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Twice on Sunday

Belle and I talked this morning about me going outside our relationship for things she doesn’t want to provide. She reiterated that my permission to do so remains. So, worries of drama or other calamities by some were unfounded.

Her guidelines are a little clearer now. For one, she doesn’t want my dalliances to interfere with our life. They should be on my time. That complicates things a bit, but life is complicated. She doesn’t necessarily want to read about what I do and wants any blog posts on the subject to be behind a jump so she can ignore them. She also wants to retain her privacy and anonymity. Finally, and as she’s already said, the penis will always be locked up. That’s hers. She said it turns her on knowing that even in that kind of situation she controls it.

An unanswered question for both of us is how this might affect our dynamic. Since she’s the most important thing in the world to me, all I can promise is she’ll always have primacy in all things. Whatever relationships I develop alongside ours will be subordinate. Based on my previous experience with extramarital relationships, I think I can say my feelings for her will not diminish (and might even increase), but this is new territory for both of us. A lingering possibility in all this is that some day she might want something outside our marriage. I told her I don’t feel I have any say in that. In my mind, she controls both what I’m allowed to do with my body and what she does with hers. She mentioned that she thought it was funny, after all we’ve been through and after all these years, that we’d both find things we can’t give the other. She can’t/won’t give me a certain flavor of sexual experience I crave and I…here I expected her to say I wasn’t well enough endowed, but it’s that I’m not able to take her (and, maybe a little because of the size of the penis). I can’t fuck her and use her and come in her the way she wants. She craves being topped and I’m not a top. Maybe someday, she’ll let herself have what she craves.

In any event, she said she doesn’t have any problems with me seeking outside activities. She’s surprised in how little the prospect bothers her. At first, she figured it would be a very transactional thing. I’d find someone to fuck me and that would be it. But neither of us are capable of transactional sex, I don’t think. I need to have some kind of connection to the person, even if it’s not romance. Even so, she’s perfectly comfortable with me proceeding.

After that talk, we had lovely, leisurely sex. She told me up front I wasn’t going to come out of the device. She let me out Saturday morning so I could fuck her with Blue (which, she reports, “doesn’t even feel that big anymore”), but I had to put another device back on before I got out of bed. At least she let me in without Blue after she came. However, this morning I was left in the Looker 02 while she writhed under my fingers.

She came nicely and while she was basking I did my best not to grind the locked penis into her. The L02’s insert was choking the stifled erection and I told Belle how badly I wanted out so I could enjoy her. “You’ll have to wait,” she said. I replied that part of me hated that answer but another part of me knew it was best for me.

She didn’t let me fuck but she did allow me to lick. I moved down between her legs and sucked on her clit and inhaled as deeply as possible her essence. It was the first time I’ve ever gone down on her where I wasn’t trying to make her come. I was able to just enjoy the feeling and taste of her on my lips and tongue. I rubbed her wetness all across my face drenching me from my nose to my chin.

The other day when I picked her up from the airport, I experienced something probably only 17-year-olds and perpetually denied guys feel (at least as strongly as I did). She was in the car with me and I was happy to see her but at some point I felt it. Her pussy. It was there, too. I could sense it. Feel it’s gravitational pull. It left me feeling a little light-headed and with a chest full of butterflies. It intensity of it left me digging my fingers into her thigh which, I realized, was itself so close to it’s radiative heat. I so badly crave her pussy now that I’m not allowed to play with the penis and pretty much only come out of a device so I can fuck her. It’s like the other side of the coin from the penis now. She has me very well trained to be in tune with it.

Eventually, she started to warm to what I was doing. Every time I flicked her clit her leg would twitch until I was attacking it like it was my everything (and it is). She told me to get Pink so she could finish herself off while I sucked on her tits.

She came for a second time and I was left squeezing my swollen nuts.

 

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Deceleration

Belle was finally able to read my last post. Now that the prospect of me getting a little on the side is real, she’s told me we need to slow down a bit. Until we can talk face to face about things, I won’t be doing anything.

