Mailbag

I’m terrible at answering my mail.

Fetlifer perfectlyrare wrote…

You have a great and really inspiring blog. Thanks for being so open and being a good ambassador for chastity stuff. I really like how you include asides about having a healthy family life and quietly pursuing your interest in bisexuality. The main reason I messaged you was a chastity question, but I’m also curious when you revealed being bi to your wife and what the discussions were like that led you to exploring dating a man? My girlfriend is mostly vanilla but I showed her some tease and denial type videos (Christina QCCP) and she has rapidly got into limiting my orgasms and being manipulative with intimate touching. We are starting to talk about chastity. She enjoys the idea but worries that it would be too painful or uncomfortable to such delicate sensitive body parts that she treasures. As such, we are quite focused on the holy trainer. The only thing stopping us from jumping on it is that we wanted something compatible with plastic locks because we don’t live together, we are already focused on mental/obedience chastity, and i like the idea of being able to get out in an emergency, even if i cant think of what emergency might require it! Plastic locks would let me get out easily without the luxury of being able to lie about it which might be more tempting with a metal padlock that prompted me to try to slipping out. I really wish holy trainer would introduce a new version that brought back the ability to use plastic locks :/ and you probably wouldnt know but i bet the holy trainer might be weakened and degraded by urine? i am pretty into diapers so maybe it’s a bad bet in the first place in that regard. should i just get a cb 6k?

I’ll do these in reverse.

I don’t think the Holy Trainer would be damaged by urine. Don’t worry about that.

No, don’t get the CB6K. The Holy Trainer is better in every single regard, except perhaps the fact you can’t secure it with a numbered lock. You can still buy the original HT as separate parts from the Holy Trainer site and Kept For Her, so that’s an option. Another option is to do what Belle and I do which is fashion a keyholder like this one from Steelworxx and use the numbered lock to secure the key, not the device. My experience with the plastic locks is being in your pants leads them to break on their own relatively quickly, so they’re not a perfect option on their own.

Regarding your girlfriend’s worries about the fragility of your penis, that’s sweet, but they’re tougher than many men let on. It’s all relative to your ability to deal with discomfort, of course, but I’m locked up all the time with no apparent negative ramifications.

Regarding the coming out as bi to Belle, that was on the table from early days. Even before we were dating. It’s always been out there.

Fetlifer Born2Lead wrote…

Hello! Just wanted to swing by and drop you a line to let you know how much I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I plan to pass along the link to my little pet. I think he would benefit from reading that there are other men, like himself, out there (romantically involved with women, yet still sexually bisexual, submissive and kinky).

He worries terribly that someone might find out his secrets. We’ve discussed the potential role of chastity within our relationship. His biggest concern at this point is that the profile of his birdlocked device is ridiculously massive and very noticeable. I saw that you’ve written a number of reviews on different devices and thought I might ask if you have a suggestion for a chastity novice that has a smaller profile and is more easily hidden beneath clothing?

The short version of the Holy Trainer 2 is the best from a size and outward visibility standpoint that I’ve worn. Silicone devices are also easier to conceal if only because their squishy nature makes them look more natural, but I hate them as a general rule.

And no, he is definitely not the only submissive bisexual heteroromantic kinky fucker out there!

Reader tom emailed…

are stainless steel rings available for cb6000 ? the thickness of the rings is the one thing i find uncomfortable. if someone made them in stainless they could be thinner allowing for more comfort…..at least i think so.

There’s a metal version of the CB-6000 out there (not an authorized CB-X product, but very similar in how it works) but I have no experience with it (and can’t remember what it’s called). The rings on the CB-6000 are the single biggest drawback of the product, in my opinion.

Reader Kuba wrote in with a long one…

I’m a 34yo straight (sorry 😉 ) male. I’m pretty new to your blog, but I’ve already read quite a lot of your advice on chastity devices, and since you’re quite experienced and open to helping people, I was hoping that perhaps you might give me some advice as well.

Don’t worry, I won’t discriminate against you because you’re straight.

I’m quite interested in chastity myself, mostly as a form of bondage (self-bondage in this case, as for now I’m alone), rather than a D/s dynamic  – I see bondage more akin to an artform rather than means of submission.

Anyway, the experience I’ve had so far wasn’t very good. I’m an owner of a CB-3000 device (not many mentions of it on your blog), and it’s not working out very well. I find it very uncomfortable, there’s a lot of pinching, etc. Reading your blog I realised that one of my mistakes was getting a normal-sized cage, when I probably should have taken a small one – extra space inside was a constant issue. Still, even without that I have a rather tight sack, which doesn’t help either. I know it can stretch with time, but CB-3000 was such a bad experience, I ended up not wanting to train for that at all. And when growing the extra air holes tended to cause nasty swells.

