this point. Whodathunk even three months ago that she’d be considering something like this? We’ve come very far.

Anyway, that’s about how it ended. I told her this morning that I felt she had the right to punish me in any way she felt necessary. I can’t say exactly why I want this except that it seems a logical progression of things. Call it a further evolution of my inner sub or something, but I like the idea that I’m being judged and, when deemed to have fallen short, will receive corrective action. I find the idea hot, though I don’t really want to find the actual act of punishment hot when it’s happening. Like I said above, this isn’t a sideways path to masochistic fun. If she chooses physical rather than mental, I want it to hurt in the bad way. If she decides to cane me or whatever, I’d like it to happen totally removed from sex and I’d like it to be unpleasant.

If she chooses mental, I guess I’ll be sleeping on a cold, hard floor.

18 Replies to “Bad sub”

    1. Oh, yes. As I said, she seemed to be seriously considering sending me to the cold hard floor. That she likes me next to her probably saved me. Besides, she’s already punished me by disallowing my participation in her pleasure. That was very difficult for me…

  1. I chuckled at the “second time pissing someone off inadvertently” part. 🙂

    I was at a seminar once by, I think, Laura Antoniou (who I have major hots for), and she said that ideally the punishment is hot…4 or 6 weeks later.

  2. Thumper,
    Was it really a coincidence that you were such a bad sub the day after your orgasm?
    If an unauthorized orgasm leads to no consequences, wouldn’t that encourage more “accidents”?
    Shouldn’t you lose one of your “orgasm cards”?

    1. The kinda-half-orgasm happened on Wednesday, the bad sub day was the following Monday. I doubt there was a direct connection. I was trying hard, just not pulling it off.

      The idea of losing an “orgasm card” was one she mentioned, but what happens when I lose all eight? Start taking away from next year? Do that long enough, and the penalty loses its meaning.

  3. I stopped reading “Being Her Knight”. Good for them they found their soulmate and are free to do as they please. Males in their 50’s die right and left as it is and wondering how long this guy was going to last was beginning to worry me.

    1. I used to read BHK fairly regularly, but it moved in a direction that left my neck of the kinky woods (or maybe went deeper into those woods than I want to go). I still check it out occasionally just to make sure he’s still alive.

      I assume he’s still got plenty of readers, though, because I get a metric shit-ton of links from over there. By far my highest referrer.

  4. I guess the more cards you lose, the more careful you become not to have an “accident”. If you can fail freely, what’s the point of limiting your orgasms? Then there’s always the cold, hard floor…………

  5. Losing cards is a bad idea, I think. Things can only go so far and then, like you said, it gets really untenable and like there’s no point in even trying and you might as well get used to only ever having accidental orgasms again. And that’s so not the point.

  6. As Belle mentioned the idea, it can’t be all bad. However, if Devastingyet says thumper is right, I accept her verdict and bow to experience. Bad commenter.

    1. Belle and I both mention lots of ideas. This particular idea, while not *bad*, in practice, doesn’t seem practical. She decided against it already, not me (since I don’t really decide these things).

      I would love to hear other suggestions regarding how Belle might punish me. I’m sure she’s also appreciate the ideas.

    2. Oh, I’m no expert at anything, and I fully trust Belle and Thumper to ignore anything I say if it doesn’t make sense to them. Which is pretty much the whole premise of giving your opinions on someone else’s sexual relationship on a blog.

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