Tag: male chastity

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Further and deeper

The way things were around here for a while was Belle would let me out on Saturday morning (or sometimes Friday night) for sex and I’d stay out until Sunday night (or sometimes Monday morning or even later if she never told me to go back in). I could count on it like clockwork. Sure, Belle wanted the fuck, but she also maybe felt a little sorry for me or something. Indulging.

But it’s a new regime now. I did get out yesterday, but right after I was getting a little too excited about it which led to this exchange…

It was the first time I was out for sex in weeks and the prospect of getting the penis wet went from fuzzy abstract to potent reality with the turn of its key. Belle needed me to remember why it was being let out. Namely, because she wanted to feel it inside her. Not because of what it or I wanted. I got her off in the usual way, then she let me inside her but I didn’t last long before I had to stop. I squirted, but did not come, then it was over. And then I was locked back up.

You might read that and think that it’s mean. Not a nice way for a wife to treat her husband. Because of how we’re all socialized, love and sex are supposed to be this reciprocal exchange of pleasure and pleasure is defined a specific way and looks more or less the same for everyone. That’s because people like me don’t exist in the popular narrative.

In another nature vs. nurture kind of puzzle I’ve been working over lately, I feel more and more like my role as a sexual being is to bring pleasure to my partner in whatever form that means (within some reason, of course). As much as the penis might strain for release, she’ll never make me happier than when she thinks only of herself when we’re having sex. It’s taken a long time for her to get past the socialization of reciprocity (or outright deference) and be sexually selfish. But when she does, I feel closer to my natural state.

Same kind of thing happened with Frodo last weekend in New York. Aside from a quick rolling around last year in which my pants never came off (since I wasn’t locked up), we haven’t had sex since we were in our early twenties. And when the idea of having sex with me first became a possibility, his reaction was not positive. I come with baggage, after all, including a steel thing locked to the part of me a gay man would normally be very interested in. And his experience with kink at the level of male chastity was zero. The prospect of being with me was offputing to him then.

Compounding that was his tendency towards being a bottom rather than a top (a real shame in my book since, as I’ve said, he has a glorious cock). But even with Frodo, who I’ve known forever and Belle has known for half that time, I wasn’t going to be a whole man. Not even for a second. Belle’s rule is absolute.

However, time marches on and Frodo has been feeling more toppy lately. That, combined with some time to get used to the idea of being with a penisless man, made our weekend trip possible. Even though, he carried the same notions of reciprocity everyone else seems to have. It was hard for him, at first, to know how to deal with that. To be as selfish as I needed him to be with me. By that last morning, though, I think he was getting the hang of it. Of seeing me as means to his ends. Without getting too explicit (sorry), I could sense that he let himself focus less and less on me as his friend and more and more on me as his to use. Not unlike how it happened with Belle, that the benefits of having a partner like me were becoming more apparent.

There’s an aspect of all this that’s been quite difficult for me to wrap my head around. Not difficult to do. I revel in my role. But it’s a thing that’s been bubbling around inside me and that was accentuated when I was with Frodo. It’s something to do with gender. I don’t really feel like a man anymore. That’s an odd thing to see myself writing and I don’t mean it be read as if I think of myself as a female. That’s the problem, really. I don’t have the words to describe it. Less of a man and more of something else. A man-shaped person who doesn’t feel or act or do typical man things. Frodo showed zero interest in the penis. Made only incidental contact with any part of it or my balls. I was a mouth and a hole for him with a hairy chest, strong legs, and nice broad shoulders.

And except those times when Belle wants the penis in order to feel it inside her, she doesn’t give it a lot of attention. More than zero, to be sure, but sometimes we have sex and she doesn’t touch it at all. Other times, more. But even so, if it’s locked up, I can’t feel anything where the metal is. For more than three months now, I’ve been locked up essentially all of the time. I can’t stroke or squeeze or even have an erection. Since the Halfshell came along, I can’t even stand to pee.

All this has led to a profound change in how I feel about my manhood. Not in a bad way, mind you. Not at all. Like everything else that’s been happening with me lately, it feels perfectly natural. As if I’m only becoming more of who I really am. It’s very comforting. And in those moments when I’m naked and having sex (with Belle or whoever), I feel only a profound gratitude. A emotional satisfaction at least as potent as the physical satisfaction that comes with orgasm.

