Addiction affliction

My post on the wonderful world of porn elicited this comment from a reader:

Yes, porn is nice and dandy, except … well, sometimes (and probably depending on the user) it isn’t. In fact, porn might be indeed comparable to drugs, at least in the way it might fuck up (no pun intended) your brain due to long-term use and thus your “sexual abilities” … I went there, unfortunately, so I kinda know what I’m speaking of. It took me quite some time and lots of effort to righten the issue, so be careful, boys and girls: Just as with drugs, alcohol, food and most other things, also in porn the dose the poison makes. Interestingly enough, I eventually managed to “cure” myself by turning to male chastity, thus becoming able to end my porn-masturbation habit. You never know what those cages can be good for. for further information on the topic, if anyone’s interested.

And: Thanks for your writings, thumper. In my wildest dreams, I wouldn’t have thought of chastity to righten my problem, at least not on my own. Your blog set the wheels in motion, sort of. So, thanks again. 😉

Usual disclaimer here about me not being any kind of trained professional, etc., nor have I spent any time in a Holiday Inn Express recently.

I suppose it’s true people can become addicted to porn. Just like I’m sure some can become addicted to sex. My personal belief is claimed addiction to these things greatly outstrips actual addiction, though.

Based on personal experience and what I’ve gleaned from others, another way to view what often gets labelled as a “porn addiction” scenario could be:

  1. People in long-term relationships get bored with one another after a while (see: Sex At Dawn).
  2. One’s sexuality and/or understanding of it changes over time. (Optional)
  3. Porn is consumed, sometimes in excess.

If you/your partner gets bored in your LTR and/or the sex drops off to near-extinction levels (which it does in a lot of monogamous relationships) the first place one will take one’s neglected libido is pornography. I was there. I was that guy. Sneaking out of bed after Belle fell asleep to jack off in a room illuminated only by a computer screen was standard operating procedure prior to the events that led to our current dynamic. Do that long enough, and you might stop looking for release from your partner altogether. Do it often enough, and in those rare times your partner wants to have sex, you may not be able to provide it to them or be interested yourself. Also, you may discover a previously unexpressed kink/desire through the porn in which your current partner is unprepared/unwilling to participate. This interest misalignment can be compounded by neither of you knowing how to even broach the subject of it.

So, in that scenario, is the porn viewer “addicted?” I’d say no except that we human animals are genetically programmed to be “addicted” to the chemical hit of sexual release. We are all addicts in that regard. I tend to think we lean back on the addict label because it might lessen our responsibility for our actions. Alcoholics are sick, after all (and they are, I’m not saying alcoholism isn’t a real thing). If one’s an addict, perhaps it’s easier to explain the activity and/or deflect some responsibility for it.

Now, I don’t know you, commenter, and I don’t know your situation. Perhaps you really are/were addicted. But is seems to me impossible that all those who claim this addition can actually have it.

You say chastity was your pornography cure. I think that’s odd since my denial has led me to consume porn in far greater amounts than before when I could orgasm. Even though I’m locked up and unable to get off, it’s a much bigger distraction for me now than it ever was, even when I was young. So, are you cured of pornography or cured of the negative consequences of using it to get your rocks off outside your relationship? I’m the latter. I don’t come by myself anymore and that makes me a much better partner to Belle. Much more focused on her and the sex we have (even when it’s all about her). But I don’t look to the language of addiction to help me make sense of that. And it’s done nothing to lessen my interest in looking at and reading porn.

In any event, it’s great that chastity has worked for you and your relationship. If this site was part of that success, then even better.

5 thoughts on “Addiction affliction

  1. I agree, the porn addiction/sex addiction labels are very overused these days. If it is interfering with a relationship and nothing else, then the issues in the relationship need to be worked through in order to improve it since it’s often a mild escape from what may be lacking there. When it interferes with other priorities in life (work, money, social life, etc.) and becomes something one is using as an escape from everyday life, and all other mental health disorders are ruled out (depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc.) then I could see it being diagnosed as an addiction by a professional.

    My own experience with porn is that I have a partner that is a trucker and on the road most of the time. I enjoy a large quantity of porn when he’s away and when locked in my Steelheart, I tend to watch a lot more of it. When he’s home (about a week every other month) I find I view very little porn and spend most of my attention on him, sexual and otherwise. The worst thing that happens is sometimes while he’s on the road several weeks worth of TV shows might accumulate on the DVR that I ignored because I was more interested in porn in my leisure time, but I’ve never blown off any other obligations because I’d rather be looking at porn.

  2. On the money(-shot (rimshot)) again, Mr. I suspect male desire will take the path of least resistance, particularly when your options are limited, so you’ll turn to masturbation in lieu of having the hard conversation.

    Compare to the attractive teenager who could coat his bedroom walls and still be raring to go.

  3. If the use or presence of an activity has regular, long term, unwanted intrusive effects on your daily life and relationships, but you keep on doing it-that’s a problem, whether you call it an addiction or not. Some addictions have physiological components. Some do not, as far as we now know. Can someone deal with porn in unhealthy ways? Sure. If they then figure out how to change that, more power to them!

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