The CB3K was the big device just before I got into chastity. By that time, the CB6K was out. Back then, the CB3K was reported to be more comfortable because its rings were rounded rather than square like the CB6K. However, at some point, CB-X decided to “upgrade” the CB3K with CB6K-stype square rings. If your scrotum is tight (and they all start out that way, to a certain extent), the square rings are absolute torture.

And yes, all that extra tube space can also cause discomfort.

Anyway, I don’t intend to let that discourage me and would love to continue my adventure with (self-)chastity. I’ve found your blog while looking for reviews on Birdlocked and I’m glad I did, as (along with some other things I found all over the internet) it convinced me It’s probably not the best choice. I’m currently leaning towards Holy Trainer, as it fits a lot of my requirements (stealth being one of them – which is not a surprise, as it’s rather common), however during the course of my readthrough I’ve started to take a liking to the Looker 02. I’ve always found the idea of a device with a urethral plug awesome. Seems more… “complete” that way. The problem is I’ve never had any experience with urethral sounding before.

Essentially what I want to ask is what you think might be the best course of action? Does it seem like a good idea to go straight for Looker 02 or would it be better to stay with taking small steps an go for Holy Trainer first? If you think the Looker is the way to go, should I get some sounds first and train a bit before wearing it, or is it possible to start wearing it immediately and gradually get used to it? (obviously immediate 24/7 would not be a good idea)

I assume the best option would probably be HT first, then moving on to Looker, but that means buying two devices instead of one, and that’s something that’s rather painful at the moment – that’s one of the reasons I’m asking if going for the Looker right now is a viable option, or something a bit too extreme at this stage, with my limited experience.

Your choice is to spend more money over a longer period on two devices rather than a lower amount up front on one. Upside is you save some money, downside is maybe chastity just isn’t for you and the CB3K wasn’t totally to blame and/or you hate the feeling of the urethral insert. I love the Looker 02 and find it to be very comfortable, but I also enjoy the sensation of a penetrated urethra and knew that before we bought the device.

If I were in your spot, I’d get the HT first and play with sounding before plopping down the cash for the Looker 02. Generally speaking, I advise newbies to go with the Trainer or another plastic device before investing in custom steel anyway for a number of reasons.

To complicate matters even further I’m an avid cyclist, not as a sport, but as my main means of transportation around the city. I’ve seen you mention biking while locked is not the most pleasant idea and it’s best to remove the device… however with me riding the bike every day it wouldn’t be too convenient, so cycling comfort is yet another important point here, and you mentioned the Looker is pretty good in that regard. How does Holy Trainer fare here?

To be honest I did try to ride a bike while wearing the CB-3000 (although much less than I do now), and didn’t notice too much extra distress… but it might be I simply didn’t notice due to the whole thing being so damn uncomfortable.

I have yet to bike in the Trainer. If you’re doing it around town in regular street clothing with at least the short HT, you’ll probably be OK. When I bike it’s for fitness and I wear tight biking gear which makes the devices significantly less comfortable.

Oh, and a completely disconnected question: What is your outlook on full, Florentine-style belts? I’ve noticed you only ever mention (and worn) ball-trapping devices. Do you know how do those compare? Especially when it comes to the regular issues such as comfort, security or stealth? (because most certainly they lose when it comes to price 😀 )

When I first got into chastity, I lusted over one of those, but now I can’t imagine wearing one. Not with my current lifestyle. The entire field seems to have been taken over by smaller trapped-ball devices now. Never having worn one, that’s about all I can say about them.

Good luck to everyone who wrote in!

Unusually terrible interaction

I once said…

I might end up with a UTI or I might not. If I do, it’s an easy thing to get rid of (though it sounds like a bummer of a thing to have). I’m OK with that.

…in a post about risk.

I also said…

I have to say the only people I’ve read talking about this eventuality are those who haven’t worn the device.

Well, that’s not the case anymore. I’ve worn the Looker 02 and I’ve had a urinary tract infection. Or something so much like it as to make no difference.

It all started a week ago last Friday. Belle and I were at dinner and I started to feel achy. My assumption was I was just feeling the affects of my morning workout and thought nothing more of it. The achiness continued as I went to bed so I took ibuprofen.

But it got worse. And I got the chills. And I started to feel feverish. And, most importantly, I had to pee. Over and over again. By the time morning came around, I had a temp of over 101º and peeing was not only a regular imperative but was also becoming difficult.

I wasn’t in the Looker 02 at the time. I was in the Steelheart and had been for a few days since Belle came home. But based on the symptoms, it was clear to her, me, and WebMD that I had some kind of infection (either of the prostate or the urinary tract). So I went immediately to the clinic.