It feels wrong now for me to fuck for my own pleasure alone. To think of taking over a sexual encounter to satisfy myself physically. To crave my own orgasm more than I crave theirs. I never fantasize about fucking anyone other than Belle and even then only when I can feel or taste or smell her pussy. I never think of using the penis for anything anymore. I rarely think about jacking off lately.

I guess that’s part of what being submissive is. I don’t really know. It seems like more than that to me. Like the extreme edge of submissiveness. Belle could tell me tomorrow that she didn’t need me to fuck her anymore. That she had found something or someone else she preferred to the penis and that I’d never get out except to clean the device. As long as I still participated in some way with her pleasure, I’d be more than OK with that. That’s what I need more than my own release. To feel her pleasure. Or Frodo’s or Drew’s or whoever’s.

By itself, this doesn’t scare me. I do worry how Belle will read all this and what she’ll think of me, but in practice nothing has to change between us. As long as she’s doing what she wants and is getting satisfaction from it, I’m happy. I also admit that I’m somewhat concerned about what happens next time she has me come. I don’t know what the sudden change in brain chemistry will do to me. To my current perception of me. Belle mentioned today after hearing it had been more than three months since I last came (she thought it had been more recent) that she used to think I needed to come for health reasons, but decided my orgamsless ejacualition and the other ways I express seminal fluid was probably good enough for that. She knows I don’t need orgasm. That not having them is good for me.

I’ve never felt more connected to her than now. More cared for by her. More connected to myself. I’d like very much for how I feel right now to not go away. I know I’m not a static thing. That I won’t feel this way forever no matter what happens. But right here, right now is really good.

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November metrics

Time for another report on the numbers as I’m sitting at C3 at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport.

I was locked in either the Steelheart of the Halfshell 98% of the time in November. That’s down by one percentage point from October which is an extra eight hours. All tolled, I was in one or the other for over 700 hours, a little over 150 of which were in the Halfshell. I’m going to be posting a follow-up to my review when I get to 1,000 hours with any observations that I come up with after really wearing it. That should be sometime in January, I guess. 

For the year, I was locked for 75% of the time. That should go up slightly assuming I’m in the 90’s for December, but we’ll have to see. 

I didn’t have an orgasm in November, though one time I got pretty close. There was some tingling and quite a lot of ejaculating, but it didn’t quite get to full orgasm status since I wasn’t hit with all the post-orgasmic hormones. The last time I came was at the start of September (unauthorized, but inside Belle). I’ve kind of lost count of the orgasms year-to-date, but I think it’s about 14. She was pretty generous with them for a while, but has gotten more stingy as the year wore on (and I took two by myself in a blatant disregard of my commitment and her rules). 

Belle hasn’t let me out of the Halfshell since the weekend before last. I think we’ve had sex about four times since the last time the penis was allowed inside her, most recently last night. That was especially hard for me since her pussy felt so hot and wet and inviting but all the penis could do was swell up under the steel. She’s either making me wait on purpose or simply isn’t interested in getting fucked. Either way, we had a short conversation about it on Sunday. She wanted to check in and see how I was doing and I told her it was frustrating and difficult to stay in after I get her off, but it’s not something I will complain about, of course it’s her decision, and I hoped she wasn’t feeling any guilt about denying me even that pleasure. She told me she wasn’t feeling a bit of guilt and so I’m still waiting for her to want to feel me inside her. In any event, the Halfshell hasn’t woken me up until this morning when the penis seemed especially swollen during its usual early morning tumescence. 

I’m about to go to New York for the weekend to meet up with Frodo. I have her key on my key ring, but she reminded me several times that I was to be locked up right after the TSA checkpoint until I was about to go through it again. That’s going to be nagging me, especially since Frodo has suggested we might just hang out in the room and “watch TV.” I’ve been trying to get the vision of his perfect penis out of my mind, but it’s been getting harder to do as the trip gets closer. Even though, I’m still struggling with leaving Belle for the weekend. I’m a lucky rabbit to have such problems. 

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More metrics and more

This morning, I found myself horny. Unexpectedly since recently I haven’t been feeling especially sexy. I have a chronic issue with my foot which has essentially halted any cardio exercise for me and that’s led me to be out of what I’d consider even passable shape and it’s really impacted my mood. But this morning, I was horny. Just kind of randomly while in the shower.

