Time and relative dimension in space

We have moved from the giddy, nervous newness stage of allowing a third party a place at my table and into the practical reality of how it’s going to function so that everyone involved, but especially Belle, feels comfortable. It all has to settle into a stable routine.

Each person in this little triangle has their own perspective and vulnerabilities. I feel it’s my responsibility to look out for both mine and Belle’s since I’m the one who wants this and she’s the one who has allowed it to happen. That’s not to say I don’t think of Drew in all this as well, but the priority is Belle, first and always. The thing I have been struggling with is that I’ve found myself putting me last in line. I suppose this is a submissive’s trap, but I’ve realized that if I don’t take care of myself then I’ll probably fuck up my first priority (keeping Belle as comfortable as possible with the arrangement).

For me, it all culminated on Sunday. I have some things I need to do for myself and a community of friends that I’ve been putting off since essentially the day Drew showed up and started distracting me. The day ended with me doing things for him and doing things for Belle and not having completed her list of tasks and totally ignoring my own needs and, on top of everything else, I fucked up my Achilles tendon and probably won’t run again until the end of December so my mood was shit. But I didn’t want to show any of that to either of them. I was feeling pretty crap and like I was holding on by my fingernails. Pressured.

Of course, none of this is Belle’s problem. She’s not expected to make room for Drew and how that changes me. I have to make the room. So this had to be an issue taken up with him. We talked yesterday and set some good ground rules going forward. Rules about when we communicate and how and what his expectations are with regard to my submission. We also discussed how I can easily share my sex and even my submission (to the right person) but I can’t share my heart. Not with him. There’s nothing wrong with him except that I’m not capable of feeling a certain way towards a man and I needed him to really and truly get that (which he did and does).

So on Sunday, late in the day, I was laying on the couch with my head in Belle’s lap while she watched football (three games). She was stroking my hair and mentioned she didn’t think she could let the Drew thing happen if he was local. She’d feel too possessive of me.

“You have the local franchise,” I said.

“I have the only franchise,” she corrected in a sweet yet totally serious and I better be paying attention tone. “He’s just renting.”

Then, last night, she told me she read his initial post over on his new blog. She said she wouldn’t be going back there, at least not for a while. She felt his tone was too possessive of me and I totally get that. I felt the same thing when I read it, but I know him and know that he came off sounding more entitled than he knows he is. But she doesn’t know that and she didn’t respond well. She’s still giving me the freedom to explore a relationship with Drew, but made it clear that there are landmines we need to be aware of.

This is, of course, exactly what I want us to do. Communicate. Be honest. I don’t think there’s a snowball’s chance this will work if we’re not. Part of being honest is establishing space. The space she needs apart from what Drew writes, the space she needs in our relationship that is exclusively ours and inviolate. The space I need from Drew to do that. The space I need to make sure I don’t get consumed by the task subbing to two people so it’s impossible to accomplish.

Moral of this post: We’re being cautious, sensible adults as we move through uncharted territory. And that’s good.

7 thoughts on “Time and relative dimension in space

  1. is this better now since he posted a retraction? is Belle still mad at him after she read it? I am happy for all of you but wonder if this is just a one month sexual fling for you and drew since you said you can’t give him your heart? you do seem to be both in each other’s brains though – based in readin, is that enough to take you two into post fuck buddy friendship or will She not allow that? How do you feel about Axel? I think my mind goes to a threeway with you three and can’t tell if it’s fantasy or just natural with three guys.

    1. I don’t know that she was ever mad at him. Miffed, maybe. Put off. Etc. As far as I know, she hasn’t read his reply and I don’t know that she will or has to. All that matters is how I am to her and that’s what I’m focused on.

      I think it’s one of the foundational tenets of our dynamic that there’s no exchanging of hearts to be had. At least not romantically. I think this is very much a cerebral thing, first. I mean, besides the physical aspect.

      I don’t really feel either way about Axel having never met him. I try and respect Drew’s time with him and therefore respect him, but I don’t let him into my head as far as whatever it is Drew and I share. In the same way Belle is my responsibility, Axel is Drew’s.

      WRT to extending things to include him, that would be logistically challenging and is not currently on the table.

