This whole panty thing got kind of out of control. After reading the post about it, Belle related to me that the idea didn’t do anything for her. That’s fine, if a little disappointing. Totally out of left field and, truth be told, it’s not like wearing something like that is a core part of my sexuality or anything. I’m just experimenting. But then she made a point of saying, “I’m not interested in ever seeing you wearing them.”
That made me feel weird and awkward and sat between us like a dead fish for several days. Suddenly, I was embarrassed and worried she’d even see them in my drawer. I was afraid of being judged and found to be somehow wrong. Then, after a negative comment from a follower to a quickly posted image on Twitter, I spiralled into a very foul mood and impulsively deleted the tweet. It’s one thing to hear something like that from your partner. It’s something quite a bit different to be pantie-shamed by a fellow anonymous perv on the internet.
In any event, Belle’s intention wasn’t to be harsh. I could tell by the tone of how she said what she said. It was an honest comment and I’m glad she made it, even though it pained me. My response was also honest, but I wasn’t mad at her for feeling how she feels and I’d rather she not take it back or try to gloss over it or anything. We’ve discussed it and, after, I’m in a better place if only because the issue is out there. It’s not resolved because I don’t know that it can be.
It was surprising to me how quickly my ego destabilized from this little adventure. I’ve been on pretty good ground for a while and haven’t felt the “freakish freaky freak” thing in a long time. Then, BOOM, there it was. In any event, like I said, we’re past the worst of it and I’m feeling somewhat better now. I still don’t think I could let myself be seen by her in them, though she said incidental observation (like when I was changing for bed or something) wouldn’t bother her. It’s still a tender spot. At least I can bring myself to put them on without feeling self-loathing.
Practically speaking, I’ve worn two pairs now for a day each. I find I like the boy brief cut better than the thong cut (I also got these but haven’t worn them yet). I don’t have a general problem with thong-style underwear and have several pairs. They’re really good for achieving that commando feel while still providing a bit of support for the steel. I think what I like about the boy brief panties is that I could feel the lace on my ass under my jeans. I was often reminded that I was wearing them and that was satisfying. The other styles look good on, but are just like any other underwear once covered by pants. I also like the incredible lightness of lace. They’re there but just barely. A very appealing material for me. I’m wearing the briefs again today without a device because I’m going to an event tonight where there’ll be metal detectors. I was worried the lace would rub uncomfortably over the penis (which is often very sensitive to that kind of thing right after getting out following a long time locked-up), but there’s been no issues so far. I will be posting HNT this Thursday of what that looked like this morning, so beware all panty-hating types (and Belle).
I’m still trying to figure out the appeal in general of panties. I think it’s that I’ve always had a thing for sexy underwear most men wouldn’t wear (a fetish?) and these are just an extreme example of that. There’s no doubt when you see them that these are for men because they have ample pouches cut into them. I don’t feel like I’m wearing women’s underwear at all and still have no desire to do so. But I do like the lacy stuff and more feminine look of these. Weird.