I got home Thursday to the only night in three and a half weeks Belle and I would be together. She got back from Asia on Tuesday several hours after I left for Southern California and she left Friday for Europe until mid-next week.

As soon as I got home, I swapped the Holy Trainer v3 nano out for the Steelheart and expect to be wearing it for the indefinite future. As I was doing so, and as soon as the penis felt air, it started to swell. I wasn’t even thinking dirty thoughts, but it knew it was out of confinement and Belle was in the house and any chance it had at all to feel warm wetness (or, really, any pleasurable sensation at all) was right then.

Except Belle came home from Asia with a nasty cold and I’m not horny enough to dive into that and get it myself (though, after later consideration, I am left wondering if one can catch cold from performing cunnilingus). In any event, I pushed and prodded and shoved the chubbed out meat into the steel tube and turned the lock.

It was tight (and stayed that way for a while — the penis was pissed), but I felt the usual sense of…I dunno. Comfort. Safety? Security in the emotional sense (as well as the restrictive, physical sense). Bottom line, the Steelheart, even with it’s too-tight A-ring and occasional pinching between the PA jewelry and fixing, is home. Everything else feels like sleeping on the road.

The few comments on my previous post about locks and security and trust has me thinking. In response to me calling hiding the key “theater,” Tom said…

I’d say that some people really do want more believability in their theater. That is, playing the game, or as I like to say, running the script in your head with fewer willing suspensions of disbelief makes it better.

Suspension of disbelief is a critical element of chastity (and, to a larger extent, most of BDSM). I get that. The less suspension, the better. But I’ve been wondering how much is enough for me? How much “theater” do I need to make this dynamic work? Or, to put it the other way, what’s the minimum amount of theater I need?

Device-less chastity would be the least amount of theater for someone like me. Schnoff mentioned how he’s not kept in a device. His chastity is based on willpower, though he admits it’s imperfect (as are we all). He takes exception with the idea I need a device to maintain my chastity, but ours has been defined differently. Bear allows him to masturbate while Belle does not want me doing that. As well-intentioned and invested as I am in our dynamic, I have never demonstrated an ability to keep my hands off the erection when it’s available and needy. Before Belle moved me to an essentially continuous state of lock-up, I used to edge myself all the time (usually in the shower, though there was a time she let me do it right there in bed next to her while she slept), up to and beyond the point of ejaculation, though not orgasm. If Belle ever let me be unlocked for long periods but still expected me not to jack off, I feel like I’d go crazy. I mean, literally, the temptation and distraction would make me nuts. So no, for me anyway, “no device” is not nearly enough theater. I would suck at that.

Another thing Schnoff said about chastity devices is…

Toys are that, toys. No matter how hot.

I simply don’t think of chastity devices as toys at all. I mean, yes, I do acknowledge they fall into the broad category of sex toys, but they’re so much more. The Steelheart is me. It completes me, is an extension of me, and makes me feel more whole than when it’s absent. Sort of how one feels weird without their wedding ring on, but at deeper level. A ring represents commitment and love and a chastity device does, too, but it’s commitment at an entirely different scale. Not only a sign that I’ve joined my life with someone else, but that I’ve given to them my heart and my body. It’s a physical manifestation of my submission. A constant physical reminder of Belle’s wishes and requirements. Plus, the metaphor of the lock and key represents the hole a submissive feels within that can only be filled by loving domination.

In these ways, the Steelheart is me and her and our dynamic all in one. Profoundly significant and in no way a simple toy. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Moving up the scale from nothing is a silicone chastity device. These are worthless because their stretchy, flexible nature make stimulation of the penis ridiculously possible. They simply don’t do the job for which they’re intended. Also, I just don’t care for how they look. Appearance is a critical element for me because chastity devices are not just functional tools.

Moving up from silicone is plastic. The only reasonably acceptable plastic device I’ve worn is the Holy Trainer. The others are all too complicated and/or ugly and/or downright excruciating to wear. The HTv3 nano is barely acceptable in that, as I said in my review, it leaves critical parts of the penis accessible to stimulation. It does prove to be just enough of a deterrent that I can resist partaking in that stimulation, but I don’t like it being possible. In that way, the HTv3 nano is the minimum amount of theater I require.

Of course, the Holy Trainers have no PA fixing option so I could pull out the back. Being able to pull out is not a deal breaker, but I vastly prefer not being able to. That’s a level of theater I truly crave. I don’t pull out when I can and suspend disbelief regarding my ability to do so, but a device with a PA fixing is way, way hotter for me than one without. Removing the disbelief about being able to escape amps up the experience, for sure. Also, it adds a calming element in that I don’t need to expend any energy pretending to myself that it’s inescapable.

