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Two days, zero problems

I’ve had a titanium alloy rod shoved up the penis for over two days now and have had little issue with it.

The first day, I could feel each and every little shift of the hollow plug as the penis moved around it. Truly, a long slow fuck of the meat shaft. That night, though, I wasn’t woken up by the morning wood at all. The ring for the Looker is the same slightly larger size as the ring I got for the JB2 and is also the Steelworxx “anatomical” ring (which means the bottom 30% or so is bent back away from the cage leaving more room for the testicles to hang, but not nearly enough for them to escape). I will definitely be sending the Steelheart Short back for this modification.

The next day, I was with the trainer and that was the true test of my ability to wear the Looker long-term. Everything was fine, if not occasionally distracting. For example, he has me do about 30 squats (15 with weight and 15 without). As you can see from the diagram I stole from the internet, this means keeping your back straight while squatting down enough to allow your butt to drop below your knees. No problem. But, it tends to pull your junk back so that one’s penis actually retracts a bit. I can’t say I knew this before yesterday but I do now since each squat caused the penis to slide about half way back on the plug and then forward again as I forcefully raised myself back to a standing position. Thirty all-out penis fucks.

Second night, I was awaked by the nocturnal tumescence, but not due to the ring or the shaft being too tight. Having an erection in the Looker 02 is more intense since it no only presses against the cage and isn’t allowed to grow, but it also clamps onto the plug as the meat hardens. I can feel the added and unyielding stiffness of the plug pushing back from within and the bulb end creates an intense area of pressure just behind the A-ring. It’s not painful, as such, but it’s really there. That’s what woke me up.

This morning, Belle let me take it off so we could switch to our regular lock and I could perform a quick inspection and take some pictures for my review. I had been tending the porn farm beforehand, so when I removed the cage, the plug pulled out a long strand of creamy precum. I poked and prodded myself, but found no sore or tender spots, so felt OK putting it all back into place. I intend to leave it there for as long as Belle wants me in this device (or my body starts to bitch).

I have to say, I’m surprised at how “natural” the plug feels now. It’s just another aspect of being locked in a device. A more intense and hotter aspect, to be sure, but I don’t feel “invaded” and there’s no real discomfort as I thought there might be. I’m once again blown away by how resilient our bodies (and especially their most tender parts) can be.

After the jump, I’ve included another shot of the Looker in action.

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Lookie there

This morning, I stopped by the local post office and picked up a small package from Germany. Belle let me order a Steelworxx Looker 02 and, following a six week gestation period, it’s arrived. Of course, as has been recently reiterated, this is Belle’s device, but I’m the one who’s been obsessing over it for far too long and pestered her into letting me order it.

The most controversial element of the Looker 02 is the urethral insert. This is 6mm titanium tube with an 8mm bulb on the end that extends through the cage and about a centimeter past the A-ring. I did as much research I could on the interwebs and found that a lot of people with no experience with the device cautioning and worrying about urinary tract infections and the few souls who actually had worn it saying the worst thing that had happened for them was their urethras sticking to the titanium. I find that PA jewelry will occasionally do this to me, so it’s something I’ll be watching out for (usually, a quick pee fixes the issue). There’s a big difference between a third of an inch of stainless inside the penis head between its slit and the PA and a tube extending the length of the shaft, so we’ll see how it goes. The other concern I have is irritation at the point in the urethra where the ball rests. It’s possible that the tissue in there won’t take kindly to it and will start to hurt. I doubt any serious damage will be done, though. The bulb is nicely rounded and smooth.

While I haven’t much talked about it on the blog too much, I’ve got a thing about urethra play. I have a set of Pratt stainless sounds and have discovered that they’re easily used even when wearing the JB2. I really enjoy the sensation of being penetrated that way, so in theory the Looker 02 should be good for me. But, there’s a difference between ten or fifteen minutes of playing around with some sounds and leaving a tube up the penis for an extended period.