The very nice nurse at the clinic was perplexed. Men aren’t supposed to get UTIs, though it’s possible. She couldn’t seem to make heads or tails of it and I, admittedly, was less than forthcoming as to how it may have happened. She took my temp, all the vitals, and my symptoms and then had me pee in a cup.

Belle didn’t let me out of the device before going to the clinic. She didn’t even bring it up. Luckily, I wasn’t expected to pee in front of the nice nurse and instead did so in the little bathroom and then put my warm cup into a little pass-through cupboard for her to test. Yep, while cell count was sky-high.

She was still perplexed. She asked me if I was sexually active. Of course, I said. She then asked, “Do you void after intercourse?” I just blinked at her. “That means, do you pee after sex.” Of course I knew what that meant, but most times, the kind of sex I have isn’t involving the penis. I got hung up on processing my response and helpfully answered, “Errr…”

Eventually, I said I didn’t really pay attention. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. In reality, hardly ever. She told me I should. I said OK, I would. But I know that’s not where I got my UTI.

Earlier in the week, while still wearing the L02, I spent an enjoyable morning with a new anal toy from Mr. S Leather. They don’t sell it anymore, oddly, so I must have got one of the last ones. In any event, I really went to town on this thing and, my presumption is, at some point this is what led to the UTI. Bacteria must have gotten on the device and then migrated up the insert. I wasn’t doing anything special with the penis, obviously, since I didn’t have access, but incidental contact is to be expected. After, I showered and cleaned myself up pretty well, but not well enough, apparently. I don’t really know how I could have done a better job with the L02. I wasn’t about to send water up the insert. In any event, that must have been when the damage was done.

So she prescribed an antibiotic and that made me feel tons better after about 36 hours. For the next five days, though, peeing was difficult. I had to bear down hard on my bladder to get even a little trickle out. It felt as though I was never really done at any point. I suspect that’s a little preview of what to expect if I should ever develop prostate issues when I’m older.

Later the same night after I got my meds, Belle took pity on my and let me out of the Steelheart. Not sure what moved her to do so at that particular time, but I was out until yesterday after I got back from a weekend trip with some friends. I feel 100% better and have no issues peeing at all (though, while it may be my hyperactive imagination, it seems like I still need to go more often than usual).

So, what to make of this experience? On the one hand, it was totally avoidable. I feel quite confident that had I been in the Steelheart this wouldn’t have happened. However, I will again want to wear the Looker 02 and I’ll still want to play with my ass at some point. Now I know to be very careful if those two things happen at the same time. In fact, I should perhaps put a condom over the L02 when the time comes. I have, of course, used anal sex toys with the L02 in the past and I’ve been playing with my ass since I was a teenager. This is the first time I ever got sick doing so. Live and learn. I’ll be careful, but I’m not going to overreact.

In a way, the UTI kind of feels like an STD. I’m chalking it up as a similar experience. Luckily, as I suspected two years ago, the UTI was easily dealt with (and a bummer of a thing to have).

Mailbag

I have been a very bad chastity blogger. Very, very bad. I deserve to be punished. Severely. So…uh…wanna?

OK, maybe later. In truth, I have yet again totally ignored my DT email address and a whole lot of feedback has piled up and I truly do feel guilty about not replying. So, without further ado, here we go…

B asked:

I’m considering purchasing a Looker 3 but can not find any reviews, opinions, or even pictures of it being worn.  Have you ever tried a PA lock of the style before?  I’m curious if it pinches or gets in the way to the point where it is uncomfortable or irritating.

No, I’ve not read or seen anything on the ‘net regarding experiences with that device. My concerns are the same as yours, though. I’d be afraid of getting pinched between the shackle and the lip of the cup at the end of the cage. It looks hot, though. When I first noticed its availability, I wrote a post about it. More thoughts over there.

Pup Colt queried:

Hi! I am looking at getting a Looker2 as my first steel device and was wondering would you suggest ordering it the way it comes? or would you suggest ordering it without the bulb on the end of the insert?

I like the bulb myself. I suspect it makes the end of the insert less likely to irritate the urethra, though that’s just a guess. Subjectively, I just like how it looks and the feel of the little bulge deep down in there. The only thing I’d change if I were ordering the Looker 02 again today (except to maybe make the cage a smidge shorter) would be to increase the circumference of the insert. I’d personally like something about 50% bigger around since I think that’d make leakage around it less likely and would allow urine to drain out of me faster. Sometimes, when I really have to go, I find the narrow tube slows things down.

K wrote a big one:

I’ve been following your blog on and off for a few years now.  There is so much great info in it. I find myself returning every few months to catch up and re-reading a lot of the valuable info.  Thank you for taking the time and energy to teach us Want-To-Be-Thumpers!

That’s cute. I imagine a bunch of baby bunnies hopping around.

