The year of the rabbit

Yesterday was the first day of the Chinese new year. The Year of the Rabbit. Oh, the irony.

I talked to Belle last night and she’s supportive of whatever I do (then we had sex and she told me I still had to be locked up no matter how bad a day I had and that, in the end, she likes to see me squirm and suffer – sounds cruel, but context is everything). She doesn’t think I should stop writing this blog, but would understand if I did. Well, I’m not going to. Not yet. I’ve decided that writing here might be too important to me to allow it to stop on anyone’s terms except mine.

I want to make something very clear. Yesterday’s post was not in direct response to anything Maymay said. Sure, he was a catalyst because his were the first and most rude of all the comments I received, but I did not have him in mind when I wrote it (regardless of what he might think). But, as long as we’re on the subject, I have decided that I don’t need him or his drama. Thanks to modern technology, it’s fairly simple to amputate him from my life. I won’t remove any existing links from here to anything he’s produced in the past, but I will not be engaging him here or anywhere from this moment forward (this was my final shot, sent in anger, which I now regret, but it is the last). I’m sure May’s a very sincere person and fine fellow to share a drink with, but his view of the world and mine are clearly very different and I simply don’t have the energy or interest to try to reconcile.

With regard to the main point most people are taking issue with – that I am trying to tell everyone from all walks of life how they’re supposed to live their lives – I’m sorry if that’s the impression you have. It’s not my intent. I feel I attempted at various points to say I was talking to people like me in situations like mine, but I’m willing to also concede that I could have done it differently or better. I’m very happy to engage with those who are interested in having civil and measured debate, but I totally reject the notion that the number of visitors my blog receives every day should have any bearing whatsoever on how I express myself. This is still a personal blog about my personal life. It is not a platform for any kind of activism. This is the story of one aspect of my life. Period.

So anyway, back when I said “everyone” should live like I do, I honestly meant it in the same way one might say “everyone” should try that new steak place out on the highway. Yes, the world is full of vegetarians who never eat the dead flesh of other animals, and by saying “everyone” should eat at the new steakhouse one would, of course, not be challenging anyone’s choice to be vegan. That’s ridiculous. At least, I think so. If you are not the kind of person for whom my advice from the other day applies, then ignore it. Don’t tell me how it can’t possible apply to you and by suggesting it should I’m being sexist or genderist or whatever the fuck. If everything I say here has to be scrubbed against the multiverse of human sexuality before it sees the light of day, what will be left? I’m not trying to be insensitive. I’m not trying to exclude. But, as I think I’ve said now about a hundred times, this blog is about me, my sex life, and my love live. If you’re experience is outside mine, then chances are I’ll never be able to speak to it adequately. You might even be occasionally offended. It won’t be intentional.

Now let’s rewind and say Maymay had taken a slightly different tack the other day. Something that started, “I’m sure you didn’t mean to, but have you any idea how much that bothered me?” Would I be writing these words today? Probably not. But that’s not how we started and that’s not how things progressed, so here we are. Maybe half of you will stop reading me now. So be it. I have to be what I am and I have to think what I think and I can’t possibly write anything different.

Lastly, I’ve debated leaving comments off. The feedback page is still working and several of you availed yourselves of it yesterday. I’ve decided to turn comments back on not because I’m dying to be validated but because I’d like to get this “police state” bullshit behind me as quickly as possible. If I need to, I’ll turn them off again and depend on the feedback form from now on. We’ll see.

I now return you to the Year of the Rabbit, already in progress.

22 thoughts on “The year of the rabbit

  1. I’m so glad you’ve decided not to quit blogging. I love your blog, most of all because it’s so REAL. You’re a real person with flaws and personality and quirks and mood swing. 😛 I love reading about your experiences, and follow all your ups and downs. Please continue writing. 🙂
    *hugs from Norway*

  2. Speaking on behalf of steak lovers who live too far away to visit the new place on the highway I am offended

    I will keep reading, even if I don’t comment.
    I’m delighted you will continue to write and that you have comments active, way to go.

  3. Hi,

    I’m glad you’ve decided to keep blogging. I for one would miss you.

    I took your post to be an enthusiastic passionate statement about something that enriches both Belle’s and your lives. A desire to share something good.

    Sure it was a little over the top in places and not worded to stand up to political dismantling and analysis. Thank goodness. If we all had to constantly write so as not to offend, say, third wave feminists or, insert persuasion of your choice, we might as well give up now.

    Let’s face it what gets us hot is often politically incorrect. In the BDSM scene there are those into forms of age play that border on paedophile role play. There are those with nazi fetishes with full blown antisemitic role play. There are people who enjoy reenacting the worst of antebellum slavery combined with race play. \not to mention those rape fantasies, whoops I just did. Need I go on.

    I’m all in favour of people writing about what they do, how it effects them and their relationship because of the insight it provides into others lives and the things I can learn from it.

    As for, “every man having his orgasm controlled by his partner”. Well it’s probably no surprise that I’d beg to differ but I’d rather hear what you are thinking, feeling and experiencing and how D/s and orgasm control are playing out in your life than read a heavily censored politically correct blog. Woody Allen said something to the effect of “If you don’t think sex is dirty you’re doing it wrong. We all have an accumulation of cultural baggage and such that have wired our sexuality. Given our culture is it surprising that many of our hottest fantasies and kinks turn out to be politically incorrect and sometimes fuel what we say.