Belle let me put it on this morning and I’m wearing it as I write this. I’ll post my usual write-up in the future, but I can report now that I can’t not feel the thing. Every time I shift in my seat or walk around, the shaft of the tube fucks the penis a little. When I move, it moves. When the penis tries to get hard (like right now), the meat squeezes around the bulb and creates a spot of hard pressure just inside my body. Even the penis’ usual little adjustments in length are plainly felt. Now, all of this will either turn you the fuck on or freak you the fuck out. I don’t imagine there’s much middle ground. Personally, it turns me the fuck on. Now all I can do is wait and find out if it’s something I can actually live in (and around, I guess).

Click the jump for the Looker’s first picture.

Continue reading “Lookie there”

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Hello there

How long has it been since I last posted!? Shameful.

Well, I can only hope to catch you up the way you do a friend who’s decided to start watching Lost with you when the seventh episode comes on: bullet points (usually delivered over the opening credits, but I have more time).

  • Why haven’t I blogged? Frankly, I was depressed. Nothing to do with Belle or sex or anything like that (though the hormone roller coaster may have played a supporting role), just stuff. One of those times when the various circles in your life’s Venn diagram all come together in random suckiness. A harmonic resonance of shit, so to speak. But I feel like I’m coming out of it. For example, I’m back on the horndog wagon. Feeling pretty frisky. That’s always going to help the brain chemistry.
  • Have I had an orgasm since we last met? Nope. Almost three months now. Keep reading.
  • A little while back, I mentioned I was hoping Belle would use a newish hitty thing on my ass and she did but I didn’t like it all that much. Having never been struck by a cane, I wasn’t sure how it would work out. Apparently, I’m more of a flogger boy. Or a wide-backed wooden hair brush boy (which is what she turned on me when the cane fell through).
  • Belle fucked me again and, like last time, I was able to hold off so she could come. I got really close, but sent the orgasm off the rails by thinking of politics. Not as fun as baseball, but remarkably effective.
  • Belle also let me have a week out of lock-up (in the Steelheart Short), but I’m back in now (JB2). The first night out, I edged myself for about an hour while reading naughty stories and, while I didn’t come, I got very close and leaked quite a bit. The thing that got me to stop was a kind of weird free-flowing of ejaculate that just poured out of the penis. It didn’t shoot out and it didn’t feel anything at all like an orgasm, but a huge quantity of the stuff just kept coming out. The bedroom reeked of it (funny how when you only smell feminine sex how pungent male sex smells). Anyway, I freaked out because I was afraid Belle would wake up and think I cheated, so I licked up all I could and went in the bathroom to clean the rest off. It was all over my stomach, down into my bellybutton, coated over my nuts, and all down one leg and still dripping. Guess I had some build-up I needed to get rid of.
  • As counterintuitive as it may seem for a guy who a) sports a penis that’s almost always locked in steel, and b) isn’t allowed to come even when it’s not, I decided to purchase a fancy new Fleshlight. I know I can’t use it very often but I’ve always really, really wanted to try one and I got a coupon code in the email so pulled the trigger. All I’ve been able to do thus far is stuck my finger in there and holy shit does it feel good. NO IDEA when I’ll be able to poke it as intended by the manufacturer, but I’m looking forward to the chance. Now that I’ve written this, it may never happen (Belle didn’t know I got it until she read this).
  • My birthday was between now and my last post. I told Belle all I wanted was something that wouldn’t cost her any money, and she (bless her) thought I meant I wanted to come. Au contraire. I wanted not to. The present I wanted was the absence of a thing which is kinda deep if you think about it. Anyway, she agreed to give me what I didn’t want (or whatever, this is getting confusing) and now I won’t come until January. That’s essentially six months, assuming I don’t blow my load on New Year’s (or accidentally some time in between). I know that Belle likes it when I come so I appreciate the present.
  • The upshot of that is that after I got her off on Sunday, she let me fuck her and damn but didn’t I want to come? It was kinda cool knowing I couldn’t because of the aforementioned birthday present and that lifted the often-encountered “man, I really want to but I hope she won’t let me” conflict. Even better was telling her how badly I wanted it and hearing her say of course not, silly rabbit.

I think that’s it for now. Nice to be back.

