The issue seems to have been that I was not acting submissively enough. I can see that. In fact, I haven’t been feeling very subbie since Sunday’s ruined orgasm (which leads me to think it wasn’t as ruined as I thought). She picked up on my changed demeanor and reverted out of Belle Fille, owner of Thumper’s cock, mode and back into my wife of eleven years. This was me giving her mixed signals. I totally get that.
I asked her, next time that happens, to call me on it. Not so subtly, she should say my attitude needs adjusting and if I don’t fix it myself, she’ll take care of it for me. If, of course, I don’t want to adjust it, we can call a time out and discuss the arrangement of our power exchange, but for the past few days I just drifted out of tune somehow. I did recognize it, but didn’t connect that with how I may have been acting the other night. I was probably too aggressive, definitely did not respect her control as much as I should have. So, I’m taking full responsibility. Hopefully, she’s better prepared with how to deal with me next time I drift.
During our conversation, she reaffirmed that she does see the benefit of our arrangement. She’s not just doing this for me. I need to hear that, of course, because if it ever turns out to all be an act to make me happy, the potency of the exchange will evaporate. I need to know she appreciates the benefits of the exchange – basically, that she’s getting something out of exploiting my condition. That warm, tight, unfair feeling I get in my chest is what I get out of it. That’ll only exist if I know she’s not just playing along.
In other related news, I’ve now been locked-up longer than any other previous stint. Fourteen days. No idea when I’ll get out. She’s not dropping an hints and I’m not asking.
‘if it ever turns out to all be an act to make me happy, the potency of the exchange will evaporate’
Its so true. This particular form of submission, power exchange, it cant work without both parties getting into it. I find it perfectly ok to do things for your partners enjoyment sometimes, even if they do nothing for you. But this game/lifestyle requires the dominant partners enjoyment, without it it just isnt ‘unfair’. On top of that its pretty full time. To do something you dont especially enjoy for a partner on occasion is fine, admirable even, But to have to do it most of the time is just a drag, I couldnt ask that of my partner.