Avoiding donkey island

Funny thing happened whilst camping. In the past, being locked up in that environment and inside that group left me feeling weird. Vulnerable. But this time, somehow, it was the opposite. As though being in chastity was my superpower. It made me feel more confident. That was unexpected.

And so I was locked up. Until I wasn’t. The “very good reason” I didn’t have before I left turned out to be a miles-long hike on a hot day that left me drenched in sweat. I was fine until later, back at camp, when the sweat started to dry and get sticky. Then I realized the metal ring of the Steelheart, the stickiness of the drying perspiration, perhaps the stress of miles of walking causing the skin and steel to rub, and the emerging pubic stubble conspired to hurt like a motherfucker. I struggled with the decision to take it off but, had I left it on, I could have ended up hurting myself and causing a real issue in a place where being clean is hard enough. So I popped the key and liberated the meat.

And then I felt like the weirdo. My (literal) shield was gone. The penis felt incredibly small and pedestrian and no longer special in any way. Sure, peeing was easier and all that and, after a day or so, the painful irritation sorted itself out, but something was missing. A few days before I left, I put the Steelheart back on. I knew there was no way I could be out on the long, boring drive home.

Speaking of which. There was exactly one time I was alone the whole week. Everyone had sort of gone their separate ways for a while and, as I did, too, the thought that I could jack off pushed its way forward like a bridesmaid knocking everyone over jumping for the bouquet. I wasn’t even thinking about anything like that but then it was BOOM “Hey, go jack off.” I didn’t, for the record, but the the way the notion muscled its way into my thoughts was the kind of thing men who get to come as often as they want have no idea can even happen. Back then, the idea would come creeping up like a sly cartoon fox tempting me to an island where I’d do fun stuff but eventually turn into a donkey.

The only issue being locked up presented was at night. Most of us were sleeping in one big tent and I was sleeping in a T-shirt and underwear. It was just a bunch of guys, so we weren’t trying to be exceptionally modest, so had I been I would have looked very out of place. So I decided to just go for it and counted on the kinda-sorta natural look of the Steelheart tube to pass in the off chance one of the other guys dick-checked me. The underwear I wear in the forest (yes, I have special camping underwear) are trunk briefs and mostly black or dark gray. That would help, too. As far as I know, nobody looked. Yeah, they probably did, but if so, they obviously said nothing to me.

So anyway, no, I didn’t turn into a donkey. But I also wasn’t perfect. That was annoying. I’ll know next time to let the pubes grow out a bit. Had I not shaved, I doubt there would have been an issue. Live and learn.

Me, absent a very good reason

“I don’t understand,” she said.

I said I was uncertain about being locked up in the woods for a week.

“I mean, you’ve done it before.”

That’s true. I have been more than once in the woods for a week and stayed locked up the whole time.

“Explain this to me.”

I couldn’t. Truth is, sometimes in that environment I just don’t feel like being locked up. Especially when I’m with nothing but other men. Big, straight, muggle men. The feeling evaporates. Also, the hygiene issue can be complicating. One week, I wore the Looker 02 the entire time without a shower or anything. Yuck.

“I’d be willing to let you go unlocked, but I need to know why you need to be that way.”

I couldn’t say why I needed to be unlocked. As I was struggling to make the words, the part of my brain that was thinking being locked up even when I didn’t want to be came up with a plan. The Steelheart without the PA fixing. I could pull the penis out every once in a while and wipe it down and also clean the inside of the tube. There was enough privacy for that, surely. No, it wasn’t total security, but it was locked up. And locked up was how she wanted me absent a very good reason to be otherwise. And I didn’t have a very good reason.

“Never mind,” I said.

Metal Holy Trainer review

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I’ve said it before, the Holy Trainer v2 is just about the best male chastity device design you’re going to find. It’s affordable, it’s comfortable (most of the time, wink wink), and it’s easy to put on. So when I started seeing what appeared to be metal versions of it in the, ahem, erotic pictorials I sometimes peruse, I was intrigued. If you’ve read my site for any period of time, you know that I kinda have a thing for steel.

In checking the Holy Trainer website, I found a metal version of their product was not listed. I asked them if they made one, and they said any metal device based on their design was not made by them. They’re all knock-offs. So then I looked on Amazon and couldn’t find any (though I feel I’ve seen them in the past). Failing there, I turned to Google and the first place it sent me was to House of Denial. From their About Us page:

Our aim is to offer high quality products at affordable prices with discreet worldwide delivery. Many chastity belts that we’ve seen on the market are incredibly expensive and we don’t think that’s particularly fair, so we do our best to offer the best devices for the lowest prices. All of our products are thoroughly tested to ensure that you receive a safe, quality item that you’re happy to use on a regular basis.

