Big news today! No, not the Supreme Court argument over marriage equity. No, not the Baltimore riots. NO, not the tragedy in Tibet.
Dateline: Las Vegas.
Male chastity device manufacturer CB-X Male Chastity is putting the finishing touches on its new luxury chastity device, the CB-6000 Gold.
Man, gold is the new black, isn’t it? What can’t you get in gold these days? Apparently, they’re taking preorders to see how many of these shiny, shiny things to make. It doesn’t appear to be on their site as of this writing, but maybe soon.
This is where I kinda lost it, though…
The CB-6000 Gold combines the trending color combination of gold and black, reflecting CB-X’s philosophy as a luxury brand.
Luxury brand? OK, look. I get that the CB-X line is, apparently, the most popular male chastity device line on the planet. But it’s not fucking luxurious unless lots of fiddly plastic bits and ripped up scrotum skin count as the lifestyle of the rich and famous. The CB-6000 is a painful, uncomfortable dinosaur and CB-X badly needs to come out with a product that reflects improvements in male chastity design (such as ergonomic A-rings, simpler locking mechanisms, no-seam tubes, and the radical innovation of rounded surfaces). What’s their answer to the Holy Trainer? Shiny paint. Please.
They’ve milked (see what I did there) just about every ounce of value out of the CB-6000. Time to move on. I’m sure they’ll sell a million of the damned things (probably literally), but in my opinion, painting the CB-6000 up in gold is like putting lipstick on a pig. It makes the pig look marginally better, but it’s still a pig. Oink, oink.