Four after ninety-nine

I’ve started this post like three times. When it comes to writing for my blog, my muse is my frustration.

So, yeah, she let me come. Two times in each of the last two weekends. I know I reported here before that she was going to let me do essentially whatever I wanted to do with the penis, but the rubber’s hit the road and she’s told me I can’t come without her being present.

And, honestly, I’m perfectly happy with that. In fact, the other night I was begging her never to let me come without her again. She cautioned me to think about what I was asking for, but I was all rapturous and liked how her hand felt around the very stiff meat and maybe wasn’t thinking too terribly deeply about what I was saying. Regardless, I meant it (and still do).

Therefore, I am not, at the moment, Thumper denied. I am at best Thumper restricted. I can pleasure myself and fiddle around with the penis but orgasm can only happen when I’m with Belle. So far, that’s meant in Belle, though I don’t know for sure if that’s part of the rules I’m working under. I’d like to feel an orgasm of my own doing, but she hasn’t let me.

The orgasms she’s let me have were interesting in that they were all different. The first, after ninety-nine days of denial, really wasn’t all that good. How could it have been? It was more like sneezing after feeling one coming on for a long time but being unable to make it happen. Not so much pleasurable as it was just a release. The next day was number two and it was a little better, but still just OK. Then everything cratered. Belle went to NYC and I lost any and all interest in sex or sexual thoughts. Even this blog curdled for me. I couldn’t think about it. It embarrassed me. So I ignored it. I also sank into a shallow depression that probably wasn’t entirely driven by the sudden change in my brain chemicals but couldn’t have been helped by it. I was pretty miserable.

Then the next weekend came around and my libido stirred like a sleepy cat in a sunbeam. I came twice more and cratered again, but only briefly. At least these two orgasms were pleasurable. By Wednesday, I was feeling horny again (which was quite the rebound). It’s amazing how low I go now after I come. My sex drive doesn’t just drop to zero, it goes into negative numbers. It creates a vacuum.

Yeah, so anyway, this shift in the rules isn’t at all what I thought it’d be. I’m very happy to find I’m not entirely free to do as I please because I don’t ever want to live like that again. I’m also pleased that Belle seems to be getting whatever she wanted out this little experiment. I’m sure she’s missed getting fucked by an apparently normal male and I’m also sure a girl likes her guy to squirt inside her every once in a while. But, if I’m honest, I’m also looking forward to the day we can go back to “normal”. After two weeks, I still can’t get used to this squishy floppy bit of meat between my legs. It’s just not right. (The DCR, BTW, hasn’t been on that much. Belle hasn’t wanted me to wear it.) And while I like the idea of coming, the aftermath turns me off (literally and figuratively). I’m actually kind of afraid of it.

I don’t know. I’ve been so far away from normal for so long now that even this not normal approximation of normal leaves me feeling off kilter. I’m still controlled and there are still rules and I like that, but it’s not the same. I’m not complete without that steel tube. I miss its company and crave its confinement. I want to see my reflection looking up from my crotch, not a pink prick. I’ve thought of locking myself up during the day just to feel it again, but have resisted. I will remain as I am without complaint for as long as Belle wants me to, or course, though I look forward to the day she puts things back they way they should be.

10 thoughts on “Four after ninety-nine

  1. Hey man
    I find that coming lots for a few days resets that post cum low, and kick starts the sex drive (which has got used to coming less often) to a higher level.

    Just an idea.

    M

    1. Yeah, I came back much faster from the second set of squirts than I did the first. Now, having not come since Sunday, I’m feeling pretty fucking horny. At least we know it’s not broken, right? 😉

  2. I know that mood swings can be a really scary ordeal. Some of it, though, could just be the result of wanting to be safe. We get used to things and then they make us feel safe. Any deviation will be scary at first. I’m sure you’ll have new sweet ideas for what you’d want to happen, if Belle keeps you this way for long. And I sure can understand her desire to have you come in her once in a while. There’s really nothing that can replace that, I gotta say. I’d say it’s the work of the reptilian brain – in women.

    Could that post-orgasmic drop have something to do with hormones?

  3. I can’t help but think that your wife may well be tired of the games and looking for a normal way of relating—-I can’t help but pity her, since all you think about is yourself.

  4. For a variety of reasons, I want this blog to be about Thumper—his experience and perspective. So I will mostly/always opt out of being a participant in all of the interesting, thoughtful, emotional (SOMETIMES CRAZY) commentary that occurs here.

    I find myself strongly compelled to respond in this instance.

    A life that includes the demands of nurturing a relationship commitment, children and a career is certainly a robust (and in my experience, ultimately rewarding) endeavor. I know a lot of strong, successful, intelligent people trying to simultaneously balance and sustain all of the above. All I know would attest to the fact of being worn down at times by that effort.

    Thumper, make my morning coffee and rub my feet NOW…..

    I won’t deny the fact that Thumpie is indeed selfish (or in some instances appear to his readers as such). As I believe I vaguely referenced the one other time I posted a comment out in this sphere, Ayn Rand could certainly award him an “Objectivist in Denial” trophy.

    But make no mistake. My choice for Thumper’s state in this moment has nothing to do with being “tired of our games”. This is NOT a game; it is a choice we have made in our relationship/marriage. As Thumper’s keyholder, my decision to keep him unfettered for the moment had nothing to do with “games” and everything to do with the state of being I wanted him to be in at this point and time.

    I love how we relate in this dynamic. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  5. Thumper you lucky bastard, Belle Fille is wonderful….One of the reasons I enjoy reading your blog is your mix of reality and honest crazy opinions…..not that crazy…but imaginative, would be more like it. I find it fascinating to read about real people “living” a chastity lifestyle, not just playing a chastity game. My keyholder and I are living the life as well…It makes life just a bit more interesting. Thanks for writing! jp

  6. Belle, couldn’t put it better myself 🙂

    @Weird – YOUR “normal relating” is your normal relating – whatever that is. Try not to be so judgemental and assume that Belle wants your pity. If their lifestyle offends your tender sensibilities, might I suggest you look away.

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