I’ve enjoyed chastity on and off for many years now.  I’ve worn only one device, a CB6000.  I’m sick of it. I’m long overdue for an upgrade to a custom steel unit. I’m ready to jump off the bridge and order a Steelheart 2 from Steelworxx, but I’m terrified about getting the sizing right.  I’m hoping you might help me with some advice on sizing as well as a few other random questions from your experience.

I’ve worn the CB6000 on and off for years now and feel pretty confident that I’ve found the right setup for me in the CB6000.  But now I’m scratching my head for how to translate the CB6000 setup to a new Steelheart.  You obviously had a learning curve with your first Steelheart so I’m hoping your experiences can help me make smart decisions.  When I try and translate my current setup to Steelworxx’s offerings, I get this:

He shares a lot of measurement info…

Now that I’ve shared all that data, I’m sure you’re not interested in studying my personal measurements [don’t bet on it — T] so suffice it to say the Steelheart measurements seem to be at the large end of his range.  I’m pretty average in size, certainly no monster.  Since you found your first Steelheart to be too big, I’m thinking that there are some tricks to translating these measurements.  Here are some specific questions I’d greatly appreciate your help with:

1.      You have said that the same size A Ring in plastic and steel did not work.  How much smaller is your Steelheart A Ring compared to your CB6000 size?  I figure I’m between 48.6mm (CB6000) and 44.5mm (my regular cockring size).

As I recall, I was in the 45mm CB6K ring and ordered that in steel. WAY too big. I eventually settled into 40mm in the Steelheart but find the 42mm anatomical ring of the Looker 02 to be a much better fit. Remember that the size you wear in a cock ring will be much too big for a chastity device. Cock rings assume a big old erection on the other side while a device will keep that mostly in check. The less room your erection has to grow, the less room you need in the ring.

2.      How should I determine spacing between the Tube and A ring?  It appears the Steelheart tube is angled away from the A Ring on the underside so I’m not sure how to figure these two distances.  The website doesn’t offer customization for these distances so maybe this is moot.  But the Steelheart appears to have less space at the top and more at the bottom.  Doesn’t more space at the bottom mean more space to pull the balls out?  If this is a set parameter on the Steelheart, then do you add or subtract to the length of the tube to make up for this difference in measurement?  Keeping in mind that on paper I’m almost maxed out on Steelheart length.  I can’t wrap my head around this.

Sure, a bigger gap in the bottom means your balls could have more room to escape, but if you look at the Steelheart I wear now, you’ll see the gap is far too small for any testicles to get out (I assume). This gap is a function of the A-ring size and is another reason why getting that right is important. If I had to choose, I’d err on a slightly smaller ring than larger. But that’s me.

Regarding the spacing between the tube and ring, that’s a measurement I’ve never changed. In the three devices I have from Dietmar, I always went with the default.

3.      The optional curved “anatomical A Ring” seems interesting to me for comfort.  Have you tried this one?  Any insight?  It seems like if the bottom of the ring curves back against the abdomen, the space between the bottom of the Ring and the bottom of the Tube gets even bigger, which sounds bad for security.

Yep, the Looker 02 has that and I love it. If the ring isn’t too big, I doubt you’ll have security issues.

4.      I’ve got a 4 gauge PA and working up to a 0ga eventually.  I’m going to ask Steelworxx to modify the Steelheart with a PA slot on the tube so I can wear my jewelry through the tube to secure myself.  But I’d also like to order a PA fixing so I have the option of securing inside like you.

I also wear a 4ga ring, but not with the Steelheart. I found it took too much space inside the tube and caused pinching. I wear a 10ga ring when locked up. It’s just as secure and is a lot smaller overall. If you’re going to build a slot in, my issues may not apply.

a.      Sounds like your experience is that you cannot fit anything larger than 8 gauge jewelry inside.  True?

Nope, I can get he 4ga in there, it’s just not as comfy. I bet I could get even larger jewelry in there, but the heavier the ring the more noise will be made as it hits the inside of the tube.

b.      How much added length and diameter should I add to the Tube to accommodate the PA fixing and jewelry, to achieve your setup?

I’ve been asked this before and I wish I had a good answer. I’d say at least another 1/4″. If you’re going to use bigger rings, maybe more.

c.      Really no issues with pinching inside with PA fixing?

Not with the smaller PA ring, no. Occasional. Not serious.

5.      Finally, I also want to order a urethral insert for some added fun from time to time.  (I realize I probably have to remove the PA for that).

a.      Do you use the insert with your Steelheart or only on your Looker?

b.      Any thoughts on how long the insert should be?  It appears to be longer on the Looker (extends past the A Ring) then the add-on option in Steelworxx’s offerings.  Is this purely personal choice or are there any security benefits?

c.      Does your insert have a bulb on the end?  If yes, do you like it?  Does it help with leakage?

d.      Does the insert have a cap to screw on the end or is it always open at the end and prone to leaking?

