Yep, it’s time for the third annual Denying Thumper reader survey! Woo-hoo!
I’ll collect responses for a few weeks then report them back to you, just like last time (and the time before that). Participation is completely anonymous – NO identifiable information is collected whatsoever.
Thanks for playing along!
I came home yesterday to find that the new shorter Steelheart tube had finally (FINALLY) found its way to our mailbox. Because I’m the compulsive nerd that I am, I immediately rustled it away into the bathroom so I could check it out.
From this point forward, I will refer to my original Steelheart tube as SH-1 and the new one as Steelheart Short, or SH-S. Technically, there’s no “short” version of the Steelheart (unlike the CB6K) because a SH tube can be ordered in a almost any size you want, but I have to call it something, so SH-S it is.
My immediate reaction upon slipping it out of its drawstring bag was, “Holy crap, that’s small!” I ordered a tube 35mm in diameter and 70mm long, 35mm shorter than the the SH-1 but the same diameter. That’s exactly what I got, but in reality it seems smaller than I thought it’d be. My intention was to have a tube with a bit more room than the Jail Bird’s, but what I ended up with was something that feels about the same size. I thought I’d need a little more room due to the internal security features (PA fixing and ring), but there’s very little if any. Essentially, the SH-S is a closed version of the JB.
Fit and finish is, as expected, very good. Steelworxx makes an exceptionally well-crafted custom steel product. I have experience with only one other manufacturer of steel devices, but I have to assume that those from Steelworxx are among the best available. A thing of beauty.
The JB looks a little shorter and a little fatter than the SH-S, but I think that’s an illusion based on their different types of construction. The JB’s bars are thicker than the tube walls of the SH-S while the gap between the cage and the cuff ring is greater than that of the SH-S tube and ring (at least at the top of the device). The SH-1 is downright cavernous compared to the SH-S and also feels wider, though it isn’t. It’s a normal sensation to feel the end of he cock bumping around inside the SH-1’s tube (like a clapper in a bell) but I haven’t felt much movement inside the SH-S at all. Note that in the image comparing the two Steelhearts, the SH-1 is shown with its original 45mm cuff ring and the SH-S is shown with my standard 40mm ring.
The SH-S, like the JB, is practically imperceivable under normally fitting clothes. Much less obtrusive than the SH-1. Also, since there’s less room in the tube, it’s practically silent, even with the PA ring in place. It may be only a third shorter than the SH-1, but it feels less than half the size in my pants. Belle said she could tell it was on but that it only made me look well-hung (as opposed to the freak of nature the SH-1 must have made me look like). In the SH-1, the tube would, on occasion, be visible in all it’s long, fat, smooth glory while the SH-S just sort of makes the bulge more pronounced but without much definition of the device itself.
In action, while the JB and the SH-S appear to be similarly configured, they interact with erections differently. In the JB, the cock will attempt to get hard and bulge a bit out of the sides of the cage, but ultimately sort of bunches up behind the device. Instead of an erection, it feels more like a mass of hardness under the device. In the SH-S, however, the erection is allowed to take more of its normal shape, though inside my body. The SH-S raises up off my body more than the JB or SH-1 do and I can feel more definition of the erect shaft behind it. The SH-S might be a tad more comfortable during erection, but it’s just been one play session and night so far, so I’m not willing to make that claim yet. I did have to change my PA ring this morning from the larger, more secure one to the smaller one because there just wasn’t enough room for it and the cock inside the tube last night. I hope the smaller one will find it easier to live in there.
But, you might be asking, I though you weren’t going to get locked back up until Sunday morning? Well, that’s what I thought, too. I put the SH-S on last night just to take it out for a spin, but Belle decided I might as well leave it on indefinitely now, so I ended up sleeping in it. Following our experiment with virtual chastity, Belle has decided she’d rather have me in a device. While I followed the rules all week and only touched myself sexually when she gave me permission to do so, she says she preferes the sense of security the steel provides. She like knowing what state I’m in and that’s only possible when I’m locked up. Also, she says I’m a “better person” when I’m locked up. More focused and well behaved. I’m like, she says, a dog that prefers to sleep in his kennel because he knows it’s his home. Finally, I think she really has grown to like the look of the steel cock better than the real one. So. Yeah. I’m locked up two days early for who knows how long.
I’ve included pictures comparing the two devices while being worn (because you really wanted to see more pictures of me in steel, I know), but I put them after the jump because they’re obviously NSFW.
