[I]t may be the case that the weight of the goal is somehow sitting on her shoulders in a way that ruins the game for her.
Belle read that like aloud last night as she closed her laptop.
“What?” I asked, “Did you read that for a reason or were you just admiring my prose?”
While she said my prose is right fine, she told me that sentence resonated with her. So, that’s that. End of the goal.
Me: “So you going to let me out now? Do I get to come?”
Her: “No.”
And yeah, I feel stupid for even bring the idea of the goal up. Especially when, as I predicted, some would argue that men in my position expressing any kind of opinion regarding how their relationship might play out are secretly seeking to control those to which they have supposedly ceded control. I reject that point of view. I have to. Otherwise, how would I ever be able to communicate my needs? If every idea or suggestion was a powerplay for the reins, it’d be impossible for anyone on the lower-case side of the slash to help the upper-case side know what’s working. I assume even those in a dominent role are concerned about the well-being of their subs.
But I digress. None of that bullshit has anything to do with Belle and I. There was an idea, it was tried, and we rejected it. I believe I presented it in a way that best respected our dynamic. My only hope is that she didn’t feel compelled to do it.
Whatever. It’s no biggie. We move on.
Yeah I don’t buy this topping from the bottom thing… I would say most people aren’t in a position where their dominant partner has a handle on what they want to do and where you’re going. I think the sub must be able to have some input otherwise it’s just going to lead to a lot of frustration (and not the good kind).
So you had a ‘goal’ and now you don’t, does it matter? Really? I don’t think so. What are you gonna do, get ‘I didn’t cum for six months’ printed on a mug?
Sounds to me like you have a pretty good situation that a lot of men would kill for, so, y’know… enjoy it!
Great blog by the way.
Hopefully I sent you some traffic yesterday.
What I love about your blog other than the humor, humility, and honesty with which you write about chastity, are the turns of phrase you come up with. Simple really, but striking.
“anyone on the lower-case side of the slash ”
So much more creative than just saying submissive.
I have only been following your blog since about last Sept 2010, but I have noticed that when you go into a funk, your “porn stash” really grows. It especially tends to include more males and homo erotic stuff, which is probably the best I have seen (I don’t like trashy raunchy or fake looking stuff). It would be interesting to plot the number of picture posts against the timeline of your downside…Just saying….
Man. There’s a lot there I want to talk about. Gonna have to post on it…
Well i wasn’t expecting that! Didn’t imagine the goal was part of the issue, given how used you both are to long lock ups.
Agree that ideas should be communicated. If my /lowercase didn’t do it naturally I’d order her to. People aren’t mind readers. Course I often go the opposite way just to be wicked but at least I know what opposite is!
Ah, the weight of the goal. Kind of. Perhaps I can better describe it as the burden of responsibility / ownership.
It depends – as always – on your own dynamic but I can absolutely see where Belle is at because I’m there myself at the moment. There is something exhaustingly always “on” with the male libido even if orgsm control is being practised and like some bloody pocket tamagochi, ignoring it results in prompts, pesters and sulks. Female libido just doesn’t work that way, that’s why women can happily stay celibate and go through life never having had an orgasm. Crashes in female libido happen for all sorts of complex reasons and no Pfizer research team claiming a pink pill are ever going to solve it because it isn’t a mechanical thing. Over in the vanilla camp where communication is less attuned, there’s a pause, a cessation in activity and guys being guys shrug their shoulders and go off and do their thing. If everything is in balance elsewhere, things drift back to normal again. You just can’t get away with this in a chaste relationship and perhaps that is what Belle feels. As a keyholder, even if she’s feeling “out of the game” as it were, she still has to take care of your needs because that’s her side of the game. As to you not being allowed to communicate your feelings and needs because you are on the lower side of the slash (top analogy), well, that’s all bollocks out here where the real people hang out isn’t it. Cue pointless encouragement because I don’t think you can operate in any other way but – hang in there buddy. She’ll crest the hill at some point and meet you on the other side, just let her regroup a bit. None of that is D/s stuff, just old fashioned love and marriage.
“…like some bloody pocket tamagochi…”
*Love* that analogy! Perfect.