A) Only on the Looker 02. B) Dietmar’s default on the L02 worked well for me. It could be a bit longer and still work. I’d be careful going too long. C) See question above. I do like the bulb. It may help with leakage. D) The insert on the L02 I wear is integrated. No screw (literally).

I’m very sorry this came out so long.  Hopefully you didn’t get bored after the first paragraph because your insights would help me feel much more comfortable before throwing down hundreds of dollars.  Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with all of us and being such a fantastic source of info.

And now I feel especially guilty for not answering your questions in a timely manner.

Alex asked:

I was reading some of your blogs on the MM Jailbird cage and had a couple of questions in regards to the sizing. Just hoping you could help out if you’re not too busy.

GUILT

I noticed you’ve used the single round ring, double round ring, and oval ring. I’m torn between the double ring and oval ring. I’ve never had an issue wearing a round ring with previous devices (CB6000s, Jailhouse), other than some mild chaffing. Which is most likely because the rings weren’t a custom fit. So I’m not too worried about that happening once I get the correct measurement. I’d like to know if you have any feedback in regards to which ring you’d recommend and/or prefer.

Also, if I end up going with the double base ring I thought I read somewhere that it adds an extra 1/4″ to the length. I plan on getting a proper length measurement and subtracting 1/4″ (MM recommendation). Should I take an additional 1/4″ off again to compensate for the double ring?

I have a double oval ring on the Jail Bird and recommend it. The oval shape leaves room for tender bits and the double width means less “cutting” by the ring (their default width is too narrow, IMO). The double ring does indeed add a bit of length (you probably read that here) so do cut that back from the overall length you order.

Chris kringled:

I have a CB6000 and am planning to buy a MM JB. One question I have is about the base ring. Can you leave it on, while removing the cage, and then have sex? I’m a bit worried that blood will not flow back if the ring is kept in place. The idea just seems interesting: quickly remove the cage and don’t bother about the base ring. Have sex (but probably no cumming) and then put the cage back on. Do you have any experience with this?

Yep, I’ve done exactly that. The JB ring is about 3mm smaller than my normal cock ring size so the extra constriction isn’t really an issue. You have to remember to rotate the ring upside down so the post doesn’t poke your keyholder (then it sits under your balls but I didn’t have a problem with that).

M said:

Hey,  I have read your blog for about three weeks now.  First of all, you are very articulate and I can tell that you obey your wife and want to be obedient to her.  You are doing a great job and it shows.  My Master who I signed a contract back on May 3, 2014; requires that I not have an orgasm.  This is very hard to accomplish.  I have not been faithful to Master and had four since the order was issued.  The most recent was after going two months with an orgasm.  I have been instructed to finger my boi pussy any time, I need to obtain pleasure or get horny.  Master doesn’t want to put a cage on me, because I am married and have kids.  The longer I go without having an orgasm the more difficult, it is with me not cumming.  I will make this work.  We are back to the beginning and will work hard to obey my order.  I have also been ordered not to play with my dick or get it hard.

Extended, unsupervised denial without a device is incredibly hard for me. It’s hard even to obey her rule about not playing with it. I don’t really know what to say that can help you except I totally feel your pain. It’s all about willpower and the one place most men experience the least amount of that is between their hand and their dick, especially when they’re horny.

My advice would be for your Master to let you play with yourself on occasion for a specific period of time (say, five minutes) as long as you promise not to come. That might help a bit. At least then you’d have some outlet for your built-up desires. Alternatively, you could have an extended heart-to-heart with your wife and tell her what you’re doing, etc. It would be a lot more enjoyable, I bet.

An anonymous reader wrote:

First of let me say how useful your blog has been about male chastity. My wife and I are new to this world and we for one are glad about this blog existing – there are many aspects to this experience and you express them well, both the fun times and the not-so-fun times (like the “No then Yes” post). Good job!

Thanks!

I came across your site first thanks to the ever useful “tips and tricks for the cb6000” page. That page helped a lot for the initial introduction to wearing a cb6000. In fact, I think that page ultimately convinced the wife to go ahead with the purchase of the device.

But as I mentioned, we are very new to this. In fact, I think we have only had the device for a month now. And here is where I turn to your advice once more. I am able to wear the cb6000 throughout the day with no problem. In fact, it is so comfortable that I sometimes don’t even realize I am wearing it. We are able to go out, ride bikes, do groceries etc all without incident. This is of course fantastic as I did not expect it to be so easy. But the real issue comes in at night when I try to sleep with the device. I have tried this 4-5 times and it’s a real pain. Like literally a pain in the sack (pun?). This happens almost immediately once I start to lie horizontally, either on my back or on the side.

