Under advisement

Just to recap, I was feeling a little down, Belle and I talked about it and I suggested maybe, if she wasn’t feeling like playing the game right at the moment, that we could take a break. Then everyone was like, you know what you should do is take a break, and I’m like, well, it’s not up to me (and yeah, I know that deep down inside it is up to me as much as it’s up to her, but I’m not going there).

Then this weekend rolled around and on Friday she told me, again, that, all things being equal, she’d much rather have me locked up than not. She actually prefers the cock to be locked in a steel tube over it’s natural state. And I have to tell you…woof. That’s like pouring gasoline on a fire for me. It’s exactly what I need to hear, even though she’s already told me this before. Her reason remains the same — control. She likes knowing exactly where it is and what it’s doing (nothing) to the alternative of me being able to have my way with it whenever I like. But I crave the reinforcement of hearing that’s what she wants. I know that makes me sound pathetically needy, but there you have it.

It also helped that she then proceeded to alternately caress my balls and smack the hell of out them. I fell asleep curled into her, tube painfully tight and balls aching warmly.

Last night, she read Friday’s post and the comments. While she rejected the idea of taking a break when I brought it up, she said, based on the comments, that she’s now considering it. The past 72 hours have been very healing for me. She paid some attention to me, let me stick my fingers in her wet pussy and feel her come, and told me I was exactly as she wanted me to be. I feel like I’m gaining altitude again. That’s not to say she’s still not really feeling like dealing with the whole chastity thing, so if she wants to take a break, I’m fine, but I want her to know that right now what I want is what she wants. I sense a hesitancy on her part. The last thing I want is for her is to be doing this solely out of some sense of obligation, so if she’d rather not, I’d rather not. If there’s something missing that she needs — something I can give her or make happen — I hope she’ll tell me what that is.

The thing that keeps coming up, both in our conversation and in some of the comments, is the six month goal. In my opinion, that’s got nothing to do with what’s happening between us and in my head. I’m “only” six weeks in, anyway. If it’d had been four months since the last time I came, then maybe, but it hasn’t. I’d done six weeks before. I’ve done twice that. It’s not the duration, it’s what happens or does not during the period. I can imagine a situation where I was only two seeks denied and still be feeling the way I was a week ago. Now, it may be the case that the weight of the goal is somehow sitting on her shoulders in a way that ruins the game for her. If so, she should end it. I would have no problem with that. I’d prefer it over her struggling. Yes, it was my idea, but I honestly believe and respect the fact that she controls what happens. She can modify it in any way and I will comply. She could say I’ll come when I come, I’ll come right now, or I’ll come on the next February 29th. Whatever. It was just an idea I had, that’s all. She makes the law, not me.

So, to recap the recap, she’s considering a break. Ironically, I’m in a way better place today than I was this time on Friday, but she may not be. In which case, a break might be a good idea. But whatever, I do what she says. The cock belongs to her. I just want us both to be happy.

16 thoughts on “Under advisement

    1. Totally.

      Chastity connects each partner’s sexuality in a way nothing else can. In a “normal” relationship, they can both ebb and flow and, unless they’re really off kilter, it’s no big deal. But with chastity, they’re forced to stay attuned to each other’s needs. If they don’t, bad things can happen.

      I think it’s normal and natural for this to happen even to grizzled veterans of chastity play. We all *know* it, but sometimes we forget.

  1. Bravo, Thumper! Bravo to Belle most of all for being your Wife, She needs for you to always be onside with Her decisions concerning your chastity. Remember, though, it should be a fun game with B/both of Y/you having fun and obedient Thumper will submit to the rules, explicit or implicit, stated in the chastity contract. A game has rules. The Beautiful Thing is Belle is your Wife and Mother of Y/your children… and She is in total control of the chastity game. Many Wives/Mothers do not want to be a Chastity Keyholder for Their husbands. Thumper you are a blessed husband and father. The game is chastity. The lifestyle is letting your Wife Belle rule beyond the chastity game, helping to bolster Her confidence to make family decisions better and better in present and future.

    Thumper, the marriage is your concern – be obedient to Belle always without hesitancy. growing into that comfort zone of accepting being cock-locked may not be what Belle appreciates, so having a daily check-in discussion about chastity will be helpful. I think DEV and Ab were writing about daily check-in discussions about chastity.

  2. T/thumper, I H/hope you didn’t think that I/i was suggesting that the B/both of you *N/needed* to take a break. Some P/people need it, some people D/don’t. We discovered that it H/helped us, but we aren’t you.

