Who knew that my new lifestyle would give me so much in common with the Christian set?
This, from a new line of inspirational t-shirts for Christian teens. They also come with the sayings “EX-Fornicator”, “EX-Athiest”, “EX-Rebel”, and my absolute favorite, “EX-Homosexual”.
More info here. Buy them here (seriously, I want the EX-Masturbator badly). Via BuzzFeed.
Guess what I found out this morning? Gold Bond Medicated Body Lotion contains menthol. Guess when I found that out? After putting it on a Q-Tip and using it to lubricate the tube of my CB6K. Guess what else I found out? I liked it.
I decided yesterday afternoon about three that I wanted some pussy that night. In the past, that would have meant waiting until we were in bed before doing anything about it. Then, I’d come on to Belle in an attempt to get my dick wet, and if she declined (which she often did), I’d give her some attitude, be pissed, and then go jack-off to porn. Those were the old days.
These days, things are more complicated. I needed to plan and plot. My goal was to ease her reentry into home life in order to make her as relaxed and retaining as much residual energy as possible. To that end, I picked up both kids, helped the boy finish his homework, and literally had dinner on the table all before she walked in the door. Then, I made sure her coffee was set to brew at 5:15 AM and cleaned up the kitchen. Nice. For her, no muss, no fuss.
Once in bed, I told her it had been three days since her last orgasm and I thought it was high time she had another. It was my job to make sure she was properly serviced, after all, and my professional opinion was she needed me to work her over. She looked at me for a moment and basically said all I wanted was to get into her pants. Well…yes, I said. But she was going to get an orgasm while I was going to get nothing more than hard plastic biting into my hard cock. What if she wanted a foot massage, she asked. Fuck. The foot massage. She loves those. Well, I’m happy doing whatever she wanted, I lied, but wouldn’t she really like an orgasm? Huh? Wouldntcha? Just a little one?
She then reminded me that she decided what would happened, not me. If she wanted an orgasm, I would give her one. If she wanted a foot massage, I would give her one. Basically, whatever she wanted, I would give it to her. Now, go get the cream and rub my feet.
She’s right, of course. That’s the deal. That’s what our Covenant says. So, she got a fucking great foot massage powered by my repressed sexual energy.
The problem with my plan was it being centered around me trying to get something I wanted when I should have been planning only to give her satisfaction in whatever way she needed it. I had forgotten that to make her happy is to make me happy – that there are multiple paths to my satisfaction. I was being generously selfish. I was doing things, but I was doing them for myself, not her.
Afterward, when she and her well-massaged feet turned over to go to sleep, I reflected on my attitude. I had been too forward and pushed too much, but wasn’t mad or upset for not getting what I wanted (as has happened in the past). On the contrary, I was happy and content. It’s good to be kept, denied, controlled by her. I like it. Oddly enough, I really, really like it.
Second full day in the cage. It’s been a few weeks since I was last in and there’s all these little things I need to relearn each time. Like, don’t forget to put a bunch of Q-Tips in my pocket before I leave in the morning and which underwear hides the tube best.
I think I’ve spent enough time in with my piercing to say that it definitely has a negative impact on hygiene. Back before the PA was put in, I could pee standing up and otherwise align all the holes such that a minimum of urine got into the cage. Now, depending on how misaligned things are, I can actually feel the warmth all over inside the tube. The urine sprays all around inside it and I’m left needing to clean myself much more often and thoroughly than before.
On the plus side, the piercing is healed enough that it can take some pulling so I think I’m ready for a PA cable. I took a trip to my closest Home Depot and couldn’t find the simple pieces I needed to construct it, so I might just bite the bullet and buy one. I am concerned about prolonged pulling on the piercing, though. My dick will often pull back up the tube about half way. If it was secured by a cable and that cable basically kept the ring in my piercing at the opening of the tube, I can imagine periods of persistent pulling. Not sure if this would lead to damage after a while or cause the hole to migrate or just plain hurt.
Mentally, I find myself more aroused, frustrated, and submissive than I would have expected only a few days after coming (especially in such a spectacular way). I’m not nearly as bad as I was that morning Belle allowed me my orgasm, but I can feel myself getting there faster than usual. I think this could be caused by a few different things. One, I now know the path to this mindset better than before. Also, I just came from a really sweet subbie place and would very much like to get back there. Also also, Belle usually does not put me right into the device after coming, so the constant reminder of her control coupled with my inability to in any way interact with the cock has quickly reminded me of my position on the sexual org chart.