When you have a penis that’s locked up a lot (and the one on me has been lately, bigly), something strange can happen even when turned on. I was there in the shower, my mind had wandered to nice and dirty places, and I could feel the energy of being hot and horny burning in my balls. I could feel the tingle of it along my perineum and even in the penis, and the flutter of it in my chest. But that’s it. No hard-on. No pressure in the tube. At most, there was a chubbing of meat, but nothing remotely like an erection.

As I moved about and the hot water ran down my body, I could feel the heaviness of the steel shifting and pulling gently on me and that made things that much hotter. Knowing I was getting turned on and feeling that firehose of need and desire beginning to turn uselessly on the hard barrier between me and satisfaction, but it wasn’t until I soaped up and was cleaning the device and its contents that a seemingly perfunctory erection finally materialized. The hot, smooth steel was implacable in both its resistance to the internal pressure and the frustrated squeezing and groping from my slippery hands.

Even if looking at Tumblr, which I was shortly after finishing the shower, erections are not guaranteed. I will get hard if a particular scalding video or image goes by, but the attempt is fleeting. Back when chastity was new to the penis, long-lasting ragers were not uncommon. Painfully tight and throbbing. But the penis knows now. It’s been trained. Getting hard is pointless. Getting hard gets it nowhere. So it barely tries.

When it’s out, it’s a totally different story. Besides getting hard from nothing more than the feeling of the penis moving around inside my pants as I walk around, its ability to stiffen up is hair-triggered. So clearly not a functional issue. It’s all internal. Instinct tempered by discipline. Though hardly an issue anymore since the necessary condition for free erections is so rare.

So anyway, I haven’t done a metrics update in a while. I’ve been tracking my time locked up since the start of year and, even though my mood’s been spotty and I’ve been a bad rabbit and not as juiced up as as I’d like, I never stopped tracking.

fullsizerender-22Going back to August, you can see some of what I think led to my unauthorized orgasms while away from Belle. Besides staying unlocked for a week at home in which she thought I was locked, I used my emergency key to let myself out while away after about 48 hours. Honestly, I’m just not very good at keeping my hands off the meat when I’m alone with it (I admit to being a weak creature in that regard) and there was a too much time in August in which that was the case.

There were two orgasms in August, both yanked out in my tent while camping and neither authorized by Belle. That led to an amendment to my rules and, as you’re about to see, a marked increase in being in a protected state.

fullsizerender-38In September, the percentage of time in a device increased to 93%. Basically, the penis was secure for all but the equivalent of two days total. I can’t actually remember why that was now, but it could have been due to some little sore spot or something. Pretty sure it was that kind of thing and not Belle feeling the need to have it out while not in use.

There was one orgasm right at the start of the month and it was also unauthorized, but it was inside Belle and an accident. That was the last one I’ve had. Nothing in the rest of the month except some healthy spurts while fucking. One time might have been pretty close, but still not a real cumshot. None of the dopey sleepy post-coming hormones.

fullsizerender-37October is when shit got real. Under the new rules, I’m expected to put the penis away after Belle’s had her fun with it as soon as possible. Usually, that means sliding the tube back over the still wet and sticky and more than slightly chubby meat, but once a month or so I’ll clean the Steelheart well and shave the bits that are hard to get to, etc. But October was different.

I was only out three times in the first two weeks and only long enough to fuck and clean the device. In the second two weeks, Belle and I were traveling with the family. We had our own room for part of that trip, but she left the key at home so I was in the whole time. Then this past weekend, I was away from her on a road trip and, obviously, not out for that. I didn’t even ask because absent a real reason (like a federal agency’s security checkpoint), the rules are pretty clear. What this means is I’m in my third week of continuous lock-up and that’s reflected in the 99% achievement.

And as I said, no orgasms in October.

fullsizerender-23For the record, this is what the year-to-date numbers look like. It’s been all Steelheart all the time since July so that device is living up to its reputation as Belle’s favorite. The Rigid Chastity Halfshell has been shipped, though, so November’s chart will have more than one shade of blue on it. Presumably.

I can’t imagine Belle will deny herself a fuck for much longer so there’s no way I’ll go a solid month in lock-up. She’s not really into arbitrary accomplishments like that, anyway. The continued lack of orgasm is also something I have no insight into. I doubt she does, either, since letting me come seems to be a game-time decision for her most of the time. I don’t really crave one, of course, and can probably go indefinitely without it, but when it happens it’s not really for me. Like letting me out to fuck, that’s mostly because she likes how it feels. Same with coming. Sometimes, a girl just likes to feel a guy shoot his load inside her. Right now, I’m the only guy she’s got, so…

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Mailbag

Welcome to part 732 of an ongoing series of posts where I occasionally remember to answer questions sent in by my readers.