I know you have written about this in the tips and tricks page – I have tried those suggestions but still with little success. Here are some details: I am currently on the second smallest spacer but still the largest ring. Most of the pain I feel is at the base of the ring (the A ring?) kind of like a burning sensation. Initially it is ok but as the night wears on it gets worse and worse. Like I can’t sleep and need to get up and sit somewhere (the pain is much reduced then but it does not go away instantly). I do put silicon based lube on the A-ring and that helps. But perhaps I don’t put enough lube. I don’t think that I get really strong erections at night because I don’t ever feel “full” in the tube. Right now we go 2-4 days without me cumming so it’s not like I have been starved for weeks. I never have the biting pain near the base of the penis where the tube starts. Perhaps most importantly, I sleep in some shorts that are meant for runners. I usually wear pretty tight briefs but started sleeping without them as I thought that was part of the problem. But as you mentioned, now things just flop around and that may be part of the issue. Sleeping naked did not work either; that was a bad idea.

As you can imagine the biggest danger of unauthorized “action” is likely to happen when the wife is fast asleep. So far no incidents, but 2-4 days is easy going. 5 days was tough for me (damn you Barbara Bermudo). But besides for that, I want to be locked up for her with the key around her neck, because that is so hot. And she obviously likes that too.

That’s tough. I can tell you the CB6K ring is a bitch and I recall being in a lot of pain sometimes as well. The more lube, the better, I found. Moving to steel resolved nearly all the kinds of issues you’re describing, though a certain amount of them are unavoidable. An in between measure would be looking into the Holy Trainer. MUCH more comfortable ring, IMO. Also, with time, your scrotum will stretch out. That will lead to fewer ball sack problems.

Some men I’ve heard from and whose accounts I’ve read never figure out how to handle the nocturnal wood in a CB6K. It’s not the end of the world, though I understand where you’re coming from.

I had read recently on a blog that the cb3000 had a larger ring (not shipped initially). If you contacted the company they would send it to you. I wonder if the same is true for the 6000? Apparently 2 mm does matter (hah, another pun?).

I don’t know anything about that. As far as I know, the only rings available for the CB6K are the ones packed in with it.

I am not sure if there is any advice you have but I thought I’d try anyway. It’s much appreciated.

Thanks a lot for this blog and taking the time to write solid material!

GUILT

Vicky wanted to know:

I stumbled across your blog when someone left a review on lovehoney website about the cb6k and said they had recently been reading your blog. Curiosity got the better of me, so I started reading and then I was hooked! I decided the only way to fully understand the situation, was to read from the beginning. I am currently at August 2010 and obviously have a long way to go!

You might cover the following questions/comments in later blogs so I apologise in advance if this is the case!

1. I noticed Belle had answered a few questions in the blog and I was wondering if she has done anymore blogging? I would love to hear more of her views, sort of a he said/she said type of thing.

She hasn’t. Alas. But stay tuned. Developments developing on that front, perhaps.

2. Have you written any more porn? I read the hotel room one, where you described a situation in which you were exposed in front of a window. I really enjoy your style of writing and your way of describing situations, that make the text come to life.

I have, but I haven’t finished any of it or published it. I have more ideas than time and writing it while locked up and denied is unexpectedly difficult. I get too worked up to think straight.

3. Have you got any tips for complete beginners, starting out experimenting with chastity? In my relationship, I think we would both enjoy taking turns being a top and a bottom but are unsure how to take the first steps. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Whew. Big question. For a guy, I’d say get a Holy Trainer and have fun. Take baby steps at first, don’t worry about doing it “right” as long you’re both enjoying it.

4. I just wanted to say I am thoroughly enjoying reading the journey of discovery that both of you are on. I also want to say ( as I have seen you post that a large percentage of people are not bothered by HNTHUMPER) I really enjoy seeing these pictures, please continue to post them 😉 I completely agree with Belle, when she said the steel heart looks better. For something made of metal, I strangely think it looks really natural.

Thanks! Speaking of dirty pictures, I posted this to Tumblr today. Not full-on filth, but close.

Bob enquired:

Would you ever consider broadcasting on Skype or Cam4 and have Q&A conversation about chastity. Not a broadcast showing nudity or body parts… legit chastity Q&A?

You mean like a broadcast to a large audience? I can’t say I have thought of it, but I wouldn’t be opposed, I guess. The main issue would be protecting Belle’s privacy, of course. I wonder if there would be any interest in that kind of thing (he asked unselfconsciously).

That’s all I got for now. Again, apologies to all for the long wait.

Clang

Yesterday I spent an inordinate amount of time in my company’s conference room. Due to the nature of my job, I’m often subjected to serial meetings that can leave me in there for hours at a time (which is why, when we remodeled the office, I spent so much time and money on it).