She still doesn’t know (or is not saying) how long I’ll be in here. The first logical window of opportunity for escape would be next Thursday. We’ll be leaving on a family vacation early next Friday and I can see her being nice and letting me out beforehand. However, I’ve already fallen behind in our Covenant’s requirement that I be physically chastised at least 50% of the time. If she left me in there over the vacation and let me out when we returned, I’d be back on schedule. We’ll have to see which Belle wakes up next Thursday; the sweet one or the one that likes to rip clothespins off my nipples.
Guess who’s got the first link that comes up when you Google “birdlock chastity“? Or “birdlock silicone chastity device” or “birdlock silicone” or any number of combinations of those words you can think of? Yep, yer lookin’ at him. [UPDATE: Nope. No you aren’t. Not anymore. Oh well, it was swell while it lasted.] I think this speaks more to the product being new and not well represented on the web than it does to my stature as the sexually frustrated voice of my generation, but it’s kind of fun just the same. I can tell you a lot of people are looking for info on the Birdlock. I can also tell you there isn’t much out there.
A member on Fetlife remarked that he thought the images of men wearing the Birdlock found on its site looked Photoshopped. Personally, I don’t think so, but it’s true that the images they have up are not very detailed and don’t show the product up-close and in use. One in particular (of the guy’s reflection in the mirror) seems quite odd. Also, the images of how to put it on have had the body of the wearer messed with in a weird way. I would recommend they put up some clear, close-up cock shots with the device in situ and dispense with the obfuscation and lifestyle snaps.
Also of note with regard to the Birdlock is Tickleberry’s notice about demand.
Please Note: Due to the exceptionally high demand for the BirdLock, we are sorry but delivery is anticipated to be 7 – 10 days.
Sounds very British, doesn’t it? I can’t be sure, but I think that delay period was longer earlier in the day. Obviously, this device has struck a chord with the deprived, depraved, and denied members of our human family. Hopefully, it lives up to the hype.
Today is Groundhog Day. According to reputable new sources, our nation’s best marmot-based weather prognostication technology says we will endure six more weeks of winter. So the thought occurs to me, why doesn’t anyone use the big rat to decide when they’ll come next? Sees his shadow, you don’t come ’till sometime in March. No shadow, you’ll be erupting in two weeks.
These are the things I think about.
Over on FetLife, I found out about a new chastity device on the market called the Birdlock made by a company called Novamedia. At least I think it’s new since Tickleberry just started carrying it and the manufacturer’s website appears to be fairly new. Why it’s called “Birdlock” is anyone’s guess. The company that makes it is from Switzerland so maybe it’s a translation thing (the site’s English copy looks like it was translated by a machine which is the only explanation for the page that says the Birdlock fits perfectly with the male face).
This device is interesting to me for a couple of reasons. First, it’s made of silicone, not polycarbonate like the CB-X000 devices or stainless steel like other trapped-ball devices. This should make the Birdlock significantly more comfortable to wear than my CB6K or a similar stainless device since it will give and stretch with movement. Another benefit of the silicone is that it would probably lead to less of a profile when worn beneath clothing. I’m assuming the tube would collapse and be less noticeable than the hard plastic of the CB6K. Additionally, it’s basically all one piece with a simple locking strap so it appears to be a lot less bulky and complicated than the CB6K (which has six separate pieces to assemble, not counting the lock). Fitting this should be a snap since it has no extra rings or spacers and obviously the issue with tube splitting would not be a factor for a single piece of silicone. Finally, all this simplicity seems to have helped make it one of the more inexpensive devices on the market (but not a lot cheaper than a careful shopper will pay for a CB6K).
On the downside, I wonder if the stretchiness would allow some manual stimulation to be felt through the tube. I can see how the device would reign in an erection (though more forgivingly than the CB6K), but, as I said on FetLife, one of the more interesting features of the hard tube is that it’s impossible to give oneself any kind of penile stimulation while wearing it (at least, once one has a hard-on). I can imagine the Birdlock would at least allow some pressure to be felt through the tube making a form of masturbation possible. This would not, in an of itself, be a show-stopper for me, but it would seem to remove one of the control and bondage features I appreciate in the CB6K. Novamedia trumpets the fact that, since it stretches, nocturnal erections are less likely to wake a wearer up in the middle of the night. When I first started wearing my device, this would have been a very welcome feature, but now I’ve come to appreciate this feeling. Once I wear it for a few days, I sleep right though them or only wake up a bit. Either way, there’s a security blanket-type thing I get from the feeling of the tube clamped around my meat that I would miss if the tube was too forgiving. Also, since it is basically a one-size-fits-all design, it’s possible it won’t fit some. I assume it will stretch enough for most guys, but if it’s too small, it won’t stretch smaller. This won’t be an issue for my totally average penis, but it may be for some. Finally, as anyone with a silicone iPod case can tell you, silicone can pick up a lot of dirt and discoloration through use, especially in lighter colors. I would be concerned about the clear and glow-in-the-dark(!) models discoloring after a while (a point I didn’t think of until Belle mentioned it). A nice thing about solid poly is you can make it very clean.