Zel zipped:

I need a piece of advice, which device is more stealth? Holy trainer or the looker?

I’m inclined to go for th looker, but looking at the pics on ur site it seems holy trainer places the tube almost vertical meaning it’s doesn’t create a bulk down there. Is the looker that stealthy?

They’re both very stealthy. Neither has any moving parts so sound is not an issue. I guess, if I had to, I’d give the Holy Trainer a slight edge on the visibility scale, but unless you have a really big cage on the Looker 02 (which you probably won’t), it’s still pretty much a wash. So, based on stealth, it’s a horse a piece. You’ll need to make your decision based on some other factor (like if you want a titanium tube shoved up your penis).

Pat partook:

I think I know a way to make the Holytrainer 99% secure, assuming you don’t break any piece. What is required is a cock ring that you put on before putting on the Holytrainer. In my case, I’ve experimented a bit with folded paper to emulate a cock ring, and found that a ring that has a circumference of 20 cm and a height of 4 cm will prevent me from reaching my flaccid penis and drag it out. It will not hurt at all either. Problem for me with trapped ball devices is that I can drag them out from the body. This creates a gap. Then I can put a pencil or something and push the penis out of the cage through the peehole, then reach in with my fingers and drag it out. With a gap filling penis ring like this, I can’t reach in with my fingers, and there will not be enough space for the penis to escape.

Have you thought about this idea before? I was wondering if you know how where I can buy a ring like this. It should be quite wide to not squeeze this sensitive part of the penis, I think it should be somewhat flexible to, perhaps silicone. But it shouldn’t be so flexible that it can be stretched over the Holytrainer.

Since you’re an expert I want to give you this idea so that you may help me dig into it 🙂 I also gave the idea to the Holytrainer makers so that they might create a product in the future.

OK, well, not to be too much of an ass, but you could just try not pulling it out of the device. I get the need for security. I get the hotness of being in a thing from which you cannot escape. Truly, I do. But at some point, you need to buy off on what the device implies as well as what it makes physically possible/impossible.

Now that that’s out of my system, I have a silicone cock ring that’s not stretchy enough to easily get back over a locked Holy Trainer (but I probably could if I had to). I thought it was from Gear Essentials but I don’t see it on their site now. Not having tried what you’re describing, I can’t say how effective it’d be, but I maintain that unless the penis is physically held in place within the device through a piercing, there’s no such thing as an inescapable trapped-ball chastity device. They can be made harder to get out of, but not impossible.

I could also see how some would not like your approach as it would make the device sit out further from the body. Also, I’d be afraid of pinching. I really hate pinching. But whatevs! If it works for you, awesome. Maybe someone else will find your approach helpful.

Mark mumbled:

I have a question I hope you can help me with. Last year we bought a mature metal jailbird as we wanted something I could wear permantly. We measured carefully, sent back for a few adjustments and all seems to fit very well. The problem is I always develop a sore spot after a few days, normally 3, under the ring just away from the top and have to remove the device 🙁 . We have tried oval as well as normal ring and the same problem always occurs ( it does not with CB ). Mature metal have not heard of this and no one else seems to

Have you heard of this? We love the metal device but I just can’t wear for more than a few days. Is it because single ring do you think double will solve this?

My first thought it stubble. Are you trying to stay smooth down there? I find that about three days after shaving that the stubble comes up and gets pressed back into me during erections. It can be quite painful and, if I try and keep the spot smooth of hair, will eventually develop into a hotspot that requires I remove the device. That’s why I really only shave every few weeks (if that).

However, if it was that, it would happen in other devices too, not just metal (unless the Jail Bird is tighter in the ring than others you’ve worn). I assume you’re using a long-lasting lube like silicone (not baby oil and not petroleum jelly and nothing water-based). Could you have an metal allergy?

If it’s not fit and it’s not lube and it’s not shaving, it could be your anatomy is, for whatever reason, just not compatible. That’d suck, if true.

4her2uz cryptically capered:

Hi there, been reading your blog for some time now, even went to the very beginning to see what I missed. Your insights on cages have been more than helpful, and allowed me to get a MM jailbird to fit on first attempt. Your interactions with your wife have been an inspiration to how I view my chastity lifestyle and has really saved me a lot of frustration and resentment. I know I would have been like you, wanting to have a release date set, no early release, etc.. But have went with your way of “its not up to me”. If its one day, one week, one month, one year…its her decision. Even though l am kinda an ass after I cum, and I lose my fuzzy feeling, if she wants it to happen, that’s what’s gonna happen.