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Standard equipment

I was looking for something to blog about (it’s been kinda slow around here lately) and reader Lily happily obliged:

Hey, Thumper: I’ve become a fan of Thumper’s Portfolio, where you post pictures of both men and women. I was flipping through my newsreader today and a question occurred to me: do you think your interest in chastity is gender-specific? That is, if you were in a primary relationship with a guy, would you want him to enforce chastity on you? Or is that something that’s only erotically salient for you when your primary partner is a woman?

First, a note about the Portfolio. The other day, it crossed over the 1,000-follower mark (on Tumblr, if you have an account, you can follow a blog and get its posts mixed in with the posts of other Tumblrs you like). Relative to some of the porny Tumblrs I follow (or even the kind of traffic this site gets), that’s not very much, but my Tumblr is a bit hard for the average person to get into. Usually, the really popular ones are all one gender or one specific fetish/kink (like femdom or something). Mine’s a mix of whatever turns me on and fits into my aesthetic du jour. So anyway, to find 1,000 people who want to see (or will put up with seeing) sexy ladyparts and hard throbbing cocks and dudes getting face-sat and heavy bondage scenes and iPhone selfpics and animated gifs of some dude eating another’s ass but not images of men shooting orgasms or any image that make women look degraded or too obviously objectified (since guys coming and women being “used” are my two hard lines), is pretty amazing. I guess. I have no idea how many people visit the thing without following it on Tumblr.

But anyway…

Yes, Lily, if I were in a primary relationship with a guy, I’d want the same things I get with Belle. As I’ve said here before, guy-on-guy chastity turns my crank hard. It’s not that I’d rather be with a guy or anything like that (please, I’ve been though all that bisexual bullshit already). I think the reason I like it so much is a) it’s not what I live with every day and the exotic is exciting, and b) there’s something about one guy getting to do exactly what the other guy isn’t allowed to do. One guy having done to him what he cannot do in return. It puts a whole new spin on the dynamic.

Also, I want to be dominated. I’m a sub. Regardless of the gender of my partner, that’s what I want to feel. And the slow burn of denial euphoria would still be a potent drug. Those things are basic to me.

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New rule

From this point forward, I am never again to refer to the chastity devices Belle puts on my body as anything other than Belle’s property. I have become too possessive of them and have lost sight that they, like that which they contain, are and should be Belle’s.

Further, when they aren’t locked onto the penis, Belle will have possession of them. She will decide when and for how long each is used on me. I will hand over to her any devices not currently in use.

That is all.

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The first rule of Fight Club

The other week when the kids were at camp and Belle and I were alone, she offered me a night of whatever I wanted. All I had to do was tell her what that was.

Of course, I couldn’t. I couldn’t say what I wanted because, kinda like Santa Claus, once I said the truth the magic was gone. This is, obviously, very unfair to Belle. And counter-intuative. But it’s how I work. If I said, “do this and that,” then I would have a hard time accepting those things from her.

What I wanted was something like that one night we spent in a hotel last year. Major hot mostly because I didn’t really know what was happening at any given moment. It was all spontaneous on Belle’s part and it was fantastic. But, assuming she can’t pull a rabbit out of its funk every time, how are we to proceed? When the rare free night presents itself, how can we be sure to take whatever advantage Belle’s willing to let us have? Part of me thinks she should grok where I’m coming from since my kinks are well known to her now and we’ve had some practice at this stuff. Part of me also thinks we shouldn’t have to wait for special events to be able to indulge in a little quality time. But part of me also understands that none of this comes naturally to Belle.

Her idea was for me to write here what I wanted her to do. I can speak here more freely and more completely. I was supposed to do this a while back since this week is the last kid-free one we’ll have for a while, but I didn’t get around to it for whatever reason. Usually, when I know I have something to write for the blog, I’m anxious to write it, but this time I sat on it. And it, in turn, caused me to stop writing here almost altogether. I think my reticence is all tied up in the sub’s paradox of not wanting to be proscriptive but also needing to communicate their needs. I have needs, but relating them is hard. But let’s give it a shot.