I’ll say right up front, I’m not going to be especially kind to House of Denial in this review. Bottom line, the Metal Holy Trainer they sell — which is their product — simply cannot have been tested at all, let alone thoroughly. At least not on anyone who wears a device for more than an evening’s entertainment. I’m sure some will take issue with me finding their product and their assertion of offering high quality and thoroughly tested products inaccurate and misleading since they’re apparently a small operator and how mean, etc. But their business name literally has denial in it. I would expect a site that sells nothing but male chastity devices to be more honest in their statements and more discriminating in their product selection.

IMG_D9C4C70C5AC1-1

But I get ahead of myself. As usual, I will assess the Metal Holy Trainer on the five basic attributes I use to judge chastity devices:  Cost, aesthetic, fit/comfort, security, hygiene, and stealth.

Cost

House of Denial sells the Metal Holy Trainer for £79.99. With shipping, it came to £93.98. As of this writing, that’s about $124. Pretty cheap for a metal device, but in keeping with the extraordinary low prices of all their devices and much more than most of their other metal devices. Unlike Steelworxx, House of Denial appears not to refund VAT to American buyers.

IMG_7AAC48BCDE66-1As I said, House of Denial sells nothing but what appears to be knock-offs of other manufacturer’s designs. They have a version of the CB-6000 they call the HoD600, but the Holy Trainer-type devices are all called “Holy Trainer.” They even have the HTv1 design, both in plastic and metal, along with the v2. I guess I don’t take issue with the selling of knock-offs if the knock-off is plainly labeled as such (aka, the DoD600), but not changing the name of their Holy Trainer clones shades closer to fraudulent behavior. Yes, a cautious buyer should intuit they were knock offs because the prices are simply too low, but that’s not really an excuse. They’re doing all they can to make these products look authentic.

IMG_9434D4AE8BC9-1The illusion of authenticity is extended to the unboxing of the product when it arrives in a Holy Trainer package. This is where they cross the line from knock off to forgery. This appears to be a genuine Holy Trainer and they want you to think that, but it’s not. It’s like buying a fake Rolex, essentially.

The other issue I found unsettling is they don’t say what the device is made of. It’s described as steel but what grade? Is it surgical quality? No idea. But why not say? Most competitors do. I couldn’t find mention of the grade of steel used in any of their products. This could be an issue for those with allergies or sensitivities.

But yeah, it’s pretty cheap. If cost is a primary drive for you, you’re in luck in that regard.

Aesthetic

IMG_D9C4C70C5AC1-1Flat out, this thing is gorgeous. The cleanliness and efficiency of the Holy Trainer v2 design looks even better in high gloss metal. I was and continue to be totally in love with how this device looks on the outside. In my opinion, the Holy Trainer v2 is like the Porsche of male chastity device designs: timeless and near perfect. Bonus, it’s a lot more affordable, relatively, than a Porsche.

Fit/Comfort

Here we go.

IMG_B3C7B4EEA63D-1First, fit. The metal HT2 tube is just a bit smaller than the plastic version in a way I found really appealing. That’s somewhat visible in the image to the left. It may be just a little shorter or it may only appear that way due to the plastic being thicker, but it is definitely a bit narrower. The internal circumference is smaller than that of the small-tubed plastic HT2.

That leads to what I found to be a really satisfying tightness while the penis was attempting an erection. Distractingly so. The one morning I had it on during the early morning tumescence, I had trouble going back to sleep simply because it felt so hot to me. Note, the penis is not especially girthy and I’m a known fetishizer of penis constriction, so YMMV. I’m thinking dicks of better than average girth could have problems.

The A-ring is identical in all ways to the plastic version, including being very comfortable. They offer two sizes, 38mm and 45mm. I chose the 45mm. While the penis was compressed more than usual, there was no associated excessive tightness around the scrotum. No testicular pain at all. It was essentially a perfect fit in that regard and exactly what I like in a chastity device: A tube that’s tight without a ring that’s crushing my balls.

The device is heavy. Far heavier than any other I’ve worn. But I really liked that, too. I like the feeling of heft between my legs like that and the sensation of being pulled around as I shift in bed.

IMG_AA6707C5A2FA-1OK, now comfort. Based on all I’ve said so far, what’s the problem? Sounds awesome. Sign me up, right? Wrong.

I was able to wear the Metal Holy Trainer for 27 hours before the rough, poorly finished interior had abraded the corona of the penis’ glans. This became apparent the second night I tried to sleep when, after I urinated for the last time, I found an intense burning emanating from the device’s interior. Belle was already fast asleep and the pain was unbearable so I was left to break open my emergency key and take the device off.

I believe my pain was caused by an approximately 4 mile walk I had gone on earlier in the day. It wasn’t until I was laying down and the inevitable remaining urine was able to make contact with my abrasions that I knew they were there. Then, OMG holy shit did that hurt. In my opinion, this would have happened anyway but would have taken two or three days of normal movement before the same issues manifested. Perhaps if one is a total sloth and engages in zero physical activities, the rough and poorly finished interior would not present a problem. But I doubt it.

