I’ve talked about rules before. I love them, Belle’s not crazy about them. I need them for structure and boundaries and reasonable expectations whereas Belle would rather just not have to worry about them.

We used to have a very complicated set of rules. They were all about me and not both of us and that whole thing was kinda thrown out, though some of it wasn’t and we weren’t always clear on which parts were in and which were out, and to know what I thought of that just see the part above about structure and boundaries and expectations, etc.

Anyway, recently, she expressed an interest in seeing the old set of rules again. We didn’t drag them out, but that led to some conversations about amending her rules for me. Her requirement was that they not be too numerous or complicated. She said only five rules. I countered that we already have, like, three basic rules so if she only sets five, we’re only really formalizing two. In the end, she compromised with me. We have the original three plus we added a few more and then she went and made up another. These rules are all-encompassing and replace any others we’ve used in the past.

Basic Three Rules:

1. Thumper can’t come unless Belle says he can.

2. Thumper can’t play with himself without Belle’s permission.

3. Only Belle can decide when she and Thumper have sex.

If you’ve read the blog for more than five minutes, these should seem pretty obvious.

“New” Rules:

4. Thumper must ask permission to watch TV in her bedroom. We had a version of this before where I was required to turn the TV off when she asked, but now I need to ask before turning it on. She hates having a TV in the bedroom while I love it (and watching it with her). Also note, her bedroom.

5. Thumper is not allowed to lose his temper with Belle, be short with her, or argue. We can still discuss and debate things, I assume, but I’m not to let her see me get mad at her.

6. Thumper can’t use furniture without Belle’s permission unless other people are around, in which case, Thumper can’t sit before Belle without her permission. We’ll see if this one sticks. Belle’s not super enthused about it (guess who’s idea it was) and I’ve forgotten it already about a dozen times. The idea is really hot, but maybe only for me.

7. Thumper must do whatever Belle tells him to. If there’s a reason he can’t do what she asks, he’s not allowed to use the word “no” but must instead explain his issue with what she wants. This is a pretty big rule and is the one that makes it possible for her to make new rules (which she already has).

8. Thumper cannot spend any money without Belle Fille’s permission. This is the one she added after the others were made. I don’t like this one at all, but I guess that’s what I signed up for.

If there are rules, then there must also be punishments. There are a lot of ideas out there (the one that made her laugh for a really long time was the “hold a penny against the wall with my nose for as long as she says” one). Others she has used in the past (though not recently) are withholding my participation in her orgasms and Icy Hot on the balls. We have a cane she could also use on me, though she hasn’t yet. Making me wait for orgasm or keeping me locked up aren’t really good punishments for me because I’m a freak and would actually like that. If there are no punishments and if they’re not punishments I really and truly don’t like, then the rules are a lot less meaningful.

Of course, Belle’s the judge and jury on all rule interpretation and adjudication.

I have a hard time explaining how having to live under her rules makes me feel. Good is the best I can come up with. It makes my insides warm and happy. Even the embarrassment or annoyance of doing what I’m told feeds back on my subbie circuits in a way that generates power rather than tapping it. I hope we can both make this new ruleset work for us.

17 thoughts on “Ruleset

  1. Great rules..Belle leads you follow. Think its important to have rules especially ones that remind you who is in charge…everywhere.
    Must make it so clear to you that yiu have gotten what you wanted.

  2. I know what you mean about rules and structure. My wife and I are still pretty new at this and its about 80-20 my enthusiasm for it compared to hers. I’ve tried voluntarily setting my own rules and chores and whatever, but it just doesn’t stick. We’ll just keep on keepin’ on for now.

  3. Re #8: Is this rule in place only for personal spending allowances? Or does it encompass spending money on/for household needs/goods and bill paying as well?

    “…cannot spend *any* money…”

    This can be an incredibly sticky wicket.

    Welcome to FinDom.

    1. I can’t spend any money she doesn’t know about. She can send me to the store to buy the groceries and I can buy those, but I can’t buy random shit on Amazon. I need to ask for permission to buy anything I want, not to buy stuff she wants.

      1. I think it’s great that you are clear on the details between the two of you. I’ll be curious to know how this one goes… 😉

  4. I have zero experience in this kind of ongoing D/s negotiated arrangement, so treat my opinions with the zero multiplier they deserve. But #5 seems like a tricky area. Being in physical control of oneself (so staying off the furniture and not buying stuff) seems straightforward enough. Hard to get through life if you can’t control your physical reactions. But emotional ones?

    I guess if the desire is to mold behavior via ideal targets and punishments for failure it makes sense. But it seems to be a different type of rule to the others. Far more grey area and less simple success/fail.


    1. “I’m not to let her see me get mad at her.”

      That doesn’t mean I won’t because we’re a couple and it happens. But I’m supposed to maintain my cool about it. Of course, there may be huge, nasty fights that happen *outside* the D/s dynamic and I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. For a D/s couple, maybe an after-fight punishment session is like make-up sex.

      1. Both my sub and I have some pretty nasty tempers, although he doesn’t have nearly the control over his that I do over mine. While I haven’t made a formal rule about him losing his temper, it’s understood that he’s just not supposed to.

        When he loses his cool in front of me (or, most especially, the spawn), I’ve learned to let him be angry (taking the kid next door to the inlaws, if necessary). I’ll let him rant and scream about whatever pushed him over the edge and wait until he calms down. Then, when he’s completely calm and over it, that’s when we’ll do the punishment. That way, he learns to try and find other, healthier ways of expressing his anger, but doesn’t feel like he has to bottle his feelings up if something happens that really sets him off. Every couple is different, but that’s what has worked for us.

        And (in my experience, anyway) yes, an after-fight punishment session is a lot like make-up sex. In fact, he loves those sessions because I tend to be “meaner” with him.

        I love this list! I’ve been thinking about rules for awhile now, and if you don’t mind, I may steal a couple of these to make my own list.

      2. I’ll post it up as soon as I get all the details ironed out. For us, punishment is mostly something pain-related. I tried orgasm denial, but, like you, he enjoys it. There’s nothing about pain that he likes, however. So that’s usually what I stick with. Gotta be careful with pain, though. I don’t know how you react to pain, but too much, too quick gets him really angry, and that’s not the mindspace I want him in during a punishment session.

      3. Punishment isn’t a great tool for ending unwanted behavior, and punishment that is enjoyed by the person being punished…is a reward, which would reinforce the unwanted(?) behavior. Very interesting. So, keeping yourself from breaking a rule is, in effect, a self-denial of pleasure.

  5. I, like you, have an attraction for rules that is the opposite of my wife. I drew up a detailed chastity contract several years ago and it lasted less than a day. My wife has only adhered to one rule over the years (I’m not allowed orgasm until she says so) but even that is sometimes eased.

    I also have a great love for not being allowed to use furniture and sometimes ask to sleep on the floor next to her bed. But she doesn’t go along much with that. If I was truly forbidden from them, I would feel like I was in my ideal situation.

  6. How are the rules going? What punishments have you received, if any? How is the “no furniture” rule being followed? Are there any rules you are not following?

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