Of course, she’s the most important thing in the world to me. This simply can’t happen if she’s not comfortable. Right now, she’s not. Maybe in the future she will be. We’ll see what happens next.

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A gentleman caller

Remember how, at the beginning of the year, Belle gave me permission to find a guy who’d fuck me? And how I immediately reached out to an ex-boyfriend in a rather insensitive way? And how that led me to create a CollarMe profile that’s been pretty much totally ignored by the whole world? Yeah, that.

Belle said something to the effect that I might engage in some kind of activity while she was gone on her trip and I was all like, “Yeah right, honey.” I even commented in my last post that since “no real men have raised their hands for the job [of fucking me] I’m left to my own devices.”

Funny thing.

After I wrote that, a guy who reached out to me on Tumblr said…

Saw your post on DT this morning lamenting the fact that no “real men” had stepped up for your ass pounding, I mean prostate milking and I said to myself, well, first you have to meet one who might be willing to help you out. Wink, wink 😉

And even I’m not so dense that the message didn’t finally connect.

So he and I went out on a little date Wednesday afternoon to a local establishment. Well, date, I dunno. Two people met in a bar-like environment so I guess that’s a date. I will admit to being very nervous. I haven’t been in this situation in, oh I don’t know, like twenty years? And the fact that this was such a specific meeting with such a specific assumed objective (eventually — I may be a slut but I’m not easy) was a new experience for me.

I delayed finishing this post because I was waiting to be able to talk to Belle about it before hand. Since this is the first time the possibility of taking advantage of her permission has presented itself, I want to make sure she’s OK and still feeling comfortable with everything before it goes too far too fast. I texted the basic situation to her and waited for the conversation to happen. Turns out, she was waiting to read my post before talking to me, so here we are.

His name, I don’t think will intrude too much on his privacy in saying, is Michael. A little older than me. Also a transplant to this part of the country, though for not nearly as long as I’ve been. He’s originally from the more genteel climes of the Southeastern United States. His relationship status is complicated, but he is married to a woman. He likes to call himself heteroflexible which is as good as anything, I suppose. He hasn’t been with another man in quite some time. In fact, I’ve probably had naked fun time with a guy since the last time he has.

He’s very nice and complimentary and flattering of me. I will admit to liking that. It’s been quite some time since I was pursued like that. Of course, since he’s a guy, I can see right through his routine. He’s is trying to get into my pants, after all. But still. It’s nice.

We have another appointment next week, also in the afternoon since that’s most convenient to me as a single parent and all. No idea what’s on the agenda, but I wasn’t born yesterday. I suppose we should be more clear about that of only for logistical reasons. And, of course and most importantly, this has to remain comfortable for Belle. She should know (and now she does since I’m writing this) that she can pull the cord on the entire thing if it’s too much for her. There will be no resentment from me. The last thing in the world I want is for her to be unhappy or in any way put off by what I do on the side.

Assuming I continue to get the green light, there’s also the question of how much I can share here. She originally said she didn’t want to hear about what I do but I have this blog and it’s where I like to tell all my dirty secrets. So could I do that? Or no? Again, I want to be crystal clear so as to avoid hurting her in the slightest.

So, to summarize. Nervous, excited, cautious. Among other things. We’ll see.

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Piece of ass

Then I found myself completely alone for hours. Kid one is at prom(!), kid two is at a movie with a friend, Belle’s in China. And here I am, by myself without even man’s best friend to keep me company. No, not the dog. He’s here. I was talking about the penis.

So I thought it might be time for some good old-fashioned ass-pounding prostate milking. Alas, no real men have raised their hands for the job so I’m left to my own devices. The devices in question being the growing assortment of dildos and plugs at my disposal. (Not Belle’s, of course. Those are for her.)