Chances are, I will eventually get one of these new Birdlocks. The potentially lower profile of the device and its simplicity outweigh the possible downsides enough that I should at least give it a try.
Was presented with the following ad on Facebook:
Needless to say, the lord and I have different methods (though we share the same goals).
UPDATE: I saw the ad again and this time saved the link. Here it is. Actually, upon reading some of the things this book is supposed to bring to the Christian male, I’m pretty sure it’s pushing orgasm control. So maybe the lord and I are in synch. There’s a first time for everything, I guess.
I woke up Saturday, the day I would be allowed to come, deeply, deeply horny. More, I think, than I’ve been so far in the four months or so in which Belle’s been denying me orgasms. I spooned into the her still-sleeping form, doing my best not to wake her in that poky, annoying, denied male way, but did, in fact, place a hard, protruding, poky piece of meat between us. My first instinct was to be the eighth dwarf (Gropey), but give myself credit that she more or less woke up on her own. It wasn’t that I thought she was going to give it to me right then, but the day had dawned, and every little part of me knew today’s the day.
She had a little surprise for me. I was to be the beneficiary of her special, 24-hour, two-for-one orgasm sale! She was going to let me get one in the morning, and another in the evening. Holy. Shit.
Of course, even when I get to come, I come last. This time, Belle wanted to get her orgasm from the cock. Any time she has me put my dick in her after a couple of weeks of denial, I get worried. I placed myself in the zone and focused on her experience as much as possible. I could feel myself slide in and out of her, but in trying to ensure her orgasm came first, it didn’t feel like fucking as much as a side effect of making her happy. It’s hard to explain, but the sensation seemed to be routing through a different set of neurons or something. In any event, I was miles from coming when she started to approach her own orgasm. As usual, her peaking excitement caused mine to start to rise. She started to make shallow, short little moans and raise her hips to meet the thrusting of mine and I suddenly felt myself coming at the same time she was. Instead of thinking, “Oh, cool! We’re coming at the same time!” I thought, “Oh shit, I’m coming and she’s not done yet!” My orgasm started, but I clamped down on it as soon as I felt it. Once she was done, it was my turn, and I immediately felt the dregs of my orgasm come spilling out.
I couldn’t even tell at first if I had come. I eventually decided I had, though poorly, based on how I felt. Beforehand, I had been craving some abuse and feeling very submissive, but I could sense that those feelings were somewhat lessened. The idea of being hurt didn’t turn me on as much and I definitely felt a shift in my submissiveness. So, yeah, I came, but it was a really crappy orgasm.
Belle told me afterward that she knew I was going to screw it up (her exact words) which is why she offered the two-for-one. She wanted me to have a good orgasm and suspected correctly that my first crack at it would suck.
Night came and I was ready for the main event. This time, her orgasm was achieved a little differently. She wanted me to finger her but, before I could get there, she started to finger herself. I was working her tits while she was working her clit. Feeling left out, I started to fuck her with my fingers. Using this cooperative finger-fuck method, she came quietly yet hard. One of her more intense orgasms.
My turn started and I could tell I was already in the wrong frame of mine. I had a hard time staying hard. She was doing her best with scratching and pinching and hair pulling, but it was all having the opposite effect of what she intended. Eventually, I became too flaccid to stay in her and had to roll off and take a little break. After a bit of stroking I was able to get back in the saddle. She focused more on my nipples this time and that really worked for me. My orgasm, when it finally came, was almost feminine. Instead of spiking like a big exclamation point, it built slowly and evenly over an extended period. I started breathing harder and faster as I felt it get closer. Once I started, it felt like I just kept shooting wave after wave into her. So much so, that it spilled out of her and backed-up all over me. This was it. The kind of head-exploding orgasm that makes all the denial and frustration pay off.
These two experiences make me think I have a wiring problem. Well, not so much a problem as much a need to relearn how to come. My denial has trained me to stifle my “natural” need to orgasm each time I have sex to such an extent that I seem to be shying away from coming even when I’m allowed to do so. I need to figure out how, when she’s given me the green light, to allow myself to reroute to the old circuits and just enjoy it.