Bottom line, this “high quality” and “thoroughly tested” device is entirely unsuited to daily wear. It’s not for someone who has made enforced chastity part of their lifestyle and thinks of the device locked onto them as part of their body. Which is really tragic since it’s so beautiful on the outside. You could wear it for a play session or for a night, but not beyond. Unless you like the feeling of a burning penis that’s so torn up you almost can’t sleep even without the device on because of the irritating sensation.

Security

The Metal Holy Trainer is no more secure than any other trapped-ball device without a PA fixing. The weight of it makes it feel less secure since it pulls down and, if poorly fitted, could leave much of the penis exposed above the ring. If you need high security, this is not the device for you. House of Denial’s assertion that “you certainly won’t be able to get out of this device” is bunk.

Hygiene

Pretty much the same as the plastic Holy Trainer v2. It’s easy to wash and drains satisfactorily. No pluses or minuses in this regard.

Stealth

I found the Metal Holy Trainer to be very stealthy. Like its plastic inspiration, it sits in a way that is more nestled into the scrotum which leads to a less-pronounced profile. The tube is reasonably small so it was very hard to see in a pair of jeans. Less noticeable than the Steelheart for sure.

The two pieces of metal don’t fit especially tight so there was a tiny bit of occasional clanking when not contained in briefs, but not so bad. All in all, this is a very stealthy device.

Bottom line

Don’t buy this device. It’s unfinished and can injure you if worn for longer than one night. Sure, it’s cheap and beautiful, but it’s also totally unsuited for the kind of chastity most of those reading this blog are into. If I had a business selling nothing but chastity devices, even of the “budget” variety, I would definitely not sell this as-is. The poor quality of the Metal Holy Trainer leaves me suspicious of all the other products House of Denial sells.

August metrics

Wow, I almost forgot to post the August numbers.

IMG_6444August looked liked July…and June…and, really, all the months for the past many months. The penis was outside a device 0.6% of the month. The remaining 99.4% it was locked into the Halfshell (42%), Steelheart (37%) and, for the first time (I believe) since I’ve been tracking, the Mature Metal Jail Bird (20%). It wasn’t at the behest of Belle as we’re still playing along like I get to choose what I wear as long as I’m wearing something. It’s not my favorite device, but the change of pace of seeing the penis behind bars rather than disappeared down a steel tube was fun for a while.

Belle came eight times in the month, once by herself since we were still apart for the first week or so, and once with me driving the vibrator. The other times were from my prestidigitation. I “came” once on the 26th. I put that in quotes since it didn’t actually feel too much like an orgasm. While I was fucking her, Belle told me I could so I didn’t slow down or stop when I felt the urge building and I kept fucking right though the ejaculation but I never felt the kick of hormones and had a very, very mild post-orgasmic experience. The penis didn’t even feel especially sensitive after. It was entirely anti-climatic. Like it built to a 6.8 on the Richter Scale and then died. Since it happens so infrequently (that was number three on the year), the sample size is small and I can’t say if this is some kind of new normal or just a fluke. I have not been given the opportunity to come again since then.

There’s a part of me that thinks it would be kinda hot if my ability to orgasm properly is broken. But I don’t know. I’ve been allowed to fuck her three times since and felt the same build-up but avoided getting closer enough. The true test will be if she lets me go again.

Speaking of fucking her, I was inside her five times in August and ejaculated each time.

September is going to look different than any of the months since last September. I had to stay out of the Steelheart overnight around Labor Day because the penis was irritated by it. Odd as the Steelheart hasn’t done that in some time, but a hot spot popped up on the head and it was painful. I was out for another night after wear-testing a steel knock-off of the Holy Trainer 2. Spoilers: It’s not good. Ripped the penis up good after just a day so I had to come out for another night but was able to wear the Halfshell the next day as it keeps the penis in a fixed position and keeps it from rubbing against the shell. So two of the three nights I’ve slept without being locked up in the past year happened within a week of each other.

Also, I’m going camping this week for seven days (and yes, for those keeping score, this is the same kind of trip that led to last year’s incidents of unauthorized orgasm and the rule that I must always be locked unless Belle explicitly says I can be otherwise). Not sure how that’s going to work out with a device. I start with a healthy ambition but it’s primitive camping among muggles so facilities to keep things clean are nonexistent. Also, I’ll be among men only and I find my ability to maintain the right headspace to be locked pretty much evaporates when I’m not around estrogen. Nothing kills a buzz like a bunch of straight guys. Still puzzling over that one.

Mailbag (again)

One more from reader K:

I’m a 21 years old college student, who grew some interest in chastity. I would like to ask about your Steelheart device (mostly) as I’m planning on getting one in the future. I had a device before (only one): it was the spiral stainless steel device from uberkinky.com. I wore it for daily 3-4 hours with no real discomfort however my left testicle got varicocele (enlarged veins), so it might got pressured (a big problem was that the tube pressed against the testicles and they got trapped between the tube and the ring). In the end I got an inflammation of the Epididymis (which was, or was not because of the device, I can’t really tell). Got antibiotics and now I’m fine (it was 2 months ago).