I’ll spare you the details and say only that it was a good night. I was able to go to town on a dildo I’ve had for many years and had acquired as the result of my eyes being bigger than my anus. The beast is 10″ long and has a circumference of 7 1/4″. And I rode that fucker long and hard. All because I had time and was patient, used plenty of lube, and worked my way up with smaller dongs first. Note, some of those ten inches were wasted as there’s just not that much room inside me, but I bet I got more than seven inches of it.

The milking was successful. I produced prodigious quantity of clear, sticky precum which dripped and hung off the Jail Bird in long ropes that swung around with the rhythm of the action that was forcing them out. I also made a smaller quantity of milky ejaculate (without the ejaculation, of course).

The main reason I mention this is because near the end of the evening’s activities when I was astride that giant dong in a position not unlike a reverse cowgirl and the satisfaction of the sensation was humming through my entire body and my prostate was zinging with electricity, I had this feeling that everything would be so much better if I could stroke myself as I was fucked. And, way in the back of my brain from a dark little corner, I heard a tiny voice.

You can back out of the Jail Bird.

And I was like, You know, I could.

And this is what happens to a guy. When you juice him up real good and either tease him to pudding or fuck him until he’s a quivering jellyfish, he is no longer thinking with his brain. Like you need me to tell you that. I defy any guy who hasn’t come in three months to basically have sex with himself for ninety minutes and not almost lose his shit like I did.

Almost.

After I had had my fill of King Dong, my calmer head prevailed. I knew what I had to do — bring out the big gun. I retrieved the Steelheart. But even that caused conflict because part of me said I should make sure I get nice and clean in my post-workout shower by taking the Jail Bird off and not putting the Steelheart on until I was done. Because, you know, nothing untoward has ever happened in a soapy hot shower. And I really should be as cleans as possible. Belle would want that, right?

I ended up putting the Steelheart on before the shower. After, I went looking for a solution to the free key issue. I needed to get that thing out of my reach. The key safe will only fit one key at a time so I resorted to using a little envelope and taping it closed with the date from today’s paper firmly affixed. Then I stuck it under Belle’s statue.

I’m not saying I would have pulled out at some point or used the key to take the device off and leave it that way long enough to get in trouble. In fact, I was good and didn’t do what I’m expressly forbidden from doing and was able to control myself. But placing the key out of reach gives me piece of mind to go along with the piece of ass I had earlier. And I need that right now.

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Mailbag

Rob writes…

First of all, my compliments on your blog. Me and my wife started experimenting with tease and denial and chastity in December 2013. Looking for info on the web, I found your blog. I started at the first post, and have read almost everything up to April 2010 so far. I find it very helpful to read the process you and Belle have been trough and the experiences you have. I see a lot of similarities (but also some dissimilarities).

I feel like a lucky man that my wife wants to give this a try. In general I get the idea she likes it, and that is also what she tells me. But everything is very new to her, and actually to me to. One of the things is that she find it hard to make it difficult for me. She likes to please me as well. I like that too, a lot, but I crave denial and I rather want to please her, and that she loves to be pleased, while I am being denied. I tell her many times, but I get the idea that she doesn’t fully understand my desires. I guess this also has to evolve over time.

Above sounds like it is only about what I want, and not what she wants. When I ask her, the answer is more general like us being happy together (which we are, very much).

I offered her to find a good book on the subject. She really liked the idea. What we are am looking for is a book that explains to her how male submissiveness works, more on a psychological way. Why do want men to be submissive, are they really happy that way, etc…

Also something on how to dominate a man, how to start, how to expand and different styles of femdom. We are not looking for a book describing only Ds-games/scenario’s. Although this will be helpful, she is also very creative.

Do you have a good suggestion for a book?

On your blog, you wrote something about Uniquely Rika. Is this a book you can recommend for starters?

I have also been reading some posts of Sarah Jameson. She wrote some books too, but the site doesn’t seem to be active anymore. Do you know her books? I think they might be interesting. The free ones as well. But I’m not sure if these are still available (at least I don’t get a response when filling in the contact form).

