“Can you imagine what our relationship would be like right now if we never started locking me up?”
I asked this of Belle the other morning just before our petting moved from light to heavy which inevitably leads to her orgasm.
She was quiet for a moment.
“No, not really. It’s been so long now.”
“Same.”
And then I happily got her off while the contents tried and failed to participate.
While it’s difficult to predict where we’d be without chastity and denial, I can imagine it. And I don’t like what I see.
One of the realities of being married to someone for multiple decades is that, I think naturally, the sexual spark wanes. In fact, the entire reason we started down a path that led to her keeping me locked up all the time and letting me come basically never was falling into the trap of sexual complacency. It’s also the case that people’s sex drives start to tail off as they get older. That’s just nature.
So, in at least that aspect of our relationship, I’m 100% sure it would be worst off today were it not for my permanent denial. I would most likely be doing what I was doing sixteen years ago and relieving whatever sexual needs I had in the shower as soon as they started to smoulder rather than approach Belle. I’m not suggesting we’d be sexless, but there’d be way less sex than there is now.
And my attentiveness and investment in her and our dynamic are greatly enhanced since she’s, while perhaps not my sole outlet for sexual gratification, certainly my closest and most important. And the natural ebbing of sexual interest has been delayed greatly by the fact I can never scratch my orgasmic itch as soon as it begins. I feel like that clock has been set back by decades due to my prolonged denial.
She says it herself when asked what the best part of keeping me locked is: focus. Focus on her, focus on us, focus on how I can be a better partner. No focus on the contents.
I have started to wonder how wanting to be permanently locked and denied qualifies as submission. When I was being locked longer than I might have wished in the past, then there was a real sacrifice being made. But now, I want nothing more than to be exactly as I am and on those very rare instances when she wants me not to be, it’s genuinely traumatic for me. If she asked for that to happen again, of course I’d comply. But in that case, being unlocked and then allowed to orgasm would be the act of submission.
That’s a mind fuck, huh?
So I guess the way I’d characterized my ongoing act of submission to her now is how I feel like I’ve permanently sacrificed the contents and every potential orgasm for the rest of my life to make our marriage and relationship and, by extension, her life better. More satisfying and rewarding. For her and me.
She doesn’t want to change anything. She will keep me locked up and denied essentially forever. And I feel like that is a gift of submission that I freely and gratefully give her every day. I’m very lucky to be with a woman who accepts it from me.
thumper
Happy New Year. Great blog post. My wife and I don’t know how far we’re going with tease and denial play. I have a feeling we’re going to press on very far, since we both love the dynamic of orgasm denial of one (me) and unlimited orgasms for the other (wife/Mistress). My wife is comfortable with it now too, so that might not bode well for me since we’ve both never been as happy. She still plans to take it one step at a time. My wife added rule 11 before I left for work today. “Be sure to run the manscape shaver over your head when it needs it. I like how you look shaved with a beard. You look years younger”. “Yes Ma’am”. She’s taking it very seriously.
“When I was being locked longer than I might have wished in the past, then there was a real sacrifice being made. But now, I want nothing more than to be exactly as I am”
😉
As always your writing is so clear, open, and evocative (provoking).
There’s at least one thing in every post that makes me stop and think. In this one it’s the statement:
“I have started to wonder how wanting to be permanently locked and denied qualifies as submission.”
I thought about this several ways but what I settled back on is this, once I also went back and read the fantastic comments you made about being unlocked.
Surrendering control of orgasms is where you want to be. Hooray for that 100% expression of your submission and devotion. But you equate submission with discomfort or denial. Doesn;t have to be.
You love being locked because it was initially frustrating but as you’ve come to love it and equate it with submission, you are feeling conflicted because you love it. Being locked and denied is great. You love it. It is an expression of submission.
Now you have to work on the other side of it equally. Submission is being unlocked and not denied. I am betting Belle will work on that at some point and eventually, you will just see either state as natural and your submission will go to another level because your head has really shifted to accept both definitions.
She’ll be in control and you will fully comfortable.
And submissive!
Am I getting that right in terms of *your* perspective?
“She says it herself when asked what the best part of keeping me locked is: focus. Focus on her, focus on us”
My wife and I had a leisurely breakfast out yesterday and returned home to really talk out where we want the chastity and orgasm denial dynamic to go. She wanted us to really communicate honestly as equals because it’s a commitment for us both and it’s a bigger commitment (or maybe sacrifice) from me. I tend to be too wordy but the fact is the she believes there can’t be lockups and orgasm denial unless it’s real and not a game. And she likes denial as part of our relationship because she believes I’m a better husband in some way: perhaps gentler and more agreeable. I enjoy the raw inequalities of it. So orgasms from PIV sex will end for me, and then the act itself will end. She is getting older (aren’t we all) and enjoys oral more. As far as my orgasms, they will gradually be cut back at her discretion. I will have a few choices open to me but “be careful what you wish for” certainly applies. The real power to continue is with me though, because I can end our playing anytime, but then it will end and not be restarted again. I agreed.