A month ago today, I took off the chastity device I was wearing. I haven’t put one back on since. I haven’t felt like it and Belle hasn’t asked me to.

It’s been incredibly hard for some time now between Belle and I. We went weeks and weeks without seeing one another. If she wasn’t gone, I was. And when we do happen to be home at the same time, there have been distractions. And she’s been consumed by her work.

We haven’t had sex since April. I haven’t initiated and neither has she.

Someone asked me if during this difficult time I didn’t find “comfort” in the chastity. No. I didn’t. Because even though I’m the only one who wears it, it’s a team sport. At least the way we do it. And it just became too hard. Too sad. Like sitting by yourself on a seesaw. So I told Belle I wanted to go on a break. From chastity and denial. Just like I’m a normal guy.

Being out and doing whatever I want with the penis has left me feeling…different. Unmoored. Like the center has gone. The bottom has fallen out of a part of my identity. It’s kinda like no longer wearing your wedding ring anymore. But the lack of its presence has become the center for something else. It’s bundled up a bunch of anxiety about how we’re not taking care of ourselves or each other or our relationship. We’re just…drifting. And not talking. And not doing anything about anything.

And it’s not going to get any better any time soon. I’m going to be in the woods for the next week. When I get back, she’s leaving for a week. Just like it’s been all year. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I’m unhappy.

10 Replies to “Sitrep”

  1. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this :(. I really hope it’s just a glitch and you can get back on track, but yeah, the ‘not seeing each other’ part makes doing that work really difficult.

    I won’t give you any advice, just sending hugs from over this way.


  2. I know what you are going through. A lack of communication makes a relationship difficult. I also know what it feels like to be just drifting and not doing anything about anything.
    Hope things pan out for you.

  3. The lack of time with each of you is the problem. Whatever little time you have you need to make the most of it. Try not to allow the drift to persist. Drifting can find two people in two entirely different ports. You want and need to be on the same boat. All the best!!

  4. What sad news. I’ve followed your blog for some years now and always admired the authenticity of the way you integrated your kink life into your marriage. I hope you can both find a way to move forward.

  5. Can you guys work some agreed-upon “daily touchpoints” into your routine? I’ve asked Bear how he’d handle a situation like this, and his answer was to “lean in”, as in to “lean into each other”. What that looked like when I was away for a few days was that I’d message him “Good morning, Sir” in the morning, he’d check in with me sometime during the day with “How’s your day going, pet?” and he’d make a point of calling me in the evening before bedtime.

    I like touchpoints. They really help when life gets busy.

  6. I’m sorry to hear this, I had wondered where you’d wandered off to. No advice here either, just good wishes that you’ll get it all sorted when you can spend more time together in person.

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