It also makes me think this behavior might have something to do with all the stories about extended chastity causing erectile dysfunction. While I haven’t been locked-up for a few weeks (but will be by the end of today), the same kind of dynamics are in play. No orgasm, no opportunity to orgasm, and, in effect, positive reinforcement for not orgasming. I’m not at all surprised that I’m experiencing these issues since my brain is by far the largest, most complicated, and most important sexual organ I have. I can see how what’s happened to me could happen to others and lead them to think that they’re dealing with physical damage rather than the manifestation of a psychophysical issue.
In any event, I came! WOO-HOO! Last night’s was one of the best orgasms I’ve had, like, ever. Belle will lock me up sometime today and hasn’t decided how long I’ll be in. According to our covenant, I need to be locked up for half the year and have so far only seen the inside of the polycarbonate for 12 days in 2009, so I expect at least a few weeks. If I was to guess, I’d say at least until after she’s had her period. Also, she reminded me I only get to enjoy nine more orgasms this year. Divide nine by eleven and you’ll find I will have to go for more than a month a couple of times.
Plenty of time to experiment with with the wiring.
I am totally the alpha dog in my office. Granted, it is a relatively small office and I am an owner and all, but sometimes I find it dizzying to move from my role as supreme creature in one environment to my wanna-be guysub role in the other. The fact that I read the blogs and write this one often while in the office only makes it weirder. Yes, it’s nice to be the boss when you want to dick around on the web all day.
It makes me wonder about the difference between those subs who are subbie in all they do vs. the ones who are quite the opposite in other aspects of their life. The bloggers I most enjoy, on the male side, are those who appear to only be submissive when it comes to sex. But I really enjoy the dominant female bloggers. That’s one of the reasons I was sorry to read of the demise of A Place to Draw Blood Laughing, though I expect it’s less a demise and more a caterpillar cocoon phase thing. I’ve recently acquired a taste for the omnipresent Bitchy Jones (and really, who hasn’t?). But wait, I’m digressing.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. All-the-time subs vs. sexual subs. I think a big part of why I like being sexually submissive is because I’m so not all the rest of the time. It’s like taking off a heavy coat at the end of the day or something. And I think I’m really starting to get the hang of it. I find myself less and less obsessive over what Belle’s going to do or let me do. I accept that I can’t have my cake and eat it to. Either she’s calling the shots or she’s not. I do feel free to make requests, but I have no expectation that she’ll go along with them.
I also find myself wanting to more and more do things for her around the house. The past three days, I’ve totally handled the end of day stuff (dinner, clean-up, even picking up both the kids a couple of time). It’s not as though I never wanted to do things for her before, but now I find I want her to spend as much time as possible relaxing and less time doing all the things she would be “expected” to do based on her gender. I want to take more and more work from her and am feeling less and less selfish. I’m turning into a total stereotype! All I need now is the fucking maid’s dress and black pumps.
I suspect this new found desire to be her housemaid might be coming from a combination of being terribly horny and her recent ability to make me hurt. Like I said following the silent ice and clothespins episode, I woke up the next morning still feeling the subbie headspace lingering over me. Over the course of the week, as we’ve had sex and she’s hurt me more (like last night – two words: yay clothespins!) it’s remained. In fact, it’s strongest in the morning. The hornier I get and the more she hurts me, the more I want to make her happy in any way I can. It may not be PC to say this, but it feels like the penis-hating feminazi femdoms might be right about the salutary effects prolonged orgasm denial has in controlling the feral manbeast. At least for this feral manbeast.
I have spent a lot of time wondering if I’m thinking about this or feeling it “right”, as if there’s One True Way to sexually submit. That’s one of the big things I’ve learned in that past few months: there is no One True Way. This will feel for me the way it feels. I will not expect myself to be one way or another nor will I deny any feelings that arise along the way. It is the way it is. And the same goes for Belle. She will be what she is and feel what she feels and like what she likes and I will adjust and adapt and get the fuck over whatever doesn’t match my preconceptions. Note, I will continue to obsessively self-analyze, I just won’t get too hung up on what I find along the way. Anyway, that’s the plan.
What I’ve found this week is, when it works, it really works. I get all warm and fuzzy and happy and want to curl around and into her. I don’t expect we won’t still hit our share of bumps along the way, but the past several days have shown that this path is not wrong for us. I adore where we’re heading and she’s starting to unearth what she likes about it, too. What a difference from ten days ago.