Anyway, near the end of the meeting train, I got up to throw something away. The chairs around the conference table were all discombobulated and made a bit of an obstacle course for me to thread my way through. Most of the chairs are your standard conference table kind with padded seats and plastic backs, but we also have three stainless steel desk chairs with higher than average backs like you’d find in the 40’s and 50’s in there for overflow. One of these was standing between me and the trash receptacle as I slid sideways to the trash and…

CLANG

The Looker 02 knocked against the back of that chair far more noisily than I would have expected. The chair rang out like a bell at the contact (can’t imagine how loud being knocked by the Steelheart would have been). There were a few stragglers in there from the last meeting and the noise made one of them jump (though I’m sure all of them heard it). She looked up at me quizzically. I just moved the chair out of my way and paid her no attention (though maybe I was blushing just a bit).

Such are the everyday issues wearing steel on one’s dick.

I got back to civilization late Saturday night after a very long drive. Along the way, I stopped for lunch at a Wendy’s with a particularly squalid restroom whose only attribute was that it was private. Once ensconced, I placed the Looker 02 back where it belongs. I am not above diddling with the penis on long drives and the farther I got from the woods the more it was on my mind.

The next morning, Belle decided she didn’t want any steel on the penis and instructed me to remove it. She then let me fuck her and it was fantastic. I recall wondering at some point whether she was going to let me come and I realized I didn’t actually have a preference. On the one hand, not coming would be great. On the other, coming would be, too. Once realized, I just let myself enjoy the pussy time safe in the knowledge that I’d end up however she wanted.

She wanted me to come. This time, unlike the past several, it demonstrated every bit of the word orgasmic. Wonderful and 100% guilt-free.

Next morning, the L02 was back. Where it is now and where it was when I slid too close to that metal chair.

The sporting life

Venerable chastity blogger Tom (I bet he just loves being called “venerable”) expounded on something the other day I’ve been meaning to get back to for a little while: Chastity and exercise.

His opening bit about looking for the perfect device that allows for movement and comfort yet is inescapable and undetectable and light and cheap and perfectly hygienic and sexy and not actually carved from a block of solid unobtanium was pretty funny to me because it is how a lot of guys are, especially when they start out, and not entirely unlike how I was at one time. While new devices are still intriguing to me, I’ve got enough time under my belt (ahem) to know the Goldilocks device just isn’t out there. But I digress…and we’re only on the second paragraph.

Tom’s post (and apparently this one) was about how one exercises and stays active from the point of view of a person invested in “the chastity lifestyle.” His ultimate advice is fairly simple:

After a dozen or more years of reading chastity oriented groups, it occurred to me that I don’t remember anyone saying something like “It’s not a life-support system, it’s only a sex toy. Just take the damn thing off for an hour, why don’t you?”

Tom is an eminently reasonable fellow. Very Spock, in a way. I find his point of view to often be practical and not especially emotional. That’s not a bad thing. Not at all. But it’s a difference between he and I. I’m more…I don’t know. I don’t want to say emotional, though I am that. I’m more sentimental. I’m more idealistic, perhaps. And I think enforced chastity is emotional more than it’s practical.

In any event, I recall back to when I started doing the regular gym thing. Got a trainer and everything. I can’t recall at the moment which device I was in at that time (probably the Steelheart), but I do recall suggesting to Belle I might need to have an easily accessible key in order to take the device off while working out. She wouldn’t have any of that. I had to see my trainer (actually, trainers since I was handed off to one of three people including a 6’5″ West African and a tight lesbian kick-boxer) locked up. I don’t know if it was that she didn’t trust me to have access to the penis or if she just didn’t want to break the dynamic. Maybe both.

At the time, I was terrified. Gyms are pretty masculine places and I’ve never been good in especially masculine situations. Now she was telling me I was going to need to go into that wearing flimsy gym clothes and an odd, hard bulge in my crotch. The solution to this predicament was two-fold. One, I bought some compression shorts. Second, I chilled the fuck out.

In actual fact, I have found no physical reason to be out of a steel device (even with part of it shoved up inside me) while working out at the gym. I’ve done just about every kind of weight-related excercise possible now and there are only a few times it’s even marginally an issue. Tom mentions deadlifts and that’s one example, but I’ve never feared for my safety. All that happens is sometimes the bar will catch on the device rather than sliding smoothly over it like it would with a natural penis. The other time it comes into play is when I’m doing any exercise involving laying on my stomach (like supermans — especially interesting in the Looker 02).

There’s really only two reasons to be unlocked when in the gym and, IMO, they’re both mental. One is you just can’t bear the idea of someone seeing your state and knowing you’re locked up. So much is written about stealth in chastity. It’s one of main things guys want to know about when discussing a new device. How well can it be hidden? Is it visible through jeans? On the one hand, I get that. I do. But on the other, I’m really far removed from caring anymore if some random person sees something out of place between my legs.