Now, I have made a decision with my girlfriend that we retry the whole concept again, but now with some quality cages. I have been thinking about the HTv2 or Steelheart.

My first question is, since I take care of that enlarged vein, which of the two device got bigger gap between the tube and the ring (especially in the lower part, where the testicles supposed to hang). I know that the SH is 15 mm, but I couldn’t find any information about the HTv2.

Another concern is my anatomy. I know that everyone is different, and that I need to try things out, but still: you are one of the most experienced people that I could ask about whether this device suits me or not. I’m a grower, from 8-9cm flaccid to 18cm. I have tight and high balls. I have a really bulky girth (mostly in erected form). I’m uncut, with really long foreskin.

So my second question, should I try this device or better to go with the HTv2, in your opinion?

(PS.: I’m not planning to use it 24/7, more likely to go with daily unlocks)

First off…7″ and “really bulky girth.”

lingering sigh

OK…

You don’t say anything about orgasm denial or the length of it you’ve experienced, but I found that being denied for longer periods also led to a swelling of my epididymis (I wrote about it but I’ll be damned if I can find the old post). Even to the extent that one might diagnose varicocele, I suppose, or inflammation of the epididymis. Along with soreness and tenderness, I always attributed it to severe blue balls and, for some time now, haven’t had a relapse of symptoms (though my epididymis is still more pronounced than that found in most men – something I’ve noticed some other men in chastity also exhibit, but not all). That being said, I’m not suggesting your symptoms were anything other than what you were told by your doctor. Regardless of the size of your eventual device, though, denial and the build-up of seminal fluids could also be contributory to your issues.

It’s also possible the UberKinky device was just too small for you. The fact that your cock has “really bulky girth” (sigh) and your balls are tight would combine to a create a very uncomfortable situation for a big dick (and 7″ by lots of girth is big). For that fact alone, I don’t think you should try the Holy Trainer. It’s made for the average-dicked and you, my friend, are not that.

So, fat cock and tight balls means bigger ring. I don’t know how big around your cock is when hard (and have only my fertile imagination to go by), but I suspect you’d have to wear something north of 45mm. Maybe even 50mm. You should measure the circumference of your cock and balls when very aroused and go with that. As you wear it over time, you’ll probably adjust and be able to wear a smaller ring. That can be ordered at the same time as the larger ring or you can get it later (though you’ll need to send the tube back to be fitted).

The tube should not be too long. If you’re 8-9cm long when flaccid, then probably no longer than 80mm. Maybe 75mm. With regard to the gap, no matter what the Steelworxx site says, you can order anything you want (type it in the notes if you have to). It’s hard to know what you need precisely, but perhaps you should measure the device you used to wear and add to that (but don’t go nuts).

You say you’ll be unlocked daily. If you’ll be left unlocked at night, you won’t need a device so precisely fitted since it’s the early morning erections that bite the hardest of all. If you’re locked at night, then you need to be more careful since that nocturnal erection will make a poorly-fitted device lock on you like a vice.

I hope that’s helpful.

Mailbag

A reader named Andrew left this comment to my last post…

I would be interested in hearing how many locked men have found that their locked status helped them achieve some sort of spiritual awaking or satisfaction of wearing a device, and for longer term wearers, do they miss the device when they are not wearing it. Also, I would be curious about a rather existential question if they view their device as something they own selves or something that someone else owns.

I don’t know about spiritual awakening, but I do feel that being locked and denied has put me in something like a new plane of existence, mentally. It’s as if being denied orgasm for so long has led me though a tunnel most men simply never even know exists. And once through it, while the craving and gnawing need to come is never far away, it’s more like a reactor powering this different sense of being than a negative. As if living without orgasm but in need of one is how I was meant to be. And had I not been denied, I’d have never known.

With regard to missing the device, it’s more than that. I resent not being able to wear it for whatever reason. The feeling of not being secured is foreign to me and unsettling and I only truly feel myself when there’s something covering the penis. I feel as though the Steelheart in particular is more me than what it secures and in those increasingly rare moments I see the unprotected penis in the mirror, it’s off-putting. Not all penises, of course. Just that one. It’s natural state is to be shiny and heavy between my legs, not squishy and flopping free.

It’s a thorny question as to who I feel owns the device. Of course, Belle controls my state but, as I said, it looks and feels more like me than what it contains so it’s hard to think of it as someone else’s at the same time. I refer to the devices as Belle’s but she doesn’t seem invested in which I wear at any given moment at this point. The key is almost always in a place I’m aware of, so even that isn’t so mysterious. I think the thing I feel isn’t mine isn’t so much the device or the penis but the sensation I get from the penis when it’s exposed. That’s not mine and it’s not something I should be able to feel without permission. That’s definitely across the line.

