Back off, rabbit

If I look back on my sexual history over the last decade or so, I’d say the one area that could use some improvement that consistently shows up is that I’m far too…um, enthusiastic. Which, in and of itself, is one thing but when you combine that with a larger than normal visibility due to a platform such as this blog where I get to prattle on in front of thousands of eyeballs, it all gets out of control. I just get carried away. Part of that is because I’m constantly stewing in my own frustration and that causes me to perhaps make less defendable choices, but part of it is just how I am.

After yesterday’s post about the Facebook messages between Belle and TOG and whether I should read them following Belle’s offer to let me do so, I started to feel like I was doing it again. Yes, I still really want to read those messages, but no, I’m not going to. Partly because I decided it was too intrusive to Belle and her potential relationship with TOG and partly because the ethics of doing so are a little shaky but mostly because Belle decided it was too much. TOG is a thing that is happening to her, not me. She needs to be able to maintain a sphere of privacy and freedom and giving me such an unfettered view into her interactions with TOG totally punctures that. So yeah, that offer is now off the table.

I’m also going to try and get myself under control with regards to how much I talk about she and he. To be sure, things are not settled there and anything can happen. They may decide the emotional risk is too great for him if they became involved. He may freak out and ghost her. Things might just peter out as they sometimes do between people. If I make too big of a deal here and, because the prospect of it leaves me so fucking exited, then it starts to kind of hang a cloud over the whole thing. Because I write about it and because there will be comments or whatever, me and my take on what’s happening become too important. The gravitational influence starts to change the natural trajectory of the thing. It’s unfair to Belle and, I guess, TOG (though he knows nothing about any of this kinky sex blog stuff). 

So, starting today, I won’t be asking Belle any specific questions about TOG and their conversations or plans. She will share with me whatever she wants or needs to. I have reserved the right to be able to talk about how being the husband of a proto-hotwife makes me feel, both with her and here, but she gets to veto anything she thinks crosses a line and I’ll be doing my best to keep my blogging about it to a reasonable level. It might be different if she didn’t read the blog, but she does and always has and always will, so that’s that. Also, my only other ask (I call it an ask because it seems weird that I can make rules for her) is that each and every time they are together physically (if and when that happens), I want to know how often his cock is involved. But she does not need to offer specifics. Like, she could say they fucked and how many times but I wouldn’t be able to ask what he said to her while doing it or what piece of furniture she was bent over at the time. I can ask general-type stuff (“How did it make you feel?”) but even then she can cut me off if she thinks it’s too intrusive. Basically, other than the fact it happened, all other info will be metered out as she see fit. I think this is important because it maintains an airspace between them and us that respects her prerogative as the dominent partner.

It should be noted that Belle doesn’t think I can keep to this arrangement. She thinks I’ll crack and start asking things I’m saying now I won’t. I do totally acknowledge that I am craving information and am dying to ask more questions, but I am doing my best not to. The way it makes me feel is really very similar to what it feels like to be denied. It is a form of denial. It’s an demonstration of my submission. So from a dynamic standpoint, my lack of insight into what’s happening is a source of energy for me. The subby rabbit in me feeds off the fury of my internal sex lizard as he goes crazy thinking about what he doesn’t know.

She made me figure out for her today how she can Skype him. I don’t know when and for what purpose they will be using it and I’m not going to ask. I may not be told when it happens. So we’re already operating under the new rules. 

Funny thing about all this is I have now been living with an indescribably powerful desire to fuck the taste out of her mouth for about 72 hours. Continuous, palpable, and often difficult to contain every time I see her or hear her voice. Well, “difficult to contain” except for that one part. This morning, since I knew I wasn’t coming out of the Steelheart, all I wanted to do was set up camp between her legs and plant my face in her pussy. I hope that later tonight she’ll let me do it again. The introduction of TOG has made her the most desirable object in the world to me. Funny how that works. Also funny to think that one way couples could reinvigorate their relationships would be to crack them open every once in a while and let someone else have a turn. 

5 thoughts on “Back off, rabbit

  1. I actually have a lot of thoughts about all this, but there’s not really a succinct way to articulate them all, so I will just address one thing:

    I find the “asks” to be very difficult to navigate with my spouse because to him it’s all hotwife fantasy fodder and he gets off knowing I’m finding pleasure elsewhere. And while I get that, I also won’t allow him to objectify me or my ancillary partner(s) in that way. So I’ve set rules about what and when he can ask (I will NOT answer his questions while we are sexually engaged with one another; I don’t want an invisible third in the bedroom with us), and I am very matter-of-fact in my answers. Respect for the people – as people, not as objectified wank fodder – involved stays front of mind that way. And while I have the right to not answer any question I so choose, I rarely invoke it. I’d rather give a short and simple answer (knowing that he’s actually drooling for the details) than refuse to answer, because it prevents the appearance/assumption that I have something to hide. This way, his imagination can run free in the right direction, and I am preserving the integrity of all the involved relationships. If that makes sense.

    1. It’s a difficult thing to manage for me because I have these two motivations seemingly at odds. On the one hand, yes, being cucked is a potent fantasy for me. Maybe the most potent. It’s impossible for me to think about it without an immediate and visceral reaction. On the other hand, I do desperately want this for her for her. It can be a challenge sifting through my thoughts and figuring out which is coming from the first thing and which from the second and which from both sides.

      Regardless, I really do not want to objectify him. He has feelings and assumes risks if he engages with Belle and I get that. My incredible desire for them to be together is tempered by that knowledge.

      So far, she seems to be following the same kind of strategy as you. Answers and disclosures tend to be short and to the point. I’m constantly left wanting more (as usual).

  2. I am in two minds about this. I understand that this is about her. But you have an awful lot at stake as well. Chastity, denial, D/s, to a point they are harmless. Two consenting adults deciding together to explore their sexuality in a way that harms no one. No one else is involved and the risks to the relationship are negligible. Your relationship with Drew was an extension to this. Belle knew about your desires and allowed you to follow them. The risks, now involving another person were higher. I would have expected and hoped that any question she would ask you would have answered, even just so she knows herself where she stood.

    This man is new, he’s young. He’s single. He’s already aware of your relationship and the power exchange. He may or may not play nicely. He may want more than you and Belle can give. He will have the time and opportunity to get into Belle’s mind and say things, do things that could represent a ver real risk to you and your relationship. It is not Belle I would be concerned about but a man you know nothing about who will have several months of opportunity to do and say things that could undermine you. In your situation I would want to know that if I asked, I would be told. It doesn’t mean I would want to vet conversations, phone calls or meet ups, but just the reassurance that if I were to request it that there would be full and open disclosure.

    I do understand the power dynamic but this is something you have to both agree on. D/s still has to be consensual and that includes you having say and input. I understand what Mrs Fever is saying but I don’t know if I would be comfortable in that situation.

    It is however indescribably hot thinking about Belle, this man and what they will get up to.

    1. Thing is, I know Belle. I know what I mean to her. And I also think coupling isn’t a game where the answer must always round off to two. She may develop intense feelings for him and those feelings may be reciprocated, but that wouldn’t mean her feelings for me would suddenly disappear. I am open to that possibility and it scares me not at all.

      This is all part of the shoals that need to be navigated so that it’s fun for all and nobody gets hurt. It’s not without risk, but as I said before, risk is a large part of what makes things exciting and fun.

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