    So keep saying what you do. Don’t forget the occasional disclaimer. Have fun.



  4. Whew!

    I was worried that I’d have to go back to being the preeminent chastity blogger. And that would have been tough for me, because I now believe that nobody should have their orgasms controlled by their partner.

  5. Good to have you back on-line. I still think that anybody that reads a blog should know that IT’s and OPINION piece, based on ONE person’s perspective (well maybe two when you include Belle)….Edgy and thought provoking and REAL are the exact things I love about your site…oh and your portfolio : ) Long live the Rabbit!

  6. I’m glad to know you’re sticking with it (although, as I implied last night, I think it’s entirely your choice, and no matter how bummed I would have been had you not, I would not have complained).

    Don’t tell me how it can’t possible apply to you and by suggesting it should I’m being sexist or genderist or whatever the fuck. If everything I say here has to be scrubbed against the multiverse of human sexuality before it sees the light of day, what will be left? I’m not trying to be insensitive

    On some level, isn’t the right solution to this particular problem for people from other parts of that multiverse to write, for themselves, about their part of the universe? Not here, necessarily, but elsewhere?

  7. I am glad to see you are still going to be blogging. I am also glad to see that you are choosing to explain how you meant what you said. I think, had you chosen to make that explanation earlier, there might not have been quite the extreme feedback that there was.

    I hope that there has been learning here, on all sides, about perhaps better ways to interact around conflicting views and expressions.

    May your year be filled with all that you desire from it.

  8. Me too (glad you’re not going to stop blogging)!
    Of course your blog is personal, that’s why I love it. If I’d want to read manifestos, I’d go to the Manifesto page.

  9. Hey Thumper. I’m another one who is glad to hear you are continuing with your blog – and with comments.

    Maymay is not a bad guy, but he is SO! FREAKIN’! INTENSE!

    Frankly, I think it causes many of his problems. But, that is how he is. Perhaps he will chill out a bit with experience and age, or perhaps he will always be an angry one. In any case, it is not your responsibility to adhere to his standards. (Something he may have trouble doing himself.)

    He is certainly NOT the Boss of the Internet, or of your blog. So I’m really glad to hear that you are keeping on… and I know I’m not the only one.

    Thank you for putting yourself out there. It means a lot. Reading your blog, and Dev’s, and Jnuts’ has made a real difference to me. I’m smart enough to tell that not everything is going to be the same for any of us – but it still helps to hear from fellow travellers.

    Keep on keepin’ on!



    1. Oh and by the way, it’s not only the Year of the Rabbit, but the Year of the METAL Rabbit! 😀 😀

      (There is also a rotation of elements in Chinese zodiac.)



  10. If we (as bloggers) write to please other people, we will be writing the most bland, inoffensive, defensive and self censored crap that you can ever imagine.

    “I cycled to the shop the other day, but I understand that not everyone has a bike or can afford a bike, so I apologise to those who do not have bikes and am not implying that you *should* have a bike or *need* a bike just because I have a bike and use it and rather enjoy it, and I also appreciate that not everyone who *has* a bike has one that is working, or in fact even if it *is* working, I also understand that you may not, actually, enjoy riding it and may prefer to walk, or perhaps drive, and maybe even catch public transport, which are all perfectly fine ways to get to the shop… etc etc”.

    Fuck ’em.


    1. If we (as bloggers) write to please other people, we will be writing the most bland, inoffensive, defensive and self censored crap that you can ever imagine.

      Terry Pratchett had a parody of this type of mindset in one of his Discworld books (I can’t remember which one) in which a king decreed that all hyperbole and metaphor be abolished.

      In some ways, what this represents is a type of political correctness in which authors are called to task for creating works that do not “speak” to all individuals.

      Communication – especially written communication – is a two-way process; let’s not forget that the person on the receiving end has an obligation to try to understand the message in a similar vein in which the author intended. That’s not to say we should ignore communication which is overtly insulting or degrading, rather, that we need to exercise some common sense and apply a reasonable context to the message.

  11. *blink* *blink*
    Wow, that was a lot of heat over one excited exclamation. Ya’ll are crazy, but probably in a good way.

    Anyhow, I thought it worth mentioning that as a pretty vanilla guy who blindly followed an angry link to the earlier explosion, I thought your suggestion was pretty interesting. I hadn’t really thought about orgasm denial in that way before, and certainly not specifically focused on myself, and it was a fun and worthwhile exercise to read your post and think about what that practice might mean for me. Thanks!

  12. Add me to the list of those very glad that your blog will be continuing. I’m in a very different position thn yours (72, in a long-since sexless marriage), but your blog inspires and helps sustain me.

  13. Dear Thumper,
    Might I can say, i’m learning american with your blog ?
    Reading directly (without theses automatic translators) i’ve reached november 2009 in almost a month …
    As french reader, (i know what means “Belle Fille”) i really enjoy the way of you’re relating things.
    I was so sad, two days ago to read you might left this blog.
    This war have no interest.
    Be yourself and stay with us.

  14. I’m so relieved. Been out of the reach of internet for quite some time and you literally almost made me cry. I really don’t want to lose you, or this blog, as it’s as much of you I’m getting. I’m really sorry about how things went down here. No one has the right to call you or the things you say disgusting. I cherish your honesty, even when it ticks me slightly. You are one of a kind.

Say your piece

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s