Brian said…

Those of us who have experienced durations of chastity, or even just denial, tend to experience a ‘plateau’ of the emotions generated. For me, it’s still an up and down experience, waxing and waning, if you prefer, but waxing and waning at a higher level than when I’m freely orgasming at my leisure. I’m pretty sure you’ve expressed this experience in your blog.

My question is this … You’ve been experiencing this state for longer than I can even imagine. Does that plateau gradually wane overall the further you go, or are your escalated emotions retaining their average elevation. (Lots of height synonyms there; I hope I’ve conveyed this adequately.)

What I’ve been feeling lately is a lengthening of the up and down waves. I don’t feel the dramatic increases like I used to. But also I don’t feel like I’m nearly as constantly horny as I once was. I can’t tell how much of this is simply getting older versus how much of this is being denied orgasm. Has my body adjusted to the hormonal load of not coming or is it just not as loaded as it once was? I don’t really know. I guess the only way to know for sure would be to start coming a lot and then stopping again. But that’s not a thing I have anything to do with.

I can say that the denial stops being so distracting and simply is, but I can’t say how long that takes. A long time. Years, for me. I do still go through periods of being pretty horny, but like I said, they’re not as severe as they once were and don’t seem to last as long.

Allen asked…

I recently came across your blog after someone told me about it on Reddit. In a recent post, you wrote something that captured my attention:

“I mean, I literally can’t fuck for more than two minutes before I’m squirting and then, once I do, the penis starts to shrivel. It may have been a fuck tool once, but it’s not now. It’s barely passable as such.”

I am a member of an odd web community of men who complain about an odd problem that I was wondering if perhaps you share with us. All my life, I have suffered from these “meh” orgasms coupled with premature ejaculation. Your words sound like they may describe a similar problem. Basically, the ejaculation comes too fast, and when it does, I don’t feel much of anything.

I recently took an interest in kink, and chastity play fascinates me. Since chastity play emphasises the part of sex that happens *before* orgasm, I thought that perhaps it might be a way to learn new ways to experience pleasure and express my sexuality. Unfortunately, my wife isn’t up for it right now, so I’m simply doing some cage-less chastity play with her. I think it may be a long time before I can make her comfortable with the idea of a chastity cage on me, but I am very patient.

The thought of making it impossible to masturbate and ejaculate and then be teased by her (or even by pornhub) sounds like it may be delightful.

I was wondering if you might relate to my words. I’m wondering if my experience tells me that I am like you.

When you sent this, I didn’t really, but just this past weekend Belle told me as I was fucking her that she wanted me to come and what happened sounds a lot like what you described. It should have been a kick-in-the-back-of-the-head kind of thing since it’s been months, but it wasn’t. There was no crest. Not crash. Just an increase of sensation and pumping of seed and that’s all. I kept stroking throughout – basically doing everything I’d normally do to come – but no post-orgasmic feelings. In fact, it pretty much felt like it always does after I ejaculate without orgasm.

I wasn’t given a chance to try again later that day or the next nor was I allowed to try and jack one out, so I don’t know if it’s a one time kind of deal or what. But once it happened, I recalled this note.

So normally, I’d say denial should enhance your sensations during orgasm because that’s what I’m used to, but now I don’t know. If that’s where you are now, perhaps not. That said, I do think it’s a great way to change the paradigm in bed away from male orgasm and towards other things. You don’t need a device to do that, just a recognition that successful sex isn’t defined by the guy shooting his load. Nor does it even require a hard penis. There’s so many other ways to enjoy sex but we’re all so focused on this one act. Literally, the money shot. Without it, it’s without value. Bullshit. Maybe your wife is freaked out by the kink aspect. I’d recommend being more circumspect towards that word. Just say you’d like to have sex in ways that focus on her and her orgasm and would like to, at least every other time or so, takes the penis out of the picture. That sounds way less scary that “male chastity” or what have you.

G asked…

I need your help. I am married bi man, have one kid. The problem I face is how to tell my wife I am bi and submissive. The moment I discovered our blog you became a role model, so please help me out.

I think you just build up the nerve and say it. You tell her and be ready to answer questions (like, no, bi isn’t gay) and be willing to make whatever compromises you think you can, but you should not feel as though there’s anything wrong with you for being this way. Ultimately, whether you can be happy in a vanilla straight relationship for the rest of your life (and people are all the time) is a question only you can answer, but my fear is a lot of guys in your position end up being guilted into buying that you’re broken in some way. You aren’t. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

The one where I ask Twitter questions

The other day, Andy of Ruffled Sheets asked a question on Twitter. He wanted to know the fit preference of chastity device wearers.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.40.18Devices of the trapped-ball variety have two fit components, the ring and tube. I recommend tighter tubes but rings not too tight or too loose. Anyway, it got me thinking about other questions I had for guys in devices and even a few for those holding their keys. I used to do surveys on the site here, but haven’t in a while. Anyway, here are my questions and the answers I got.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.46.36I wanted to know about the first device these guys ever wore and how it fit. As I suspected, most men say their first chastity device was too big. That was my experience, too. You think they should be more like the size of your erection or can’t imagine squeezing it into such a small space or get hung up on a device described as the “small” one. In any event, only 14% say they nailed the size on the first try. That’s a remarkable number if you think about. (Note that this question had a longer duration than the rest and, of this writing, is still technically open but is seems as though all the responses are in now.)