If other readers have suggestions as well, they are welcome as well. Also suggestions from females. Sorry, I don’t want to discriminate here, but my guess is that as a female, you may have a good idea on what might be helpful for my wife to read.

I liked Uniquely Rika a lot. It was the book I was reading when I realized I was actually a submissive and not just playing at it. I also think Sarah Jameson has some interesting things to say on the subject, but her bias against submissive men makes it hard for me to enthusiastically recommend her stuff. The Mistress Manual are Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders are also good. We got those early on. When Someone You Love is Kinky is highly regarded, as well.

Readers? Any other suggestions or advice for Rob?

Nina enquired…

I love your blog for all of the detailed information you give on chastity devices! Thank you for offering such a helpful resource on this subject. I noticed that you have written a lot about the Holy Trainer device and I was wondering if I could ask your advice? I recently received the device I ordered (2nd version, short tube, middle-sized ring, black material). It is very well constructed, looks good and seems reliable and easy to use. Unfortunately, I may have miscalculated or made some mistaken choices on my sizing. I measured myself and felt like the larger base ring would be too loose to hold the device on, especially because the shaft of my penis does not have a large diameter and, though not very tiny in length, is also not long. However, with the short tube, I am pushed very deeply to the end when the device is on all the way and it seems like the scrotum is pulled too far from the body to sit securely or comfortably. In fact, I noticed that with the device fully on and locked, there are still “folds” between my scrotum and the shaft of my penis on the “outside” of the ring, as if the whole package does not fully fit into the device. My question is, do you think this sounds like it would be best remedied with a larger ring or a long tube? I’m afraid that with the large ring, the whole device would not stay on at all and also, conversely, with a longer tube I would not fill it up enough to keep the device securely in place. At the same time, as it fits now, it seems somehow way too easy to slip my penis out of the tube and the ring when I am naturally flaccid. Anyhow, I know you are not one of the Holy Trainer manufacturers, but seeing as you have such extensive knowledge and experience with these devices, I thought I would ask for your view on the subject.

I wonder how tight your scrotum is naturally. Have you worn devices before? The folds of skin don’t sound terribly unusual but I can’t see them so I’m not sure. In any event, if your balls don’t turn blue or purple when you’re hard, the ring probably isn’t too tight. I found that my scrotum became much more flexible with time. Erections pushing against the tube anchored to my ball sack over and over stretched the skin. It may be the case that your scrotum is of the “high and tight” variety. The middle ring for the Holy Trainer is 45mm and I think that’s pretty darn big. It’s big on me, anyway. Sounds like, if anything, you may want to consider the 40mm ring.

You say your penis is all the way to the end of the tube when wearing the device and you’re flaccid. That’s perfect. Just the way I like it.

Regarding being able to pull out easily, that, I’m afraid, is just how it’s going to be. If you penis is much thinner than typical, it will probably feel even less secure. What it sounds like you need is a thinner tube, not just a shorter one. I don’t think you’ll find that on the over-the-counter plastic device market. You’ll need some custom steel. Also, a smaller ring would help. That being said, I found the Trainer to feel a little less secure than other plastic device I’ve worn. Also, of course, trapped-ball devices just aren’t terrifically secure things in general.

Hope that helps!

Reader Recon requests…

Hey there, Thumper. You have an awesome blog here. I’ve been reading it for a few years. It is very interesting to hear your first-hand account of being locked up and denied over the long term. As a matter of fact, yours is the only blog I read related to chastity. You’re also very sexy to read.

I’ve been interested in chastity since coming out 20 years ago. While at university, I bought a Carrara belt (back before they were known as Carrara), a used Tollyboy, and an original used Bird Cage. Since then, I’ve also picked up a CB-2000, one of the stainless steel guys from Mr. S, and a Dickcage. And lately I’ve had my eye on a couple of the more basic pieces from Steelwerks up in Montreal.