In general terms, what I want it to lose control. To be tied up with my hands over my head and my feet to the footboard. To have the device taken off and the penis stroked until I can’t stand it anymore. And to be brought back to that place over and over. Until my high-level brain loses its ability to rationalize my desire not to orgasm and I truly need to come. Until I beg for it. And then, of course, I want her to not let me. To ice the penis into submission and lock it back up without ever letting me touch it.

Then I want to be hurt. Not too much, at first, but eventually quite a bit. I want angry red marks standing up from my skin. I want her to beat me and whip me and flog me and clamp my nipples and punch me in the nuts. We have a cane we’ve never used. I can imagine her gently hitting my ass and upper thighs with it before building ever so slowly to savage whipping that sends me falling deep into endorphin-fueled subspace. Where I stop pulling away and fearing each new fall of the cane and start to lean into them and crave them and feel the pain’s warm wave wash over me. I want her to build up a sweat from the effort of beating me. And I want to feel the sting of it every time I sit down for the next three days.

That’s what I want. And that’s what I can’t say. Because talking about the bubble makes it pop. Because this particular part of our relationship is a bit of theater. I need to buy the fiction that she hurts me because she values my suffering. Because she wants me to. I need to feel as though I’m giving her my pain in a reciprocal exchange. But I know she’s not a sadist. She doesn’t really like to hurt me. But she is a spouse willing to try to give me what I need. Unfortunately, it’s all so complicated.

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Wanting it

Had to take the JB off due to a sore spot. Nothing wrong with the device. It’s just what happens from time to time.

That meant, when Belle told me to give her an orgasm later that night, there was available erectile tissue at hand if she wanted it. At first, it didn’t look like she did (as usual), but after a little bit, she pushed my hand aside and climbed onto me. She guided the penis into her pussy and slid down on it. She moaned, I gasped.

Obviously, my biggest concern was coming before she was able to. I more or less let her drive and tried to keep the penis (now pretending to be a cock) in one position while she moved over it.

BASEBALL, I thought. With all my might, I thought about baseball. Green fields. Division standings. Etc. If I even twitched I felt the orgasmic mechanisms start to move, so I avoided twitching and tried not to think about how I was in her for the first time in six weeks. Batting averages. On-base percentages. Earned run averages. Statistics. Not how fucking amazing her hot wet pussy felt moving over the several million deprived nerve endings in the erection.

The trickiest bit is when she’s about to come. Her movements become faster and more dramatic. I pretended like it wasn’t my concern and just kept sucking on her nipples.

focusfocusfocusfocusfocus

Then it was over. She came. And I hadn’t! But holy shit, was I close.

As she laid on top of me, glowing, I tentatively moved the penis in and out three times.

“Who said you could do that?”

Freeze.

She moved off of me and the penis slapped back wetly. I pressed into her, whimpering just a bit.

“What do you want, Thumper?”

“I want to be inside you.”

“You just were.”

“Yeah, but I had to concentrate so hard I couldn’t really enjoy it.”

“Isn’t that the point?”

It took me hours to fall asleep and, even then, I had a hard time staying that way.

This morning, I was again up against her.

“What are you thinking, Thumper?”

“I want to be inside you.”

“You already were.”

“I know. I want to go inside you again.”

This time, she let me. She pulled her pajama pants off but left her top. This wasn’t about anything other then letting me get the penis wet.

And it did get wet. She was so fucking hot inside it almost burned and, since there was zero foreplay beforehand, she felt very tight. It felt glorious. I have no idea how long it went on because whatever place I was in mentally didn’t have a clock. All I know is I fucked and fucked and fucked. I broke out into a cold sweat from repeatedly racing up to the edge before backing off. Slower, faster, slower, stop. Repeat. When I started, I didn’t want to come. But I realized at some point that now I did. And badly. And the only thing in the world keeping me from thrusting the one and half more times it’d take to spurt was that Belle didn’t tell me I could.

When I finally put words to how I was feeling, she made me stop. The ride was over. No orgasm. But holy shit, did I want one. My head was swimming in the need for it. I felt like biting her and squeezing her and having my way with her. But I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I thanked her and she told me to make her breakfast. So I did.