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.51.00Also unsurprisingly, most men say their first device was made of plastic. No only do I think that’s the smart thing to do when you’re not yet sure of your size or even if enforced chastity is right for you, plastic is of course cheaper than custom metal. Glad to see guys avoiding silicone since I think it’s a bogus device material. Curious to know what “something else” could be. Like…wood? Energy field? No clue.

If you take these two questions together, you have 22% of men who presumably mostly wore plastic as their first device and found it too small. I suspect these guys have really big dicks. If you’re way above the curve (over 6.5″ or so) in length or significantly girthy, you may have no choice but to go custom right out of the gate.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.55.29The next questions are about expectations on both sides of the lock. For the men, how did they find enforced chastity once they tried it? Was it what they expected or better or worse? I suppose it’s good to see that so many say it was better since a lot of guys are led into the idea by unrealistic porn on the subject. Nearly two-thirds found reality to beat their fantasy and another 19% found it to be what they were expecting. I wonder if the those who answered it was worse than expected are due to issues with fit. Maybe those big-dicked guys again. Or maybe they bought CB-6000s and tore their scrotums up.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 10.56.19No keyholders said they felt worse about locking their men up after they did it and over 90% said they felt better about it. That’s really a stunning number and may be skewed by the audience of kinksters on Twitter. Still, it blew me away. Keyholders like locking their men up, more than they thought they would.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.02.50Combine that response with this one asking how they’d feel if their man wanted to stop wearing a device. A full two-thirds would rather he keep it on. Twenty-four percent would be OK with it coming off (perhaps recognizing that consent is required to do it) and only 10% would rather he not wear it. I wonder if the 9% who said male chastity was about what they expected were the same 10% who said they’d be relieved? Can’t really tell.

Bottom line, keyholders end up more satisfied with locked men than they though they would be and most would rather not let them out, even if they wanted it. That’s a BFD and something guys wondering how to break their desire to their partners might want to use while selling the idea.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.07.28Unsurprisingly, most men got locked up for the first time because they wanted to. It seems rare for a partner to suggest it, especially since many of those who are doing it are in male-female relationships. Woman in our culture are not conditioned to suggest such things nor does society reward those who are that assertive, alas.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.45.21However, when asked who holds their key, only 38% say it’s their partner so a lot of guys are doing this solo or leveraging friends and keyholding services. That also explains why so many guys are the initiator of enforced chastity.

I never even knew it was a thing when I was single so have a hard time relating. Not sure if I’d have the ability to stay locked if I was doing it on my own. I’d have to have an accomplice or service to help out.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.49.36I asked keyholders about their interest in the concept of enforced chastity prior to their partner getting locked up. Only 25% said they had never considered it. Back when I started blogging about it, that number was way higher. Now, either because the practice has gained more publicity or because my Twitter audience is way kinkier than normal people or a combination of both, three-quarters were either curious or really into the idea beforehand.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.49.43The kinkster bias is most noticeable in the question I asked about how kinky they were prior to being locked up or holding a key. Tom Allen has called male chastity a “gateway drug” into kink and that was my experience, but most of those who replied to my question already identified as kinky.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.49.16Regarding duration of lock up, the biggest response was “sometimes” with the lowest being “rarely.” I intentionally left these kind of vague because a lot to one guy is not so much for another. “Almost all the time” was supposed to be people like me (>95% of the time) and “most” would be how I was a year ago (maybe 75% of the time). In any event, this also matches what I’ve seen in previous surveys with a dip between a lot and occasionally. Seems this is either a thing that becomes a lifestyle or it’s a thing you dabble in.

Screenshot 2017-08-25 11.57.39Finally, I asked how many devices these people owned. Twitter only allows four options, but I wonder how many of the 1-3 guys only have one? And I wonder how many of those they have besides the one they usually wear are first attempts that either don’t fit or are uncomfortable. I think guys like me who have a small stable of devices they may find themselves in at any give moment are in the minority.

So what about you? Any of these responses surprise you? What would you have asked? I’m curious to know. Leave a comment!

July metrics

In the months of June and July, I’ve been on fourteen airline flights. Belle will have been on over twenty. We will have also been on different continents for half of the month. Hopefully, things will start to return to normal in August as she gets home and life starts to look like normal again.