Last night, after Belle went to sleep and told me I was allowed to play with myself, there was a point where I had stroked the cock so much that had I dared to even breathe on it, I would have had an orgasm. I had already milked seven thick slugs of ejaculate from myself without satisfying, even in the slightest, my need to come. I was able to pull up with the awareness of how close I was, but just prior I was in a place where I wanted it so bad that my hand wrapped around the cock formed a single thing upon which every molecule of my being was focused.
And then I let go. And the cock bobbed and quivered and flexed and I knew that if my fingers so much as as grazed the flared head of the cock, that I’d orgasm (most likely dryly). Thinking about it now causes a low thrum under the stiffening cock.
It was fucking torture. Fucking. Torture. The smell of the semen was everywhere and the taste of it was thick in my throat and its sticky sliminess was rubbed all over the cock shaft and between my fingers but I did not come. I dared not. It would be a betrayal of everything I lived for now, including Belle’s trust. I existed in that vaporous microscopically thin space between desire and control and it made me burn.
When I knew I had taken things as far as I possibly could, I cleaned up and went to bed. The cock leaked and leaked onto the sheets so that after 20 minutes I was laying in what felt like a post-coitus wetspot. Besides the leaking, the cock also stung from the abuse on its skin – skin that’s not too often abused that way and has become thin and sensitive. The ring flopped in the PA hole and caused the inside of the cock to feel raw and sore. But still, I wanted more. I wanted everything I could not have because it’s no longer mine to take.
My sleep was fitful and I often found myself cleaving to Belle, pressing the hard cock into her leg and putting my hands inside her bedclothes. I want her so bad. Then, now, always. I’m consumed by desire for her and the gift only she can give.
Living this way is so much harder than being in the device. So much more intense and distracting. Belle told me I was going back in on Sunday morning (which is an odd time), and truly, I will be thankful to have the cock put out of reach. Especially if she doesn’t let me come before the key turns.
So, my chastity has gone virtual. Many times, HNThumpers have featured the device which ensures I stay chaste, but that’s my brain right now and I can’t obviously show you that (since, you know, I’m still using it). But, because of the way my brain works, I find it’s very helpful for me to endow some object as the token of my restriction. Something that acts as a point upon which to center my willpower. A reminder of what I’m supposed (or not supposed) to do.
To that end, I have begun to focus on the PA ring I wear. I cannot take it off without a tool and its function when I’m locked in the device is to ensure I cannot get out, so there’s a certain logic to embodying it as the continuing physical manifestation of my chastity even when I’m not actually secured.
Today’s HNThumper, then, illustrates my current state. The thing from which I am separated is clearly evident, though the power that separates us is not. That power is represented by the steel ring. It’s as if we’re breaking chastity down to it’s component parts. It’s most elemental form. The look of the cock in this image is somewhat dejected which, I think, is appropriate considering its quarantined-like state.
Jesus, I wish I could stroke it. Just for five minutes. Please?
Cricketed wrote a post that got me thinking. Go read it, though be warned: there are many NSFW images (as usual).
He said, about male chastity and the idea that someone he knew well would be aware of his…
[O]ne of the truths of being kept in the cricket for extended periods of time is that I’m led to a very personal place inside me, where being locked is not only sexy and beautiful and symbolic and necessary, but normal. The concepts and practices we’re discovering via male chastity interest me. Occasionally, they downright preoccupy me.
It’s not something strange or shameful to me at all. I’d like to be able to talk about it with some people. Obviously, our sex life is private, and I’m not proposing that we sit around a table in a restaurant and talk dirty with people. But many of the emanations that flow from being cricketed, as well as many of the principles involved, have little to do with the intimacies of our sex life.
I don’t think I could agree any more than I do. I could have written that.
For me, the idea that someone would “find out” about my chastity doesn’t really bother me that much. Like Cricketed, I’d welcome the opportunity to talk about it with some people. That’s not to say I’d want someone to stumble upon my blog, but even if that happened, the thing that keeps me from speaking about it now is the fact that nobody knows, not that I’d be ashamed or shy. I’m also much more worried about Belle’s privacy that mine. I write this blog and am very descriptive of her and our sex life together, but I never asked her permission to do so.
I’ve said before that if somehow someone I know in real life is aware of this blog, I’d rather they tell me than keep it a secret. I don’t like secrets and am frankly not very good at keeping them. I suppose it’s unreasonable to assume my “little secret” would remain that way forever. I don’t think awareness of their knowledge would change what I write and post (everything I’ve already done would be water under the bridge, after all), but I’d still like to know.