I even started a blog after she agreed to be my keyholder to hopefully help others like you have helped me. I had looked for awhile, but most chastity info was based on maids, sissification, cuckolds, and pets.

Anyway, you gave me the tools to try this for real, I’ve never been this open, talkative, sharing, or happy with someone I love before. She loves it as well, she has been with cheaters before, and this gives her peace of mind. Granted I know I could still cum or get my penis out, but could never get the whole thing off.

Anyway besides the thank you, I wanted to ask you a question about your wife…Once you told her about your chastity idea and she agreed to live this way with, did any of her kinks that she told you about start to actually turn you on?

Example…I was never into spanking, collars, or restraints…but once she told me about them, I am into it totally. Anyway, did your chastity let her reveal kinks, and even though you weren’t into that before, change your thoughts about them?

My Belle has not been forthcoming with too many kinks, per se. She’s admitted a preference for cocks that are bigger than the erect penis I was born with and she’s toyed with the idea of taking a boyfriend on the side, but other than that, no, she hasn’t shared any kinks or predilections.

Regardless, she has embraced a version of femdom that works for her which it really important. It has to work for her and, even if it’s not the cliched version we read about on the web, it’s very hot for me because it’s authentic and makes her happy. In a way, that’s a kind of “revealed kink” in that I had to adjust my preconceptions as to how I’d be dominated so that she was comfortable doing it.

Also, as you say, the amount of communication that comes from being able to successfully integrate a kink like chastity into one’s relationship has all kind of positive side-effects. Great that it works for you! Glad the blog was a help to you both.

Simon says:

My partner and I have entered into male chastity and we are both loving it! However after a tease and denial session how do you get the penis back into its cage? I saw a video where she puts cream over his cock and it seems to become flaccid quite quickly, is this some sort of numbing cream? How do you get your penis back into its cage without orgasm?

Numbing cream takes a long time to work, I find. And even so, I am sometimes so turned on that even a numb penis will stay hard (sometimes because it’s numb). The best advice I have is one of two options. First, a swift kick in the nuts. But some might have a hard time with that. The other idea is a bag of frozen peas (or an icepack or bag of ice or whatever). No hard penis can withstand the affects of something colder than 32º. A few minutes with icy peas on your pecker should do the trick. Just move fast after the cold goes away.

Locked in the Desert dissertated:

Keyholder has locked me in a Holy Trainer 2, 40 mm ring, short cage. The fit seems perfect. However if I start to get aroused it is most painful. Keyholder inquires if I am to be unlocked when receiving anal sex or if this is just something I mentally need to work through when he desires to penetrate me anally. I have been locked for 7 days without orgasm.

Painful how? Like a testicle pain? Or is it in the tube?

Fitting a penis in a hard device is difficult because there are so many variables. On the one hand, I’d say pain is an integral part of the chastity experience. I really believe that. But it can’t be pain that’s too intense for you to take (and that level is purely personal and varies from person to person). I know when Belle and I have sex and she keeps me in the device that I am often feeling a lot of pain. As much if not more than the daily 4:00 AM pressure test. But it passes and I accept it as part of my situation. Some men, however, cannot take the pain. They don’t, like me, take a certain comfort or strength from it. If that’s you, you could look into a silicone device or you might need a bigger ring (if it’s pain in your balls) and/or a bigger tube (if you have a really big dick).

Michael mentioned:

So I’ve been though (like most) a few devices in my search for the perfect fit, so far my favourite is the Holy Trainer V2 with a short shaft and large ring. I tend to be pretty short shafted (just the head or smaller when soft) but large balled (I think it’s actually large scrotum). So far I’m happy with what I’ve got device wise, but I’ve been thinking about getting a PA.

If i were to modify my trainer to allow a PA ring to hold my penis forward do you suspect there’d be any issues with that? Assuming of course I wait the appropriate time for healing, would a constant gentle tug forward cause a PA to migrate or irritate? I definitely CAN fill out the cage comfortablely while soft I just don’t tend to extend fully into the cage which causes some issues during urination.