I haven’t really been locked up properly, lacking a guy who wants to control things, but I’ve played around with it now and then. I find that my biggest problem is using the restroom. Normally I run a finger up the entire length of the cock, from the perineum up to the head, to press out those last few drops of piss. Otherwise, I end up leaking, which I find quite annoying. Obviously if my cock is encased in stainless steel or plastic, I can’t do that. So I leak. Is this a problem that you have encountered? Any tricks to get those last few drops out?

Yeah. That.

This is a problem I deal with daily. The only tricks I can offer is to shake the damned thing out as well as you can, dab up as much excess as possible with toilet paper and exercise your Kegel muscles. Then, after all that, try to learn how not be so bothered by it and rinse the tube out when warm water at night and with soap and water in the morning. I wish I had the magic bullet to fix this, but it just is what it is.

Another reader announced…

Foreword: I am very much drunk (I don’t think I would have had the confidence to write to you otherwise).

I just want you to know that I identify with the way of life you have described in your blog. Your writings have helped me explain my sexual desires to my fiancee in a way that previously made me feel alienated and alone.

I guess all I have to say is thank you for your blog (and also thank you to Belle, of course).

And I guess all I have to say is thank you right back. And good for you (and your fiancee).

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Keys to the kingdom

Eternal IdolBelle’s gone on her trip. Due to the ballpark metal detector/plastic device issue and the timing of her departure, I ended up having all the keys to everything at my disposal.

So, just to reiterate, I am to stay locked up because I can’t be trusted with the penis and she likes knowing what I’m not doing with it when she’s not with me but I also have all the keys and am allowed to wear whatever device I want. But she has made clear that she expects me to be locked up the entire time she’s gone. Truly, this is just a different flavor of obedience chastity except I get to wake up early in the morning with a crushed erection and have to demonstrate sufficient willpower not to cheat along the way.

Grrrr.

I swapped the Trainer for the Jail Bird last night before bed. I did it as quickly and efficiently as possible leaving the penis free for only a few seconds. Just long enough to get the Trainer ring off and the JB ring on and barely enough for any optimistic swelling in between. The one thing I really like about the JB is how it feels first thing in the AM when the meat is at full pressure. Unlike the Steelheart which is fairly intense due to the slightly too small A-ring or the Looker 02 which I often will sleep right through, the JB allows a delicious amount of uniform pressure all around the penis. Just enough to feel the erection really fight but not enough to be painful in any way. Just a foot over the “uncomfortable” line. The double thick oval A-ring helps a lot with this as does the fact that I think it’s just about perfectly sized for my anatomy. Another nice thing about the JB is how, when I took it off the other day to put the Trainer on, the penis had lines from the bars embossed along its length. That’s a pretty cool artifact if you’re into the locked up cock thing.

In any event, several years ago I bought Belle a small reproduction of Rodin’s Eternal Idol. It lives on the dresser in our bedroom. I use it as a kind of dead drop for device keys whenever I’m supposed to lock up after Belle’s gone to work. I slide them in between the form of the woman and the kneeling man kissing her stomach with his hands respectfully held behind his back for Belle to retrieve when she gets home. I’ve decided that I’ll do that for the next two weeks even if I decide at some point to switch into another device. That little statue is, to me, something like a shrine to our dynamic and placing the key there or removing it is a more significant act than just throwing it in my nightstand drawer or something. If I have to know where the key is and have easy access to it, this is the place it should be.

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Of porn and rogue vibrators

Two random things…

I’ve started a new Tumblr. One more brick in the global Thumpermedia empire. Of course, there’s the original Portfolio. When I first started curating it, I said it was a place to “collect pictures I like, but also the occasional story or even video. It’s not going to be just any porn that turns my crank, but specifically the porn that, for whatever reason, speaks to me as a submissive bisexual male.” I tend to pick pictures of men being used for sex by other men, beautiful women being beautiful, hot guys being hot, guys going down on women because pussies are awesome, and men being subjected to a variety of torturous hotness from both genders. It may appear to be a bit of a hodgepodge at first glance, but if I can place myself somehow in the scenario depicted, I will usually reblog it. For me, that’s critical. I really like to associate with the image personally in some way (and it’s not always obvious what that way is from the outside, I’m sure). Also, I’ve made the editorial decision to never show men ejaculating on the Portfolio because duh.