I wonder if I’ll ever have the chance to talk about chastity with anyone I didn’t meet though the fact that I’m chaste (i.e., this blog or FetLife or Chastity Forums). For that matter, I wonder if I’ll be able to talk to anyone IRL I did meet that way.
“This is an experiment,” Belle said.
“You’re experimenting on me?”
“Well, you said you didn’t need the device anymore to remain chaste. Let’s see how that works for a while.”
This exchange took place about 50 hours after she let me out of the device, 36 hours after she fucked me, and about 8 hours after I assumed I was going back in.
Let’s rewind. She let me out on Saturday but decided to wait until Sunday morning to fuck me. At the prospect of having access to the meat again, I asked if I’d be allowed to play with it.
“No,” she said, “It’s coming out for my pleasure, not yours.” Fair enough. For however long I was to be free, I was not to pleasure myself with the cock.
Sunday morning, she fucked me. Climbed on top and rode me until she came. I was extraordinarily happy not to come before her, but that was due more to her wanting the cock as badly as she did than my ability to control my orgasm. I was about 70% of the way there and rising rapidly when she quickly came. Had she taken as long as she usually does, I would have been dead meat.
For a moment, I though she’d take the “mine, not yours” thing all the way to it’s logical conclusion, but she let me flip her over and fuck until I came. That took about two minutes and twelve seconds, then I spewed and spewed. It got all over the sheets, my leg, and (obviously) way up inside her. That stuff is nasty. Especially right after the event that causes it to emerge. Anyway…
As I’ve said lots of times before, one orgasm doesn’t do anything to satisfy my desires for more longer than a few hours. Then, it’s as if it never happened. By Sunday afternoon, I was right back in the hunt. I took a long hot bath and found myself on Kristen’s Archive which, for a man in my position, was perhaps not the smartest move I could make. Then again, while I had, at times, a very hard and very available erection right there, I did not stroke it. Not once.
So, that essentially leads up to the conversation that opened this post. I am, unsurprisingly, pretty worked up and my body is telling me, since everything is out there and flopping around, that I need to do something. Either take matters into my own hand or convince Belle to give me access or whatever. But no. She’s conducting an experiment. I’m now in virtual chastity. No device and no touching.
This kind of chastity has a different edge to it. In the device, my control is abdicated. The cock becomes a nonissue because it’s as if it doesn’t exist. Now, it does. And I have to touch it. It gets soapy and wet when I shower, it gets squished and squashed in my pants, and I have to handle it every time I take a leak. Plus, because I’m wearing the thick PA ring, it’s got heft and density all its own. There’s never a time I’m not aware of the unencumbered cock between my legs. Now, my chastity comes as a result of both her control and mine.
Of course, I’m not saying it’s better or worse. Just different. Hot in another way. I’m kinking on the constant temptation kept in check solely through my devotion to her control over my body, but I also really get off on the inescapable steel. About a week from now, Belle goes away on another business trip. I can’t imagine she’ll leave me to my own recognizance while she’s gone. Until then, at least, I’ll have to continue to resist temptation.
I’m going to get fucked this weekend.
Back on Valentine’s day, Belle gave me a card that, according to what was written in it, was good for “one night out”. I pressed her subsequently for more details. Was it just what is said? A night out? No, it meant I’d get to come. Just the one time? Yes. When would I have to go back in? The next morning. Could I use it whenever I wanted or did I need to give her some warning? Etc., etc.
But this morning, as I was groggily walking around the house with a steel tube still full of morning wood plumpness, she told me not to try to use my coupon this weekend because she felt the need to “connect” with her Thumper. I wasn’t going to use it, but it was nice of her to tell me.
Yesterday, over on Sarah Jameson’s Male Chastity Lifestyle list (of which, to be a member, you need to buy her guide to male chastity [which I think is worth your investment if you’re interested in the subject {OK, no more nested parathesis, I promise}]), the following question perked my interest:
Sarah has written about the behavioral changes that occur in a men and the consequent changes in a relationship because of denial. The state of denial is facilitated, if not made possible, by a chastity device.
Would anyone care to comment on the possibility that these changes could become permanent, no longer requiring a device. That is, could a man get to a state in which he voluntarily allowed his wife/lover/SO complete control of his orgasms? Would this be desirable?
I supposed, were I a good member of that list, I’d make my response there, but I’m not going to. (Imagine me with my thumbs in my ears, fingers waving about, and tongue sticking out.)