Case in point. My current trainer (the only of the original three I liked) has had a neophyte trainer shadowing him for a few weeks. She just sits off to the side while he works with his clients. The first time she was present when I was working out also happened to be when the only clean gym shorts I had available was a light gray pair that is the worst at hiding any kind of protrusion or steel, even in compression shorts. At some point, he had me doing a decline sit-up. With my legs hooked over the end of a declined bench, my shirt pulls up a bit, the shorts lay flat, and whatever’s between my legs becomes its most visible.

C’est la fuckin’ vie.

What are these people going to think? I can tell you, “chastity device” is not even on their list. Most muggles have never even heard of the things. And for those who have? Who can put two and two together? I don’t care. I’m not ashamed. On the contrary. Probably what someone uninitiated with chastity devices (and the hidden kink all around them in general) would think is that I had a really big cock (which is what the Steelheart looks exactly like under clothes). Most men would welcome that, I think.

The second mental reason not to wear it would be the issue of forcibly involving others into your sex life. You could argue (as I have with myself) that any time the device is visible I am risking exposing something about myself to others without their consent that they probably don’t want to know. My rationalization is that I can’t always hide the device, most people will have no idea what it is even if they see it, and I do nothing to be excessively exhibitionist about my sexual proclivities (this blog notwithstanding). There’s a fine line between being cognizant of the rights of others not to be involved in one’s sex play and shaming oneself into non-existence. I’m comfortable with my choices. This is, of course, something that everyone needs to figure out for themselves.

This is getting longer than I thought it would be…

So, to recap, IMO, no reason not to be locked up in a gym. Note I don’t have to change at my gym or shower there. If I did, that would change things for me and require more creative thinking (like, I would do those things elsewhere).

The other physical activity I’ve started doing quite a lot of lately is running. Three to five miles at a time three to four times a week (51 miles in the last month, according to Strava). Almost all the time, I’m wearing either the Steelheart or the Looker 02. In the Steelheart, there is slight yet totally audible clank with every stride. The PA fixing inside the device has some play in it and it along with my PA ring will strike the inside of the tube. There’s no pain or discomfort associated with this. I have no idea if anyone I run by even registers the sound (most runners don’t clank) or, if they do, what they make of it. See above for my position on that.

The Looker 02 can be an issue when running in that the bulb end of the urethral insert can cause irritation in the first day or so of wearing it after having not worn it for a long time. This irritation lasts about 24 hours then is gone. Lately, I’ve worn the looker for weeks at a time and run a lot and don’t feel a thing. I don’t even lubricate the L02 before running. I will when I think about it with the Steelheart, but the sweat usually creates enough lubrication to keep me chafe-free. I’ve never run with a plastic device on. I can’t imagine doing it with the CB6K.

Tom also mentioned biking. Hard to disagree with him there. Biking in a device can be miserable. I don’t like doing it and it’s one of the reasons I prefer running (just one, though — it’s not like I run just because I’m almost always locked up). Interestingly, the one device that’s not as bad on a bike (over the CB6K and Steelheart) is the Looker 02. But yeah, if you’re going to be a serious biker, you’re going to need to take off your device.

The same goes for lots of other sports. Team sports or contact sports. Sports that require cups. Hard to be able to do those in chastity. Dangerous, even. Imagine playing rugby or American football with a steel ring locked around your balls. Good god.

The biggest point of differentiation between Tom’s logical and sensible POV and mine (which, I guess by comparison, is…illogical and insensible?) is summed up his calling the chastity device “only a sex toy.” Of course, it is a sex toy. But the “only” part doesn’t really do it justice. It’s a sex toy that represents something larger. It represents a level of commitment equal to, say, a collar in any other D/s dynamic. While it’s hard to wear a collar in public, it’s relatively easy to wear a chastity device. I think the drive to find the perfect device that can be worn in all situations and at all times stems from those who, like me, see it both as a physical restraint ensuring her control and as a symbolic expression of how significant and profound the changes wrought by denial and chastity can be on a relationship.

Of course, that may not be how you practice chastity. It may not be that big a deal to you or your keyholder. As Tom said,

To be fair, I also see guys on chastity groups try to convince some newb why he could — or even should — wear his device 24/7; often going pretty far in their attempts to overrule objections or concerns. … Such responses probably induce a mindset in new guys which makes them think that 24/7 is the only acceptable way. I mean, why bother if you’re not going to do it the “right” way?

There isn’t a “right way.” The right way is the way that works for you and your partner. I’m not saying if you want to wear a chastity device that you must wear it while at the gym or running or you’re just a pretender. I am saying you can wear it at those times if you’re willing to accept a little discomfort once in a while and/or modify your routine enough to allow it. It’s entirely possible. And if you feel the need to do so, I understand perfectly where you’re coming from.