I found that kind of pulling you describe to be absolutely excruciating. Like, debilitatingly so. When a penis retracts, it’s not just shrinking. There’s a tendon called the suspensory ligament that actually pulls back with a slow and steady pressure. No matter how well you’re healed, the pull on your piercing will be very painful. Not only that, but if you were somehow able to deal with the pain, over time it could cause your piercing to migrate. Do yourself a favor and don’t Google migrated PA piercings.

I did a lot of experimenting with this when I was in the CB6K back in the day. I know of where I speak. At least for me. Use caution.

Babyjosh64 said over on Fetlife:

Hey I have a question if you do not mind. I have tried several Chastity devices such as the holytrainer, CB-6000s. In which I can slip out of all of them because my penis so small. What would you recommend I get?

A PA piercing and an appropriate device to take advantage of it.

Time4Kink said, also on the Fetlife:

I am having a problem with the v2. After wearing it for 24-48 hrs I get redness on the top and tip of my penis. It’s a glowing red and sore. What causes this? Have you heard of this before?

Hmm. Sounds like a bad fit? Or maybe a hygiene issue? Or is there some roughness inside the tube? Could be your cock is too big for the tube or something. Or maybe you’re very sensitive to urine being in contact with your skin.

Buck_Pup on Fetlife said:

So I wound up getting the Holy Trainer, and it’s definitely awesome! 😀

One question about a problem I’ve had with this and the cb6k.. is there any way you’ve found to avoid the irritation when fabric brushes up against the tip that’s exposed at the end of the cage? Or do you just end up getting used to it, because right now it’s hard to pick out something to wear that wont keep brushing up against the tip painfully.

Yeah, that just sucks. For whatever reason, I don’t have that issue as much in the Holy Trainer but I sure do in the Jail Bird. I find wearing underwear a must and it needs to be somewhat thick, especially in the pouch. Flimsy fabric or going commando are a no-go.

That’s all I got for now. Got a question or a comment or whatever? Send it to me.  Maybe I’ll get around to reading it.

 

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Rigid Chastity Halfshell

There’s a new (to me) player in the stainless steel chastity device game called Rigid Chastity out of Otwock, Poland (just south of Warsaw). I think it was someone on the Twitter who first brought them to my attention.

As of right now, they sell eight devices on their site. Four are classified as “Chastity Devices PA” since they’re designed to work with PA piercings, but they all stick straight out from the body in an odd way that may be sorta hot for scene plate but would seem to make them impracticable for lifestyle wear (in which case, why bother with the PA?). [EDIT – They’re supposed to be supported by the PA. I see that now. I blame my old eyes on not seeing if before. Still, if they’re made of stainless, I can’t imagine that’s in any way comfortable or tolerable.] They have another category called “Chastity devices,” one of which also has a PA security option, but the other three don’t. At least they’re curved like you’d expect to make them wearable all the day long.

Then there’s a third category called “Modular chastity devices” in which it’s indicated there are seven options but only four are displayed. Not sure what makes them “modular.” At first I thought maybe they were making stainless steel devices with interchangeable parts but they say on the site they’re custom made and require fitting if options are added after the fact.

All in all, their products appear to be knock-offs of Mature Metal and Steelworxx designs at perhaps slightly better prices (though it’s hard to tell with currency fluctuations and option costs) which, all by itself, would make them barely worth a mention. But. They have a PA security design I’ve never seen before and it’s really interesting.

halfshell-2-700x700It’s been implemented in one device in particular that has caught my eye. It’s called the Halfshell and, from the front, looks like a Steelworxx Steeheart (even in how it uses the now ubiquitous integrated brass lock) but, from the side, you can see there’s something different going on. The backside of the tube is cut away and there’s an extra ring with a bar that comes down the bottom of the penis shaft. That’s the cool bit. That bar. Rigid Chastity has an extra piece that fits over the tube’s pins and goes through the PA from underneath. It doesn’t attach to PA jewelry the way Belle’s Steelheart does. The fixing is integrated into the device. That’s made my inner chastity gearhead all giddy.

PA fixing is maybe the trickiest part of chastity device design. I’ve noodled over it myself quite a bit and it led me to a PA fixing design Steelworxx sells to this day. It works really well, but it’s not perfect. It depends on a U-shaped bar that goes down into the tube with the penis and through a PA ring which allows the penis some degree of movement (which is good) but also will occasionally cause pinching where the jewelry meets the bar or when the skin on the penis shaft get’s caught between the bar and the tube during erections (which is bad). Rigid’s design seems minimize the pinching possibility. Thanks to the cut-away tube, there’s a minimum of area for the fixing bar to pinch against the tube. Plus, their design utilizes a single bar, not two. It also fits over the pins like mine does in a way that makes the device (at least sans penis) look more complicated and busy, but is undoubtedly just as secure.

