I’ve tried to write a post about TOG, Belle’s possible other guy, but I couldn’t get it right. Not only because I struggle to write about it in a way that isn’t all soap opera-ish (and I said I wouldn’t do that) but also because the status and nature of their acquaintance keeps changing. And yes, it’s true I said I wouldn’t write a play-by-play of what was going on between them, I eventually decided this blog is about me and my relationship with Belle and TOG is part of that, too. So ignoring it is just as weird as writing about it too much.
First I wanted to describe how the reality of living with the prospect of TOG (wish I had given him a better name, but oh well) was different than the initial fantasy of him. Then I wanted to write about what it was like tending to the hurt feelings of one’s spouse when their guy on the side seemed to evaporate in an unexpected and thoughtless way. After that, I wanted to talk about the unique experience of trying to find Belle another, better and more mature match. But then TOG came back. So we’re kind of back to the start again.
Before he ghosted Belle, it was clear things were kinda shaky. The issue between them, I think sitting over here on the sidelines, is that Belle’s in a relationship she has no intention of leaving and, in that relationship, she’s already got the kids and the house and the job and all that whereas TOG is in a place where one is usually starting to think about those things (if one is going to think about them) and he’s more than a little smitten for my wife. That’s a scary place to be for a guy, I get it. I do feel for him. I worry about him in that what he’s going through emotionally will spill over on Belle and that will spill over to me. But I have no control over him whatsoever. There’s nothing I can do about any of it. So the reality of TOG’s situation kinda lets the air out of the cuck fantasy ballon (or, to be more precise, lets the blood out of the cuck’s locked up penis).
Another issue is its difficult for me to objectify him and their relationship. It’s hard to let go and just think of him as a cock that will fuck Belle. I’m too empathetic. Too aware of the person carrying the cock around. And too concerned for how his issues and behavior will affect Belle. Case in point, the other week he without warning blocked her on Facebook. That’s how they have been communicating. It’s an abrupt thing to suddenly find an empty lot where you used to go for a good time. It hurt her. I was slow on the uptake and could have been more supportive, I think. Belle’s trainer (who used to be my trainer until I stopped going to him because he’s kind of a dick but who is now kind of my trainer again since I’m back with him once a week yes I have two trainers get over it but I still call him “her” trainer) asked me how it felt to know Belle was working hard to make herself all fit and stuff for him but, once he evaporated, stopped even though I was still around. I thought, “Fuck you,” but said something about her being on the rebound and I’m there for her, etc.
Did I ever mention the trainer was hep to the whole open marriage thing? Can’t recall. Anyway, Belle spilled the beans to him. He’s been pretty fascinated but doesn’t ask me too many questions about it (other than the basic expression of being somewhat perplexed at it all). He’s also very pointedly not asked me if I’ve ever partaken in the openness which I think is interesting. If he does, I’ve decided to tell him I have and with what gender. But he hasn’t yet. Odd.
But now TOG is back. I think he’s as close to being in love with her as you can be virtually. And she’s enamored of him, though I won’t put words to her precise feelings. I am, as I’ve said here before, more than OK with Belle developing emotional attachments to other men (up to and including the Big L). I am both supremely confident in my position in her heart and also aware that no one person can be the everything any other person needs or wants in life. I continue to feel not the slightest, molecule-sized piece of jealousy (which I consider the radioactive energy put off by insecurity). His ghosting of her, he says, is due to his intense feelings for her (well, he says through her so you’re getting this third-handed). He’s still coming to the US and again wants to see her, though probably on the West Coast not NYC. If this happens, it’ll be in August. I don’t know if I give it more than a 50% chance to be truthful based on previous experience, but I’m hopeful for her. And for me.
So the other night we were laying in bed up at the cabin talking about it. We were there when he reestablished communications. Apparently things are right back where they were. She made sure to tell me he once again intends on fucking her. Even used the phrase “serve her” which I thought was interesting. I don’t think she needs another like me, to be honest. Could probably use someone a bit more dominent, but I don’t pick for her obvs.
Regardless, all this led me back to the initial feelings towards TOG. Namely, I had a hard time falling asleep due to the visions of his big dick sliding into Belle for the first time. Pushing her open, stretching her out like I can’t. That and the moment he’s got it shoved inside her when he’s pumping her full of his seed. You know, the usual. Just those things running over and over. Her getting fucked by his big cock, coming inside her. I was unlocked and totally hard but didn’t play with it. Just laid there and tossed and turned.
The next morning, we started to kiss and the visions were back in rotation. I got about as hard as I can get without her even touching it. And it stayed that way. When my fingers found her pussy, it was already slick and dripping. I thought about how he had designs on that pussy. Wanted to fuck it. Wanted to show me up. Pretty sure she was thinking about those things, too.
Belle climbed on top of me rode the hard penis while I sucked her tits and focused on baseball with all my might (Kershaw was pitching that night, man Chase Utley was amazing, Carl Crawford is a waste of bench space, when’s Andre Either coming back, when’s Scott Van Slyke coming back, repeat). And I did it. I lasted all the way through and she came well and fully. And the penis never wavered. After, she wanted more fucking so I was on top. I fucked and fucked. I had a sneaking suspicion me and the penis weren’t fully engaging her imagination (a suspician she later confirmed). But I fucked her best I could. Like I was the one with the 7.5″ cock. Never really got that close to coming. It ended when she had had enough. And the penis never softened for a moment.
We snuggled and talked after. I was slowly grinding the still-hard penis into her thigh using the residual wetness from her snatch as lube. She told me then I wasn’t going to come again until TOG did. In her. Then the reality of our dynamic became clear. Her pussy is hers to do with as she will and is for her pleasure. She decides who gets to enjoy it. I have no say in it. And the penis is hers to do with as she will and is for her pleasure. She decides who gets to enjoy it (and that’s just her). I have no say in it.
There’s a kind of symmetry to that that makes all the sense in the world to me.