FullSizeRenderAll that to explain, for the second month in a row, that things are weird. Not as much of anything as you might expect except for the time the penis has been locked up and out of sight.

In July, there was a device secured to me 98.8% of the time. I was without device for a whole nine and one-quarter hours, almost entirely due to two massages we had in the month. One was near the beginning of the month and happened on a cruise ship in Halong Bay, performed by a small Vietnamese woman with small, weak hands (alas). As usual, I took the device off because massages are traditionally done naked, but not, it turns out, on this ship. I had to leave my swimsuit on which was fucking weird. Had I known, I would have stayed in, but such is life. That accounted for just over 90 minutes of free time.

The second massage was for two whole hours and was done by an equally small Thai woman but she was terrifically strong and/or knew how to leverage her weight. I again assumed nakedness, but instead wore a ridiculous sheer square-cut pair of briefs she supplied. The only thing they ensured was that the penis wouldn’t flop around, but everything was clearly visible though the material and she even pulled them down over my ass to massage my glutes. I assume they were there as more of a deterrence to Westerners looking for enhanced services than modesty. That day I was unlocked for more than four hours. So, for the month, nearly two-thirds of the time I was out was for massages.

The remaining free time was either for Belle’s use or cleaning. I never flew on this trip without a device, either the Schandmaske or Holy Trainer. Neither made for even a blip in any security situation, even the TSA’s scanners.

While we’re on the subject, pour one out for the Schandmaske. I believe I lost it somewhere along the way since it wasn’t amongst my things when packing, wasn’t where I was keeping the devices, and hasn’t been found in my suitcase upon return. I’m holding out a small amount of hope it will turn up when Belle packs and leaves, but not much. Poor Schandmaske. I hardly knew ye.

The Steelheart has been on for the nearly two weeks I’ve been back as well as now and then before coming home so it ruled the month with 52% of the total time. The Holy Trainer and Halfshell more or less split the other half. The Schandmaske’s last hour happened somewhere in there.

Looking back over the year, 9.25 hours is the third longest I’ve been out over a month and bucks the trend of three consecutive months of ever-decreasing free time. I expect August to be back to around normal, so in the 4 hour range.

On the sex side, Belle only came six times. Four times with me and twice by herself. Well, at least twice. She sometimes forgets to keep me updated. By herself was via her vibrator and one of the times with me was on the penis. The remaining were from my fingers.

The one time on my penis I was about as close as I could get to coming without actually coming. I’ve struggled to define it, it was so close, but it didn’t feel like a whole orgasm. Perhaps because she wasn’t done with her pleasure and kept riding it after which is one way to ruin an orgasm. In any event, I’ve landed on not calling it one since I didn’t feel especially post-orgasmic after and my level of sexual frustration didn’t seem to falter. All tolled, I was inside her four times and ejaculated each time.

As I said, Belle gets home Saturday and then has to reset her clock, but it’ll be nice for us all to be home and things to return to as normal as possible.

 

June and half-year metrics

I’m a bit tardy with the June update seeing as we were in Vietnam on July 1st and I didn’t have my laptop with me. I didn’t want to peck it out on my phone.

IMG_5416.PNGJune was a five device month. That may be a first. The Looker 02, Steelheart, Holy Trainer, Halfshell, and Schandmaske all had their time in the pouch.

The L02 was mostly before we left for Hong Kong and, I think, may be at the end of its life. The urethral insert is loose and I don’t think I’d pay to get it fixed because I’d also want to make all kinds of adjustments (slightly shorter cage, slightly thicker and longer insert) meaning if I have a device like it in the future, I’ll just get another one.

The Schandmaske just made it under the wire. As I was getting ready to go to the airport for the flight to Hanoi, I saw the potential for all five I bought to get some lock time. Belle’s been traveling separately (and more often) than the rest of us, so I have a free hand in deciding which device I wear and when I switch them out. I have her key and, thanks to misplacing it for a few hours, also have my back up both freely available. I’ve become something like the house cat that anxiously watches the birds on the feeder but won’t go out the front door when given the chance. The penis is now completely tamed and I have no interest at all in having it free.

We got back to Hong Kong after a week in China earlier in the month a day before Belle did, and I put myself in the Steelheart. I slipped the Holy Trainer off and pushed my balls through the tight A-ring followed by the penis and felt the cold steel wrap itself around the rapidly inflating meat. There’s something about the Steelheart. Something that feels like home and really the only device I wear that’s synonymous with “real” chastity. Maybe because it’s a bit too tight and the tube totally envelopes and replaces the penis (as opposed to the Halfshell where the bottom of the penis can be touched) and unlike the HT or the L02, it’s escape-proof. I dunno. But the psychology of being in that device over all others is very different. I’m wearing it now and just writing about it is filling it up.

As you can see in the chart, the penis’ time out was barely over an hour which by far is the lowest amount of the year and maybe ever in any month in all the years we’ve been using chastity in our marriage.

