Belle and I are about to leave on an 11-day road trip in our little camper. My social media accounts are about to swap over into “grandeur of nature” mode, fair warning.

It occurred to me as my hand was randomly down the front of my shorts feeling the smooth steel tube, warm with my body heat and slightly slickery from the lube I have to put under my balls, that I’d be really OK with Belle leaving the key at home. Being without the key while locked in the Steelheart is just about the hottest way to do the chastity and pretty much my optimal state.

It’s only happened a few times, and always when she says she’s forgot the key. I don’t recall it ever being intentional. I do recall, though, early on when I was still in the CB6K and we were going off on a weekend away for some reason or another that I was super fucking horny to get the thing off. I wanted to feel my hard-on and fuck the shit out of her. I was actually kind of angsty about it. She didn’t forget the key that time.

Ah, youth.

Chastity changes you. Not just hormonally and mentally and emotionally, though in all those ways, too. I was chatting with someone earlier about this. How not having a penis, the primary sex organ for a man, requires he become creative. Learning the other ways he can feel pleasure and that not all of them are from physical contact. It carves new pleasure pathways. Exposes hidden ones. He also has to learn how to pleasure his partner in ways that don’t involve penetration. For real, young men should be required to have sex with their partners for a full month without use of their penises to learn that critical life skill.

At this point, I think the penis is just too easy. It’s engineered by evolution to provide maximal pleasure as efficiently as possible. In general, they’re absolutely the easy way out, sexually. Most men and certainly men who would never consider being in chastity think this is exactly their point. But I have come to view it as a downside. For me, penises represent weakness. Temptation.

The other day, I was out all day because I was going to a sporting arena after work. I could have worn plastic, but didn’t because I also had a weird sore spot that a day out fixed right up. Every time I went to the bathroom I was presented with this weird little floppy meat thing instead of whatever rigid and usually shiny object I’m used to. Yeah, peeing was easier, but it was so…unimpressive.

That’s not a tiny penis kink thing. Well, not entirely. I mean, when it’s super flaccid it is really small. I said unimpressive because it’s so easy to use. That’s their raison d’être. The shortest possible line from desire to satisfaction. But a locked penis is hard. It’s about no line from one to the other. To be locked and denied for long periods is challenging in all the ways having access to a penis isn’t. And I need sex — my sex — to be hard. Challenging. In all the ways penises aren’t.

That’s how chastity has changed me. It’s bypassed my evolutionary wiring regarding “path of least resistance” pleasure. All my pleasure now needs to be maximally resistive. The more the better. Chastity, denial, bondage, bottoming, pain. It’s not that I don’t appreciate sweet sex. I get why it’s good and necessary. And my submissive, sexual service nature makes me willing to do that when it’s required of me (like when Belle unlocks me to fuck her). But hard sex. Resistive sex. That’s what I’m about.

Was I always like that or did chastity and denial make me that way? I dunno. My thinking is they tend to lower the water level of one’s sexuality exposing topography that’s usually hidden in the depths. And orgasmic satisfaction raises that water back up, turning the topography back into islands or submerging it altogether. But what do I know.

I think all this is why I’m not nearly as worried as I used to be about my device being detectable by Muggles. I was running two days ago (and this morning) outside in light blue shorts and discovered as I was moving that I was sporting a fairly obvious bump that moved in a weirdly heavy way. And…I didn’t care. See it if you want. I dare you to ask me about it. I won’t take it off for you. Not wearing it is easy. It’s not special. But wearing it. That’s a thing I’m proud of. The dedication and the difficulty. It is special. It’s my super power.

The presence of this thing on my body makes me more me than I am without it. I feel lesser without out. And it made me like this.

So yeah. Chastity changes you.

10 thoughts on “Ch-ch-ch-changes

  1. Have a good holiday. I know about that desire for the key to be “forgotten”. Once we went away and I thought I should bring the emergency key just in case. My Queen had really forgotten to bring the key and wanted to be pounded. I pulled out the envelope containing the emergency key and rescued the situation. I would have preferred staying locked for a while anyways, but it wasn’t to be.

      1. I don’t usually carry the key, but I thought she might want the key that particular weekend. Turns out I was correct. That was also very early in our chastity experience. I haven’t even looked for the emergency key in well over a year.

      2. I theoretically know where the emergency key is, but I haven’t seen it in a long time. It’s kept in a sealed envelope that my Queen has signed.

  2. Once again, you are touching on something very profound, that has been experienced and observed by spiritual masters for thousands of years. I am not talking about denial for religious or punishment purposes, but edging towards enlightenment through denial leading to extreme sexually fueled and enhanced awareness for the man; and through elevation of the female by dedicated attention to her sexual needs – all by mastering and enjoying techniques of controlled internal orgasmic and related sensations, but without ejaculation for the man. A seemingly extraordinary contradiction in terms. But very real indeed. Thank you for sharing this. I started from the spiritual end and have arrived at the same situation of perfect self-control and perpetually heightened delight in most dimensions of life.

  3. You really put your finger on something important. I’ve had exactly the same experience you describe, though as much through ED issues as chastity. I;ve had to become a more attentive and creative lover who is totally focused on giving Miss pleasure now that the penis isn’t involved. The best vocabulary I’ve seen to describe this is Tantric–the female orgasm is sacred and giving a woman pleasure is an act of worship, with all the enhanced focus and awareness the word implies.

  4. Reminds me of the sense of pride I feel, especially when we are talking to other couples about relationships, cheating, etc.. She looks over with a grin and I almost beam.

  5. I absolutely agree that chastity changes you in some way. For me, after a couple of weeks orgasm-denied my brain chemistry changes to full-on slave – with all that that entails: unremitting horniness, desire to submit, and to experience sexual pain. Slave hell, as my master once described it – but kind of joyful. If I want to get back to normal, just wank, and the waters come back up, as you put it. But one is perhaps less alive.

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