Push me, please

The other day Belle said she wasn’t sure what I meant when I said I wanted to be pushed. As in:

First and more importantly, I want to be pushed. Pushed in every regard. I want her to hurt me a little more than I can stand. I want to be denied past the point at which I beg for release. I want her to set high expectations with regard to my service. If there is a knob somewhere that turns to ten, she should set it to eleven. I want to do all these things because that’s what this particular submissive wants more than anything: To show his dominant partner that he can go farther than he thinks he can for her. And then, once I achieve that goal, I want to be pushed past it again. In everything. Always. Make me prove how badly I want this. Because while I may not enjoy the moment of any particular act, it will, in retrospect, fill me with warmth and happiness.

I tried to explain that there’s a desire within me to go far beyond my comfort zone if for no other reason than she’s asked me to do so. I pointed her to Maymay’s post related to this (is there anything he’s not written about?) and also sent her a couple of Sarah Jameson’s emails that, I think, touch indirectly on it.

Sarah Jameson, for those who don’t know, writes the Male Chastity Blog. She’s a “normal” woman, not unlike Belle, with a husband who likes abnormal things, not unlike me. She writes with confidence and, while I don’t always agree with her, find that she’s right far more often that not (at least IMO). Besides the blog, she also sends out a multi-part email newsletter on the subject of…wait for it…male chastity. Why an email, I can’t tell. If it were me I’d put it all on my blog and not make people wait for it all, but whatever. I recommend it, especially for those just starting out.

So anyway, in part 11 of her series, she asks, “Just how long can a man wait?” Her initial response sends an electric shiver down my spine:

Well, the truth is… your man doesn’t have to orgasm ever. As in NEVER.

But then she give what I think is the best advice I’ve read on the subject:

Over time I’ve come round to the way of thinking that you should keep your man in orgasm denial for at least 50% longer than he asks for and thinks he can stand.

Why?

Because in the early days, while you’re still working out the ground rules, he’ll be basing his own estimation on insufficient knowledge. To HIM, fresh into male chastity, even a week seems like an eternity.

So if he thinks a month, make it six weeks; if he thinks six months, make it nine months; and if he thinks a year… woe betide him.

This is nothing to do with domination – this is to do with playing the game he’s asked to play and keeping HIM within the rules.

I don’t agree, however, that is doesn’t have anything to do with domination. I think it does, at least for me, because it certainly has something to do with submission. My submission has no value if it entails only that which I am willing to do on my own. It only gains value, to me, when it crosses out of my fantasy bubble and starts to make me squirm. It would become zen-like to be taken far out of my zone – to be made to truly suffer – for the benefit of my top. Often, I feel as though Belle humors me and, as soon as I seem to become uncomfortable or inconvenienced or whatever, she’ll pull back. But that’s just when it’s getting good!

Her next message, conveniently enough, covers “what to do when he claims he can’t take it anymore.” This, I thought, was particularly insightful:

He WANTS to orgasm as a fleeting thing; but he CRAVES denial long-term. It’s how it works with most men. And when they’re begging with their blue-balls, they really do mean it.

But if you don’t give in, he’ll thank you, I promise. Don’t feel sorry for him – he’s getting what he wants, and that’s more than most people in the world ever get.

Belle specifically asked me to explain this bit of ironic drama the other day and I couldn’t. Sarah doesn’t explain it, really, but she perfectly captures it. In the moment, there are times when I want the orgasm badly. Palpably. Like, life and death. But, what I want even more is for Belle to deny it to me, especially if I really, really, REALLY want it. See point number one above.

The next bit is also terrific advice:

I know from John [her husband] that feeling of wanting to come all the time is amazing for [men]. Yes, when you’re making love at that point it can get a bit uncomfortable, but it soon passes. Rather than feeling sorry for him, try empathy: share his feeling without taking responsibility for it or for making it better.

Yes, yes, yes. “Oh, poor baby, I know it’s hard…” Not guilt, not confusion, not sympathy. More like, “Look, fucker, you asked for this so you’re going to get it and, while I can empathize with your situation, there’s not a damn thing I’m going to do about it other than pour honey on your agony.” But, you know, nicer than that.