  • January – 10.75 hours (1.5%)
  • February – 5 hours (.7%)
  • March – 12.6 hours (1.7%)
  • April – 4.5 hours (.6%)
  • May – 4 hours (.5%)
  • June – 1 hour (.1%)

The briefness of this period is more related to issues other than Belle’s choices. As I said, lots of travel, some time with Belle being away, and for a week there I was sick with a nasty sore throat and didn’t want to give it to Belle. I suspect that the 4-5 hours a month will turn out to be normal for us over time.

Thanks to the issues mentioned above, I was well below other months (or my personal goal) of getting her off. Only four times. If she took care of herself while away, she never mentioned it. I was inside her just twice, though the second time she told me to come, exactly 120 days from the last time.

IMG_5415.PNGWe’re half way through 2017 now. The Steelheart just edged past the Halfshell in total time with the Schandmaske far behind followed by the HT followed by the L02 (which went on for the first time and maybe last this year in June). The penis was free almost .9% over six months.

Belle has come forty-five times so far this year. Thirty times by my fingers, eleven times by her own hand, twice by me using her vibrator on her, once orally, and once on the penis. Belle always decides how she’ll come, so those numbers indicate her preferences, not mine (with the possible exception of the penis since that’s such an unreliable tool for her).

I’ve come twice in the first half. Once on February 18th and once on June 18th. I ejaculated 18 times without orgasm and was inside her 22 times. One time I got to be inside her and didn’t squirt. That’s an orgasm ratio of about 23:1.

It occurs to me writing this that I haven’t jacked off in about 10 months. That’s easily the longest period of such abstention since I discovered how to do it. Literally the only time the penis gets to feel pleasure is when it’s inside Belle and, of course, that’s exactly how she likes it. If she ever told me I could edge myself with my own hand, I’d jump at the chance since I really like jacking off, but it’s hard to say I miss it since to do it absent permission would be a total contravention of our dynamic. It’s another of those things I crave but do not miss. The only way I could would be by cheating and that seems like not only a violation of her trust but something that’s against my very nature as who I am sexually.

Anyway, that’s that. Half a year down.

Costume party

I was on the Tumblr this morning and scrolling through like I do and once again found myself transfixed on a GIF of a guy shooting his load. He was jacking off and had a pretty big dick and it was just the come shot. Quite generous ropes of thick creaminess being thrown from the end of his cock (not this one, but a lot like it). And I had another one of these epiphanic moments that have been showing up more often lately.

There was a time, for a long time, when I’d see a guy shooting like that and get all slack-jawed and dreamy because somewhere deep down inside I wanted to be doing that too. My lizard brain was aching so hard for what I was seeing and the vibes it would radiate overpowered my bunny brain so both got drunk on the idea.

But this time, I was watching this guy come like crazy and it was more like watching a woman get off in that it was like a separate thing from my frame of reference. Like a man stroking himself off to orgasm is a being totally removed from what I am as much as a woman getting herself off is. Just another way that I feel like a separate thing from the kind of man who does that.

Some people into this chastity and denial stuff will tell you all men should be locked up and denied but I don’t think that at all. Some men absolutely should fuck and come and jack off and do whatever they want. I feel there definitely are two classes of men (at least). Those who own their own cocks and those who don’t. Those who get to shoot loads and those who only leak through the openings in their devices. Real men have cocks and use them however they like. People like me don’t and don’t.

In fact, I feel the same kind of disconnectedness from images of men fucking as I do from men coming or jacking off. They’re meant to do that. They’re designed to do it. To pleasure their partners with their dicks. To pleasure themselves with the feeling of fucking another person. Some men (and some cocks) are born to that kind of position. To assert themselves in that kind of role. But not me. I mean, I literally can’t fuck for more than two minutes before I’m squirting and then, once I do, the penis starts to shrivel. It may have been a fuck tool once, but it’s not now. It’s barely passable as such.

I suppose if I were in a gay relationship it would be as though I didn’t even have a penis, but I’m not. I’m with Belle. And she like to get fucked and cannot fuck me so I can’t let myself slip entirely into this other type of identity because there are times when she needs me to be a man. Or pretend to be one. Like, four to six times a month, max, for maybe eight to ten minutes total. But that’s not nothing.

I don’t know if this means my lizard brain is dead. I still get pretty worked up and have plenty of urges, but they’re mostly focused outward now, not inward. Maybe the lizard has been broken by years of being chained. He’s still vicious, but maybe now he’s also fuzzy and has long ears. Maybe the lizard and bunny have found a way to merge. To align their energies.

Whatever the case, those guys shooting their loads on Tumblr are like a whole different species to me now. And I’m really OK with that. Because maybe all this time I wasn’t one of them, anyway. Maybe I was only going along to get along. Maybe I’ve been bunny in a lizard costume this whole time.