The only downside to their fixing that I can imagine from a comfort perspective is, since it goes directly into the PA piercing, that the penis, as is its wont, can’t lengthen or shrink over the course of the day. This particularity of the penis is what drove me to design a fixing that would allow a bit of movement. But it’s also true that when I designed it I was wearing a tube that was altogether too long for the penis I was born with. I presume that a correctly measured tube and its Rigid-style fixing wouldn’t need to much variability in design.

So I ordered one. It was just too intriguing to pass up. If Belle likes it, it’ll be hers. If she doesn’t, I’ll wear it enough to write a review then I’ll put the Steelheart back on.

Unfortunately, Rigid’s ordering experience hasn’t been fantastic. I got an email saying my account had been set up but not one confirming my order. I was charged, but when I log in to their site, my account records don’t indicate I’ve placed any orders. Worrisome. I’ve contacted them through their site and will update this post when I hear something back.*

So, how about you? Any interest in their designs? Are you wearing a Rigid device right now? What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.

*UPDATE: I did receive an email from them. Their site does not confirm orders automatically. All is well.

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June metrics

img_2843The end of June marks the end of the first half of 2016 and means another check-in with my ongoing chastity metics project.

I was barely out at all in June. There was one weekend she left me in the whole time. I had about ninety minutes of release for a massage and a few other times for an hour or so to fuck, but it wasn’t until late in the month she let me stay out overnight. After that, I switched from the Steelheart to the Looker 02 and stayed in that until yesterday. All that adds up to over 690 hours in a device, or about 95% of the month (579 hours in the Steelheart and 111 in the Looker o2). This is a marked increase in from the previous two months when I was locked up about 70% of the time.

imageFor the year, the penis has been secure nearly 3,300 hours (about 137 days). That’s 75% of the time and a four point year-to-date increase from the last check-in at the end of May. The Stealheart continues being Belle’s go-to device making up more than 3/4 of the time the penis was secure this year.

On the orgasm front, I had one kinda-mostly accidental orgasm back on the 11th which was good enough to count. That brings the total for the year to 12 which averages to about one every two weeks (though it’s been about three weeks right now). At the end of last month, the trend was towards 26 orgasms in 2016 but now that’s down to 24, assuming she continues to let me do it at the average rate established.

July won’t be as severe as June if only because we’re out of town for the 4th for a few days and she let me out before we left and didn’t tell me to bring a device with us. I figure I’ll get minimally 120 hours of free time this month. She used to let me come on major holidays but isn’t so reliable with that anymore so we’ll see. No idea when I’ll come next. She hasn’t given me any ideas.

To be a clear and to remind everyone, I’m measuring these things for no other reason than to have the data. I’m not trying to influence Belle or sneakily lobby for one thing or another. She’ll lock me up when she wants to and make me come when she wants and all I’ll do is report it.

 

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May Metrics

We’re in June now so that means another month is in the books and another post in my metrics tracking project is at hand. At the end of April, I had been locked into a chastity device 70% of the time. In May, that year-to-date percentage increased slightly to 71%.

imageThe Steelheart remains by far Belle’s most-used device and accounted for two-thirds of the time I was secured in May. The Holy Trainer is on the charts for the first time this year making up the balance of the time. I wore it for about a week and a half leading up to a trip the two of us made to DC. I needed something that would pass through security, though she left me unlocked throughout the trip (accounting for the lion share of the 24% of May I was unlocked).

She let me come two more times in May bringing my total number of orgasms on the year to eleven. She didn’t think she was letting me come that much but, after seeing the list, I think was a little surprised at how often it’s happened. Belle isn’t planning on letting come again until at least August when she sees TOG. At the current rate, I’m on track to come 26 times in 2016 (which seems like a metric shit ton of coming to me), but if I don’t come again until late summer, the trend will be towards 18. Even that seems like a lot based on past experience, but Belle decides and all I’m doing is tracking, not lobbying.

I was planning a trip this month which could have led to being unlocked for about a week, but work is conspiring against that opportunity so I expect June may end up looking a lot like January during which I was locked up 94% of the time.

