I was cruising the chastity blogs and found myself on Harry Haversackers’. A couple of weeks ago, he had this to say:
[I]s teasing really on the same level as put-it-in-her-pussy-and-blow-your-load sex?? I guess everyone has to answer that question for themself. For me, at this stage in my life, it’s better. Way better. The daily fondling of my balls as my cock throbs in its cage, or experiencing frequent blow jobs that end just a nanosecond before it’s too late, is miles ahead of a “not tonight, dear” and a quick kiss before rolling over to go to sleep. And the bonus is that I wake up as horny as a goat every morning! No post-orgasm refractory period. Best of all, there has been a steep rise in intimacy between Mrs. H. We get along better, kiss more passionately, cuddle more, and she offers me her magnificent tits to fondle way more often…
Yes! That’s it exactly. I don’t suppose it’s possible for someone who hasn’t lived like that to understand, but being brought to the point of orgasm over and over and then staying there for a long time is way more enjoyable (for some of us) than going all the way to squirtsville. But why? And if it’s so obvious, why doesn’t the whole world practice orgasm denial?
I think some of the answer is earlier in Harry’s post where he mentions his age. It’s not universally true, but it does seem like most couples doing this are in their forties or later. Most have been married a while. Not all. Most (if, at least, the blogs and forum comments are to be believed). The problems in our marriage were evident, but I didn’t realize how much my libedo had changed prior to being denied. According to the internets, this process can start for men as early as their twenties, but usually begins in their thirties. I recall being in my late teens and fucking like an absolute rabbit (hence the nickname). One day, my girlfriend and I had sex like six times. I remember how bad it hurt just to come (and how it was all muscle flexing and no ejaculation by that point). It was, in a word, awesome. Who doesn’t want to feel like that?
I don’t know how it is for women, but a man’s constant companion from puberty on is his sex drive. It becomes part of a guy’s identity. It helps produce (or is the product of) high levels of hormone. Testosterone is like a wonder drug. Having it means feeling alive. Not having it means feeling old. So, in a way, denial of orgasm is a way to at least feel like you did in your teens and twenties. It makes you young again.
Layer on top of that how it can rejuvenate a relationship. The denier can become the center of the denied’s universe. If, as Harry points out, the one being denied is only being denied orgasm, not the affections of the denier and not other sexual stimulation that in that past might have ended with mutual orgasm. I can’t recall where I read it, but I recently saw someone again use the word “celibacy” to describe a denied man’s condition. No! A thousand times, no. Locking up a dude and then making him celibate is like a fucking prison sentence. Locking up a dude and then teasing him unmercilessly is heaven.
Which gets back to the point Harry made that I agreed with so much. The one that can be controversial even in the community of orgasm denied men. The one that, in a way, punctures the premise of so many wank stories. Being teased and left wanting orgasm is actually better than fucking and being allowed to come. Being denied is the point of the exercise. It makes you feel like a kid again. It makes you desire your partner more. It can make any number of things better. Orgasm is fantastic for about 6.2 seconds, but when it’s done, you’re human again. You can lose interest in sex. It can remind you that you’re getting old. It’s kinda like kryptonite.
I’m sure I’ve said things here that will annoy some. I’m sure to some I sound crazy or too strident or…I don’t know. Too something. I’m not saying (and have never really believed) that living with orgasm denial is the One True Way. But is it a way with some fantastic benefits. I think the world would be a better place if more couples tried it.
Knowing what I (and, apparently, Harry) know now, I’d never want to go back to living permanently with free orgasms again. They’re just not worth it.
9 thoughts on “Harry gets it”
I completely agree! And I am in the group that started early (I was 27 and now am 33)
Twenty-seven!? Freak! 😉
Just under 30 here…I am wondering how this will change once I’m older. I think this might make some sense in terms of why it’s made more sense for my Princess and I to play with shorter periods of denial.
At any rate, I’m eager to find out…it might not be the One Twue Way, but I’ll be darned if the Princess isn’t more engaged with the idea the more we explore.
My wife and I are in our fifties and we started our Chastity lifestyle a little over a year ago. I’m in a simple CB600S and am only locked during the day (not 24/7). It has been an interesting journey to say the least. When we started, it was a mix of things; increased intimacy was the main goal, no solo activity for me, the possible kink of my submissive side, the increase in my wife’s control of our sex life, and of course, the unexpected pleasure of orgasm denial. The very idea of keeping on edge all day and for weeks on end was something I had no idea about. Sure you read about it, but the experience is indeed mind blowing. The first time we made love after just 14 days without was incredible. But the next day I was cranky. I didn’t understand the refractory period concept. One of the blogs (it was probably Harry) wrote a summary on the Science of Sex that described the 3 chemicals that affect our sex cycles.
This past weekend we made love and I orgasmed, but for the first time I really really didn’t want to. I tried to stop, but it was too late. The only thing we haven’t quite figured out is how to statisfy my wife’s need to have me ejaculate inside her. She gets off on me getting off. A ruined orgasm doesn’t do it either…so our compromise is to push the number of days further and further….the most we have ever gone was 21 days, which from some of the post I read isn’t much, but for us it was an amazing ride. We have learned a lot about our sexual needs during this time and it has absolutely increased the intimacy and sexual pleasure in our marriage. Maybe chastity device should start to be given out as wedding gifts? : )
This past weekend we made love and I orgasmed, but for the first time I really really didn’t want to.
Bit of a mindfuck, isn’t it? You spend your whole life trying to come as often as possible and all of a sudden you realize there’s this other way that’s actually more satisfying.
The only thing we haven’t quite figured out is how to statisfy my wife’s need to have me ejaculate inside her.
I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason Belle let’s me come anymore. Some women like feeling that, some don’t, but I agree that it’s a bit of a conundrum.
…the most we have ever gone was 21 days, which from some of the post I read isn’t much..
It’s plenty long if it’s the longest you’ve gone!
Maybe chastity device should start to be given out as wedding gifts?
Absolutely. Imagine how the vows could be rewritten with this in mind…
“Do you JP take KH to be your lawfully wedded wife? To be locked up, for her pleasure and for you to submit to her loving affection for as long as you live? To allow her to determine how and when you will release your seed? hmmmmmmm? “And do you KH, take JP to be your submissive lover until death do you part? To tease him and shower your affection on him whenever he is obedient to your commands.” hmmmmmmmm? Damn I like that!
Thank you, Thumper, for taking my quick paragraph and expanding on it.
Yes, it is definitely an age thing (generalizing, of course). Young guys don’t need denial to keep them horny all the time, they’re walking, talking hard-ons without it, but it’s a huge boost to all of us whose libido went south years ago.
When you said, “Orgasm is fantastic for about 6.2 seconds, but when it’s done, you’re human again. You can lose interest in sex. It can remind you that you’re getting old.” you absolutely nailed it.
I hope that at least a few couples who have been on the fence about chastity read this and make the leap.
Totally agree. The horniness and hormone surge makes you feel young again.
I admit though, and I say this while currently locked, that I like break periods too. It’s nice not having my sex drive nagging me sometimes. Both sandy and I find that relaxing too.
It’s a mix for us.