Chitter chatter

Quite a lot of comments on the last post in a short period of time.

Did you cry? I would have.

No, of course I didn’t. Haven’t you been reading this blog? I only would have been disappointed if the number had been less than 24.

Mykey said,

I suspect belle will miss a good hard fuck before then.

And…

I’m surprised she doesn’t miss that more given it used to be one of her favourite things. What’s changed in her mind?

Belle had a pretty good fuck on Sunday and I didn’t come. Pretty good fucks don’t have to have a guy coming at the end. With regard to Belle changing her mind, I don’t think she has. My demonstrating that she can fuck me and get her orgasm while not leading to my own is, I think, the one thing that makes this long-term stuff possible. Even now, she’s said it’ll be July 27, 2014, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be way more shattered about screwing up before then than she will. I think she thinks not coming is my problem, not hers. As long as she gets what she wants, it works for us.

He also said,

If you continue with an orgasm once a year and a half, I will have more (delicious) orgasms in the next month than you will ever. Just thought that idea might tickle you!

And yeah, in a fucked up way, knowing others are having all kinds of orgasms while I get none does make me itch a little inside. Irony. Or just a demonstration of the “divide by zero” nature of orgasm denial. At some level, logic fails.

Atone and I had an exchange about whether it’s better to know the length of time involved or not. Is staring down the throat of 566 days worse than just knowing it’s not today or tomorrow or next week?

I think this is going to be different for everyone. Personally, I don’t think of the period of denial as something I have to get through before I get to come again. It’s something I get to go through before I have to come again. And it’s so far away I can just live my life as though orgasms are not something I’m ever allowed to do ever. The one on Saturday was a good example of whatever conscious or subconscious combination of discipline in my head allows me to get fucked by her and not come “rounding up” and letting it happen since The Day was so close. If The Day is fixed in time off over the horizon somewhere and not a nebulous “not right now, maybe soon, maybe not,” for whatever reason, I find it’s usually easier to keep the natural response to the fucking at bay. That’s what works for me and us.

In a way, I think we’ve finally come to the logical extension of where we’ve been heading for the past four years. I like myself better when I’m not having orgasms. Both my attitude and affection and behavior are more Belle-focused and I feel more alive and invigorated with my arousal on a hair trigger. I think Belle likes me better this way, too. I have wanted and hoped Belle would take my orgasms away completely for a long time. And now, essentially, she has. Combining the period we’re in now with the one we just finished (and assuming there’s no accidents along the way), I will have had only two orgasms in over two years. If that turns into one every 18 months or so or none ever, I’m really OK with that. I can’t explain it and I’m not going to say it’s the logical extension of how everyone should play this game, but I couldn’t be happier with where we are right now.

3 thoughts on “Chitter chatter

  1. I am feeling what you are about how my mind is working to my next orgasm – albeit on my own rather different time-scale. I started with a new KH in December and wondered when my first orgasm would be and thought around February, but it went back a few times. Now it’s suddenly gone back to mid May. At first I thought it was unrealistic, it’s a whole 2 seasons away and I’ve never done anything like that in my life! But, as a friend told me in an email, now I know it’s going to be [at least] that far away – I can stop wondering, and get on with it. I’m not counting the days anymore, I’m just living my life now as it is, in the knowledge I won’t be having a wank today. So what.

  2. I like myself better when I’m not having orgasms. Both my attitude and affection and behavior are more Belle-focused and I feel more alive and invigorated with my arousal on a hair trigger.

    I agree completely. And for me it’s the fact that I’m not expecting to orgasm in any near time frame that makes the whole lifestyle exciting.

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