Or not, because, in fact, that would be a fucking hot way to put it…

Of course, I’m talking about more than just orgasm denial. I’d like her to require me to wear the device past the point I beg for it to be taken off. I want to provide any and all service to her (house, body, whatever she asks) past the point of comfort or convenience. I don’t want her to be a bitch or some über domme, just to set for me very high goals and expectations. To understand that when I’m in a place where most people would be unhappy (and even if, in that moment, I am unhappy), that I’m actually where I need to be.

I know this is hard for Belle to wrap her head around. It’s all very weird and alien and a million miles from how she’s wired to interact with the world (and her husband). I can’t expect her to understand why I am the way I am. I don’t understand that myself. But if she can figure out what all the buttons and levers do – how to leverage my kinks – I think we can use them in a way that will make both of us more satisfied.

9 thoughts on “Push me, please

  1. Lovely post, Sir. Especially the nice bits about me 😉

    You are correct, and I should have been clearer.

    When I said “This is nothing to do with domination – this is to do with playing the game he’s asked to play and keeping HIM within the rules” I meant it’s not *necessarily* to do with domination.

    Meaning you can do it without quite easily.

    As you acknowledge, for YOU submission is relevant; for me and John, it’s not.

    By analogy, take the gym (apt, as John now has me working out hard, three times a week, and is an absolute swine when we’re in the garage).

    As I said, he works me hard. I complain and try to make excuses but he won’t have it. But he’s not dominating me, and I’m not submitting. He’s helping me do something that’s really hard to do on my own.

    To *him* and to *me* male chastity and orgasm control are very similar.

    Does that make sense?

    … and I wish I *could* explain what you say I capture so well… alas, I can’t.

    x

    Sarah

    P.S. I’ll amend the Course tomorrow, so thank you for that.

    1. Does that make sense?

      Perfectly. For me, all of this is so intertwined I forget that people might actually do it *without* a D/s overlay. What freaks! 😉

      1. Lol, go over to Spasticity Mansion and say that and you’ll have a horde of screaming harpies sinking their nails into your testicles.

        They hate anyone who admits there might be a reality out there and some of us might live in it 😉

        x

        Sarah

  2. I want to provide any and all service to her (house, body, whatever she asks) past the point of comfort or convenience. I don’t want her to be a bitch or some über domme, just to set for me very high goals and expectations. To understand that when I’m in a place where most people would be unhappy (and even if, in that moment, I am unhappy), that I’m actually where I need to be.

    This is kind of what I meant earlier when I wrote about “the requirements” (we) submissives push on our partners. It’s a lot to ask for when we ask them to handle our emotional lowdown. That’s why I think it’s important to keep repeating some of the actions, even if it seems benign: the asking, the rejecting. Let the partner see how you react time after time. I don’t know why, but I feel incredibly uncomfortable with Wonderboy carrying all that for me. And grateful. But I do think it’s not always simple mathemathics, and for that reason, the dominating partner will need thick skin. I guess, in the end, Wonderboy (or Belle) could do or not do anything as long as they did it in a way that showed love, caring and no mercy. (Yes, please.)

    I’ve been falling in love with the way Wonderboy has these past few days sensually kissed me, held me – like we’re about to have sex – and then told me smiling, still caressing my lips and holding my neck, keeping me in my dominated place with so little effort, that “that will not happen until sunday”. Oh, dear lord. I’m just saing that it could not happen if he was worried about my reaction to not having sex/orgasm/etc. He needs to feel secure that I won’t give him shit in order to really make me feel comfortable in being denied. It’s a vicious sircle, god damnit.

    1. I guess, in the end, Wonderboy (or Belle) could do or not do anything as long as they did it in a way that showed love, caring and no mercy.

      *Exactly*

  3. I am intrigued by the 50% estimation, Whenever I get a chance to lock someone up I might try it (or apply it in some other awesome way).

    I really liked this:

    “Rather than feeling sorry for him, try empathy: share his feeling without taking responsibility for it or for making it better.”

    Pretty much I think it can be applied to everything.

Say your piece

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s