The second Tumblr I made was the Pit Stop. Pure dude pit porn. Very little deep thought put into it except I really have a thing for dude’s armpits. Cumshots allowed, though not the main point of the site so infrequently found.

The new one is called At least she lets you watch. This is another case of where the value of the porn for me is accentuated by trying to place myself in it. Due to my submissive tendencies, I tend not to really get off much on the images of women being fucked or otherwise appearing to be “bottoming” for a guy. But, I found that once I viewed these images through the lens of my nascent cuckolding kink, they suddenly become about a hundred times hotter for me. But they don’t fit on the Portfolio because images of MF sex there tend towards those where the woman appears to be in charge or I find the sex to be more reverential or respectful. On ALSLYW, I can freely post images of woman being complete sluts and loving it because the implication is she’s doing it with someone who’s not her husband. Convoluted, perhaps, but that’s how it works for me. Also, of course, the more cumshots the better. Especially if it’s all over her face or tits. Oh, yeah.

In a way, I think consuming porn is like going through a bucket of differently shaped pegs and seeing if they fit into any of one’s differently shaped holes. Some slip right in, some can be forced, and other just won’t work. It’s interesting to me how a simple internal change of perspective can make a peg that otherwise won’t fit suddenly work even though the peg itself hasn’t changed a bit.

Second random thing is Belle’s departure this morning for her two-week Asia trip. Much sadness. However, when I got home from the gym, she came out of the bathroom and told me she had a job for me. She gave me Pink and told me to give her new batteries so she wouldn’t have to worry about the little vibrator not working while she’s gone.

Funny story about that. We took Pink on vacation with us (and used her, too) and, upon leaving for home, I packed her in my suitcase. The suitcase went into a Jeep and then onto a ferry and then stacked in the back of a cab before being handed back to me at the airport. When I picked it up, I felt what I though was some kind of machinery vibration coming up from the ground. Thought it was weird, but didn’t stop to consider it more than that. Then, once we were checking in and about to hand over the luggage to security, I felt the vibration again. And it hit me. Pink was happily buzzing inside my suitcase. Right in the middle of the check-in area, in front of the kiosks and airline agents and fellow travelers, I laid the suitcase on its side, popped it open, and rustled around inside until I found the vibrator. It was hot. Probably a good thing I turned it off. No idea how long it had been going (had to have been a while based on its temp) or if anyone around me noticed what I was doing (doubtful), but that’s why Belle wanted me to swap out her batteries. So I dutifully shuffled off and tended to my wife’s vibrator so she could get herself off without worry while I was left at home with a locked up penis.

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Desperate spooning

Belle leaves the country on Thursday for two weeks. I hate these trips, though to be fair, she hasn’t had to take one like this in a while.

As I said, and regardless of how good I’ve been recently, she’s not about to leave me alone with the penis. There’s a complication, though, in that I have tickets to the baseball game both tonight and on the day she leaves and they’ve recently installed metal detectors there. Not sure if they’re the walk-through kind or the wands (I’ve been wanded in the Steelheart before without detection). Therefore, I’m in the Trainer, but I really don’t want to be in it for the entire time she’s gone. I’d rather spend some time in the Jail Bird, actually (it’s been a while), or whatever device she says she wants me in. We’ll have to figure out something regarding keys and swapping devices and such.

In any event, she’ll be gone and I’m feeling pretty horny lately so last night I was lobbying hard for some pussy time even though she just came twice over the weekend and was generally tired and ready for bed. I didn’t push too hard. I wanted to leave her plenty of room to opt-out. Mental anguish over my subordinate lot in life would have been good, too. I was mentally prepared for that, but it didn’t happen. I presume she felt a little sorry for me and she eventually pulled back and said, “Make me happy.”