  2. I get it in theory, the not sharing your heart with him part at first made me think of you two just being drone like with each other and I felt sorry for him because I could not picture how you would not wind up being close. But when you said “at least not romanitically” it clicked.
    Now, I can see how you two could wind up actual best friend types who happen to just fuck and share deep kinky things with and whose spouses know and don’t care without it being a romantic heart sharing thing, but what I could not follow is that share my heart with my friends and love them so I got confused.

    That could work, I guess, but a different kind of love than you and I feel with our wives and him and Axel though, I don’t know if it works the same with two men. I get it now. I think that is why I asked about Axel and if Belle was angry because i can’t picture having a friend so close that my wife didn’t know anything about at all about who they were or not knew them in person. But that is probably why I want my wife to take over me too.

    Sorry again for all these posts. I will stop with the grilling. I think it hit a tender spot with me and I find myself jealous more of the friendship you might have instead of the sex which I thought I would be. That’s pretty awesome actually.

    One last question, you seemed very happy when you posted this. Days later are you still nervous about that?

    1. “…what I could not follow is that share my heart with my friends and love them…”

      There are many kinds of love and affection. I have never been able to feel the kind of emotion with a man that would cause someone to want to build a life around them. I have tried.

      “…i can’t picture having a friend so close that my wife didn’t know anything about at all about who they were or not knew them in person.”

      I actually have many very close friends Belle’s never met for various reasons. It’s not so weird for us at all. Of course, I don’t have sex with them as a general rule.

      “you seemed very happy when you posted this. Days later are you still nervous about that?”

      I remain cautiously optimistic that we’re doing this as well as we can.

  3. Michael: I have stayed out of these comments to this point but wanted to say a few things now. First, I think, thank you for your concern but there was and remains no need to feel sorry for me. I am already loved with all of Axel’s soul and I give him all of mine. There are a few things we cannot give each other, so we have given each other the ultimate gift of freedom. This means we have the freedom to go out, find, and maybe even really, really dig, another person who can give us a fantasy, a penis, or even a shoulder for support that is not possible within our marriages. If you don’t think that is an example of love, you are a fool, my friend.

    Regarding T’s statement about different types of love and affection, I have to ask if you really didn’t know this or think about this? But, if you didn’t, I will for you. There are tons of ways to care for and/or love a person without picking out china together. Frankly, and I warned Thumper about this early on, I ALWAYS tell my friends, those who I have seen naked and MANY who I have not, that I love them. It’s not an end of every conversation thing like it is with Axel, but, I work it in from time to time because I think everyone needs to hear that in their day to day lives and, also, from people other than their significant other. Don’t you want to feel and or know that those who you’d jump out a window for if asked love you back? I do. So,I tell those in my inner circle (i.e.: not just my Facebook friend) how much I enjoy their presence in my life – almost pretty always without any slight worry that they might consider that an invitation to marry me.

    Also, I read your question differently than Thumper did, so I am going to state it differently. While we may never physically meet the other spouse, or need to, but Thumper is not a mystery to Axel nor is Axel to Thumper. They have seen pictures of each other, know what each other does for a living, what kind of cars they drive, etc. We could not exist in this rectangle without that. If it helps, just think of the person I am sure you have worked with for 30 years. It’s quite possible you know what type coffee their spouse drinks through year’s of chit chat, and, barring some sort of tragedy involving a funeral, you might never meet that spouse and think nothing of it. While not dollar for dollar, it’s very similar.

    Finally, I was going to ignore the following statement of yours, but cannot. So, as you say, sorry. My tone is off my typical one in this response, and it’s basically because of this statement:

    “…That could work, I guess, but a different kind of love than you and I feel with our wives and him and Axel though, I don’t know if it works the same with two men”

    WTF? are you really naive enough to think that two men cannot feel the same way together and/or set up a life together with as much intensity, love, and future as you and your wife or Thumper and his?

    This is not even worthy of an answer, BUT, if you really don’t understand this concept, send me a private email. Please. I will be happy to talk to you about our life, love, taxes,and the current problem we are having with our furnace.

  4. I am sorry Drew. I did not mean to get you cross. But thank you for the information and for setting me straight. Axel and Thumper should consider themselves very lucky men.

Say your piece

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s