    The P/problem with chastity/denial (as you know) is that while the focus is on the T/thing which is absent, the absence itself does weird things to one’s psyche. I/it’s too easy to slip into feeling neglected because for most O/of us in V/vanilla-ish relationships, the absence can often M/mimic the feeling of distance and neglect that often comes simply from marital B/boredom and lack of I/interest.

    B/belle, if you’re still listening, it may be M/more important for Thumpie to hear you talk to him or initiate a conversation A/about this more frequently. It’s not unusual for me, after W/wearing the device for some period of time without much intimacy, to suddenly thing the E/entire idea is just, well, stupid. Then I find myself pulling away emotionally, which does N/nothing to help spark my wife’s L/libido. And I’m sure you can see where this goes.

    1. No, T/tom, I understood Y/your advice in the sprit in which it was given. A break might be just what we need, or it might not. And, as usual, I think Y/you’ve perfectly nailed what W/we’ve been G/going through.

      OK, fuck it, I’m not doing the cap thing anymore.

      I love the line, “the problem with chastity/denial is that while the focus is on the thing which is absent, the absence itself does weird things to one’s psyche.” So right. I guess it’s good to see that the issues we’re having are not unique to us are are more likely part and parcel to the lifestyle we choose to lead.

      I’ll make sure Belle see your comment since she listens to you more then me. (insert eye rolling emoticon here)

      1. Y/you B/boys are funny! I (can I cap that ‘I’ even bigger than normal caps?)… *I* have no useful advice, but Y/you made me L/laugh.

        Carry on, K/kids.

        FFFFerns (with 600 capital ‘F’s because, well, you know, otherwise no-one will know how uber-Domly *I* really am)

  3. One aspect of orgasm denial and chastity devices that I have a hard time understanding is why do so many men think “length” of time locked up is so important? I know my man (or anyone for that matter) can do anything he/she puts his/her mind to. If he decided to be locked up for a year and go without an orgasm he could. That would not be sexy to me though. What is more sexy is just simply him turning over to me control. Rather than him deciding when and where, I do. Hopefully it’s not a measure of ones greatness in the area or a I feel it is like a runner… first a 5K then a 10K then a marathon, then the Ironman… and on and on.
    Personally I enjoy letting my partner out of his device and surprising him at to when he goes back in it.

  4. …continued.
    Oops, I hit post comment before I was done. I mean if a man asks his wife to keep him locked up for a year, isn’t he the one in control in some way? I know that when I don’t put Rob’s cage on him he is longing for it to be on along with the sexual tension and attention that he gets from it being on. In a sense I am denying him the pleasure by it not being on him equally as much as I am denying him the pleasure of orgasm when he is locked up. I truly believe what makes the whole “game” most enjoyable to men is the aspect of not knowing when you’ll be released… maybe a day, maybe a week, or maybe a month. What makes it interesting and enjoyable to me as a women is knowing control has been turned over to me.

    So in the end, my advice to any man wanting to be involved in chastity play, is to fully communicate to your partner your desire to turn your sexual control over to them–that you are completely turned on by the fact that your sexual release and pleasure is now fully in their control. Then let your partner become as involved as they wish to.

    From so many posts I read by men, they want to completely control their partner on how to control them… Just say it once or even write it down in full detail what you like and don’t like and then let her become as involved or not involved as she wants. Know that she wants to please you by doing what makes you feel good and happy, but being made to do what you want is a turn off.

    -Sydney
    http://www.bnd2plz.com

    1. I mean if a man asks his wife to keep him locked up for a year, isn’t he the one in control in some way?

      From so many posts I read by men, they want to completely control their partner on how to control them…

      That’s great, but, even though there’s an inherent element of D/s involved, there still needs to be communication as to what works for each partner. The same extreme flip side of your comment is that the man giving up control is never allowed ever again to express anything with regard to how he’d like his relationship to progress. That’s not reality.

  5. Glad things are improving and watching this space with interest.

    And I echo Tom, advice is based on our experience, for you to take leave or pick bits off.

    But I’m sure Y/you B/both know that!

  6. For me Sidney hit the nail on the head.” I know that when I don’t put Rob’s cage on him he is longing for it to be on along with the sexual tension and attention that he gets from it being on. In a sense I am denying him the pleasure by it not being on him equally as much as I am denying him the pleasure of orgasm when he is locked up. I truly believe what makes the whole “game” most enjoyable to men is the aspect of not knowing when you’ll be released… maybe a day, maybe a week, or maybe a month. What makes it interesting and enjoyable to me as a women is knowing control has been turned over to me.”
    That’s exactly whats in my mind, spot on how. I want it.Not knowing and no control is more of a turn on.

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