I went to work on her in the ways that usually induce happiness on her part. I was in the Jail Bird and felt the erection push hard against the bars while her pussy grew wetter and wetter. I didn’t want to rush as I was enjoying myself but I also wanted to be respectful of her desire to go to sleep soon. After a little of this where is seemed as though she wasn’t progressing as fast as she wanted, she asked, “Would you go down on me?”

And I’m like, FUCK. YES.

For the record, she never needs to ask if I’ll do this. Any day, any time, any place. Point to the pussy and push down on my head and I am so there. Eagerly.

It was hard work getting her home (her refractory period is more than just a few days after two orgasms in two days), but we got there. I lingered, kissing the inside of her thighs and resting my forehead on her mons and breathed deeply, letting her pheromones penetrate while she basked. It’ll be a while before I’m there again and I wanted my fill for as long as she’d let me.

I was a leaky mess after. And I did that thing where I spooned desperately into her and got thisclose to falling asleep before jolting awake. I guess that’s hormones. Happens more often than not after I get her off and I’m left locked. Eventually, I did sleep, but not until after some melatonin. Probably got about four hours.

On balance, four hours of sleep in exchange for pussy juice all over my face seems like a pretty fair deal.

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Symbolism

Several comments on my post about Belle’s decision to tattoo me as a way to commemorate my permanent denial.

Dave said…

If this is what you both really want, then you should consider chemical castration. This would make it easier for you and would prevent future accidents. If the chemicals work out, then consider the surgery this would really make it permanent.

Castration would be the exact opposite thing we should do. My desire for orgasm is what powers my role in our dynamic. Anything that would remove that desire would be my kryptonite. Also, Belle wants a mate who’s hot and bothered over her. She likes it when I fuck her and when I want to fuck her. Remember, chastity and denial IS NOT abstinence. It’s not the opposite of sex. It is a way to enhance a sexual relationship.

MsDana said…

You might wanna ask someone who knows Japanese if that sign has all the right connotations of ‘deny’. It might not mean what the literal translation says it means.

And Tim added…

One of my new patient’s came to me recently and he has a tattoo that went on in the 1970s when he was at college. It says “Keep on Truckin” He told me that he thought he knew then what he meant but he is certain that he is not really certain now what it means. He is not the first patient to confide in me with lament about a tattoo

I am persuaded that everyone should have the freedom to choose what they want to do with their bodies. As you look/consider images, I would suggest that you look to something that has an affirming meaning… Such as the kanji for Commitment and Locked, or Service and Purpose. Just some ideas.

And Michael concluded…

The commenters suggestion to fully explore the symbols meaning is a good one. You don’t want the wrong connotation. That being said, I don’t think Japanese is either of you or Belle’s first language so you are probably ok if the intended meaning is within the greater lexicon of it’s literal meaning.

First off, I consider the message of what I believe to be the meaning of that kanji (which, yes, I will do a bit more research on) to be affirming. In our context, “deny” also means “commitment,” “service,” and “purpose.” Her decision to do it and my accepting the mark (because, let’s be real, if I really didn’t want a tattoo I wouldn’t get one) are all wrapped up in super sexy, hot, and ultimately loving sentiment. She’s not permanently denying me as a punishment. Quite the opposite. I think we both consider it a further deepening of our commitment to one another and our relationship.

Regarding potential tattoo regret, you need to know how I feel about tattoos in general. To me, they are markers of significant moments or influences in your life. They should have meaning, even after the moment or influence has past. They can serve as a reminder of where you’re from or where you’ve been or even as an indication of where you want to go. In short, even if at some point in our lives we find ourselves not in this dynamic (unlikely but who knows), we will still have been there at one time. It will still stand for an important point on the map of my life. I won’t regret it. Hopefully, I’ll always cherish what it meant to us.

To me, this tattoo will be a permanent symbol of our mutual dedication, commitment, and love.