The campfire rule

Good news is, the Steelheart didn’t wake me up as I expected last night. Bad news is, that’s because I barely slept. Yes, the Steelheart did wake me up from time to time between fitful periods of sleep, but it wasn’t due to discomfort as much as it was obvious to me I was wearing it again.

As I’ve said, that first orgasm after a long period of denial is pretty crappy (like the one from Saturday). The impact of coming following such a period of inactivity lands with a thudding implosion, not the sky full of fireworks you might expect. It’s the second one that lights up the night like the 4th of July. But I didn’t get a second one, did I? No I did not.

I’ve said before that long term denial isn’t like climbing an endless roller coaster incline into the sky, ever more horny and turned on until release. There’s a period in the first week or three when starting from zero where one can find themselves feeling that way, but once you get past that it’s more of a slow burn. I find it’s not so much that I’m ever more horny, just that I can get really turned on in the blink of an eye. Also that when I do get turned on, I get really turned on. But then it subsides into the background radiation of everyday horniness again.

It used to be, one shot and I’d lose all the effects of being denied. But that was then when I assume my body was still adjusting from pretty much always getting orgasmic release when it wanted it. As time went on and the periods of denial lengthened, things changed. Now that first time is not the reset it once was. But it does play a role.

Now it’s basically a set-up for the next time I come. Like dumping kerosene on a campfire, the intensity of my denial flares up and rages. If I come again in the days that follow, then it’s a near-total reset. The campfire burns itself out. But if I don’t come again, I’m a basket case of unrequited desire.

And that’s why I didn’t sleep last night. Being back in the Steelheart gave me just enough of a boost to make it so I couldn’t stop being turned on. Every movement in bed reminded me I was back in the heavier device. A persistent radioactive need nestled inside the hard steel and burned in my imagination. But I eventually did sleep. I don’t know how much, but it was after midnight before I got there and I kept waking up. I never got to the point where I was so asleep that the raging nocturnal erection happened because every time it started to plump up a bit the feeling woke me up again.

But yeah, I did sleep. I repeated my mantra and allowed myself to feel as I felt. I didn’t let it panic me. I let it happen and relaxed into it. I didn’t get good sleep, but I got some and the difference between a little crappy sleep and none at all is huge.

I suspect tonight will be more normal. Eventually, the kerosene will burn up and leave my denial campfire as it normally is. I can’t stay like this forever.


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