First things first regarding this question. I don’t believe the premise is quite right. That is, changes do not occur in the relationship or the man just because of the denial. The denial is, itself, one of those changes and provides the catalyst for further changes. I don’t question that our relationship has been impacted due to the integration of orgasm control, but the real precipitating event was that we became close enough and open enough with each other that the control of my orgasm was even a possibility. I think a lot of men confuse how the cause and effect works which leads to a lot of frustrated (in the bad way) people who believed orgasm control to be a panacea of relationship bliss.
So anyway, he goes on to say that denial is facilitated and even made possible because of a device. That’s how it was for me, yes. I very much needed the device to make my denial possible. I was so turned on by the prospect and so far removed from the mechanics of my own orgasm that I could barely control myself. Also, I said that the cock belonged to Belle, but when I had access to it, I didn’t act or even think that way. Had it not been for the device, I don’t know that it ever would have worked. That said, there are guys who don’t use a device and don’t seem to need it. Everybody’s different.
Now, though, I very much feel in my heart the things I wanted to feel two+ years ago when we started this. The changes the questioner refers to have been integrated into me to such an extent that the device is not, strictly speaking, necessary to maintain Belle’s control. In the beginning, I wanted her to control me, but didn’t really feel it. Now, I really do. Deeply.
For instance. You will read a lot of guys out there who want their partners to deny them more than their partners might want to. I was one of them (as anyone who’s read this blog long enough will know). When she told me I could come, I was disappointed. It never seemed long enough. Orgasms even left me depressed. Even though I had given her control and said I wanted her to control it, I felt she wasn’t doing it right.
Now, my attitude is totally different. I embrace my desire to come and will happily take whatever she gives me whenever that happens. In fact, I’ve kind of flipped around in that I want to come, and will tell her so, with a genuine hope that she’ll let me. I admit that there’s still a desire inside me to be denied by her for a very long time, but it’s driven by my need to demonstrate to her that I’ll endure whatever it is she asks me to. And even though I want to come badly most of the time, I still get a bigger thrill from her saying no. In essence, I’ve allowed myself to arrive at a place where I win either way.
Which, I guess, gets back to the second part of his question. I have gotten to the point he describes. Belle now has complete control over my orgasm and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I will niggle a bit with the “could a man get to a state in which he voluntarily allowed his wife/lover/SO complete control of his orgasms” part because, of course, all of this is voluntary. Yes, Belle locks an inescapable steel device onto my body, but it’s not there against my will and never was. Chastity and orgasm control/denial are only involuntary in the porn stories (as hot as they are).
To summarize, my answers to his questions are “yes” and “yes”.
This HNThumper is a day late. Sorry about that. It’s another “detail” HNT, picking up where the first left off, I suppose, though taken during my recent week out. No metal in this one.
On a day that a lot of guys look forward to getting their dicks wet, I got the opposite yesterday when Belle told me it was time to lock me back up.
My freedom wasn’t a function of Belle’s timing. There were a combination of events (including air travel) that required I be free and those events were over on Sunday, so Valentine’s Day or no, she reasserted her control over the situation. The free week and the single orgasm ensured that my hands were down my pants as often as possible. My urge to orgasm can never be sated with a single squirt (at least, not anymore). At first, I wasn’t sure what I was allowed to do with regard to diddling her property, but the rules seem to be I am allowed, while free, to touch myself but, of course, am not allowed to have an orgasm.
While I edged myself countless times over the week, I can say I was never actually close to losing control. The higher brain functions were firmly in place and every part of me, from my hand to my brain to the cock itself, knew that there may be milking but there would be no coming. I honestly don’t want to come without her now. I feel like our dynamic is really humming and, frankly, my relationship with her is worth so much more than a furtive squirt. I see the times when I can touch the cock as a real gift from her – a break from normal – and I wouldn’t want to violate the spirit of the gift by taking advantage of the access.
In any event, I had a hard time cleaning the cock this morning because it kept filling the tube so much that I couldn’t flush any water in there. It wanted to come out and play, but neither of us could make that happen. While updating the Portfolio this morning, I really felt the need to pull on it. Of course, all I have is a hard, unfeeling steel tube. Perhaps for that reason, more so than usual, the pictures of cocks are really speaking to me. The various urges ebb and flow, but right now I really want a cock and there are just too many pictures of beautiful ones on the Tumblr.
In other news, I expect the shorter Steelheart tube will be landing soon. These custom steel devices take so long, especially when they’re forged in the Fatherland. Getting back in the swing of sporting the steel has me once again jonesing for a less obtrusive protective device.