Steel is my preferred material for devices. I have borderline fetish for stainless at this point. Not just the look of it, but how it feels. Its heft and how it goes on cold but then warms like an extension of my body. I’ve considered other metals like titanium but wonder if I’d like them as much since they’re so much lighter. Feeling the device flop and pull as I turn in bed is a definite plus.

Beyond that, preferred devices are simple and hide the penis. The Half Shell is very comfortable and quite shiny, but busy looking and complicated and doesn’t protect the entire shaft from viewing or touching. The Looker 02 is simple, but the penis is mostly visible (though the head is hidden). The Jail Bird is also quite simple, but shows far too much meat. The Steelheart is the best of all in that it’s sleek and steel and totally encases the penis. It’s not perfect in that the PA fixing does have some fiddly bits, though they’re all hidden inside. Its ring is too tight and it can occasionally pinch between the PA jewelry and fixing. The bottom of the penis shaft can also pinch where it joins my balls and meets the bottom of the tube.

Sometimes, the lack of any discomfort from a device is in itself a form of theater I miss. I don’t think enforced chastity should be excruciating, but I also don’t think it should be a walk in the park. I like that the Steelheart is tight and can bite from time to time. That discomfort is part of the symbolism of submitting to being denied in this way. Being denied orgasm is not easy. It’s hard and the cravings to come or even touch myself are often powerful. I like the device fighting back a bit and reminding me I chose the more difficult path. In fact, that I require the more difficult path.

Bottom line, this form of submission is very complicated. It’s not a straight line and everyone is going to practice it in their own way. The way that feels the best and make the most sense to them. The fact that it’s a two-person dynamic only makes the number of variations that much more numerous. All you can do is work on it and find the level of theater you both need…while never forgetting the keyholder is the star of the production. The keyheld is just the one holding the spotlight.

2 thoughts on “Theatrics

  1. Google says no you can’t catch the cold, or a flu, from your partner’s genitals. Good to know!

    I don’t know that I took exception, as such, with the idea that you need the device. I think I was trying to say that I completely get how helpful a device is, and that it may be possible, for me in my dynamic, to learn to obey without.

    No device and not being allowed to touch: Yeah no. I’m with you. That’s not within my ability. I’d go bonkers. I completely get why you need a device, there.

    I do question your line of being able to edge to ejaculation, but not orgasm. This may be a matter of definition, or maybe biology can be that different? Personally, the only way I will ejaculate is with contractions of the penis. When I say I come without permission, what that looks like is that I come close, I take my hands away, and some seconds later – usually 3-10 – there are contractions and I ejaculate. That is an orgasm, because there were contractions.

    I’m thinking that beyond the finer points of what does and does not constitute an orgasm biologically, what matters here is what constitutes an orgasm in the dynamic. In your dynamic, ejaculation is not an orgasm. In mine, it is. And it is forbidden. Playing with the dick is allowed, ejaculating is not.

    I’m sorta feeling my way along here in this comment – and also, I admit, trying to make myself feel a little better. Your Neo comment had me go “wait he can avoid orgasm entirely and I can’t, am I somehow lacking in masturbatory skill?” – and now I’m thinking we may have behaved quite similarly when edging, just that we called the results different things.

    Thank you for that bit about chastity devices not being toys at all. You’re right. Unequivocally. I was glib, and didn’t think that through. I, too, have a toy that is and isn’t a toy: My cock ring. I wear it around the house, and it symbolizes my bond with Bear as surely as my wedding ring does. If I don’t wear it for a while, I miss it. If Bear forgets to put it back onto me, I’ll bring it to him.

    I love your musings on which devices “do it for you” more than others. It’s a lot of fun to compare your likes to my own. The “Securo-Cage” arrived last year – and was way too small to the point of drawing blood, I suck at understanding measurement directions – and I found that I really like the sight of the dick inside, and the pin through the PA hole. So, for me – metal is great, a visible dick is vastly preferred, being able to still be erect is vastly preferred, and something that screws in through the PA hole is hot. I trust that within a couple iterations, we’ll have a device that actually fits, and we’ll find out how well Bear likes it on me.

    1. I do question your line of being able to edge to ejaculation, but not orgasm. This may be a matter of definition, or maybe biology can be that different?

      “Orgasm” to me (and, more importantly, Belle) is not defined by what comes out of you, it’s defined by the release of serotonin, oxytocin, prolactin, etc. There’s a huge difference between ejaculation and orgasm, at least for me. I wrote about here:

      I’m thinking we may have behaved quite similarly when edging, just that we called the results different things.


      I trust that within a couple iterations, we’ll have a device that actually fits…

      Trial and error is how it usually works. Belle’s first Steelheart was ridiculously big.

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