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Can’t stop the feeling

There’s this feeling I’ve been having that I want to write about but I haven’t been able to figure it out. It’s the kind of thing I will noodle on while trying to fall asleep because sometimes, in that space just between wakefulness and sleep, inspiration will happen. Sometime I find I wake up with the idea ready to go. It’s weird, but it can work. But not this time. Not really.

There are two things I know about myself. Well, lots more than two, but two that are related to this feeling. One is my need and desire for orgasm has totally been reprogrammed. I find that I think about wanting one while inside Belle maybe 30% of the time (a percentage which is much higher when I know I might be able to have one versus knowing I will not be given permission) and I’ll occasionally want one when not fucking her as a result of looking at porn or whatever, but that’s a lot more rare. Regardless of my relative desire to come, I always know I’ll be happier if I don’t. In fact, the more desperate I am to come and am denied the experience, ultimately my…satisfaction (seems a weird word to use to describe not getting something I crave but we don’t seem to have a word that describes contentment from being unable to satisfy a craving and being satisfied by the want instead) will be higher. Also, if I come more than once in about 48 hours it absolutely negatively impacts my mood for about a week. In short, how my brain used to work with orgasm is gone. The firmware has been replace. So that’s thing one. Thing two is the longer I’m left locked up the more I want to be locked up. Being unlocked with a crotch unemcumbered is by far a weirder feeling for me than the opposite. Belle could make a rule for me tomorrow that said I am to always be locked unless she’s using the penis and I’d be thrilled. Being in bed and rolling over on my stomach and not feeling a hard lump pushing back at my hips makes me feel a little less grounded and centered. Having a constricted, inaccessible erection is deeply satisfying (that word again) and even comforting.

So, to recap, I don’t want to come and I want to always be locked in a device.

The feeling I can’t capture is how very deeply this sits within me. To the extent that I don’t really feel like a man anymore. I mean, sure, I feel masculine and look and act as masculine as I ever have (which, admittedly, isn’t always super masculine), but there’s an assumption of what being a man is that doesn’t quite fit me anymore. I don’t want to spread my seed and I don’t want to be able to play with myself. I even fantasize about my wife taking a lover she finds so satisfying that she no longer needs me for penetrative sex. In fact, the only thing that keeps me from feeling disappointment when she unlocks me for sex now is that I know how much she enjoys the feeling of being fucked. I’m doing it for her, I tell myself. Sure, it feels good. It feels really good, but I’m not motivated by that. I’m motivated by the desire for unrealized sensation more than the sensation itself. So what kind of man would rather his woman get fucked by someone else, doesn’t want to come ever, and hopes he’ll remain locked in a chastity device forever? And if I’m not a man, what am I?

I guess a third thing about me is that I’m much more motivated sexually by giving pleasure or being a vessel of someone else’s pleasure than receiving it myself. Feeling Belle come from my touch, how she loses herself in the ecstasy in the moments before orgasm, that I took her there. Those are very great rewards for me. Even before I was aware of my submissiveness, I was significantly more interested in my partner’s pleasure than I was in my own. When I’m with Drew, it’s the same way. The things he wants and needs are my goal. I could get into more detail, but suffice it to say I endure more then I would otherwise because I know it’s bringing him pleasure.

I’m not saying I’m not a man in a way to say I’m a different gender. It’s not like that at all. But being someone who would rather want than have, who would rather give than receive pleasure, who can move from having sex with a man or a woman with ease makes me feel very other. I look at porn and I see “real” men doing what porn says they do (even the gay ones) and I don’t see myself. I like it. I get turned on by it. But it’s not me. I’m like a different version of a male. “Male B.”

I suppose it would be the most straightforward to just say I am me and leave it at that. But we kinky folk like to sort and label and identify. And that turns out to be a kind of itch I can’t scratch. Submissive is a good start, but doesn’t feel like enough. A masochist surely. I dunno. I am a being of desire who wants to satisfy desire. Someone who wants to make pleasure happen for others. Either the language is failing me or my comprehension of it is.

It doesn’t matter, at the end of the day. Things are working. I’m with a wonderful woman and have a rewarding sex life. I don’t need better words. I can write them all down like this and make you see the shading between the colors. And I know that because right now today I’m deeply horny and have felt the Steelheart’s bite many times over the past several hours, all these feelings are more potent and nearer the surface. But I still have this feeling.

And now, this…

If you don’t like J.T., we can’t be friends.